Chapter 3: Fantasy

A/N: I was intending to make this the fifth chapter, with chapters three and four covering the events of "The Cold". However, I am too lazy to write those other chapters and I really, really wanted to post this one. I loved Sunday's episode, although it frustrated me to no end.

The one event she'd dreamed about for eight years had finally occurred and it had born no resemblance to any of her dreams.

Logically, she knows she is acting like a teenage girl, obsessing as she is, but she doesn't really care. She's lusted after Josh, loved Josh, for so long that's she's forgotten when it first started and she certainly can't count the number of rather explicit scenarios she's imagined enacting with him.

On his desk. On Air Force One (that one made her blush for days). On a beach in Hawaii. But never did she think it would happen somewhere as normal as a hotel room. And never, never did it even occur to her that it could happen on Election Day, a day which to Josh was as sacred as Christmas or Easter were to most people.

And she certainly hadn't thought that it would be so…impersonal.

This is the first relationship where she has had to take the lead and she's fairly certain that's she's doing a bad job of it. The one relationship she can't afford to make more mistakes at, and all she seems to do is create awkward situation after awkward situation.

The sex itself had been fine, thank goodness. She loves him and he loves her, this they have never discussed or disputed. They both know. However, this makes them more hesitant with one another, unsure of what comes next in their relationship. Lying in bed afterwards, each clinging to opposite sides of the bed, the emotional distance between them was greater than ever, after an act that should have sealed it.

In her dreams, they had always held each other afterwards, falling asleep curled together. In her imagination, they had talked and laughed while making love, caressing each other with words as well as with their bodies. Today, they had done none of that and a piece of her, the little piece hidden in a corner that still believed in princes and fairytale endings and true love, became slightly smaller.

His capacity to love, to give of himself, has always attracted her. When he is dedicated to something, or to someone, his gives it his full attention and all his passion. All she wanted was that, but instead she got a worried, hesitant Josh whose mind was whirling with electoral math even as they made love.

But, she reminds herself, it is her fault. She's the one who invited him to her room. Her selfish need for him, the want to feel connected to him in some way, even if only physically, was overwhelming. As they made their way from the bar to her bedroom, she knew what she should expect from him that evening, yet she couldn't help but secretly hope that her touch, her body would wake him from his election-induced coma and that maybe then he would come back to her; body, mind and spirit intact. Such dreams only serve to prove that, despite eight years in politics, she is still as naive as she was the first day she started working with Josh.

When they come together again, less than twelve hours after their first encounter, they are better prepared. It is more natural, more affectionate, more meaningful. They watch each other in the early afternoon light and smile. It's not quite laughter and banter, but it is close, and, for now, it is enough.

Afterwards, they both lie on their backs, their bodies almost touching. How far they have come in one day. This time, instead of annoying her, Josh's cautiousness makes her smile. His concern over being unromantic secretly thrills her. At the same time she is amused that now is the time that he chooses to worry over romance. It is an admission that this is going to continue; that there is a future for them, for whatever this is that has been growing between them for almost a decade. It is also a glimmer of the Josh she knows, of the emotions behind the man, emotions that have been hiding from her for too long.

Finally, she thinks, she is getting him back.

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