Maria Hanuschak: I returned to the cottage not knowing what to do. I knew that I wasn't going to tell Uncle Tom about Severus, but I still felt so betrayed by Severus that I couldn't just tell him I knew and move on. I was upset and confused. I Apparated into the living room. Draco said Severus was in his room. I told Draco not to disturb us as I had some business to settle with Severus. I walked upstairs and into his room, closing the door rather loudly behind me, startling him. I placed him in a body bind and kicked his chair over. I let loose all my frustration onto him.

"How could you betray us for so long!" I spat at him. His reaction was to widen his eyes in fear.

"You have been telling that Order everything you could for years! How can you just throw away everything from the Dark Lord! Do you know how many people have died because of you!" I kicked him across the back of the head then. Not the most effective thing I have ever done, but it fit the moment.

"I should kill you right now, you traitor. I should force a potion down your throat and watch you suffer; cast the Cruciatus on you. I could kill you," and then I broke, "but I won't, and the Dark Lord does not know of your betrayal," I whispered, barely audible.

I released the body bind, collapsed to the floor beside him and cried the entire story to him. He simply laid there and listened until I was done. He shifted beside me then, and brought me to lean against him.

"What do you want to do, Maria?" he asked calmly.

"I can't continue with this, but I won't join your Order," I said.

"Will you join me then, in between them?" he said. It was a fateful invitation, but it seemed the only way. Wizarding limbo: a place where everyone loves and despises you at the same time.

"Yes," was my reply.

"I will speak to the other members of the Order then." He did speak with them a few days later. The immediate concern for me though, was Draco. He heard the entire episode and I did not know where his loyalties lay. Severus informed me that Draco had been working for the Order for some time though and that I did not need to worry about what had just passed.

It was rather funny when Severus and I came down. Draco stood as we entered the living room, regarding Severus warily.

"It's all right Draco, she's with us now," was what Severus said to calm him. The effect on Draco was obvious and immediate. He became much more relaxed and nearly jumped across the room to hug me.

"I was hoping you would find us, Maria," he said before giving me a kiss on the cheek, "but why did you turn?"

I couldn't say it all again so I asked him, "Do you know Legilimency?"

"Sort of," was his reply. He did know enough to see everything that had transpired earlier. His response to it was to hold me tight in an embrace and whisper, "Maria, I'm so sorry."

"If I may be so bold, would you let me see it as well?" Severus asked then, "Perhaps, I can identify who the young woman was." I showed him as well.

"Nymphadora Tonks. One of the newest Aurors to the Order. Remus is going to be very upset," he said curtly before adding, "How long have you been practicing Occlumency? Who was your teacher?"

"I was about five when the Dark Lord and I played the "seeing game". We would read each other's minds. Each of us would think of something and then the other person would try and figure out what it was. I was never very good at the Occlumency end of things until later at Durmstrang though. Igor, Igor Karkaroff, taught Occlumency until fifth year when Professor Yusupov took over."

"You learned Occlumency and Legilimency from the Dark Lord as a child?" Severus asked astoundedly.

"Yes," I said. He paused, thinking. Draco had sat down at some point on the sofa. I moved to sit down next to him. Severus moved to the chair across from me.

"Why do you refer to former Headmaster Karkaroff by his first name?" I blushed at his question which was enough for him to understand, at least mildly, of what had occurred between us.

"I see," was his remark, "We have some things to discuss, Maria, firstly your loyalty. I don't doubt it, but if you would allow me to read through your thoughts again, without Occlumency, I could be completely assured and that will help me assure the order of your allegiance. I promise, I will not hurt you in the process or make public things that are not to be." I matched his gaze and gave him my mind. Everything ran through my mind then, from playing with Uncle Tom and Papa to Durmstrang, my time in London, joining the Death Eaters and all of my personal relations as well. When he was done, Severus made the briefest of glimpses at a nervous Draco before looking back at me.

"Thank you. I believe fully of your allegiance to our side. It will be conditional in a way similar to my own so the other members will be more receptive to it," Severus said.

"May I retire for the night? I'm very tired," was my response. Not the most eloquent phrase, but I was so tired from the entire ordeal. My life had been completely rearranged in a matter of hours. I had shared my entire life with someone I barely knew, yet had to trust completely. I just wanted to run away to someplace not there. I wanted a stiff drink too.

"Is there anything you would like for the evening?" he asked before leaving.

"A bottle of the strongest vodka you can find," was my request. He left and returned with exactly what I wanted and a shot glass.

"Anything else?" he said blankly.

"No, thank you. You've been overly kind already."

"Goodnight, Maria."

"Goodnight, Severus."

He closed the door as he left. I poured a shot for myself and as I took it I heard Draco ask him outside the door, "Is she going to be okay?" I never heard Severus' reply. I started drinking. On the third shot I started crying, the fifth I started yelling, the seventh I began throwing things, the eighth I broke the window, and on the tenth, I passed out.

The next morning I woke up in Severus' bed. I had a hangover of unfathomable proportions as well. Draco's voice interrupted my confusion.

"Don't move too much, you cut yourself up pretty badly last night."

I think I groaned before noticing that I was covered in various healing salves.

"What did I do?" I mumbled.

"You got drunk and started smashing things. Most of your injuries are from falling onto the glass from the broken window. Severus stayed up most of the night getting all the glass out of you," he said somberly.

"Oh," was all I could muster before I fell asleep again.

I woke up at night. Severus was by my bed this time.

"How long have I been asleep?" I asked him.

"Most of the day. Draco said you were awake for a bit this morning."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean..." He stopped me with his hand.

"I did worse. You have nothing to be sorry about. It seems a pattern of the truly torn to be as destructive and reckless as possible in an attempt to escape their twisted conscience. "

We sat in silence, staring at each other.

"I have good news," he said finally. "The Order has agreed to take you as an informant."

"Good," I mumbled.

"However, the leader wants to meet with you personally and wants you to tell the account of your… turning point." I groaned. How many times would I have to live through one of the worst moments of my life?

"Your face would be known to them, though your name would be left out. It is best to be able to recognize you for… engagement purposes," he continued, "and no one would be able to harm you during the recounting. Your powers will be stripped and your wand taken as well though. You have strong feelings against some of the members and because of your position as an ally and not a member; it is felt that such actions are necessary."

Everything was going to go their way then, I was never going to be free of a master until this war was over. After a pause I thanked him and he left.