Rigor Mortis

Chapter Eleven: Absolution

She was standing before me and she was lovely to behold. Her hair was flowing over her shoulders and for the first time, I saw her face as it was without concealment. She smiled shyly at me and I took a step closer to her.

"You mustn't. Don't you think I'm repulsive?" she asked coyly and I shook my head.

"I think you're the most beautiful girl in all of Nosgoth," I clumsily replied and felt the blood rush to my face. She laughed and claimed that I was teasing her.

"I would never!" I said vehemently. She took my hands and held them to her cheeks. I felt her skin and it was rough...but wonderfully warm.

"My flesh is scabrous and blighted. I cannot be considered pretty," she sighed.

"Isn't what I think important?" I asked.

"Of course."

"Then disregard everything anyone else has ever told you," I said, "I should be worried about your revulsion of me,"

She leaned in close and whispered in my ear.

"The Clown turned his powdered face to the mirror. 'If to be fair is to be beautiful,' he said, 'who can compare with me in my white mask?'

'Who can compare with him in his white mask?' I asked of Death beside me.

'Who can compare with me?' said Death, 'for I am paler still.'

'You are very beautiful,' sighed the Clown, turning to his powdered face from the mirror."

I did not understand her words but I felt an immense gratitude well up in my heart and I leaned over to kiss her. I felt my lips touch hers and it was as though I had never experienced the sense of touch before. All else before then had been a mere mockery of the faculty. It was over all too quickly and I opened my eyes. She was gone and in her place was a corpse; old and putrefying. The mouth was slack, the eyes white and sightless, and the skull was caving inwards; but I knew it was Avelice. Though now a corpse, she stood when I beckoned and walked with those behind me. She marched with the dead populace of Vassurbunde, who carried my mother in a golden litter. A soundless word from me, and we continued on our way...

"Wake up!" a voice demanded, and I groaned in reply. It was still dark and I tried to shake away the last gruesome images of my dream. I went to bury myself under the blanket but it was cruelly whipped away from my grasp.

"Wake up! We have things to do this night!" the voice insisted and I knew it was Moebius.

"I have a rather important test in the morning. Whatever it is can wait," I grumbled.

"There are more important things in the world than tests!" he hissed, "As far as I'm concerned, you know everything you need to know already."

"Tell that to the instructors..." I growled.

"We need to see Janos," he insisted.

"Aren't you afraid he might try to hurt you again?" I asked, burying my head under the pillow.

"Not in the least. If all goes well tonight, we'll be going on another journey," he answered and then chuckled, "Tell me, Mortanius, why do you insist on sleeping in the nude?"

"What? Oh no!" I cried and thrashed about, looking for concealment. After a second of this, I realized that I was still wearing the tunic I had been wearing earlier and sighed at him.

"Well, now that you're wide awake, we should get going," he said brightly and I wanted to murder him. The helpful bastard handed me my favorite robe and I crawled out of bed. I found I was horribly sore, especially around my knees, shoulders and ribs. Moebius noticed how slowly I was moving and frowned.

"Have you been eating at all?" he asked with a cocked eyebrow.

"Of course," I replied. "Why?"

"You look emaciated," he replied, "Look at your face," I groaned and shuffled over to the mirror. I gasped at what I saw. My cheeks were nearly sunken and my eyes looked like they had retreated back into their sockets somewhat, making it look like I was standing under a constant shadow.

My skin was as white as a sheet and I shuddered.

"This is not right..." I whispered.

"Damn Pillars," Moebius cursed behind me and I knew then that it was those ancient structures who had wrought this change.

"Has anything happened to you yet?" I demanded, tearing my gaze away from the mirror.

"Not yet, though I'm afraid to find out the Pillars' idea of what a proper Timestreamer should look like," he shivered and then he laughed. "Do you suppose that with the Guardian of Conflict, his right and left sides would start to rebel against each other?"

"Yes, Moebius, very amusing," I sighed dismissively.

I followed him out of my room and down the crystal-lit hallways to the Ancient's chambers. Our footsteps echoed uncomfortably, and we passed no one else on our way. I didn't know what time it was, but I knew that it must be past midnight. When we arrived to his door, he drew in a deep breath and sighed, as though readying for a difficult task.

"Whatever I say, you go along with it. Understand?" he asked and I nodded. He knocked at the large door and waited. There was a shuffling sound from the other side and then a haggard voice asked us who we were.

"It's Moebius and Mortanius," my friend answered and I noticed the change in his voice. He suddenly sounded morose and tired and I knew he was going to attempt some kind of trickery. I felt an intense wave of revulsion and was surprised at this sudden wave of emotion.

"Come in," Janos said after a time and we entered.

Though I had seen his chambers a few months ago, they had apparently changed. The many canvasses, easels and paintpots were all put away and the room seemed emptier for it even though there were a few bits of old furniture. One wall opened upon a small balcony and he didn't seem to mind letting in the nightly chill. He sat upon a large, overstuffed couch whose fabric seemed almost white from fading age. He was absently stroking one of the many cats he liked to keep and was murmuring some kind words to it. The grimalkin purred contentedly and then proceeded to bite his hand. He laughed softly and pulled the happy chomping thing away from his arm.

"What is it you need?" he asked and bade us to sit. I was astounded at his demeanor. When he looked upon Moebius, I could not see a hint of anger in his eyes. My feeling of revulsion towards my friend grew and I tried to suppress it.

"I wish to apologize," Moebius said after a pause, "I had no right to do what I did...or say what I said,"

"Moebius..." Janos began but Moebius interrrupted him.

"Please, just let me say what I have to say," he said, and I saw him gulp back tears, "You said you understood why I...why I killed Jadwiga. Is that still true?"

"Yes," Janos answered, "Though it hurts, it is still true. What she did...was inexcusable. The blood trade was her creation and she broke the very treaty she helped make with your people. I only wish I had been there to prevent it all."

"So do I," Moebius agreed, "But that is in the past now. You yourself did me no wrong and you forgave me long before I could forgive myself. Janos, do you understand how it is to be under the gaze of such a person? It was as if every time you looked at me, all the evil little parts in my soul were burning. I could not tolerate your forgiveness and compassion. Does...does that make any sense to you?"

"I believe so," Janos said gravely.

"I was so used to the mindset of 'us' and 'them'. I was so used to fighting against something and having to be prepared for anything. I wanted so much for you to hate me. I could deal with hate. I could deal with the fury and the need for revenge. But forgiveness? No, I couldn't stomach that," Moebius continued with a quavering voice. "I thought you were merely up to something but Mortanius here...wise beyond his years...managed to finally convince me that if you wanted revenge, you would have killed me when you found me nearly dead so many months ago. He told me that you were a better person than that and I was shamed."

I tensed at the mentioning of my name. I said no such thing, though what he said made sense. I listened to him speak more, and I was almost convinced that he was confessing his heart to Janos. The look of utter despair and self-loathing seemed genuine...was he really pretending after all?

"Child, I need to apologize to you," Janos said mournfully, "That day when I...bit you...please understand that I was only doing what I thought was best for Nosgoth. I was going to change you into a vampire, thereby preserving the Pillars, but I went about it in the wrong way. Even then...I still could not do it. Vorador was more than willing. You however didn't even get a chance to have a choice." The sight of that tragic and noble vampire putting his face in his hands filled me with sadness and regret. I didn't know what Moebius was trying to do, but this was wrong...

"I do understand," Moebius said, "You were probably wary of what choice I might make. I am here to say to you that I've spoken with Mortanius and he and I will not shrink away from our duty." At this, Janos raised his head and looked at the Timestreamer with an expression both relieved and astonished.

"However," Moebius continued sternly, "We want to have the entire Circle present when that happens. We should all undergo the change together."

"That's more than reasonable," Janos said, wiping away a stray tear. "We have located the Druid already, but we still need to convince her parents to let us bring her here."

"That's where we come in," Moebius said, sniffling and letting out a short, relieved laugh, he continued, "Take the Emblem and search for the next Guardian. Tell us where the Druid is, and we will bring her here."

"I'm afraid you will not be able to get her parents to relinquish her," Janos said.

"I managed to negotiate and maintain a treaty between humans and vampires for five years. I think I can handle this," Moebius laughed.

"I do not want you to do anything underhanded," Janos warned sternly, "If you steal her away, she will not adapt to being a Guardian easily and all of Nosgoth might suffer for her homesickness."

"Oh no, nothing like that, believe me," Moebius assured.

"But what about my examinations?" I asked, finally speaking up for the first time. Janos smiled at me apologetically and laughed.

"You were put in those classes mostly to keep you busy," he admitted. He must have noticed the frown because he blushed and looked away.

"Hey, nothing is for nothing, right Mortanius?" Moebius grinned at me, "So where is the Druid?"

"She is living in a tiny village called Meridian far to the south of the Pillars, near the great canyons," Janos answered, "It's quite a journey even by flight."

"We will find a way," Moebius replied, "All we need is your permission to leave,"

"Then you may have it," Janos smiled weakly, "Take whatever you need to take. I know that you are ready for this. Be safe, both of you,"

"We will. I hope you find the other Guardians soon too. Good luck...and thank you," Moebius said. Janos rose and embraced him quickly, enclosing him with those massive black wings. It was then that I knew that Moebius was merely pretending to be sorrowful because the moment Janos touched him, his mask fell away and a look of utter revulsion crossed his face for a second. The Ancient couldn't see it of course, but I could and I grew nervous. It was the look of one who knew himself to be absolutely right in his cause...and who could not fathom why he might be wrong. I said nothing and the embrace ended.

That night, we began our journey to the south, to find the Guardian of Nature.

May God forgive my silence...