Shrink
The rights to the characters of Smallville belong to its producers, the WB Network and DC Comics. I own them not.
Clark stood solemnly, arms crossed and tapping his foot while his children assembled in front of him. One by one they lined up, oldest to youngest and Clark called them by their Kryptonian names to emphasize the seriousness of the situation.
"Kal, Clo," the eldest of the fraternal twins then "Jonat, Mara," only a year and a half younger. Next "Jor, Lara," the younger pair then "Kon, Kem, Gab," the identical triplets. "Ela, Lo," were the identical girls and "Var," the youngest and most mischievous of them all, named for one of his ancestors who'd come to Earth to conduct experiments forbidden on Krypton. Clark had found a hidden cave in the Rockies in which Var-El, missing for many generations, had set up a lab in which to work with a new type of energy he'd discovered. The old fellow had meant well but had evidently perished when his experiment had gotten out of hand and he was sucked into an energy vortex. Little Var was too much like his name sake in Clark's opinion.
Lois stood next to her husband trying to maintain a serious demeanor but she couldn't help admiring her brood. Sometimes she felt like she was repopulating the Kryptonian race all by herself. Well, Clark was certainly doing his part, she thought, trying hard not to smirk as she chanced a sideways glance at her partner in all things. As Clark finished the countdown, she noticed Var was carrying something behind his back, obviously thinking in his two year old mind that it was carefully hidden.
"Alright," Clark began as his children stopped jostling each other and got quiet, "this is very serious." He eyed them all, one after another. "Who's got Brainiac's Shrink Ray? It's missing from the Fortress." Everyone looked blank and innocent.
Kal, his eldest son, shrugged his shoulders in that exaggerated way teenagers do when they're forced to deal with their parents who don't understand anything anyway and who are clearly already experiencing their inevitable slide toward dotage. Rolling his eyes as he looked at his father, he said, "Daaad, can I go now? What would I want with the Shrink Ray Brainiac used on Kandor?" At fifteen, Kal, known to human society as Clark Kent junior, was the spitting image of his father and reminded Clark all too uncomfortably of himself at that age in other ways, as well.
Next to him, Clo, younger by a mere five minutes, elbowed her brother and smirked, rolling her own eyes. "Yeah, Dad; guys never wanna make things smaller. They always think bigger is better." Clark clamped his mouth shut to prevent himself from laughing and Clo's brother's face reddened as he elbowed her back. A brief shoving match ensued, causing a cascade of pushing and elbowing down the line of the offspring of the illustrious House of El. Their mother choked back her own laughter; her eldest daughter was tall with the dark hair and striking eyes that seemed so dominant in her husband's clan but she definitely had her mother's personality. In fact, all her children bore a very strong resemblance to their father but their mother's influence was obvious, especially when it came to their various senses of humor. Their personalities were very different, yet they were each an interesting mix of both parents. Kal was the most serious and quiet of them all yet even he was a reflection of his mother when you caught him at the right moment. Right now, her youngest was doing his own share of pushing back, not wanting to be outdone by his older siblings; she saw now that Var was holding a little doll in his chubby toddler fingers.
"Alright! That's enough…" Lois leaned over and whispered to Clark, "Look; Var's got a doll. Why's he trying to hide it?"
"Now that's disturbing…it looks like a Lex Luthor doll…"
Suddenly, they both exclaimed as one, "Oh, God…"
Clark moved quickly, snatching the struggling doll from his youngest child's hands. "You know better than that! How many times have I told you not to play with…never mind; we'll discuss this later. Now everybody go to your rooms."
"But Daaad!" Clark junior complained loudly, "I'm supposed to meet Larissa at the-"
"Then tell her you'll be a little late. I'll be there in a few minutes and…um…see if you can find the…thing that we need to reverse this." Grateful to be dismissed, the younger Kents fled the scene as fast as they could. "And don't use sup…er…run too fast in the house," he added, a bit too late. Turning to his wife, he whispered, "Was I ever that whiny?"
"Oh, worse." Clark rolled his eyes, groaning as he looked down at the tiny bald man who was flailing wildly in his grip.
Lois whispered in her husband's ear, "What are you gonna say? How are you going to explain this, Clark?"
"Ah…I dunno… Any suggestions?" he whispered back.
"Adrenaline; you used to use that all the time when I first knew you."
"Very funny. Somehow, I don't think that'll fly in this particular situation."
She tried not to laugh. "Well, that never stopped you before-" Lex was pounding on Clark's hand and yelling although it came out as a tiny, high pitched squeak
Sighing, Clark set the little bald man down on the nearby coffee table with exaggerated care and leaned down to look at him. Lois leaned down, too, watching as Lex brushed his clothes and folded his arms, looking sternly back at them. Somehow, Lex managed to look his usual sophisticated self even at six inches tall. He was saying something but to Lois it sounded more like Alvin the talking chipmunk than Lex Luthor, billionaire investor and sometime adversary.
Clark gestured toward Lex, hands out in what he hoped was a soothing gesture and said, "I'm really sorry Lex-"
Lex instantly covered his ears, grimacing in pain. Looking up, he put up his hands and Clark alone could make out his plea of, "Don't talk so loudly! It hurts my ears and I can't understand you!"
"What's he saying?" Lois asked.
Clark whispered back, "He can't understand us. It must seem like we're shouting at top volume and he said it hurts his ears."
"Well, that's a relief. I mean, that he can't understand us. Missed all those, 'Who took the device that shrank Kandor,' questions. But…maybe you should go find Superman and see if he can help us return Lex to his usual size, hmmm?"
"Yeah…uh…yeah." Clark leaned close to his pint sized guest and whispered, "I'm not sure what happened but…I'm gonna go find Superman and see if he can help get you back to proper size, okay?" Lex looked impatient, making a vague, whatever gesture, flinging both arms out to his sides and rolling his eyes, reminding Clark of his eldest son for a brief moment. There certainly seemed to be a lot of eye rolling going on in the Kent household tonight.
Before Clark could make his exit, an orange ball of fur raced through the living room at a high rate of speed, followed closely by Var in hot pursuit. He noticed Lex crouching down behind a huge soft drink cup emblazoned with the image of Warrior Angel's nemesis Devilicus and now leaking syrupy cola onto the table. He peeked out hesitantly as soon as the family pet had disappeared into the kitchen, finally stepping back into the open when the noise of the chase had subsided. Lex promptly slipped and fell in the cola puddle. Jumping up, he flung drops of cola from his Lilliputian hands, swearing a blue streak all the while.
Finally, Lex yelled, "Your cat tried to eat me!" in his tiny chipmunk voice.
From the kitchen area, Clark and Lois heard a crash then the banging of the screen door just as the Kon, Kem and Gab came racing down the stairs. They came to a sudden halt in front of their parents, excitedly yelling that Var had taken something from one of their science experiments though they declined to say exactly what that was.
Clark pointed and said simply, "Bring him back; we'll discuss this later." The triplets shot out through the kitchen and into the backyard, the backdoor banging into the wall of the house three times in rapid succession to mark their departure. He often thought that acquiring such a large tract of undeveloped land along with their house which was nestled in the foothills of the Rockies on one edge of Metropolis had been one of the smartest things he'd ever done. Sometimes he missed his old apartment, acquired and remodeled when he first settled in the big city. It had been a prime location and it had held many fond memories. It was there they'd discovered that the Kawatches been right about it being possible to have children with a human woman. In fact, it had turned out to be no problem at all, as made obvious by his now very large family, and for space reasons alone he knew he couldn't remain there. But it hadn't been long before they knew his children would take after their father in ways that would make it hard to hide the fact that they weren't exactly like other children and a rural environment much like the one in which he'd grown up had proved to be essential. It would have been rather difficult to explain when his children began floating across the yard and bench pressing their mother's SUV had they had close neighbors. So they had found the perfect house and a lot of land which itself bordered the State Forest Preserve.
A moment later, his momentary reverie was interrupted when the orange streak of fur came shooting back through the front door with a crash as he made his own cat sized opening in the heavy oak door and shot upstairs once more with Var right behind him, enlarging the hole to Var size before racing upstairs as well. Fortunately, Lex had jumped behind the Devilicus cup again when he heard the howling of the approaching cat and missed seeing the actual destruction of the door although he was eyeing it suspiciously when he cautiously peeked out. The triplets appeared, stopping momentarily to admire the hole before courteously opening the door instead of going through it as they tracked their younger brother.
About a minute later, Kal, that is, Clark junior, came running down the stairs yelling, "Mom, I found it!" He whispered into his mother's ear, "Var was trying to use it on the cat but Streaky was too quick for him. I put it on the window sill in my room so that, um, Superman can retrieve it." The older children were aware of their father's true identity but the younger ones were, of necessity, still in the dark about it. They still knew, however, that Superman was a close friend of their parents and visited frequently, sometimes taking them to his secret lair; they thought it was way cool whenever he did. Var, in particular, loved to emulate Superman, often leaping off the second story landing or from the barn loft at his grandparent's house, convinced he could fly. So far he'd fallen flat but judging by the fact that his older siblings had already exhibited the ability to float when sleeping, he probably would, too, when he got older and it was undoubtedly going to come as quite a shock one day when Var took a flying leap and actually kept going.
"Thanks; maybe you should check Var's room for anything else he shouldn't have."
"Sure, Mom."
A few moments later Superman appeared in the doorway saying, "I heard you had a problem."
"Oh, thanks for coming so quickly." Superman held up a strange looking device and Lois pointed to the door. "Maybe you should use that outside."
"Good idea," he agreed and carried Lex outside into the back yard where he bathed him in its strange glow, promptly restoring the agitated Lex to his full size.
"What the hell happened? What was that?" he demanded, the minute he was able. "The last thing I remember was standing outside the Metrodome then I was tiny and your son was holding me in his hand. Then he put me in his jacket pocket with a lot of sticky candy and a Warrior Angel doll! That doll's stupid Angel ring poked me in the back all the way from Metropolis to..." he looked around, obviously a bit disoriented, "here." Lex reached up to his bald pate and picked off something red; after a brief examination of the offending glob he threw it down in disgust.
"Uh…I don't know but perhaps some criminal mastermind decided you were a threat to business and decided to take you down a notch or two," Superman said, barely containing a smirk. Lex stared greedily at the device in Superman's hands and he quickly added, "I think I'd better take this somewhere safe. My apologies for any inconvenience."
Superman disappeared into the sky and Lois waved to Lex as she walked outside into the yard. "Would you…like a cup of coffee, Lex?"
"No, thank-you. I'll just be going." Lex swayed a bit, still not quite fully recovered.
"You sure you don't want to come back inside and sit for a while? You seem a little unsteady."
"No. I'm fine."
"Want me to give you a ride, Lex? Or Clark could; he'll probably be back soon…"
"No…I'll call for a ride," he answered rather petulantly as he stomped off down the alley, calling for a limo to pick him up.
Lois rolled her eyes and went back inside to check on her youngest before he could engineer some other catastrophe though she suspected he'd had some help from the triplets this time. She found a small pile of other items Kal had apparently confiscated from Var's room and carried then up to the master bedroom for safekeeping. They would have to be more careful. But she smiled anyway.
A little while later, her husband returned having stored the Shrink Ray at the Fortress under lock and key. "I saw Lex getting into a limo. Didn't want to stick around, eh?" A door flew open upstairs, banging into the wall and the Kent children came thundering down the stairs and raced out the door, leaving their extremely uncool parents, otherworldly abilities, Kerth awards and Pulitzers notwithstanding, behind at last.
"Can you blame him? No telling what might happen next."
Smiling, Clark leaned in to kiss his wife, saying softly, "No telling." He stared into her green eyes then kissed her again. "I'll bet the kids will be gone for quite a while…"
Lois climbed into his lap and began fiddling with the buttons of his shirt. "You have something in mind? Like maybe…trying for a baker's dozen?" she asked.
"Seriously? You want another baby? This tribe isn't enough for you?"
"What's one more in this madhouse? I'll take some time off…write another book… Besides, it's so much fun to practice, anyway…" she purred into his ear.
Clark stood abruptly, holding her in his arms as he walked to the stairs. "Yeah…we obviously need the practice."
"Besides, I think we need another girl."
"Really? Well then I think it's time you showed me your birthmark."