An Unexpected Love: Slipping into Darkness

by tarskeewee08

(John's POV)

"Open up police!" I said banging on the door.

I have two officers at my side along with Rex, I sent the other officers around back incase Leo tries to escape.

The door opened slightly with a chain blocking the view. A young woman peeks at me and I see her fear on her face. She looks back behind me and I know she isn't alone.

"Mam we are looking for Leo Caprone…." I say flashing my badge into view. The warrant I called in hasn't come through and I was really playing this by ear.

"He's not here." she said timidly.
Rex moved up and peeked at her. "Darlene?"
The woman slammed the door shut immediately and Rex turned and looked at me "That's the woman I've been looking for McBain. I think she's in danger you have to get in there."

That's all I need to hear. Giving the signal to my men they take down the door and we charge in guns drawn. Leo has a gun to the young woman's head. She's in nothing but her bra and panties and he's wearing his boxers. I have my gun trained on him as I advance toward him. "Let her go man!"

"Get the fuck out of my house!"
"Let her go Leo, deal with me brother. You don't want to hurt her."
"Get the fuck out or she's dead!" he screamed. Turning I look at my men and signal for them to leave. Rex frowns at them retreating.

"Rex leave…"
"No, John this man is dangerous. He hurt Layla!" he hissed.
Leo frowned at him. "What the fuck is he talking about!"

"Out now Rex!" I scream at him mindful that the situation is getting away from me. Officer Vaughn grabs him and drags him to the door. Rex screams at Leo that he'll get him for hurting Layla. I keep my gun drawn on him and Leo is glaring clicking the safety off the gun that's still held to the head of the terrified woman crying softly.

"What the fuck is he stalking about! I didn't touch his broad!" he hissed.
"If that's true we can discuss this at the station and clear it up. You're making the situation worse man.
"Fuck that I got warrants and I ain't doing no more time!" he shouted tightening his hand on her throat.
"That your lady you holding like that? You really scaring her and I know you don't want to hurt her."
Leo looked at her and kissed the top of her head. "Yeah I love her, but not as much as I love me. Back out or I'll kill her man. I ain't got nothing to loose!"

"I can't do that Leo…"
"Get out of my house! I mean it I ain't going back to jail"
"Leo listen to me it doesn't have to go down like this. We can work this out. Just talk to me. Let's work it out"

The young girl he's holding hair is in her face but I hear her sobs and its killing me. This whole scene is too familiar I struggle to remain in control but the dejavu had a hold of me.

"Leo we can work it out" I wheeze my hand shaking. I've dealt with violent perps before and even had to kill a few but something's wrong with me. I'm coming apart.

"Fuck this!" He yells letting her go and drawing the gun on me. I immediately open fire hitting him in the head as the bullet that escaped his gun whizzes by me. The woman is falling to the floor as Leo does and it all happens in slow motion. I scream at what I'd done and involuntarily squeeze the gun again and again firing into nothing.

I hear her screaming and my officers filing in, but all I can do is see the man's head exploding and hear my fathers voice scream "John no!"

I took a man's life again and the gravity of what happened settles into my gut making me sick with regret that I didn't diffuse the situation another way. Rex comes up behind me and I hear him say something but I holster my gun into my jacket and turn to leave. I can question the woman at the station. Now I need some air. Keeping my head down I avoid everyone's eyes so I can escape without anyone seeing my tears.

The Station

(Evangeline's POV)

Walking into the station I'm stopped 4 different times before making it to the bullpen, hugged and asked about my pregnancy. The officers smile and wave at me and I blush at the celebrity attention. Most are probably wondering if John's the father and I find it amusing how blown away people are. Walking down the corridor I smile to myself and head to John's office.

"He's not there!"
Turning around I see Natalie glaring at me with her arms folded.
"That's okay I'll wait for him!" I hiss opening the door walking in. I throw the door close behind me but she stops it with her hand and marches it in.

"I knew you were pathetic, but this takes the cake" she snaps at me.

I turn around and look at her amused. "I beg your pardon?" I ask sweetly trying to remain cool. I've already missed my doctors appointment in Seattle and I have no idea how all this drama in the past days are affecting my baby.

"First you try to free Christian to break us up and when that doesn't work you trick the man into knocking you up" she says with a disgusted look on her face.

Unbuttoning my coat I work my way out of it and throw it over the chair. Pulling up my sleeves my silver bangles clanging I smile at her. "Natalie, trust me honey I didn't have to trick John into sleeping with me, he was begging me for it. As for my wanting to break you two up it never crossed my mind. I think the union you share is sick and perverse, based in self loathing and some incestual fantasy on your part."

"You go to hell!"
"No you go to hell! I've watched that man handle you with kid gloves and turn himself inside out over some sick guilt he has over Christian's kidnapping. You know at first I thought that maybe you did love John. But when your dead husband came back and you dismissed the man without a thought I saw the truth. You want to be the victim and you want him guilty and trapped. You get some sick satisfaction out of sharing his pain and wallowing in it with him. That makes you disgustingly pathetic in my eyes!"

"YOU BITCH! YOU STUCK UP SELF RIGHTEOUS BITCH! HOW DARE YOU!" she screamed moving into my face.

"Natalie!" John shouted shocked at her outburst standing in the door. We both look up at him surprised.

"Get the hell out of my office now!" he growled his face red with anger.
Natalie went to him grabbing his arm. "John, you don't understand she provoked me."
He pushed her hand away. "She's pregnant and you are in here screaming at her. Get the hell out!" he shouted grabbing her arm and forcefully pushing her out of the door. She pleads trying to explain and he slams the door in her face.

I fold my arms and look at him. He doesn't face me immediately and I can see his shoulders rise and fall, something's wrong. "John" I say walking to him.

Seeing his shoulders shaking its evident that it's a result of him crying, I go to him and touch his shoulder. He turns and grabs me into his arm and my feet leave the ground briefly from the force of him scooping me up. He's crying into my neck and all I can do is rub his back.

This isn't because of Natalie something happened. "John please…tell me what it is" He squeezes me and it becomes uncomfortable. "John, you're hurting me" I wheeze.
He lets me go immediately "I'm sorry baby" he says touching my belly.
I look at him confused and touch his tear soaked face. "What is it?"
He looks into my eyes "I killed a man today and it just had an affect on me. I'm fine." he says walking away regaining his composure.

I turn and look at him. "You aren't fine, what happened?"
He looks at me and I see him doing it again, burying it like he does everything that traumatizes him. "John, you need to talk to someone."

He frowns at me "What?"
"I walk to him. Doesn't the station offer counseling for this, I mean when you kill someone in the line of duty….."
"I don't need a psychiatrist." he says dismissively
"Yes you do."
"Drop it!" he shouts and I look at him startled.
He rubs his face and blows out a heated breath. "Van, I'm fine."
"No, you're not and this is why we can't be together."
"Why do you constantly try to fix me! Why can't you just love me for who I am!" he says angrily.

I remain silent for several seconds and hurt as his words feel like a slap across my face. "I don't want to fix you, I want to help you. I'm not an enabler John either you want to join us in the real world or remain lost in your own darkness."

"I love you Evangeline when is that going to be enough?"
"It will be enough when you are able to say you love yourself! John you can't possibly love me or anyone if you don't love yourself"

"Stop telling me how I feel! I love you and our child!" he shouts with tears in his eyes.
"Those are words useless words. I want allow you into our lives like this. You're falling apart, why can't you see that? You will be a father don't you want to be whole at least for her?"

"I don't need a doctor" he says weakly dropping his head.

I shake my head and reach for my coat "This was a mistake for me to come here."
"There you go running again, always running from me!"

Shaking my head I drop my coat back onto the chair. "I am so sick of you and these stall tactics you use to keep from facing the truth."
"And what truth is that?"

Glaring at him I give it to him straight "That underneath all that bravado you are scared. You're nothing but a damn coward. I see you John the real you and you're the kindest selfless man that I've ever known but he's buried under all those damn secrets you carry."

Suddenly I feel a little weak and grab the chair. John runs over to me and holds me up "I'm fine..." I say trying to get out of his grip.

"Baby please, you've been under a lot of stress sit down." He says putting me in the chair.

I close my eyes and try to fight off the feeling of lightheadedness. He kneels next to me and rubs my belly, leaning over he kisses my stomach. I touch his hair in spite of myself. God I love this man so.

Looking up at me with his tears in my eyes "Please be careful I couldn't take it if something happened to you and our baby because of me."

I shake my head sadly and touch his face. "There you go blaming yourself, you can't save the world and every tragedy in this world is not your fault. That man you killed today you did because you had too. It's a cruel reality of what your job is and entails. Don't take that guilt on. Don't blame yourself for it."

He kisses the inside of my palm and my heart weakens. I'm so sad over the loss of us and the fact that he won't get the help he needs. He opens his eyes and looks at me. "I know what we should name her."

Looking at him surprised. "Really?"
"Yes...Angel"
"Angel?"
"She's my angel Van, she's the one good thing I've done and I feel her even though she isn't here. I love her more than anything in this world. I know she'll be remarkable."
I look at him and say nothing, his hands still gently stroking my stomach and his eyes searching my face pleadingly. Once again trying to pull me in without putting in the work to have us back in his life. "I can't do this with you John" I say moving his hand.

He looks at me sadly. "Can't do what? Be a family? Let me love you and our baby? What can't you do?"

I put my hand to my head and I'm exhausted. "I didn't come here to pick out baby names. I came here to get an update on my sister's case."

He looks up at me hurt and then comes up from my side. Running his hand through his hair he went to his desk and sat down. "The man I killed is the one we believe responsible for Layla's accident. His girlfriend is being brought in for questioning. She apparently was held against her will the past couple of months with him and Rex was working to locate her for his family."

I hear the dry way he's speaking to me and the fact that he's staring at me pained by my refusal to let him into my heart is exhausting. "Well I'm glad you found him."

He nods and we sit in silence. Finally he speaks "How is she?"
"No change and that's not good. If the fever doesn't break soon we run the risk of her not pulling from this coma without some serious brain damage"
"I'm so sorry baby"
I nod "I'm going to the hospital now" I say trying to stand up. He gets up to help but I make it out of the chair before he does. I still fill somewhat fuzzy and make a mental note to have Michael check me out. Picking up my coat he helps me into it and then wraps his arms around me from behind. I don't resist his hold and lean back into him.

He kisses the back of my head and the inside of my neck. "Baby, I'm trying please know that. I'm fighting my way back to you"

"Okay John" I say softly not believing him but somewhat calmed by hearing him say it anyway.

Both his hands on my belly he holds me and I savor the comfort of his strong powerful arms, the feeling of his love eases the pain of our separation. I can tell it has the same calming affect on him because he makes no move to let me go.

We remain like that for eternity and slowly his hands slide free and I walk from his embrace. I don't dare look back and he doesn't stop me. He knows my terms. Unless he gets professional help he won't have us.

(Natalie's POV)

Parking the car I try to stop the tears that flow so freely now. How could he humiliate me like that in front of her? How could he choose her over me after all the love we share? What is it about her that keeps him trapped in this thing with her? I'm the woman he loves, he's moved heaven and earth to have us.

I'm glad I kept his key I won't let him do this to me. Dammit I will fight for him if I have to. Getting out of my car to head toward his place I step into the street struggling to make sense out of all of this. I don't know if its my tears or the wind blowing my hair into my face but I don't hear or see the car initially.

The headlights bearing down on me cause me to look to my right in shock. The car is heading so fast I can't get across the street and when it hits me I feel my legs snap and I wonder if they were detached from my body as I fly in the air and land on the roof of the car with a thud.

Rolling off onto the trunk I fall painfully to the street. My body in knots and broken I look up to seeing the brake lights on the car then hearing the tires spinning as car backs up full speed headed for me I can't move out of the way because I have no feeling below my legs. As the tires roll back over me I slip into darkness thinking of John and how once again I will be denied what's rightfully mine.