"Miss Paulsen, nice to see you again. How do you feel?"
"The morning sickness is driving me crazy and I'm very exhausted. I could sleep all day, actually. Besides that, I think everything is… okay."
"So then, let's check if the little one feels the same." Dr. Montgomery gives her patient a friendly smile, although she senses that the woman on her examination bed seems very tense. She doesn't look like the over-happy pregnant women she usually treats. She examines her thoroughly and then shows her the baby on the ultrasound picture.
"Everything looks good. The little one is developed fine. I think you've successfully made it through the first trimester. Of course, I can't give you 100% certainty, but I think you passed the hardest part. If think I should be able to tell you the sex at our next appointment, if you want to know and if he or she is willing to show it to us." Donna's breathing out hard. Oh, thank God! Good news at last. Nevertheless, she doesn't feel that pregnancy glow, that is expected from pregnant women. Even though she has long lost her heart to her baby, she still can't imagine being a mother anytime soon.
"I know motherhood is a scary thought, but others have done it before. You're a strong woman." Donna looks at her doctor in surprise.
"Is it that obvious?"
"Miss Paulsen, you're not the first woman I've treated who seems insecure. You're also not the first to show up here unaccompanied. But that must not stop you from being excited to be a mom. I will help you by doing my best to make your pregnancy and childbirth as comfortable as possible. I'll take care of you both."
"It's just. . . there's so much that can go wrong. I'm not the youngest, and I'm afraid I can't do it on my own. I want my child to grow up safe and secure."
"You can't protect your child from everything, but I know you'll do your best. All you can do is make sure your child will be loved." Amazingly, those were the exact words Donna needed to hear now. And Dr. Montgomery was damn right! She was a strong woman. And she already loves that little creature so much. Maybe it's really what's needed right now.
Her life is in upheaval right now and that in every way, because it's also her first day back at the firm. Officially, she had taken two weeks off to be there for Rachel but actually she tried to avoid Harvey. She spent the days shopping maternity fashion, cleaning out and repainting her so-called yoga room to make it the children's room. Actually, it was too early for that, but she knew she was doing Rachel a favour. The young woman could not wish for a better distraction. But then she drove to her parents and suddenly Donna felt pretty lonely. Even though she felt guilty about it, she called Thomas again. For the past few days, she had gone out with him almost every night – and she had enjoyed it. She still hadn't told him about the pregnancy. She still didn't know where that was going. But she felt comfortable with him. She was so used to missing the interest of a certain man that she enjoyed his all the more. He wasn't Harvey and therefore just the right one for her right now.
But this short vacation from reality was now over. She has to go back to work. Mike was gone. She has to face Harvey again. Harvey, who was hurting right now, she was well aware of that, like she was well aware of the fact, that she won't be able to resist him, when he's hurting. But she has to! She won't step back. She will leave him. She will pack her things and leave him for Louis. Even if the time is limited. At some point, she's going on maternity leave and she hasn't thought about how it's going to go on after that. In any case, it's time to tell Jessica and Louis about the pregnancy, because soon she won't be able to hide it anymore. But not today. Today, she has enough difficult conversations to do.
But the things turn out different, than expected. When she arrives at the firm she finds Harvey's office empty. Although she wonders what's going on, she's relieved to avoid an awkward goodbye. Instead she decides to inform Louis of the change that's going to come. She has already called Gretchen and ask her to change her desk with her own. The older secretary didn't even asked why – she just accepted it.
"Louis, do you have a minute?"
"Donna! You're back! You know, I've always time for you. How's Rachel?"
"She's at her parent's. If think she's doing well so far. How are you?"
"I have to admit: I miss this little douchebag."
"Me too."
"How's Harvey?"
"I don't know. Haven't seen him for a while. You're working with him."
"Donna, we both know you know him much better. You're his secretary."
"Yeah, about that… That's why I came here actually. What do you say if I come back to you?" His jaw drops.
"What did you just say?"
"I'm going to work for you again, if you want me to."
"Are you kidding me? I would kill to have you back!"
"That's a yes, I think?"
"Of course! But Donna, sweetheart, is everything okay? I never expected to have you back?"
"Sometimes things just change. Let's just say it's better that way."
"Okay. But you have to promise me one thing. This time I won't let you go. This time, I wanna keep you here forever."
"I can't promise you this…"
"Then I won't accept it!"
"No, wait! It's not what you think… I have to tell you something…" Louis gives her a sceptical look, but when he sees her looking around uncertainly, his gaze turns gentle again. "Donna, you know I'm your friend. You can tell me."
"But you have to promise me to not tell anyone. And you have to turn of your voice recorder." He just nods and Donna smiles at him.
"I can't promise you to stay because I will have to leave the firm in about six months. I'm pregnant, Louis. I'm going to be a mother." His eyes grow wide but then he leaps towards her and pulls her into an enthusiastic hug.
"Are you serious?"
"I am! But you're smothering me…" He lets her go instantly and gives her a shocking look.
"Sorry! I didn't intend to hurt you. Are you okay?"
"I'm pregnant, not fragile." Donna laughs.
"What does Thomas say about this? Is he as happy as I am?"
"Thomas?"
"I didn't even know you two were dating that long… And I think that's the reason you're leaving Harvey? Because you know I will take much better care for you. I will buy a new chair for you, one that's more back-friendly. And of course we need decaffeinated coffee now! And I …"
"Stop it, Louis! Everything is okay. I'm not that far along. We have enough time to take care for everything." She didn't even get the chance to tell him, that Thomas wasn't the father. But she isn't exactly regretting it. After all it will stop him from asking her, who it is and she really isn't eager to tell him the truth.
"What about mud bathing? I will call my physician and ask him about it. When he gives me his okay, you may can accompany me? We have to celebrate this!"
"Louis. WE. WON'T. GO. TO. THE. MUD. Okay?"
"Okay… but maybe your baby will go with me one day?" Donna just raises her eyebrow. She can't help it but she loves his reaction. But with melancholy she has to realize that this is exactly the reaction she would have wanted from someone else. It had been an unrealistic wish, granted, but she had been bitterly disappointed nonetheless.
"So what do you say? Have you learned enough of my personality? Can I finally get those pills?" Harvey is sitting on Dr. Agard's couch again.
"Actually I think you showed me much more of yourself, than you think."
"What are you talking about?" Instead of answering the blond woman decides to control the conversation in her favour.
"Why did it take you so long to come here again? Our last appointment was two weeks ago."
"I was busy."
"Busy with what?"
"With work."
"And your work was more important than your mental health? Last time you begged me to give you those pills as soon as possible but then you waited two weeks."
"I tried to get Mike out of prison. The young groom, do you remember?"
"I do. Did that stop you from having panic attacks?"
"Actually yes, it did."
"So, why are you here again?"
"I had one this morning."
"Why?"
"I don't know."
"You lie to me. Something is special about today. What is it?" Although he gives her an annoyed look she knows she's on the right track. She watches him and he swallows hard.
"Donna came back at the firm today."
"And?"
"She starts to work for Louis again." Dr. Agard just nods and takes some notes. Suddenly Harvey feels very uncomfortable. He is uneasy, sensing that this conversation is going in a direction he doesn't like.
"So, you came here months ago because you had panic attacks over you're secretary leaving you. Now you're here again for the exact same reason." He doesn't answer. "What was it the last time? When you came here two weeks ago?"
„I told you. Mike made a deal and I freaked out."
"And you're saying it had nothing to do with Donna?"
"What exactly are you insinuating?"
"I'm not insinuating anything. I'm collecting the facts. Therefor you have to be honest with me and most of all with yourself. Otherwise I can't help you." He breathes hard.
"Okay… Actually I had a fight with Donna the same night when I lost Mike to that deal."
"A fight about what?"
"I can't tell you that. It's… personal."
"Everything we talk about here is personal."
"It's not about my privacy, it's about hers."
"Okay, I see. So you're having panic attacks every time Donna is leaving you or you're having a fight with her?" He just shrugs his shoulder.
"And you're still thinking that those pills will save your problems?"
"I don't know what else to do."
"Mr. Specter, after all you've told me and everything I saw at this wedding: I'm not the one you should talk about this at all."
"I thought it's your job to talk with me about this?"
"Harvey, come to your senses! No therapy and no pill in this world will help, if you don't finally talk to Donna. Tell her how you really feel. Be honest to her."
"As if it were that simple."
"I didn't say it would be simple. It will be damn hard. But you'll have to go through this."
He thinks he never has felt that nervous. It was probably the hardest decision he ever struggled with. After the therapy session he tried to clear his mind. He went for run and thought about everything Dr. Agard had told him. He knew she was right from the beginning but it took him until now to finally decide what to do. But now he's standing in front of apartment 206 and it takes all his power to finally knock at her door. He keeps his eyes shut until he hears the door opening. But when he opens his eyes, his heart drops to his knees. There she stands, beautiful as ever. But right behind here another familiar face appears: Thomas fucking Kessler.
Guys, I'm so sorry it took me so long but I'm very busy at the moment. Actually I'm not really happy with that chapter either but I didn't wanna let you wait any longer. I know, Harvey's change of mind seems a little bit rushed but I needed this to happen now, to continue with the plot. Don't worry: in the next chapter we will look a little bit behind his facade and we will learn what happend to him that changed his mind.