I'm sorry that toke so long but I struggled a little bit with this one. I hope you like it anyway. Don't forget to leave a comment (:

Harvey lived in a tunnel for weeks. He shut out anybody, kept every human interaction to the minimum. He knows full well that he pushes all people away from him, but right now there is no other way. Sleep, work, eat, and repeat. That was his mantra for almost a month. He just has to work..

The night, Donna said she would come back to him he felt so relieved. He never opened up about his panic attacks to anyone expect his therapist but they had nearly destroyed him. He is damn Harvey Specter, best closer in New York. He wasn't supposed to need a therapy because his secretary had decided to work for somebody else. It shouldn't bother him this much. This was just not right. But when she set in his living room that evening, it felt like the first step in the right direction. It wouldn't solve all of his problems but he was sure: with Donna back at his side it would be a lot easier for him to overcome anything. He couldn't really describe it but when she was there, everything just felt a lot less frightening.

But it the things turned out differently than he expected. He doesn't feel strong and confident He's not the same as he was before. He's just a tug of himself. But he mustn't admit that. Not now. It's the worst possible time to do so. Mike's final trial is coming up, and it could cost his protégé everything. There's no way he can risk jeopardizing that just because he's not feeling well. No way! It's his fault that Mike is in this situation in the first place, so it won't be his fault that he's going to prison for it.

So he distracts himself with work, 'cause every time he's not busy with this, he zones out to the morning after. The morning he realised he fucked up. He felt as empty as the other bedside. While his heart and his bed had been filled with Donna's heat the other night, both felt cold when he wokes up alone. He can't remember he ever regretted something as much, as allowing his emotion to overcome him that evening. He should never have devote himself like that, never. He should have settled for having Donna back at work, it was to much want her back in his live too. But in that moment it felt just right. He had put everything on a map – and lost. It feels like he can't breathe. He lost something he can't replace. It feels like he lost a part of himself. He tried to open up to Donna but she didn't. And he knows it's his fault. He had completely misjudged the situation. He thought if he showed Donna how precious she is to him that way, it would make up to everything that happened before. Maybe he didn't thought at all. Maybe he just… felt.

But they should have talked to each other. A conversation that was long overdue. They never spoke about why she had left the first time but he knows it's his fault. Everyone is leaving him. He must be toxic to everyone he cares about or just not worth it, that those stay in his life.

He hasn't talked to Doctor Agard about any of this, although he has admitted that his panic attacks were back. A lot worse than ever before. She kept asking about the reason but he can't talk about it. Instead he lays awake every night in bed, smelling Donna's scent, which fades more and more although he refuses to change bedclothes trying to keep hold of every last memory. He has cancelled the last therapy sessions, claimed he was busy with work. He would never have called himself a coward, but when it comes to open up about his feelings, that's exactly what he is.

Rachel feels like she's right in her element. The moment Donna has showed her the pregnancy test she finally felt something like confidence again. She has given her best to keep up hope and believe in Mike's acquittal but more and more fear is eating her up. She knows Mike's worth saving but this doesn't change the fact he's guilty. And then there's Harvey who's only a shadow of his former self. Now, that she heard from Donna what had happened between them, she got a glimpse of what's going on in his life but this doesn't change the fact that she`s losing trust in him. She still can't believe, how such intelligent people as Harvey and Donna, can be so dumb. How can't they see what's going on? But as much as Rachel wants to see her best friend happy, she can't help her with that. But she can help Donna becoming a mother. Preparation is key so she uses all her time and energy in googling and reading about pregnancy. She's comparing reviews of hospitals, midwifes and gynaecologists. She researches supplements and forbidden food. She's looking for cribs and furniture for the nursery. And she already bought Baby's first jumper. She knows it's far to early, regarding Donna just reached her seventh week of pregnancy.

Donna hasn't exactly asked her for this, but she realized she doesn't have to. She knows Rachel loves planning as much as she does and she also knows that Rachel can't think of a better distraction than this. Besides she really needs Rachel's positive attitude right now. Although she is sure, choosing to keep the baby was the right decision, she can't really enjoy it. It will be huge change in her life and the more the thinks about this, the more she's scared. On the other hand she fears all the things that could go wrong while pregnancy. She hasn't even overcome the first trimester so it remains a high probability of miscarriage. But one thing is for sure: she already loves this tiny human being inside her that's not even as big as a rice corn. And that fact scares her even more.

So Rachel's doing this job. And she loves it. In fact, she's so sunk in her research, that she doesn't hear that Mike's back home from work. She shrugs when she suddenly senses him standing behind her. She quickly folds up the laptop before Mike gently hugs her from behind and kisses her on the cheek.

"Hey Beautiful, how was your day?"

"Not that exciting as yours I think. Have you finished your closing?"

"Kind of. I'm not 100% pleased but Harvey thinks it's going to work."

"You can try it here. If you can convince me than the jury will love it too."

"I didn't think I still have to convince you?" Mike raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, you got me. But I still want to hear it"

"But not until you tell me what you're hiding from me."

"Hiding? What do you mean?" Shit! She thought she has distracted him enough but she knows he caught her.

"I mean whatever you did on your computer" He jokingly tries to open her laptop but she pushes it further away from him.

"No Mike, that's nothing:" Instead she pulls him next to her to the couch and distracts him with kisses. Although this works out very well, 'cause Mike's enjoying every bit of theirs precious time, he knows his fiancé well enough to figure out she's in fact hiding something from him. But he doesn't dare to interrupt her on what she's doing for the next thirty minutes.

When Rachel goes to the bathroom, his eyes suddenly fall back on the laptop. He knows that this is very childish but his curiosity gets the better of him. But what he sees in the open browser gives him a shock.

"Mike, have you..." As Rachel comes back to the living room she sees his shocked face "Mike! That's not what you think …"

„Rachel, why the hell are you looking for baby clothes? Does this mean you are… we are…?" He can't even finish his sentence. In other circumstances he would be the happiest person on earth. He always saw Rachel as mother of his children but now all he sees is his baby growing up with a father in jail. Rachel rushes towards him and gently puts her hand on his shoulders. She's so sorry when she feels him trembling. She never wanted to place an even greater burden on him.

"Mike, listen to me. I'm not pregnant, okay? That's not for our baby. Someday we will become parents but not right now?" She gives him a hug. "When it's time I'll let you know. But right now there's no need to freak out."

"Oh shit! Sorry I reacted like this but I just thought… I… I grew up without my parents most of my youth and I always swore to myself I want to be there for my children."

"I know Mike. But I'm not pregnant."

"So why are you looking for baby stuff?"

"It's just a friend of mine. She just told me and I want to help her."

"A friend? Who?"

"Hm… I don't think I ever told you from her." Rachel is stuttering again. She hates lying to her future husband but she promised Donna so she has to think of a good story. "She's a friend from high school. Her name is Anne and she lives in L.A. now."

"Anne from L.A.? Rachel, I really appreciate your effort but you're a terrible liar. I know all of your friends. Who is it and why are you refusing to tell me?"

"I'm sorry but I promised not to tell you."

"So I know her?" Rachel just swallows. She sees how it's working in Mike's extraordinary brain. Suddenly his eyes grow big, when he realises.

"Donna? Are you serious?"

"Mike, please! I promised her to keep it a secret. If you tell anyone she'll never forgive me"

"Of course! I'm just… wow.. that's a surprise."

"You don't say."

"Didn't even know she was in a relationship."

"Well, she's not…" Rachel lowers her eyes.

"Wait? Then who's the father?"

"Mike… I can't tell you.."

"So, I know him?"

"Mike, please, don't push it! You already know to much.."

"Jesus Christ! Rachel! Are you serious?"

"I didn't even say anything."

„There's no need. As afflicted as you look like it's very obvious to me… Why did he not tell me?"

"Cause he doesn't know. And it has to stay this way. Don't you dare tell him"

"Easy Rachel, I got it.. Wow… just wow.." Slowly his concerned expression changes into a broad grin.

"Why are you smiling like that?"

"Just crossed my mind that I'm going to be a big brother"

"More like the embarrassing uncle Mike, I guess"