She can't believe she really did this. She has never been a coward but she was today, at the most inappropriate time. She needs to make things right with Mike and Rachel but she's not convinced they will forgive her. She may be the reason they will lose everything.
When she left the courtroom she immediately ran to the woman's room and threw up. This morning sickness is driving her crazy. She was lucky she had made it to the toilet. But that took away the opportunity to speak to Mike. So she decides to go home instead and get some rest. Maybe Mike will be less mad at her in the evening.
Although it's actually to early for that, she's blaming the pregnancy for the graving she suddenly feels. Otherwise she can't explain to herself why she has an inappropriate appetite for thai food. She hasn't ordered in that shitty restaurant for months but right know she can't think of anything else. She's searching for the telephone number in her handbag, so she can order there, when a certain white stick fells into her hands. How could she forget that? For days she had been carrying the pregnancy test around without knowing it was still there. She hadn't looked at it anymore. Of course the fact that she's pregnant wasn't something she could forget but she has pushed aside every thought about it. Still, she hadn't touched a drop of alcohol since she has held that test in her hands, though she would have had every reason for drinking. She has also given up sushi and camembert, which is really challenging for her. Even if she wanted to tell herself that these were subconscious decisions, she now has to admit that this is not true. The moment the second pink stripe showed up, she had chosen to keep her child. Their child.
"Donna! Come in" Rachel looks surprised when she opens the door. She really thought Donna was busy building up her wall. Instead she knocks at her door.
"What can I do for you?"
"I'm actually here to see Mike."
"Mike's not here. He went to see Harvey" She immediately feels sorry for her harsh tone, when she sees the pain in Donna's eyes.
"Look, is this about … ?"
"It is about today." She just says.
"Donna, I…"
"You know I always talk like nothing can get to me. Well, it did today. I crumbled up there and I hurt Mike's case. And I'm ashamed of myself, and I don't know what to do." Donna decides to go all in. She's spent enough time lying at herself and anyone around her. It's time for the truth.
"Okay." Rachel just answers. She takes her hands and smiles. "Here's what you're gonna do. It's okay. You are going to sit down with me and have a glass of wine and relax. Because juries aren't stupid and they aren't allowed to infer anything from what you said, so they won't."
"Thank you Rachel. But no wine for me."
"Right. Sorry, it's just a habit."
"Well I had to give up a lot of my habits lately: red wine, sushi, camembert, tiramisu."
"So you've decided to keep it?" Rachel asks excitedly.
"I guess I did" The redhead replies with a sigh.
"So you're gonna be a mom."
She nods.
"That's amazing!" Rachel takes her in a loving hug.
"What do you want to do? Have you been to the gynaecologist yet? When is the first ultrasound? Oh god, I'm so excited! I can't wait to babysit…"
"Ok Rachel, slow down. One thing at a time."
"I'm sorry. It's just: part of becoming an aunt is to help the mother to be wherever I can."
"An aunt?" Donna raises an eyebrow provocatively. She's flattered that Rachel cares so much and she has to admit that her anticipation is contagious.
"Hey, Donna! Do not disappoint me." And finally there it is: Donna's beautiful laugh that was missing all the time. Rachel acting to be offended has exactly the effect she intended.
"But seriously: What are you going to do now? Have you told him?"
"No."
"But he needs to know!"
"I know. He will. Just not now…"
„Why? What does it change?"
"I think I need to be full aware of what's going to happen first. I have to be 100% sure, that I can deal with all of that by myself. Otherwise I can't handle if he rejects me."
"Why do you think Harvey would reject you? If I remember my sex education lessons correctly, he is at least as responsible for this situation as you are. He's all grown up and it takes two to tango."
"Rachel, I don't think age is a guarantee for correct behaviour. In fact: I was the one who didn't exactly treated him correct. If I confront him now, he'll feel screwed."
"What do you mean?"
When the first ray of sunlight shines through the wide windows of the apartment and reaches her face she awakes. The unfamiliar surroundings make he rinsecure. That's definitely not her bed. It takes her a few moments to realise in whose bed she's in. She brushes her sweaty red hair out of her face and suddenly notices the arm that was wrapped around her naked hip. Suddenly the memory of last night crosses her mind. Suddenly she is fully aware of who is holding her so tightly. She quickly pinches her eyes: that can't be true. The naked chest she feels at her back. The deep and relaxed breaths that gaze her ear. The unusual but not unfamiliar smell of the sheet that covers her. The view out of the widow above New York's incredible skyline, that she never saw before but always imagined exactly like that. All of this belongs to Harvey Specter. Her boss. Name partner of the firm she works at for all this years. The man she never thought she'd ever wake up naked next to ever again. They did this once but this was years ago and she had always thought, that this would never happen again. She knew, that their lines are not defined and that there was a lot to talk about left, especially after their last "Love me how?" conversation, but she never imagined, that all this unexpressed issues would lead up to them acting like horny teenagers. But as much as she thinks about what just happened, she can't get a clear thought – not, when she's laying naked in his arms. So she frees herself from his embrace and leaves the bed. She carefully collects the clothes they had distributed in the apartment last night without waking him up. As soon as she's in her Donna dress again she no longer feels exposed and much safer in her own skin. For a moment she watches Harvey sleep and she can't suppress a smile. She regrets the circumstances that make her leave his condo like a secret service agent, but she has to admit that she doesn't regret what happened at all.
As she slams the door behind herself Harvey awakens with a smile on his face. But when he senses the empty sheet next to him, his expression darkens. Donna left him once again. This tells him more, than every word of her ever could.
„So you haven't spoken about that night with him at all?"
"No. We did our best to ignore it. With Mike's trial there are enough thinks to take care of. No need to add something"
„Donna I'm sorry but… " Rachel points at Donna's belly, "sooner or later you can't ignore it anymore."
"I know. But I'm not ready. I don't want to admit it but I'm scared. I never thought about being a mother. I never thought, that this could be in the picture for me. Let alone becoming a single mom."
„Do you really think he would let you alone with his child?"
"I don't know.. I… no… No, Harvey wouldn't. He had a crappy relationship with his mother, he would never allow his child to grow up in a wrecked home."
„You really think that would be the only reason?"
"What do you mean?"
"Oh, come on, Donna! You two are chasing around each other for years. You can't get rid of him and he can't let you go. Do you need any more proof then that or the little human beeing inside you, that you two should finally..."
„Rachel, we're not in love. We were just flirting around and the night this happens" she looks down, where her hand lays at her stomach "we were drunk. Don't read too much into it."
"Okay, then…" Rachel knows, she shouldn't push it anymore, although she knows she's right. If there's something Donna and Harvey have in common, it's the love they feel for each other and the stubbornness to admit it. Besides, Donna has enough to deal with right now and there's no point in upsetting her. So Rachel prefers to lead the conversation back into safe territory - birth preparation, doctor's appointments and most important: pregnancy fashion. Rachel enjoys the fact that she can finally focus on something else than having her life with Mike falling apart. Donna, on the other hand, feels incredibly relieved that everything that had happen in the courtroom today is forgiven and forgotten and she enjoys being able to confide in her friend. And they both love planning. So they really can spend a carefree evening together.
Just as Rachel pours her last glass of wine (while Donna is satisfied with tea), they hear Mike unlock the door.
„Good, Mike's back and I can finally apologice to him." So Donna grabs her coat, ready to leave. "Rachel I can't thank you enough for today. But, please, promise me you won't tell Mike anything about that. This stays between the two of us."
"The three" She said with a soft smile, pointing at her friend's belly.