Donna takes a deep breath. Until now she hasn't spoken about the evening she came back to Harvey with anyone, especially not him. But she spent the last 3 weeks thinking about it. Now, that she has her best friend next to her sight it feels right to finally break her silence. And maybe it can even distract Rachel from what she's going through right now. So she started, right from the beginning ...

The next hours felt like nothing had changed. They talked, the laughed, they drank. Till this moment he'd never realised how much he'd missed her laugh. It's the best sound he knows. It warms him up and makes his heart skip a beat. Donna laughing is everything he wants to hear for the rest of his life. Wait, what was he thinking right now?

It feels good to have him back, damn good. She'd missed this so much. Except for Rachel Harvey was the one she always could talk to. She trusts him and he trusts her and that is a big commitment for both after everything that happened in their families. She had to leave him that night. It was the right thing to do but right now she's just happy to sit here with him. Just talking about this or that, share some gossip (of Louis, mostly) and laugh about stupid things (also Louis, mostly). They catch up on what they had missed in each other's live. Donna didn't miss a thing about Harvey at all, because she's Donna, but she's pretending so he feels better. But they avoid all things that could possibly dampen the mood. So they move on without wasting any word on Mike's trial, Harvey's resignation or the elephant in the room. They both know, they're not in the mood to talk about Donna leaving him for Louis. If they do so, then they also have to talk about why she did it in the first place and they're not ready for that. So they keep talking without actually saying anything but they both enjoy it.

It's already midnight and Donna feels a little dizzy. Damn it, she really shouldn't have said yes to the Maccallen. So she's taking her phone to call a cab back home, grabs her bag and jacket.

"Thank you Harvey. It was a pleasure. I really enjoyed…this"

"Me too. It was like old times"

"It was" She smiles at him and gets up from the couch.

"But I really have to go now. We both have to get some rest. We need all the power we can get for the things that are going to come." He nods and gets up from his armchair.

"At least this time there's the chance you'll be there tomorrow. Or will you leave me again?" It was just a rash statement. He didn't really think about it or intended something but it hit her right in the heart. It felt like a slap in the face. Both can feel the mood change immediately as this words are out. Her smile fades and she just stares at him at rage. How could he say something like that? She thought they were back to normal but obviously they weren't. When he can't trust her, when she promises to hold his back, are they even friends, let alone more than that?

"Donna, I'm sorry! I didn't intend to say… I… I just… I'm sorry. I was just joking, I guess." He couldn't believe he even said something so terrible to her. How could he even joking of not trusting her word? If he has trust in anyone, then it's her. He felt had how she slipped away from him as the words had reached her. He wasn't thinking and the idea of losing her again because of his own stupidity, hurts more he can even tell.

"Not funny, I guess!" She walks past him as fast she could. She couldn't even look at him. He reacts immediately and grabs her wrist.

"Please Donna, I'm sorry. Please don't leave like that!"

She couldn't deal with this right now. Not his apologies, not his begging and sure as hell not him touching her. She shakes of his hand as fast as she could.

"Harvey just don't. I think it's safe to say, we're far from back to normal, if you think about me like that. I thought we were over your trust issues but obviously we're not. We're both drunk, it's late and we have a lot of work to do tomorrow. So I'll go now. Good night Harvey"

She's trying to leave but Harvey's not allowing her to. He steps in her way.

"Donna! Listen to me: if there's anyone I have trust in, it's you. It was always you and it will always be you. I don't know why I said, what I just said but believe me when I say I didn't wanna hurt you." This time he takes both her hands. "I never wanna hurt you"

This time she didn't released her hands from his grab. She drops her gaze on their entwined hands.

"But you did. Do you think I wanted that? Do you think I was just leaving to hear you begging me to come back? No! It required everything from me, to abandon you that night."

"Then why did you leave?"

"Because I couldn't do that any longer" She's just whispering now. All strength she had pooled for a powerful departure is used up. Now it claims everything from her to not fall apart right in front of him. He can feel her shiver and notices a single tear running down her cheek and it hurts him to know he's the reason for it. Why is he doing it? Why does he always put Donna out of joint? The one person, he would love to see happy is crying right in front of him. His one thumb caresses her wrist while he lifts her face and wipes away the tear with the other.

"I'm so sorry I hurt you like that." Slowly Donna looks up. Her dark brown eyes meet his hazel ones. Nobody says a word. They're just standing there, staring in each other's eyes. The world seems to stop turning for a moment. Time becomes meaningless. Dead slow Harvey let go of her hand. Instead he takes a strand of her beautiful strawberry-blond hair and puts it behind her ear. His other hand keeps caressing her cheek while this thumb wanders to her lips. He's afraid she would take this as encroaching but she doesn't turn away from him. In fact she doesn't take a move at all. All of this situation is so surreal. She's afraid to blink or even breathe 'causeshe doesn't want this moment to end. They haven't been this close for almost 10 years – neither physical or emotional. They don't know what's going to happen and they don't care what just had happened. They're just here in this moment. They know, if they want to prevent anything to happen, that one of them could regret, it has to be now. Once they take the next step, there's no going back.

When Donna finished, the two women remained silent for a minute. Donna was too exhausted to add anything, because the memory of that evening hit hard on her. Rachel wasn't even sure, what she should say.

"But Donna, what the hell was going on with the two of you?" Donna just shrugs her shoulders.

"Have you talked to him about that?"

"No. I couldn't"

"Why?"

Donna breaths hard. Was she ready to tell her best friend the whole story of that night? Even, if she hadn't processed it herself yet?

Rachel's watching her, waiting.

"Because…" she decides to play with open cards. So she carefully opens her fist, which she had kept tightly closed the whole time. When Rachel sees what Donna is holding in her hand, she's shocked: a pregnancy test. A positive pregnancy test.