Far Away
By: blackwidow10
This time, this place
Misused, mistakes
Too long, too late
Who was I to make you wait?
"…'Think my name's funny, do you? No need to ask who you are. My father told me all the Weasleys have red hair, freckles, and more children than they can afford.'
He turned back to Harry. 'You'll soon find that out that some wizarding families are much better than others, Potter. You don't want to go making friends with the wrong sort. I can help you there.'
He held out his hand to shake Harry's, but Harry didn't take it.
"I think I can tell who the wrong sort are for myself, thanks,' he said coolly.
Draco Malfoy didn't go red, but a pink tinge appeared in his pale cheeks…"
-- Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, page 108-109
>>>
It was like an exaggerated form of déjà vu. Draco Malfoy's pale face had a slightly pink tinge to it, and once again he held his hand out, waiting for a handshake, an acceptance. A friend. Harry Potter stared at him, eyes flicking between Malfoy's grey eyes and his outstretched hand, marveling at the extreme similarities between that day on the train, and this day outside by the lake six years later. In fact, the only thing missing in this encore performance was one Ronald Weasley.
Which just goes to show that the encore performance is oftentimes the better one.
Presently, Harry realized that Malfoy was getting a bit impatient, fidgeting slightly, but his face was still set, still determined. Still hopeful. Harry cleared his throat and spoke, confusion leaking into his voice, "And…why do you think that I would want to 'be your friend' after everything you've done to me and my friends?"
Malfoy winced slightly, hardly noticeable, but Harry took note of it, adding it to the list of strange circumstances of the day so far. When the blonde spoke his voice was soft, but strong. "Maybe 'friend' was the wrong word for it. I simply thought that you had bigger things to worry about than our petty little rivalry, and I…decided to try for a reconciliation."
For a moment, Harry wished desperately for Hermione to be here, so that she might help him understand. But considering the situation…he'd just have to try it out on his own.
"Okay, but why, Malfoy? Why do you care?"
Harry watched as Malfoy's eyes fell, along with his hand, and for the first time Harry noticed the real emotion in his eyes. The grey seemed slightly dimmer, darker…more broken. Malfoy turned away from him, and Harry had to lean in to hear him when he said, "I've always cared, ever since first year. You never knew, or noticed, and maybe you'll never believe it, but I've always cared…about you."
And Harry's confused mind reeled as he watched Malfoy, the same Malfoy who was supposed to be his rival, his enemy, the bane of his existence, walk slowly back to the castle, his pale hair hanging down from his bowed head.
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know, you know, you know
Draco walked almost blindly, his feet taking him automatically along the path through the dungeons to the Slytherin common room. He gave the password quietly, again automatically, like a machine, and barely noticed the way his friends stood to greet him. They had been waiting, of course, to hear of the outcome of Draco's meeting with Harry. Waiting and waiting in uneasiness, because this was their friend.
"How'd it go, Draco?" Pansy asked quietly as the pale boy flopped down rather inelegantly in his favorite chair.
Draco's response was to sigh heavily and shrug his shoulders, as if words would be of no help in expressing the events by the lake.
"Well, it can't be that bad," Blaise said optimistically. Draco glared at him.
"I told him that I care about him," Draco said flatly.
The response to this announcement, when it came, was surprisingly simultaneous.
"You did what!"
"You heard me."
"But what the hell possessed you to do that!" Blaise asked, as if the whole idea was absurd.
"I have no idea."
"But…it's the truth," Pansy said quietly. "I don't know why you told him, of all people, but at least it wasn't a lie."
Draco and Blaise looked at each other, and Blaise said, "Well, as long as he doesn't know how it is that you care about him…"
"Don't even start, Blaise," Draco said warningly.
"Why not? We," Blaise gestured to himself and Pansy, "know exactly how you feel about him."
Pansy smiled. "Yes, Draco, we know you're just a lovesick fool when it comes to Harry."
Draco said nothing, as it was technically true. Even so, his friends received the infamous 'Malfoy death glare™', just for putting his name in the same sentence as the word 'lovesick'.
It was a matter of principles.
"So…what happens next?" Blaise asked, looking carefully at his friend.
Draco sighed and closed his eyes. "I haven't the faintest idea."
>>>
"He said he cares about you!" Ron's voice, incredulous and mocking, rang through the Entrance Hall later that day, just before dinner.
"Ron…"
"Cares about you! Yeah, he cares about you. Maybe enough to kill you before he pushes you off a cliff!"
The people crowding around the famous Golden Trio had no idea what this was all about, but it was entertaining all the same.
"Calm down, Ron," Hermione said soothingly. "We can talk about this later."
"Calm down! Haven't you been listening Hermione? Malfoy's obviously planning something, and we need to find out what it is." Ron turned his attention back to Harry, rolling his eyes. "Cares about you, honestly."
There was a short silence that followed in which nobody moved. A pair of grey eyes that had watched the whole event stayed trained on Hogwarts' Golden Boy, anxious to see what his response would be, for there had to be one.
Harry's voice, when it made an appearance, was very soft. "It's…not anything like that, Ron. He…he wasn't lying."
Ron gaped at him like a horribly red fish.
"Harry…" Hermione's voice trailed off and was lost in the explosion of Ron's next words, and anyone who had missed Harry's soft pronouncement was now fully informed.
"What do you mean 'he wasn't lying'! Of course he was Harry! This is Malfoy we're talking about here!" Ron took a breath and continued. "What would make you think he's not planning something? He always is! And have you forgotten all that crap he's done to us? If he cared about you, why would he have done any of that? Huh?"
"I don't know, Ron, but I'm willing to find out." Ron opened his mouth to interrupt Harry, but the dark-haired boy wouldn't allow it. His voice rose to a level that could've challenged Ron's. "No, Ron, hear me out. You've heard the Sorting Hat say it, and Hermione too. We need inter-house unity. Not just for the sake of the school, but for the war also. And if that means getting to know people, even Malfoy, then so be it."
Ron, who was slightly calmer now (this probably had to do with Hermione holding his hand), said, "But he's a Slytherin, Harry. You can't trust him."
Harry looked around a bit, as if just noticing all the other students gathered around, and saw a flash of amazingly pale blonde hair. "Well, Ron…I was almost a Slytherin too."
The whispers filled the hall immediately, and Ron and Hermione could do nothing but stare at Harry. The grey eyes were still focused on the current center of attention (who, actually, was the center of attention quite often), but were slightly wider now, as if in disbelief.
"I'm not hungry anymore," Harry added, before turning and walking out the front doors.
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
The lake was calm, clear. It gave off no presence of evil, no hint to what lay in its depths, but Harry knew better.
Things weren't always what they seemed.
"'Almost a Slytherin', Potter?" came the cool, drawling voice of Draco Malfoy. "That's unexpected."
The pale boy sat down elegantly next to Harry on the big rock by the lake that he had chosen. They sat in a comfortable, almost companionable, silence for many minutes, watching the trees move gently with the wind against the color-changing sky.
"'You could be great, you know, it's all here in your head,'" Harry said, quoting the words of the Sorting Hat from his first year. "'And Slytherin will help you on the way to greatness, no doubt about that.'"
"Smart hat, that one," Draco said, smirking slightly. "Why are you telling me that?"
"Because you understand."
Draco nodded slowly. "So you talked the Hat into making you a Gryffindor? How did you manage that?"
Harry smiled slightly. "I didn't really care where I ended up, as long as it wasn't Slytherin. I kept thinking 'not Slytherin, not Slytherin.'"
Draco frowned. "That's rather insulting. I should hurt you for saying that." His voice was soft and teasing, and not entirely unpleasant.
"But you won't." Harry glanced over at the other boy. "You care about me."
Draco met Harry's gaze, eyes unreadable, and said, "Yes, I do."
They continued to stare at each other, a silent agreement made in each other's eyes.
"I meant what I said," Harry whispered, as if unwilling to completely break the silence. "I'm willing to get to know you."
"You weren't before," Draco pointed out.
"I didn't know you cared about me before," Harry said, smirking.
Draco sighed. "You're not going to let me forget that, are you?"
Harry laughed, and it felt nice to do so after so long. "Not a chance."
They smiled at each other, timidly, for this…whatever "this" was, was still fragile. They spent the rest of the evening chatting idly, about Quidditch, about the war, about whatever crossed their minds. They even told each other secrets, things that had never left the minds of them and their few friends before now.
It was past midnight when they finally went inside, shivering but happy, really happy. They separated at the necessary point, tracing the familiar paths to their common rooms on opposite sides of the castle. As they went through the routine night time motions, they still thought of each other, and this continued into their dreams once sleep finally claimed them, along with the meeting of emerald green and turbulent grey eyes.
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
And you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore
>>>
Weeks passed by, seasons slowly beginning to change, and Harry and Draco had grown closer. In fact, Harry felt more comfortable around the Slytherin boy than he did around Ron at the moment; he suspected that Ron was jealous, that he thought Draco would take his place. This, of course, was not even close to the truth.
Draco was energetic and entertaining, very witty and…quite handsome. Harry frowned slightly. It was true, really. The way his blonde hair fell gently into his eyes, and the way his grey eyes sparkled blue against silver when he looked at Harry, and…why was he thinking about this?
Harry shook his head.
Still, some sort of tension remained between them. Not the I-want-to-punch-your-face-in sort of tension, but something different. New. Indefinable.
"What are you thinking about?" Draco asked, nudging his new Gryffindor friend. They were once again out by the lake. It was a sort of sacred spot for them.
Harry grinned evilly. "All the different ways I can ruin your hair."
Draco glared at him. "Do not even think about attempting any crimes against the hair."
Harry laughed, and Draco reluctantly grinned also. They both lapsed into a comfortable silence, staring out across the grassy landscape and to the trees of the Forbidden Forest.
"Harry," Draco said quietly.
"Yeah Draco?"
"Let's dance."
It was the sort of announcement that would have been fine had it come from almost anyone else, anyone but Draco Malfoy. Harry could do nothing but stare at the grey-eyed boy, disbelieving.
"Have you finally gone 'round the bend?" Harry asked, looking like he was seriously considering sending an owl to St. Mungo's asking if they had room for one completely disturbed blonde Slytherin.
"Not yet," Draco said as he stood up and stretched. "Come on, get off your arse, Potter. I want to dance with you."
On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
Harry looked around, at the lake, at the sky, anywhere but at Draco. The pale boy was watching him expectantly and, once again, he held out his hand to Harry; waiting, once again, for an acceptance.
But what was it that Draco needed this acceptance for? What was he thinking, why was he asking this?
It would help if there was a bit less confusion involved in this situation. It was not just the fact that he was sitting by the lake with someone who was supposed to be his enemy, but also the emotional roller coaster ride that Harry had been on with Draco. From hatred to suspicion, climbing a hill towards the top of imaginary metal bars, suspended in midair in a happy state of friendship, only to fall, fall through the stomach-swooping sensations of…
Of what?
"Okay," Harry said, and he took Draco's hand. Draco grinned and pulled him up, and all of a sudden they were close, so close, nearly chest-to-chest.
What was he feeling?
It wasn't anything negative, not anymore. And it wasn't exactly lust, though Draco could easily be the object of anyone's wet dreams, including Harry's. It could be caring, or maybe affection, or…
Love.
Draco's face was next to Harry's, his voice a whisper against the shell of Harry's ear. "I hope you've improved since the Yule Ball."
Harry gave a grim smile. "Doubtful. You may have to teach me."
Draco sighed. "You're hopeless, Potter."
This, for some reason, gave Harry the strangest feeling, and he fought down the sudden urge to respond with, "Only for you."
Maybe the world was ending. That would explain why hell had just frozen over, as well as why he was currently standing by the lake in the arms of Draco Malfoy.
"All you have to do is move," Draco whispered, his soft exhalations ghosting across Harry's neck in a way that made the dark-haired boy shiver.
"There's no music," Harry said, past the newly formed lump in his throat.
"We don't need any."
Draco's arms were around his waist, and when the blonde started slowly dancing, Harry followed his movements. Both boys' eyes slid closed, and they were moving together, Harry's arms seemingly developing a mind of their own as they circled around Draco's neck. It was so much more than a dance, Harry realized. Harry was aware of everything about Draco, the feel of the soft hair at the nape of his neck, the heat of his body, the blissful feeling of being in someone's, Draco's, arms; and he knew.
So much more than a dance…
I'd give it all, I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know, you know, you know
Were they still outside, by the lake? Could they possibly still be in so normal a place right now, in this moment, when everything was changing?
As if by some mutual decision, Harry and Draco opened their eyes at the same time, and it was the proverbial explosion of feeling that took place, the connection of sight. They stared into each other's eyes, and if ever there had been a perfect moment for time to stop, it would have been the next one.
Their foreheads came together first, resting against there as they danced, slowly moving while that one part of them stayed stationary. Then Draco closed the little remaining distance and kissed Harry softly. They stopped moving and just kissed, lips moving slowly. There was no rush, just gentle exploring. There was no measure of time, no care besides the boy in their arms. Magic without a spell.
Oxygen is a pesky thing. Harry and Draco pulled apart slowly, breathing a bit faster than before, hearts racing with the passion of the moment. They just looked at each other, unable to speak for a few seconds. Draco smiled, and Harry couldn't help but do the same.
"I take it back," Draco whispered. "You're an amazing dancer."
Harry laughed, and the sound brought them a bit closer to reality. Harry pulled his eyes away from Draco's, and was shocked by the darkness around them. How long had they been out here? Draco had noticed the change in time as well, but didn't seem to care. He gave Harry another smile and kissed him again. It was as good as the first one, just as passionate, just as full of feeling. They could have stayed there all night.
And they did.
>>>
I wanted, I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
The Gryffindor common room was a scene of chaos on the last day of school. Harry was already packed, and was quickly getting out of the craziness that was the Tower at the moment. Walking through the castle, with its ever-present buzz of magic, and knowing that he faced yet another Dursley summer, he found himself already longing for his next year at Hogwarts. And the prospect of so many months away from Draco was worrying him already. How had he grown so attached to the Slytherin so quickly? Granted, nine months was no race, but as it was he could hardly go one whole day without some sort of contact with Draco.
This could possibly turn out to be the worst summer ever.
The lake looked the same as always, Harry thought. It never changed; the overall view stayed the same. But so many things had happened here. Harry knelt down by the water, letting his fingers skate across the surface. Images flashed through his mind: crossing the Black Lake on his first day at Hogwarts, saving Sirius in third year, rescuing Ron from those ugly mermaids, kissing Draco…
"Harry."
Harry stood back up and turned around at the sound of Draco's voice. He looked about the same as Harry felt, apprehensive and worried. Harry moved forward and put his arms around his blonde-haired lover, and suddenly everything seemed better, like at this moment nothing could go wrong. Summer only lived in this instant as a warm setting for a romantic meeting, not as a worry about long months of separation. Harry's still-wet fingers trailed through Draco's hair, and Harry closed the remaining distance between them and kissed Draco softly.
Longing for daily contact meant that Harry and Draco had done a fair amount of kissing, and it was always like coming home after a long day, the relief and comfort of another's touch. Nothing else mattered except for the feeling, no war, no summer, no school, just a moment in time when Harry and Draco were completely alone, totally free, and undeniably together.
It was love, but neither of them really realized it, so caught up were they in the physical feeling.
They pulled away slowly, breathing a lot quicker, and more reassured than they had been when they woke up to common room chaos that morning.
"I'll miss you," Harry whispered.
Draco couldn't quite stop his grin. "Don't go getting all sentimental on me." He welcomed Harry's tightened embrace and smiled, nuzzling his green-eyed lover's neck. "I'll miss you too."
They smiled at each other and didn't part until students started boarding the Hogwarts Express.
>>>
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
Dear H,
This is the last you will hear from me until school. I know you've been reading the Daily Prophet, and I know you're probably sitting there in your bedroom seething because you can't do anything about all those deaths. I hate to tell you, but it's so much worse than anything the Prophet prints. They rarely have the whole truth. The Dark Lord seems to get stronger every day, and my father falls deeper in darkness under his toxic leadership. It has gotten to the point where I don't even feel safe at the Manor anymore. Mother and I are trying to find a means of escape, but we may have to stay here all summer. I won't bother telling you not to worry about me; I know you already are. I find comfort in the fact that the Dark Lord can't find you at your aunt and uncle's house, but I can't imagine how bad you must feel. I know how you hate being helpless, but we can't continue writing to each other. It is too risky. Just know that I am always on my guard, and that I will see you again. I miss you.
-D
Harry stared blankly at the letter for a few moments. His one last contact with the wizarding world, gone? Hermione and Ron weren't able to tell him anything, of course, but what was happening with Draco? Was he okay? He sounded fine, if a little worried, in his letter, but Draco was still a master of keeping his emotions in check when he needed to. What was going on? Harry's famed "hero-complex" kicked in. What if Draco was in danger? Hurt? Dying, with Harry miles away and in no position to save him?
Harry sighed. Draco was right, as always. Helplessness was not good for him.
Draco had written that he would see Harry again. But could he promise that if he was in trouble? Harry glared at the wall across from him. If Draco was in trouble, then Merlin help the person who was responsible.
>>>
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it, hold on to me
And never let me go
Harry hadn't seen him on the platform, nor on the train after they had boarded. Hogsmeade station was clean of his startling blonde hair, and no one boarding the carriages had his grey eyes.
Harry couldn't find Draco.
He stared into the still, dark water of the Black Lake, thinking the worst as humans always do. Was Draco okay? How could Harry find him? Was he hurt/bleeding/crying/being tortured? All of the above? Could anyone help him now?
Was it too late? Was someone else gone because of Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Only-Lived-Because-Others-Had-Died?
Harry really needed to work on this helplessness issue.
He sighed and kicked a rock into the lake, as if the inanimate object had done him wrong. Where was his Draco?
"I hate this," Harry muttered, glaring at the immense expanse of dark water. "I'll kill him if he's hurt Draco, that bastard."
"You know, I kind of like it when you get all protective like that."
Harry spun around, heart pumping, because he knew that voice…
And he was there, really there, all tall and pale and beautiful with the moonlight making his blonde hair glisten. Draco smiled at him, and Harry's heart stopped for a moment.
"Sorry I'm late," he said, grinning, because he knew almost exactly what had been going through Harry's mind, thinking that Draco was in danger.
"Late…right…" Harry trailed off, staring at Draco. They held eye contact for nearly a minute, Harry frozen to the spot by some force of disbelief. Finally, in a moment of repeating familiarity, Draco held out his hand to Harry.
"What are you still standing over there for?"
The force was broken. Harry took a step towards Draco, and then pounced on him, knocking him off his feet and sending them both to the ground in a wild tangle of limbs. Draco huffed, but wrapped his arms around Harry.
"You're so annoying, Malfoy," Harry whispered fiercely, though he was kissing Draco with a previously unmatched ferocity between words. "You do this just to make me worry."
"It's not my fault," Draco whispered back, returning the kisses with equal fervor. "My father tried to stop me."
Harry stopped abruptly and looked at Draco, who muttered angrily and tried to recapture his lover's lips. Harry held him off.
"How did you get away?"
"Quietly." They shared an intense look. "I told you I would see you again."
Harry smiled and kissed Draco again. "I know."
They laid there for many minutes, holding, touching, kissing. Eventually, the cool autumn air seeped through their clothes, giving them no choice but to head inside. Even after they got up, Harry kept a firm hold on Draco's hand.
"I'm not going anywhere, you know," Draco said, though he was in no rush to let go.
"I don't care. And you're staying with me tonight," Harry said, leaving no room for contradictions.
"Oh no, how terrible," Draco said, grinning when Harry glared at him.
They walked in silence up to the castle. Draco's fingers caressed Harry's hand, and every so often Harry would stop and pull Draco to him for a kiss. Just as they reached the steps, Harry stopped them a final time.
"I'm never letting you out of my sight again, you know," Harry said.
Draco smiled. "I don't mind." He frowned. "You're the only one who can really protect me anyway, so it's probably a good thin that you're being so stubborn."
"I'll always protect you, Draco."
Draco stared at him for a second, and then kissed him softly. "I…"
"You what?" Harry asked curiously.
"I love you," Draco whispered, as if he had just realized, as if he couldn't quite believe it.
Harry found that he wasn't taking in near enough air to keep living. "Draco," he gasped out, looking into the grey eyes of the person who meant so much to him, the only one he truly…
Loved.
Harry pulled Draco to him, letting his fingers tangle in blonde hair as he breathed deeply of Draco's unique scent. "I love you too, Draco."
I love you
I have loved you all along