(A car is shown driving down a highway strip. Inside at the wheel is Sakura, along with May & Ibuki, who are all talking.)

Sakura: Ah, welcome once again gamers. We all have been summoned to the Video Game Void City, or VGV City, to stop a rather serious threat.
Ibuki: Don't tell me they ran out of beer & Lex is on one of his berserk rampages again.
May: Or worse...Like a new J. Lo movie being released.
Sakura: No, the situation is more dire. (Sees Clark & Ralf on the road.) Hey, you guys need a lift?
Clark: No, we're fine.
Ralf: We're on our way to our own fic. Say, wanna buy a t-shirt? (Holds up a IPA shirt.)
May: Meh, why not? And what is the title of this story anyway?
Ralf: Unfortunately, since we have to add a celebrity cameo every now & then, allow him to tell you all about it. (Points to Bobby Brown.)
B.Brown: Yo yo yo, this phat story is called 'True Crime: Theft in the Streets of VGV' man. And pick up my greatest hits, alright? (Balrog & Dudley walk in, a Judge on a Chocobo accompanying them.)
Balrog: There he is.
B. Brown: What's this?
Dudley: Dear sir, you are ordered to turn in your negro card! C'mon, let's have it!
B. Brown: WHAT?!! WHY!!!
Dudley: Reviewing your record, we have cited that you have been known to, as Balrog would say, 'act a fool' for more than 10 years. You've lost your privileges.
B. Brown: That's bull! What about 50 Cent? Or that damn Will Smith?
Balrog: 5o is just a dumbass & Smith's too damn nice! Look, we took away OJ's card, your name was next, fork it over.
B. Brown: Please! OJ hasn't been black since he won the damn Heisman! (Hands over his card)
Judge: Who do we go after next?
Balrog: Uh....Condelezza Rice, Colin Powell, Suge Knight, The Wayans Bros. & Eminem.
Dudley: Why isn't Michael Jackson on the list?
Balrog: We traded him for Eminem & Tiger Woods, remember?
Dudley: Damn!
Balrog: It's not too late. We can still get Latoya for that psychic phone line & Playboy fiasco.
Dudley: Right. Let's go then!

(The trio arrive at the VGV Police Station. All the cops are at a fever pitch, while various perps are lined up in handcuffs at the walls)

May: Wow. This is worse than we thought.
Sakura: I'll say. I never seen so many handcuffed men since that sex scandal involving Benimaru, Vega, Eagle & some discerning eunuchs.
Ibuki: Eww. I remember. Rams were involved. (The chief approaches them)
Chief: About damn time you showed up! I was actually about to get off of my duff & do some work of my own.
Sakura: We had a little pit stop for pie, sue us.
Chief: Pie? The city is in a middle of a war & you stop for PIE?!
Ibuki: C'mon, who wouldn't want pie? Next thing you know, you'll say you wanna outlaw kittens from the city!
Chief: But PIE?
Officer: You gotta admit, chief, it is a valid reason.
Criminal: I'd eat some pie right now...if I wasn't already facing 20 years for bank robbery.
Sakura: What's going on here anyway?
Chief: Well, it's tough to describe. So here's the simple explanation. Ever since the announcement of Grand Theft Auto San Andreas, the hype has been at an all time high. Since the youth of this city is so impatient, and apparently since adults here are extremely out of touch with right & wrong, crime has increased. We need you to stop it & find out exactly who's been influencing these people!
Sakura: Shouldn't you send a detective on this situation?
Chief: We have one, but, well...see for yourself. (Turns on TV. Inspector Gadget is handcuffing a pair of elderly people amid a burning pile of rubble.) All that used to be the restaurant district.
May: He caught the wrong people again?
Chief: No, they are as guilty as sin...it's just that ever since Dr. Light gave him a Mega Buster, liability claims & property damage has quadrupled. We do have a backup detective, but I feel safer with you three.
May: Why us?
Chief: My backup detective is Mihoshi.
Sakura: Let's go. Now.

(The 3 girls enter the parking lot of the police headquarters, picking a crusier.)

May: So, what should we do first?
Sakura: It might be a good idea to cruise around & help stop some crimes. We might be able to find a few clues.
Ibuki: Well, it's a start but...(Points outside. The city is filled with the sounds of gunfire, screams & explosions)
Sakura: We may need some help.
May: No problem. The May Lee Justice Squad are nearby. I'll give 'em a ring.

(A small suburban area nearby. A truck is in the streets. Amelia is on the roof of the truck with some binoculars while Joe stands at the bumber, checking the tires. Taylor is at the front seat, monitoring the radio.)

Amelia: No doubt about it, drug runners are inside. Let's get inside & bust some heads!
Joe: Ok Taylor, do your thing.
Taylor: I think that would be extraordinarily unwise, especially since we are in a suburban area.
Amelia: What do you mean?
Taylor: Well, let me show you. (Steps out of car.) Ok, nothing, right? Watch. (Pulls out a small gun. A few sirens suddenly blare.)
Voice: ALERT!!! ALERT!!! BLACK MAN ARMED WITH A GUN!!! CONTACT YOUR LOCAL AUTHORITIES!!!

(Windows are suddenly barricaded as men with rifles n their arms quickly swarm around the truck.)

Taylor: See?
Amelia: Everyone relax! We are police officers, see? (Everyone holds up their badges)
Taylor: That was a record. So, Amelia, you want to do the honors?
Amelia: Sure...RAH TILT!!!!!

(The house explodes. All the drug dealers are knocked senseless.)

Amelia: Piece of cake! (Pager goes off.) Uh oh.
Taylor: We got work kids!
Joe: HENSHIN A GO-GO BABY!!!!
Taylor: Dude, you need a new one liner!

(In the front of the police station, Sakura, May & Ibuki wait.)

May: What's taking them so long?
Sakura: They said they were taking the highway. And given that an APB was just issued on that area for a terrorist attack...(The MLJS run up to the police station, with Taylor dragging a couple of armed goons with masks) So, you all had fun?
Joe: If, by fun, you mean watching him break all sorts of laws involving the proper use of firearms, then yeah?
Ibuki: Strange...I heard that there were at least 12 terrorists.
Taylor: There were.
Ibuki: ...you know, on second thought, don't even tell me what happened to the other ones. And where is your car?
Amelia: Being hosed down.
May: O-kayyyyy.
Sakura: Here's the mission. May, Ibuki & I are gonna cruise around uptown & get to the bottom of this mess. You guys will have to take care of the downtown area.
May: And this time, try to dispense as little of the 'lethal justice' as possible.
Taylor; But it saves on paperwork.
Sakura: Valid point, but we're not crazy renegade cops enforcing the law with our own set of rules.
Joe: I've just been informed that marshal law has now been declared.
Taylor: NOW we are.
May: ...oh boy.
Sakura: Oh yeah, you'll be getting one more person to work with. C'mon girls, let's go!

(The three heroes drive off.)

Amelia: So...what now...(Inspector Gadget walks by.)
Gadget: You must be the guys I'm looking for.
Joe: Oh Lord...please not him....
Gadget: I need you to do me a favor. I need to go up to the airport & resolve a standoff. Can you look after my niece for me?
Amelia: Sure!
Gadget: Thanks! (Puts on negotiator hat) See you later!

(As Gadget flies off, Penny walks in.)

Penny: FINALLY!!!
Joe: I don't feel right about this...I mean, are you even qualified for this job?
Taylor: She works for me sometimes. Plus it's in her contract.
Joe: Contract?
Penny: Yup!
Joe: Let me see...'All characters appearing in any Taylor sponsored or written fan fiction will require at least two (2) story appearances. In addition, the undersigned, Penny Gadget, gets to spend her days and nights with Duo Maxwell'....
Penny: Plus I have ninja training under 'skills' clause.
Shingo: Why are you lusting after Duo Maxwell...and more importantly, what am I doing here?
Amelia: Looting, apparently. Put em up!
Shingo: Damn...(Is handcuffed)

(On the streets, the girls look around.)

Sakura: Ok, we need a good lead. Where do you think we should start? The docks? Warehouse district? Local bars?
May: I think that's a little too obvious. and stereotypical.
Ibuki: Oh no? Look over there? (Ibuki points out a suspicious, sunglasses wearing man, clad in a Rockstar black jacket. He enters a bar)
May: Hmm, I've seen that guy before. Let's check that place out.
Sakura: But we're not old enough to go in there.
Ibuki: We're also not old enough to enter the services of law enforcement, but here we are.

(The trio enter inside the bar. The man in question is sitting at a table by his lone self, drinking a glass of whiskey. Various men sit about, talking.)

May: He's right there. Let's get some answer out of him.
Sakura: Something about this just doesn't seem right...
Ibuki: Yeah..feels like some elaborate way to just set us up for a violent confrontation by the fates themselves.

(At that point, a bandana wearing thug emerges from the bathroom, coughing)

Thug: Aw man dawg, I ain't EVER seeing that shit again!
Bartender: See? I told you, nothing good ever comes out of seeing 'New York Minute'!
Thug: I know I know! But Van Helsing, man that narrative was whack! All that special effects & that Sommers sucka STILL manages to create a whack story that has no cohesion, no reason to care for the main character other than because he's a bad ass & a story that was rushed at key parts! I mean, C'mon, what's my man Frankenstein doin' in this movie? It sure ain't looking pretty!
Bartender: Yes, it was readily apparent during the scenes he was interacting with Van Helsing. And really, that back story with Van Helsing was just plain stupid! I think perhaps Sommers was playing Castlevania & said to himself 'you know, this could make a kickass movie'
Thug: Castlevania could, if given to the correct director, and with the proper screenplay, actors & direction...oh shit!!! 5-0!!!!! (dives out of window)
Bartender: Here we go again! First Nick Kang, now Charlie's Asian Barely Legal Angels...(ducks as various men all pull out guns)
Ibuki: Oh damn...
Sakura: Get down!!! (Sakura ducks down behind table as a hail of bullets fill the place. She draws out two of her own guns & takes down a few foes.)
Ibuki: Since when do you pack heat?
Sakura: Since doing a full blown Hadoken was outlawed!
May: Ibuki, he's trying to get away!
Ibuki: Leave this mess to me.

(Ibuki leaps into the air. Five seconds later, any thug carrying a gun, knife, or illegal bunny is impaled by a slew of kunai daggers. The lone man in the jacket is still alive)

May: Er...overkill much?
Ibuki: They were gonna shoot us! There wasn't any other choice.
Vash: There's always another choice!!!
Sakura: What is it with the random guest stars?!
Vash: Sorry, I was just looking for the donut shop but--- (a loud explosion is heard.) You see?
Sakura: Sadly, yes.

(Sakura lifts the mysterious man by the lapel of his jacket)

Sakura: Alright, thug wannabe. Start talking & maybe you'll get a reduced sentence.
Man: I know nothing cop! I've got my rights damn it!
Ibuki: I'd say otherwise. You seem to be carrying an illegal firearm, which is enough for us to ask questions!
May: So, care to tell us who is behind the crime spree?
Man: HA!!! I am a thug of unwavering loyalty! Even if all my fingernails are ripped from my hands, I will never talk!
May: In that case...I'll have to kill you. (Cracks her knuckles)
Man: TheleaderisthepresidentofRoclstargames!Hehasahideoutintheindustrialarea---
May: See. That wasn't too hard!
Sakura: I wonder how the others are doing...

(Elsewhere, The MLJS duck behind a car as they are being fired upon from a rooftop)

Penny: Well, this is a first for me personally. How about you?
Amelia: I've dealt with worse.
Joe: Well, any bright ideas?
Amelia I still think reasoning is the best solution.
Taylor: I wish! (peeks out, megaphone still in hand) C'mon pal, let's be reasonable. Bow, I completely understand your situation. You're a hard working employee & you've given your bosses nothing but the utmost respect...but holding the kids hostage & filling that building full of lead is no way ti get yourself a box of Trix!
Trix Rabbit Listen to me damnit!!! I just wanted to go to the store & buy the cereal, but these little bastards came out of nowhere, blindsided me, took my cereal AND my wallet & gave me the finger! I'VE HAD ENOUGH DAMNIT!!! (fires wildly into the air) Who's laughing now kids?! HUH?!!!
Taylor: Man...this was worse than the time the Lucky Charms Leprechaun got drunk & beat up hose barkeeps with a pair of Guinness bottles.
Penny: Say, you're a superhero, right? Can't you slow down time & get that gun away from him?
Joe: Yeah...I'll need a boost though.
Penny: Leave it to me.

(Penny grabs Joe & tosses him towards the roof)

Trix Rabbit: HOLY SHIT!! (Fires wildly. Joe activates his Slow VFX to punch away the bullets, knocking them away & knocking the gun out of the Rabbit's hands. Time returns to normal as he lands on the roof.)
Joe: OK buddy, it's all over!
Penny: Hey, that rabbit wasn't kidding! This kids got his wallet on him!
Amelia: How shameful! What did that rabbit ever do to you?
Kid: He was born!

(Penny smacks the kid on the head with a nightstick)

Taylor: Isn't that a little excessive?
Penny: Given the situation, he had it coming!
Taylor: Sure, but we are the law. We have to maintain a degree of restraint.
Kid: Bite me, you big toothed (racial expletive)
Taylor: Amelia, Joe, hold his arms.
Amelia: Sure.
Joe: Fire away.

(The kid is held down as Taylor punches & kicks him unmercifully)

(In the Industrial area)

Sakura: GAH!! The stench! The color! How foul!
Ibuki: HEY! Chalupas are highly underrated as a snack food!
May: We have more pressing concern. The thug said that the RS CEO was holed up in one of these abandoned factories. Let's narrow it down.
Sakura: I will wager a guess & say that one.
May: What gave it away?
Sakura: Um, the thugs all standing about nonchalantly, the huge Rockstar Games logo on the windows, the helicopters...
May: Oh, of course.

(The three approach the back door.)

Thug1: GIRLS!!! Let's do unneeded sexual things with them
Thug2: BAKA!!! (Knocks out Thug1) We are not some depraved hentai animator or webmaster!
Thug3: Right! Ladies, he honorably request you engage in battle with us before you take us on!
May: Sure.

(10 minutes later...May dumps what is left of her last victim into the nearby dumpster.)

May: I'd have given him a more honorable burial, but open caskets are just not available.
Sakura: No, indeed not. Now let's get down to business!

(After 50 intense minutes of intense gunplay, drama, HK style action & the revelation that the relationship between Sakura & Kei is more than 'friendly'...)

Sakura: Watch it!

(Our heroes arrive at the office of the head man himself, who is accompanied by his stooge, Tommy Vercetti.)

Tommy: I am NOT a stooge!
Sakura: No...just a borderline racist!
Tommy: GEEZ!!! One stupid comment about a gang & everyone's on my ass!!!
May: Explain yourself! Why have you caused so much rioting?!
CEO: Ah, you have stumbled onto our master plan, huh? I must admit you're smarter than most so called detectives. They'd just barge in here & fill the place with bullets first.
May: Yeah, well, Sakura's M16 overheated.
CEO: The thing is, as a company, Rockstar Games excels in two things: making violent & controversial games and baking Walnut Cherry Waffle Sticks. Unfortunately, someone sole our secret recipe, so we stuck with violent games. Then, we realized something: That's all we know. We hardly do racing games anymore, since Need For Speed Underground & Project Gotham killed our Midnight Club, so we've done games like Max Payne & GTA.
Sakura: So, why the rioting?
CEO: Gamers will eventually catch on to the fact that we are, essentially, a one trick pony. I mean, come on, Manhunt was just GTA with stealth mode & a kill system that got old. And I'm fairly certain that Tenchu beats it in pure badassness anyway....

(Carcer City. James Earl Cash is stalking about.)

James: Is there anyone more of a sneaky, unmerciful, pure badass killer than me?

(Rikimaru's ninja blade in impaled through James' skull. It is removed in a sea of blood as Rikimaru twists James' head, snapping his neck & completing the job)

Rikimaru: Why did you have me kill this joker? (Ryu Hayabusa, flicking blood away, steps into the light)
Hayabusa: It builds character.

(Back to the action)

CEO: I mean come on, just look at that game, it is full of disturbing material. Name one other game than gives you more terror than being hunted in this game?
Sakura: Uh, let's see...Silent Hill 1, 2,3, Fatal Frame, Eternal Darkness: Sanity's Requiem, The Suffering....
CEO: Oh, right...well, we had an idea. We included subliminal messages in the programming code of GTA: Vice City. The players become slightly aggressive as we slowly leaked out more & more news about the next GTA game. Then, at the fever pitch, we activated a signal that will cause people to riot & freak out. Potential customers become curious as to why the others flip out & buy the next game en masse!
Sakura: Wow...
Ibuki: That's possibly one of the most hackneyed plans ever conceived.
CEO: Hey, we don't exactly have originality anymore. Cut us some slack.
May: In any case, you're clearly unforgivable. Surrender & maybe you'll get off with a fair warning & a license to do GBA platformers.
CEO: Yeah, you see, I have a different alternative. Tommy kill em!
Tommy: Ah yeah, time for a bit of the ultra violence.

(As Tommy raises his gun, The Punisher comes down & blasts his head off.)

Punisher: Wait a minute...is this the home of Garth Ennis?
Sakura: No...
Punisher: DAMN! Sorry about that. (leaps off into the background)
CEO: Oh crap! Guess I'll have to make due with what I have! GUARDS!!!

(The room fills with guards wearing state of the art body armor & rifles. The girls duck behind a large desk as they open fire.)

May: If anyone has a plan, now will be a pristine time to enable it!
Sakura: Wait, call up the MLJS! I think I have an idea.

(The streets of VGV City. The MLJS is arresting a group of Hare Krishnas)

Taylor: Damn, these welts are gonna sting.
Joe: Yeah,I know. Who would have thought that Hare Krishnas knew Drunken Boxing?
Amelia: What I want to know is why is there a 300 year old kung fu rivalry between the Hare Krishnas & the Amish?
Penny: Oh, it's been documented in many sacred scrolls for years. (Signal goes off on her watch) Hey! May & tyhe gang is in trouble! They're over by the old industrial area.
Amelia: Don't worry! I'll get us there in no time! (Casts Ray Wing & the group floats in the air.)
Taylor: Perfect...but first, we need to make a quick pick up.)

(Back to the factory. The girls duck as more bullets are fired their way.)

May: This is bad, you know.
Sakura: Don't worry. My calculated plan should be kicking in right about now... I just need for the both of you to move 5 inches to your right...
Ibuki: My ninja senses are tingling.
May: Why is it I have a feeling you made a phone call that entails that a very violent, bust justified action is about to befall the cronies of evil here?

(In a few seconds, a series of large laser blasts rock the room, ripping apart all of the gunmen & setting off explosions all about the area. The carnage lasts for a minute. The girls look up & come across a grisly scene)

Sakura: Well, that went over better than hoped.
Ibuki: Look who's outside.

(Ibuki points out to the MLJS, who is accompanied by Insp. Gadget & a very bewildered Mihoshi)

Mihoshi: Oh, hi! Sorry about that! You see, I was asked to take this pulse blaster & fire up at all those mean men...but I forgot that I left the setting on full automatic burst. Oppsie.
Gadget: I just forgot to disarm the 'fry all that oppose the will of God's Divine Justice' setting. This won't look bad on my report will it?
Ibuki: I don't think this will dent it at all. So, that wraps up another installment gamers!
Sakura: Not quite...there's one more bit of business...
May: Oh yes...him.

(Cut to a close up of the bloody face of the Rockstar CEO. He is literally shivering in fear as he frantically looks about. A few footsteps are heard...and then, only voices...)

Gadget: Do you find me sadistic? You know, I bet I could fry an egg on your head right now, if I wanted to.
Joe: Actually, it looks more like you can fry a steak on his head. Mmm, steak!
Penny: Hush! Uncle's being menacing!
Gadget: Now bucko, I'd like to believe that you're aware enough even now to know there's nothing sadistic in my actions. Well, maybe towards those other... jokers, but not you.
Sakura: I didn't even know he was capable of sadism.
Gadget: Oh really, ever see me sing in a karaoke bar?
Sakura: Point taken
Gadget: No Kiddo, at this moment, this is me at my most... ah screw it, I am being at my most sadistic! Eat it, beyotch!!!!
CEO: Gadget...I funded that movie---

(A gunshot blows off both of his eyes.)

Joe: Wait a sec, how did one bullet take out both of his eyes?!
Taylor: Splash damage...who wants a donut?
Sakura: I call lemon!