Ranma's engagement to Nabiki would be tough enough without her tomboy sister Akane. Unfortunately the two girls are literally inseparable…they're conjoined twins!
Two for the price of one
A work of fan-fiction by Dan Stickney.
Ranma ½ is the property of Rumiko Takahashi.
Chapter 2:
******
Ranma rubbed at his sore cheekbone as he walked along the top of the canal-edge fence, doing his damnedest to ignore Akane and Nabiki as they stalked along beside him, noses in the air. Unfortunately, he wasn't doing a very good job of it: The stout chain link safety fence just wasn't challenging enough to hold his attention, and a two-headed girl tends to by eye-catching even if you didn't happen to be engaged to her left half.
OK, so maybe Nabiki and Akane really weren't a two headed girl; that didn't make them any less eye-catching...especially since Ranma's experiences yesterday had given him a pretty good idea of what their conjoined body really looked like underneath their relatively normal-looking school uniform. He still couldn't figure out why their middle breast didn't show through their clothes, and it was driving him to distraction. So Ranma couldn't help but snatch brief, covert (he hoped) glances at them as they made their way to school, all the while telling himself that he was just trying to gauge their moods.
Unfortunately for him, their moods still seemed to be "pissed" and "more pissed".
Dammit, it's not fair! Nabiki asked me to talk to Akane in the morning.
OK, so maybe he shouldn't have snuck into their room to see if Akane was awake yet, but did she really have to scream? And no, maybe it wasn't the brightest idea to clamp his hand over her mouth, but she'd scared him, and how the heck was he supposed to know that would merely result in the scream being forced out of Nabiki's mouth instead? Or that Nabiki, startled at being awakened in such a rude and shocking manner, would come up swinging?
Breakfast had been rather tense, afterwards. He still hadn't decided which had been worse: The twin's anger, Kasumi's firm but quiet disapproval, or Mr. Tendo's breezy "boys-will-be-boys" dismissal of the whole episode. Pop had taken the panda way out, the coward.
So no, it hadn't been a good morning for Ranma. Worst of all, he wasn't normally given to introspection like this and he had no real talent for it. He supposed he should be thinking about his first day at a new school, or finding a cure for his curse, or finding a way out this freaky engagement, or about anything else except what he was thinking about, which was: Just how the heck do you button a two-collared shirt, anyway?
Akane caught Ranma looking at them again (the pervert) and glared up at him. "We're not getting married you know. So stay away from us at school," she growled, fiddling with the middle strap on their customized jumper.
Unfortunately, her fiddling only served to remind Ranma just what lay below that third strap and he was briefly transfixed before he nodded hastily. "No problem." Like I'd need an excuse? Akane's answering growl and Nabiki's wince told him that he'd screwed up again, but his wounded pride wouldn't let him back down. He was silent for a moment before he continued, "...besides, I'm not engaged to you anyway."
Akane bristled. "Oh, no? Do you honestly think that I'm going to let you marry Nabiki?"
"At least she's not a tomboy. I can't stand macho chicks." Ranma shot back. Akane huffed at that. At least she was yelling at him. Nabiki was still giving him the silent treatment. He almost wished she'd yell at him too; anything would be better then the hurt, betrayed looks she kept giving him.
Akane trained her gaze resolutely forward. "Yeah, right. You're just another pervert, just like all the others. Honestly, sneaking into our room uninvited like that…"
"But I didn't!" Ranma protested, outraged.
Akane was still spluttering, too angry to respond, when Nabiki's expression suddenly changed. She clapped her hand over her mouth in shock. "Oh, my…I …"
Ranma just looked down puzzled as the twin girls suddenly came to a ragged and disjointed halt. The sudden shift in their body language from harmony to disharmony was startling.
"Sis? What is it?"
"Akane, I…I just remembered that I…" She looked up at the pigtailed martial artist, clearly flustered. "Ranma, you idiot! I didn't mean that?"
"Mean WHAT?" Akane exploded in frustration.
Nabiki looked down, scuffing her foot in embarrassment. "Last night, after you fell asleep, I kind of had a little talk with Ranma…"
Akane didn't say anything, though a betrayed you didn't was clearly written on her face.
"…and I asked him to talk to you alone sometime...sometime while I was asleep." She smiled suddenly. "I never even imagined that he'd be dumb enough to do that."
Ranma hopped down off of the fence. "Hey, who are you calling dumb?" he flushed, embarrassed. "You're the one who said Akane was gonna wake up first. I never dreamed you was gonna freak like that."
Nabiki snorted, a slow smile beginning to dawn. "No, you didn't, did you? I wish you could have seen the look on your face when I popped you one."
Akane interrupted this particular by-play huffily. "I can't believe you let a boy into our room sis." The two girls started back down the street, only this time their movements were herky-jerky, without their customary grace: their disagreement seemed to carry over into their very body language. The three teenagers were so distracted that they didn't even notice the elderly lady ceremoniously sprinkling her walkway ahead of them.
"Why not? He was a gentleman about it."
"But he could have…he might have…" Akane muttered uncomfortably. Now that Nabiki had calmed down and was no longer pumping fight-or-flight hormones into their shared bloodstream she was having difficulty holding on to her own anger, but she was still clearly distressed at the thought of a boy in their room while she was asleep.
Nabiki smiled breezily. "Oh, come off it, Sis. Nothing happened, right? If it had, I would have screamed and you would have been the one to wake up and smack him."
Goaded, Ranma huffed "Oh yeah? You think I wouldn't have seen it coming, slowpokes?" just as he turned and walked straight into the little old lady's next dipper-full of water.
Nabiki burst out laughing as Ranma's body shrank and curved. Even Akane couldn't help smiling at the drenched redhead's bewildered expression.
"Like you saw that coming, Saotome?" Nabiki asked him dryly.
Ranma tried to ignore their smirking. "Oh man… I can't go to school like this!"
"Come on, Ranma…" Akane began, giggling.
"…we know where you can get some hot water." Nabiki completed as the conjoined girls turned and led him up the street, moving in perfect synchrony once again.
*******
Genma Saotome kept his eyes firmly focused on the shoji board, but it didn't seem to be helping him much; Soun was still beating him like cheap rug. He supposed he should be paying more attention to the game--especially since it had literally been years since his last opportunity to match wits with his old friend--but how could he concentrate on a stupid game when he had more important things to worry about, like convincing his ol' buddy Soun to shift the engagement from his freakish two-headed daughter to the normal one?
Unfortunately, that was still a question without an answer, because the beefy martial artist still had no idea how to even broach such a delicate subject. Genma may not have been the sharpest knife in the drawer, nor was he known for his tact; still, even he had enough sense to realize that a direct approach wasn't what this particular job called for. But the mere fact that Genma knew a subtle approach was required didn't mean that he'd been able to come up with one. Genma typically had all of the subtlety of week-dead mackerel, except when it came to manipulating his son. Fortunately for Genma, Soun solved his problem by bringing the issue up himself.
"So, Saotome. It's good to see Nabiki and Ranma getting along so well, don't you think?"
An Opening! Genma smiled ingenuously. "Funny you should mention that, Soun ol' buddy..."
********
Meanwhile, the respective subjects of this parental concern were rapidly approaching the school gate, running because their little detour had made them late.
"So that's your family Doctor, huh? Isn't he kinda young?"
"He's a chiropractor..." Akane puffed
...they don't have to go to school as long." Nabiki finished.
"You both like him, don't you?"
"Yeah..."
"...so?"
Ranma nodded. By now he'd more or less become used to their bifurcated answers. "He's male, isn't he? I thought Akane hated boys."
"That's right!" Akane replied as the school gates came into sight. "I...HATE...BOYS!"
Suddenly, a small mob of boys rushed out of the gate to confront them, shouting "Akane and Nabiki Tendo!" Ranma's eyes widened in shock as they mobbed the conjoined girls from all sides, shouting things like "sell me your panties" and "show me your tits!"
"Out of our way...." Nabiki cried.
"....we're late!" Akane shouted
Ranma jumped to one side as Akane and Nabiki waded through the crowd of boys like a bulldozer cutting across a cornfield: Not particularly fast, at least by Ranma's standards, but nothing was left standing in their wake. Watching them, Ranma had to admit that the girls, while nowhere near his league, were still fairly decent martial artists. Actually, given that each only controlled half of their conjoined body, they were incredible martial artists. Their ability to look in two directions at once did seem to compensate somewhat for what they lacked in speed.
Besides, it wasn't like they were facing world-class opposition here. None of their opponents were in anything remotely resembling decent physical shape. Sure, the boys in the mob did run the whole gamut from the skinny to the obese, but the distribution was heavily weighted towards both extremes with few in the middle: the only attributes they all seemed to have in common were acne and greasy hair. At least one pair of taped eyeglasses was in evidence, and the whole crew wasn't producing enough fighting spirit to snuff a candle. Finally, their "battle cries" were all propositions to the conjoined girls lewd enough to make a sailor blush.
Geeks... Ranma realized suddenly. Geeks...and Nerds...and Perverts?
High above the melee, Kasumi looked over the balcony railing and sighed. "Your poor sisters..." someone muttered behind her. "...every morning." Suddenly, Kasumi noticed Ranma perched on the wall, looking thoroughly befuddled. "Ranma, get in this school right now!"
Ranma looked up and spotted Kasumi looking down from the third-floor balcony. "But..." he objected, pointing to where the twins were grimly making hash out of the last few survivors.
"Don't worry about them. Do you honestly think they're in any danger from that lot?"
Ranma wrenched his gaze back to the fight. Akane and Nabiki were approaching the last pervert standing, a skinny kid who appeared to be bouncing up and down in gleeful anticipation. The kid squeezed his eyes shut in anticipation of the blow, but the girls made no attempt to swing at him; instead, they merely stalked past with a stereo "hmmph."
The boy opened his eyes. "Hey, aren't you going to hit me too?"
Akane shot him a glare over her shoulder. "You're disgusting."
The boy started dancing around them. "But you gotta hit me! I need you to hit me! C'mon, please..."
The twins stopped and rounded on him slowly, speaking in unison, their harmonized voices literally dripping with loathing. "We're not going to hit you, and that's final. Now go away!"
"Awww" the boy pouted, clearly disappointed. "There's such a thing as being too sadistic, you know."
Up on the balcony, the girl behind Kasumi mused. "He's right, you know. A true sadist wouldn't hurt a masochist." Kasumi turned to look at her, and she dropped her eyes and went inside.
Down below, Akane surveyed the carnage grimly "Every day they do this..."
"...what a drag." Nabiki finished glumly.
Ranma jumped down off the wall and approached the twins, groping for something to say. He decided to try humor. "Man, you two are really popular, aren't you?"
It was a bad choice. Nabiki frowned and Akane glowered. "Boys are such ...Perverts!"
A tenor voice interrupted. "Certainly this pathetic lot will never have their way with you, Akane Tendo."
Akane rolled her eyes and adopted a resigned expression. "Oh…."
"… Upperclassman Kuno." Nabiki sighed wearily.
Ranma looked over to see a tall, curly-haired boy wearing a Kendo outfit without the armor, carrying a bokken over his shoulder and sniffing a rose. He flicked the rose to Akane. "Come my fierce Tigress. Let me free you from your durance vile."
Ranma blinked. For once, Nabiki looked even angrier than Akane. "What the heck is he talking about?" He asked her.
The Kendoka swiveled and pointed his bokken at Ranma. "You there. What is your relationship to Akane's evil doppelganger?"
Ranma had no idea what a doppelganger was, but one glance at the hurt look that crossed Nabiki's face was enough. Besides, here was a chance to work out the frustrations of the past few days. He gave the taller boy a fierce smile. "I'm Ranma Saotome, the heir to the Saotome School of indiscriminate grappling..." he told him as he handed his school bag to Nabiki and took stance. "And I accept your challenge."
And, just as he expected, the taller boy responded in kind. And suddenly nothing that had been bothering him mattered any more--not his curse, not the unwanted engagement, or the fact that he was once again starting over as a stranger in a strange town. At home once more in his art, Ranma smiled grimly and strode forward into battle.
*******
Meanwhile, back at the Dojo, Genma wasn't making much progress in his attempt to woo Soun away from his dream of marrying Nabiki to Ranma. Hard as it was to believe, the man didn't even seem to recognize that there was anything wrong with the girl.
Soun flopped his hand dismissively. "Now, now, Saotome. Akane will come around eventually. You'll see."
But I don't want Akane to come around. I want her to... Suddenly Genma's eyes widened. There was a line of attack that would have never occurred to him!
*******
Tatewaki Kuno, Junior, age 17, stood tall and straightened his hair, trying to arrange it to obscure the kanji-shaped bruise on his forehead. Much as he liked to lord it over the freshmen, he was approaching a senior here, and it would not do to seem unworthy. Like many would-be social climbers, Kuno firmly adhered to a policy of 'kiss up and kick down' in the finest Japanese tradition.
"Fair Tendo-sempai, I would have a word with you."
Kasumi looked up at Tatewaki Kuno's entreaty and smiled. Not that that in itself meant anything, because the eldest Tendo daughter always smiled. She'd smiled in the face of earthquakes, tornados, typhoons, floods, and fires. Even something as horrible as a Pokémon TV marathon or a Keanu Reeves film festival was utterly incapable of dimming her characteristic expression. In fact, among the student body at Furinkan there was much speculation about what would take to actually make Kasumi stop smiling, at least among those with a very macabre turn of mind. Everyone else pretty much agreed that the whole concept was far too horrific to even contemplate.
"Yes, Tatewaki-kun?" Kasumi beamed up at him. True, Kuno was the jerk who harassed her little sisters daily, but that didn't mean she had to be unpleasant about it. Being Kasumi, she was certain she could convince him to see the light, given sufficient time.
Kuno bowed obsequiously. "Fair Tendo-sempai, I would know who it is who interferes with my intentions for your fair sister."
Now that should have dimmed Kasumi's smile a little, if she'd been thinking clearly. Unfortunately for all concerned she was still so caught up in the pleasant prospect of her sister's engagement that her guard was down. "Oh. Do you mean Ranma? Ranma Saotome? He's her fiancé."
"WHAT?" Kuno began, clenching his fists and addressing the ceiling. "Never! I…" He suddenly remembered to whom he was speaking and cut himself off in mid-rant. Fortunately, for him, Kasumi's thoughts were elsewhere. "Er, ah…yes, thank you, Tendo-sempai." He bowed and took his leave just as the teacher came in and began outlining today's history lesson on the chalkboard
Kasumi was still daydreaming about the wedding she was going to organize when the true import of Kuno's reaction sunk in, and her expression changed. Fortunately, everyone's attention was on the chalkboard, so no one was directly in the line of fire when Kasumi's smile finally flickered and died.
Five rows ahead of her, the teacher looked up in irritation. Damned fluorescent tubes must be failing again.
********
Ranma sighed and shifted his buckets, eyeing the water in them warily. Ever since he'd been cursed, water seemed to seek him out, and standing here holding two buckets full of the stuff seemed to be tempting fate just a little too much.
He fixed his gaze on the wall across the corridor. It figured. The first period of his first day at his new school and he'd already been in a fight and was already doing bucket duty. He'd never liked this particularly fiendish form of punishment. You'd think that just standing here holding a couple of kilograms water wouldn't be all that burdensome for a martial artist, and it wasn't, at least to start with. But after a while the handles cut into your hands and the weight would really drag on your shoulders, and slowly but surely the discomfort would build up…by the end of an hour you'd be willing to do almost anything to get some relief, and your hands would be cramped all day.
Worse, the sword bruise on his neck was starting to itch like crazy, and he didn't have a free hand to scratch it with. Who would've thought that posturing clown would be that fast? I guess I'm going to have to take him a little more seriously next time.
Oh, well. At least he wasn't stuck out here alone, though at this point the girls' companionship was a decidedly mixed blessing. He stole a glance at the twins beside him. Akane was fuming, while Nabiki just looked glum.
"Akane/Nabiki, Akane/Nabiki." Akane was muttering. "Jerk."
You mean she isn't still mad at me? "Huh?"
Nabiki looked over at him. Ranma had noticed that they'd quite pointedly stood to his right so he was on her side. "Shhh. We're not supposed to talk, but…"
"…we can whisper if we're careful not to get caught." Akane finished for her.
"Sorry." Ranma husked. Akane went on muttering. "What are you so angry about?" he asked at last.
"I hate it when he runs our names together like that," Akane hissed. "'You're late, Miss Tendo'" she quoted acidly.
Nabiki rolled her eyes. "She's mad because the teacher refuses to recognize that we're two separate people." She took in Ranma's quizzical expression. "Well, maybe not separate exactly, but you know what I mean: individuals."
"Why doesn't he just accept it? It can't be that hard." Akane fumed.
It suddenly occurred to Ranma that perhaps the teacher treated them as one person so he wouldn't feel guilty about giving them both bucket duty over one of Akane's little outbursts, though he wisely didn't say anything.
Akane took an angry breath. "Anyway, this is all your fault, Ranma."
Ranma bristled. "My fault? How can this be my fault? It was your fight."
"Yes, but we always finish our fight…" Akane looked away
"…before school starts." Nabiki nodded.
Ranma, reminded of the fight, looked vaguely disturbed. "What was that all about anyway?" Akane grimaced. Nabiki looked at the floor, a haunted expression on her face.
"It's Kuno…" Akane muttered. "He's obsessed with me, but neither of us can stand him. Unfortunately, he's somehow gotten it into his head that Nabiki is poisoning my mind against him and I'd love him back if he could only free me from my 'evil doppelganger'."
"Huh?"
Nabiki looked up. "He wants to separate us, though in a pinch he'd probably be willing to settle for cutting off my head."
Oh, is that all. Suddenly the full implications of that statement hit home and he nearly dropped his buckets. He turned a shocked gaze back on his odd companions. "But… you'd die." A genius Ranma was not, but he was also far from stupid: Even he could see that the two half-girls couldn't possibly be separated.
Nabiki gave him a wan smile, while Akane was looking at him speculatively. "Oh, so you noticed that, have you?" she muttered sarcastically. "You're not quite as dumb as you look, Saotome."
Ranma gritted his teeth. "Well excuse me for caring."
Nabiki blew out her breath. "Give Kuno a little credit sis. He doesn't think he's going to kill us."
Ranma looked puzzled. How can he possibly believe that cutting someone in half won't kill them?
Nabiki seemed to read his expression. "He claims to know about a magic sword that would separate us without hurting us…"
Akane huffed. "…as if we'd ever want such a thing."
That one puzzled Ranma. "You mean it would make you into two normal people?" Belatedly, he realized that he'd spoken without thinking again. Nabiki looked downcast and Akane's expression slammed closed like a steel door. She turned her head away with a muffled "hmmph!" There was a long, uncomfortable silence.
Suddenly, Nabiki looked up at him, a poisonously sweet smile on her face. "Hey Akane…do you feel normal? I sure do." She lowered her bucket, and quickly ran her hand down her side from her shoulder to her waist. "Let's see. One arm, one leg, one sister…" she reached up and cupped Akane's chin. "…yep. All normal." They bent to retrieve her bucket.
Akane's smile became a perfect match for her twin's. "Yep. Now that you mention it, Sis, I feel normal too. The same normal way I've felt every other day of my life." She looked over at their companion, and almost giggled despite her anger. Ranma was doing a remarkably good imitation of a carp--which was why he nearly missed seeing the bucketful of water that suddenly came flying his way from up the hall.
Ranma leaped out of the way of the torrent, careful not to spill his own buckets in the process. Damn it, the last thing I want is for people to find out about my curse. "Hey, what's the big idea?"
Tatewaki Kuno stood there, an empty bucket in his hands. He dropped the bucket onto the floor and somehow produced a bokken from somewhere. "Never, Saotome. Never! I will never accept your engagement to the fair Akane!"
There was a long pause. "Actually, Kuno-chan," Nabiki corrected him, "Ranma is my fiancée."
Stunned, Kuno stood up out of his stance "Oh, really?" He scratched the back of his head in embarrassment. "Ahhhh… whoops, sorry, my mistake. Maybe we can double-date sometime."
Suddenly, the classroom windows slid open behind them. "Fiancee?" "With THEM?" "Way to go Nabiki!" "But I thought Akane hated boys." "Man, what kind of a pervert is he?"
"I'm not a…" "It was our fathers'..." "It wasn't our…" Ranma, Nabiki, and Akane all began to object at once.
Suddenly, Kuno seemed to remember something. Like just who had embossed "jerk" in bruises on his forehead that morning. One could almost see the gears in his head grinding as he slowly lifted his bokken into guard position. "But wait...If you are engaged to the foul demon that possesses my fair Akane, then you must be in league with her too! Foul sorcerer, I will…"
"Tatewaki-kun!" a musical voice called out behind him.
Kuno froze, then turned slowly. One look at the person standing behind him and his bokken slipped from nerveless fingers. It was Kasumi Tendo…looking vexed. There was a collective gasp from the class at this hitherto unthinkable occurrence. One look at the tableau made by Kuno, Ranma and her little sisters and her expression slowly shifted beyond vexed, nearly all the way to peeved. There were soft thumps in the background as some of the weaker students fainted, overcome.
Kasumi just stood there for a long moment, looking Kuno up and down like a drill sergeant who had just spotted the perfect candidate for a world pushup record attempt. Everyone flinched involuntarily when she opened her mouth, though her voice sounded as mild as ever.
"Tatewaki-kun, I am most disappointed in you. As for the rest of you…" Everyone else, even Ranma, took an involuntary step backwards. "Ranma and my little sister's engagement is their business and a matter of family honor. It is none of your affair." She turned back to Kuno. "Come with me, Tatewaki-kun. We must discuss your behavior."
Everyone shuddered as Kasumi led the unresisting Kuno away. The class blew out the breaths they'd been collectively holding, and turned back to their classroom, leaving Ranma, Akane and Nabiki, still holding their buckets, alone in the hall once more.
After a long moment, Nabiki shook her head. "Akane""
"Yeah, sis?"
"Ever wonder what would happen if Kasumi actually got pissed?"
Akane shuddered. Some things just didn't bear thinking about.
*******
Normal...
Halfway through lunch period, I suddenly realized just what was so odd about this school: It was all just too, well, normal.
Now I'll admit that normal ain't something I've had much experience with in my life. Heck, I've spent nearly my whole life living on the road and training in the art, and that ain't exactly what most folks would call normal. And that was before we went to China or even heard of Jusenkyo, let alone fallen in. And ever since Jusenkyo I'd pretty much completely given up on ever feeling normal again. I mean, when I turn into a girl, I really turn into a girl, and that's...just...wrong. What's worse, I can't even say how it feels wrong, 'cause I just don't have the words for it. Shoot, I don't think there even are any words for it. Let's just say I've learned stuff about girls that no boy should ever have to know, and leave it at that.
But here I was, barely three weeks later, and somehow, everything seemed, well, normal... and it shouldn't have.
I mean...look at them. Akane and Nabiki are just sitting over there smiling and joking with a couple of their friends, and everybody's acting like it's normal. We're talking about a two-headed girl here, folks. Two heads and everybody seems to think it's normal.
OK, so maybe they ain't really a two headed girl. You gonna tell me that two half-girls fused together is any less weird? Heck, if you'd dropped the pair of them into my old school, you would've had a bigger show than a lunar new year, a lantern festival and a Chinese acrobat circus all rolled into one.
Though, come to think of it, if you dropped any girls into my old school, you probably would have had pretty much the same thing. It was an all-boys school, after all.
Still, nobody here (with the exception of that first period teacher, and I had to agree with the girls, he was a jerk) seemed to pay the twins no special mind at all. Oh, I mean, sure, everybody knew they shared one body--nobody tried to call them to different sides of the room or nothing--they all just acted like it was just, well, normal. And how normal is that?
The sound of someone clearing his throat softly beside me brought me back from my woolgathering. A couple of boys stood there, looking at me. I kept my face neutral, even though I was prepared to pound 'em if necessary. Neither of them seemed to come from the morning's pervert brigade (they didn't have any bruises or grass stains, for one thing) but you never know. Neither of them looked like they could give me any real trouble, anyway.
"Er...so you're Ranma?" the lighter-haired one of the two asked me quietly. I nodded cautiously. "I'm Daisuke, and this is Hiroshi."
"Are you and Nabiki really engaged?" Hiroshi asked suddenly. I wasn't much able to hide my wince, so I looked away -- only to see the girls looking at me curiously. So I looked back at the boys
"It wasn't my idea." I told them. "Our fathers arranged it before either of us...any of us..." I corrected, rolling my eyes. "...were born, and I didn't even find out about it until just before I got here. So you can imagine my surprise when I showed up and discovered that my so-called fiancée is half of somebody else."
The two boys relaxed visibly. "Ah, I see." Daisuke responded. "I mean, they are my friends and all -- I've known 'em both since kindergarten-- but actually marrying either one of them? Ewww." Behind him, Hiroshi nodded too, looking relieved.
I nodded in agreement. "Yeah. But we can't just get out of it either. It's kind of a family honor thing. So we just got to wait until our Fathers' come to their senses."
They nodded, and I relaxed too. Maybe, just maybe, everybody won't think I'm some kinda pervert after all. I thought in momentary relief.
But only if I can somehow manage keep my curse hidden, that is...
*********
"So, how the heck did you two manage to get engaged?" Sayuri was asking.
Akane sighed. "Not me, just Nabiki. And it wasn't our idea! It was arranged by our fathers before we were even born, if you can believe it. And we only found out when we met him yesterday! They didn't even bother ask us how we felt about it!"
"So, how do you feel about it?"
Akane was momentarily at a loss. She'd been so angry about not being consulted that she hadn't even bothered to consider her own feelings, which were, in any event, much too complex to express to herself, let alone blurt out in school. "I don't know. I just don't see how it can work." She admitted at last.
Yuka meanwhile, was leering at her twin. "So, Nabiki...what's it like, being engaged to a hunk like that?"
Nabiki looked over at Yuka, a little surprised by the question. Normally, she was the quiet half of the pair, leaving most of the conversation to her more outgoing sister.
Let's see. He turns into a girl, and he thinks we're freaks. "He's... really surprising. Not what I expected at all." She answered honestly.
"He's just as perverted as any other boy." Akane muttered.
"He is not!" Nabiki responded hotly. "You're just mad because he's a better martial artist than we are. You haven't given him a chance."
"Hmmmm" Yuka and Sayuri exchanged looks. "So Akane, you aren't too thrilled about this, I take it."
"That's putting it mildly." Akane frowned. "This guy's unbelievable. He..." she cut herself off suddenly, her unerring sister-sense warning her that Nabiki really didn't want her to mention Ranma's curse just yet.
"I still say you haven't not giving him a chance." Nabiki muttered. "You haven't been fair to Ranma since the first time you saw *him*."
Akane blinked, a little taken aback by the implied criticism even though no one else could have possible detected the subtle stress Nabiki had put on the word 'him'. Besides, she had to admit that her sister had a point. She'd been plenty willing to be friends when they'd thought Ranma was a girl. It was only when he'd been revealed as a boy that she'd started feeling uncomfortable. And the worst thing was, she really couldn't explain why Ranma made her feel uncomfortable, other than a vague sense that he somehow represented a threat to her relationship with Nabiki. Still, Nabiki was right, she was being unfair. "Sorry, sis." she subvocalized, knowing that only Nabiki could hear her.
Sayuri exchanged looks with Yuka before turning back to Nabiki. "You mean Akane took an instant dislike to him? As in, dislike-at-first-sight kind of dislike to him? Oh Nabiki, you poor thing! You know what that means, don't you?"
If anything, Akane might have been more put out then Nabiki by this odd reaction, though it would have been a tough call. "No, what?"
"Why, it means that he's destined to be Akane's one true love, of course! Fated lovers never get along at their first meeting!" Seeing their uncomprehending expression, she pulled a dog-eared paperback from her book bag. "It's in all of the literature!"
Nabiki snatched the book from her hand. It was a trashy romance novel, the kind with a lurid cover that prominently featured a man with long hair and bulging pectoral muscles. She stared at it for a long frozen moment. "I think Sayuri's lost it, Sis," she muttered, feeling strangely relieved as she said it.
Sayuri, meanwhile, was fighting a losing battle attempting to keep her face straight. Yuka didn't even try. "Oh, if only you two could have seen your faces." She chortled, shaking her head slowly.
Akane and Nabiki couldn't help it. They threw back their heads and joined in the laughter.
*********
Nabiki looked over at her reluctant fiancé as they made their way home from school. He seemed rather subdued for some reason. "Is something wrong, Ranma?"
Ranma looked back at her like she was nuts. "Is school always that crazy around here?" Normal? How the hell could I have ever thought that place was too normal?
Akane gave him a wry grin. She seemed to be in much better spirits since lunchtime, and Ranma strongly suspected that it was at his expense. "Well, if by that you mean 'has anybody been dumb enough to jump out of a third story window before' I guess the answer would have to be no. What on earth possessed you to do that? You're lucky there was a pool there."
"Hey, it wasn't my fault bokken-boy came back looking for another round! And fallin' into the pool wasn't lucky; it nearly gave away my curse!" Ranma shuddered with the memory. As if it weren't bad enough, that freakin' pervert groped me! He thought, rubbing at his right nipple unconsciously - it still hurt, even in his boy form, though not quite so much. Worse, he couldn't quite shake the feeling that he'd been violated.
"What would be so bad about people finding out about your curse?" Nabiki asked him, honestly puzzled.
"You think I want everybody to know I'm a freak?" Ranma shot back without thinking. Then noticed that the twins were no longer beside him. "Um...."
Akane and Nabiki were glaring at him, arms crossed in annoyance. Akane was tapping her foot. "Well excuuuuuse us," She growled, "But some of us can't hide the fact that we're freaks." Just then, a passing car hit one a puddle left over from yesterday's downpour. The resulting splash thoroughly soaked Ranma, though curiously the twins somehow remained untouched.
Ranma hung her head in defeat. "Can we just go home now?"
Akane smirked. "You know, you might want to stop using the f-word..."
"...'cause it just might be divine retribution." Nabiki grinned.
Ranma just didn't have the will to argue anymore. "Whatever. Let's go home, I need a bath." The three of them started back up the roadway, Ranma lagging a little behind.
"Ranma?" Ranma looked up. Nabiki was looking back at her curiously. Once again, she noticed that she'd somehow ended up on her side, and couldn't help wondering if it was deliberate. "If it's any consolation, I don't think you're a freak. Race you home!" The two sisters exchanged a sidelong grin, then tore away up the road at a full run.
Ranma blinked slowly as she watched their top-heavy form rapidly retreating in the distance. You know, that actually does make me feel a little better. "Hey, wait up!"
*******
Ranma finally caught up with them just as they reached the gate, happy that the conjoined girls seemed to finally be in good spirits again. That's when Nabiki gave him a look that set his martial artist's danger sense tingling.
"Hey Ranma, let's go spar a little."
"What?" Akane and Ranma asked in unison, a little too loudly. They blinked at each other in surprise for a moment.
"I don't hit..." Ranma started
"but he's a..." Akane began.
Nabiki frowned. "Akane, didn't you ask Ranma to teach us some of his moves?" Inside, she was grinning, confident that a martial arts challenge would be the quickest way to get her uptight sister to lighten up a little.
"Yeah, but that was before..." Akane objected, trailing off when she realized that she didn't really want to finish the thought.
"Before what? Before we found out that he was really a boy? So what? They're the same moves, and he's the same person. We just know more about him now than we did then."
"But I don't hit girls." Ranma objected
Akane and Nabiki bristled at that. "What's the matter..." Akane growled
"...afraid to take us seriously?" Nabiki glared. She gestured towards the pond. "OK, what about if you're a girl too?" Like right now, or have you forgotten about that already?
Ranma held up her hands in defeat. "OK, OK, I'll spar with you."
As he half-expected, that caused another radical mood shift. "Great!" Akane chirped.
"...we'll go get changed." Nabiki smiled cutely.
Sheesh. Ranma thought as she stood there in the Genkan, watching them ascend the stairs. Now what do I do? She crossed her arms under her breasts, then did a double-take. Besides getting some hot water, I mean?
*********
"HAI-YAHH! YAH! YAH!"
Akane was furious. This new sparring match was going pretty much the same as their first one had, in that Ranma never swung at them. In fact, he never even so much as blocked, just dodged. It was infuriating! She could tell that even Nabiki was getting frustrated.
Unfortunately, Ranma didn't even notice, he was so absorbed in watching them, trying to decipher the unique and fascinating ways in which their conjoined body moved. They were totally unlike any other martial artists he'd ever faced.
Finaly, the twins had to stop for a breather. "Swing at us, damn you! Take us seriously!" Akane growled at the pig-tailed boy..
"Huh?" Ranma asked, dropping lightly to the ground just out of reach. "But I thought I told you I don't hit girls."
The girls expressed their frustration in stereo. "RanMAAA!"
Ranma waved his hands in propitiation. "OK, OK, we'll work up to it, I promise. I just wanted to see you in action for a bit first."
I knew it, he is a pervert. Akane thought. Aloud she gritted. "Why?"
Nabiki frowned. "Yeah, Ranma, why?"
"Cause I needed to see what you could do already before I could teach you anything." Ranma grinned. "And maybe I wanted to make ya sweat a little bit."
"Jerk." Akane took an offhand swipe at him, which he easily dodged.
"So what did you see, Ranma?" Nabiki asked, trying hard to be civil despite her frustration.
"Well, I know how you two slowpokes can get faster, for one thing."
"Really? How so?" Akane gritted, even as Nabiki swore to get even with him for that 'slowpoke' remark. The twins shared one of their sidelong glances, their emotional temperature pretty close to boiling
"It's simple, see?" Ranma was gesturing enthusiastically, completely missing the fact that Akane's glower was steadily draining onto Nabiki's face like water draining from one canal lock to another, and woe be unto him when the two levels equalized. "All you two gotta do is learn how to fight like a boy...."
Poor Ranma was so caught up in his lecturing that he completely missed the danger signs. Over time he'd come to learn that when Nabiki started looking like Akane, duck. He turned back just in time to receive his first lesson in that peculiar aspect of Tendo twin psychology.
"Ranma you JERK!"
KA-POW!
*********
Dinner that night was nearly as tense as breakfast had been.
Once again, Genma didn't have much to say. His plan for pulling Akane aside and subtly encouraging her antipathy towards his son had run into its first obstacle when he realized that there was no way he could pull Akane aside: Anything he said to her had to be said to Nabiki too, and if he alienated too many Tendos, he'd have to go back to living in a tent. So he decided to hold back until he'd further refined his strategy. After all, wasn't it the great Sun-Tsu who'd said "On dangerous ground maneuver, on desperate ground fight"? Genma had added his own little corollary: "on unrewarding ground, dither." Besides, Ranma seemed to be fully capable of alienating the conjoined girls himself, if the atmosphere around the table was any indication.
Kasumi glanced around the table and suppressed a sigh. Apparently, things were not going well between her little sisters and Ranma. While no one would accuse Kasumi of being intellectually brilliant, she was quite good at understanding feelings, and the feelings that she was detecting now weren't happy ones. After a lifetime of living with her conjoined sisters the signs of their suppressed fury were as apparent to their big sister as a neon sign, and the source wasn't all that hard to identify either. Akane and Nabiki weren't openly berating Ramna, but they were making a big show of blatantly ignoring him. Even if they weren't, the blazing red handprint on his cheek would have been a dead giveaway.
"Akane, Nabiki…is anything wrong?"
"Ask Ranma." Akane sniffed.
"Apparently, he thinks girls can't do martial arts." Nabiki huffed.
"That isn't what I said!" Ranma hissed. "All I said was that you two need to learn to fight more like a boy!"
"Like that's any different?" The conjoined girls bristled in unison.
Kasumi sighed. "Enough, you two. I'm sure Ranma had a good reason for saying that. Didn't you?"
Ranma blinked, surprised that Kasumi seemed to be taking his side. "Well, yeah."
"So what is it?" Kasumi asked, smiling encouragingly
"What's what?" Ranma asked, confused
Jeez, this boy could try the patience of a saint. Kasumi groaned inwardly, even as she kept her smile steady. "The reason, silly."
"But I don't wanna get hit again!"
"I promise you they won't hit you." Kasumi glared at her sisters. "Assuming it's a good reason, of course." She amended after a moment.
Caught in the velvet vise of Kasumi's gaze, and knowing that escape was impossible, Ranma slumped. "Oh. Well, it's like this. Boys are pretty top-heavy, compared to girls."
"And how would you know that?" Akane scoffed, intrigued despite herself.
Ranma's expression went totally dead. "I know, Akane. Trust me, I know."
His curse, right. "Oh. Sorry."
Ranma blinked. Akane actually apologizes? Encouraged, he continued a little more hopefully. "Anyway, you two ain't like most girls. You're top heavy like a boy."
"What makes you say that?" Akane asked dangerously. Nabiki frowned. If he makes another reference our middle breast so help me I'll help Akane kill him, fiancé or no..
Clueless of his danger, Ranma just looked at them like they were crazy. "'cause you've got two heads, of course."
"Oh." Akane and Nabiki muttered in unison, then again as the light truly dawned. "Ohhhh!" The two of them relaxed visibly. Ranma relaxed himself and dove into his rice bowl, relieved.
The girls were content to let him eat while they had what appeared to be a long conversation consisting entirely of blinks and twitches. Finally, Akane tapped her lips thoughtfully. "So when you said we needed to learn how to fight more like a boy..."
"...you were trying to tell us about our center of gravity?" Nabiki asked.
Ranma nodded in relief. They weren't going to kill him. "Yep. Only you went psycho on me before I could explain it."
There was a long moment of silence as the twins exchanged one of their sidelong glances.
"We're really sorry, Ranma." They muttered in unison. Akane actually looked more contrite for once.
Ranma, bless him, actually looked startled that anyone would apologize to him - for anything.. "Th-That's OK, no problem," he stammered at last.
Kasumi smiled too. Not the most polite of responses, perhaps, but we can always work on his manners later.
Genma, meanwhile, looked thoughtful. Hmmm. Perhaps I should try working my alienation strategy on Ranma instead.
*******
As always, Akane and Nabiki prepared for bed in silence. No words were necessary, even when Nabiki helped Akane deal with her long hair. Personally, Nabiki had always thought that long hair was more of nuisance than anything else: that was why she'd always insisted on wearing her own hair short. But she'd never even considered questioning her twin on her choice of hairstyle. Akane was free to wear her hair any way she wanted. The fact that Nabiki had to help her with it simply wasn't an issue: Akane had their right hand, and Nabiki had their left. They had to work together if they wanted to get anything done. When every step you take -- indeed, every breath you take-- is the result of a compromise, you tend to compromise without even thinking.
"So, sis." Nabiki asked, after they'd finally gotten settled in bed. "What do you think of Ranma now?"
Akane sighed. She knew this was coming, even though she didn't want to deal with it right now. "Oh, he's OK, I guess."
"Meaning?"
"I'm willing to put up with him. It's not like we've got any choice anyway."
"Really?" Nabiki asked hopefully, and for some inexplicable reason that made Akane feel a little panicked.
"As a friend! We can't marry him sis, and you know that!" She scowled darkly. "He better not get any ideas, either."
"What sort of ideas?" Nabiki asked, puzzled.
"Ideas about…necking and stuff." Akane mumbled uncomfortably.
Nabiki was seized by a wicked impulse. "But what if I want to neck with him?"
Akane blushed, mortified. They'd never even discussed anything like this before. "Er, ah…"
Nabiki pressed her advantage. "How would that be different from one of my other interests, like yoga?"
Akane swallowed. They never interfered in each other's interests; it was part of their unspoken compact. "Um, I guess." She muttered at last. "But if his fingers stray so much as one centimeter over to my side, I'm going to give him a fat lip!"
Nabiki laughed. "Relax, sis. You know I'm kidding. We've barely met, for cripes sake." Suddenly she sobered, realizing that Akane wasn't responding as she normally would. "Sis? Are you OK?"
"Nabiki?" Akane responded in a tiny voice. "Please don't tease me like that."
"He scares you, doesn't he?" Nabiki realized suddenly. "Why?"
"I don't know why." Akane confessed. "He just does, all right?"
"It'll be OK sis, I promise." Nabiki said quietly.
Akane smiled, irrationally cheered by the reassurance. "I know it will. Now you go to sleep. It's my turn."
"Uh-huh." Nabiki yawned, turning to give Akane a peck on the cheek. "G'night sis. Love you."
"I love you too."
After Nabiki drifted off Akane tried to read, but without much success, all too aware of her twin's breath tickling her ear in perfect synchronization with her own.
The truth was, she was afraid of Ranma. she just couldn't for the life of her couldn't explain why, even to herself, other than a general sense that he presented a threat to her relationship with Nabiki.
And any threat to their relationship simply couldn't be tolerated. Nabiki was more than just a sister--she was literally half of Akane herself--and vice-versa, of course. Without their constant, and unthinking, cooperation, neither of them could function. As a consequence, Akane and Nabiki loved each other in a way that other people couldn't even begin to comprehend. Their love went far beyond normal filial love, or even romantic love in some ways. It wasn't erotic love, though given the way they were built there had to be elements of that too. No, for lack of a better term, they were soulmates, if only because they had no other choice. And they'd both always assumed that they always would be.
But now, for the first time, Akane wondered. If Nabiki really does fall in love with Ranma, and I don't, where does that leave me? Akane could already feel a distance in their relationship that hadn't been there the day before yesterday. Was the mere fact that she felt unwilling to confess her fears to Nabiki a sign that what she feared most was already happening?
*******
Ranma took a deep breath as she reached top of the stairs and mopped her wet bangs back from her brow nervously. Even after nearly three weeks her cursed form still felt a little strange, but she was getting used to it. That little fact offered her absolutely no comfort whatsoever. Instead, it scared her silly because getting used to being a girl had to be the first step on the path towards losing her manhood. In fact, the very thought that she might actually get used to turning into a girl was so disturbing that she'd never, ever even considered doing it voluntarily.
Until now, that is.
Ranma crept over to the twin's door and knocked tentatively.
"Who is it?" Akane's voice came out. At least, he hoped it was Akane's voice.
"It's me." Ranma stage-whispered. "Can we talk?"
"Ranma? Why does your voice sound funny?
Ranma bridled. "'cause I'm a girl right now, dummy. Now let me in before someone spots me doin' this."
"Oh." She sounded uncertain. "I can't. The door's locked.'
"Can't you unlock it?"
"Of course I can't unlock the door, dummy. Nabiki's asleep."
Ranma scowled. Of course the damn door would be locked. After what had happened this morning, he'd have been very surprised if it hadn't been. And with Nabiki asleep, there was no way Akane could get to the door to unlock it. "Gimme a sec." he muttered, then turned and stalked away.
Inside, Akane blew out her breath in relief at the sound of retreating footsteps. She briefly considered yelling for Kasumi, but she really didn't want to wake Nabiki if she didn't have to. Especially since Nabiki would tease her for being such a sissy. She was trying to concentrate on her novel when she heard a hair-raising "psst" from the window. She turned her head and saw a familiar looking redhead peering past the screen.
"Go 'way, Ranma. I don't want to talk to you." she growled, looking around for something that might serve as a weapon. Unfortunately, the only thing that came to hand was her book, and that was only a paperback. "Why are you doing this?"
"Don't get your underwear in a bunch, tomboy. I'm only doin' this cuz Nabiki asked me to." The boy/girl muttered sullenly.
"Fine, we've talked. Now go away."
"I want to. Unfortunately, I'm stuck here until we get this stupid engagement thing sorted out."
"There's no way we're getting married."
"I ain't your fiance."
"Jerk! You know what I'm talking about. You can't marry either of us without marrying both of us, and you sure as hell can't marry us both now, can you?"
"Dammit, when are you gonna realize we're on the same side here?"
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"You don't wanna get married, an' I don't wanna get married. Isn't that the same side?"
Akane felt irrationally irritated by that. "What's the matter? Don't want to get stuck with a freak?"
Goaded, Ranma growled. "Dammit, I ain't ready to marry anyone yet! Besides..." she paused to swallow the sudden lump in her throat. "I'm a freak too, remember?"
That made Akane pause. Hotheaded as she may have been, insensitive she was not. "Ranma..." she asked after a long moment. "Why are you a girl right now, anyway?"
Ranma scrunched her eyes shut and pivoted to let her head slump back against the window. "No reason. Never mind."
"You did it for me, didn't you." Akane continued wonderingly. "You figured I wouldn't want to talk to you if you were a boy, didn't you?"
"Of course not!" Ranma lied unconvincingly. "Though you gotta admit, it would be kinda hard for me to do anything hentai to ya this way, now wouldn't it?"
Or it could mean that you're a much bigger pervert than I even dared to imagine. Akane briefly considered getting angry about it. Thinks I'm a lesbo, does he? Then she dismissed the thought. She'd already lost the grip on her anger, and found she didn't really want to recover it. "So you don't want to get married. But Nabiki..."
"Yeah." Ranma confirmed miserably. "I don't wanna hurt her feelings, either."
Akane was silent for a long moment. Then she swallowed and made a decision. "OK, Ranma. I'll try to get along with you, OK? But you have to try to take things a little easier too. I really don't like getting insulted all the time."
Ranma bit back a sharp retort just in time. "Yeah, okay, I guess."
"Then we're agreed. Good night, Ranma." Akane replied pointedly. Jerk!
"Yeah, good night to you too..." Tomboy!
**********
Authors note:
For whatever reason, the first chapter of this little fic received more reviews than anything else I've ever posted. Go figure. Thanks to all of you for your kind and thoughtful reviews. Hopefully, you'll be able to discern responses to your feedback in the text.
Note that the evolution of chapter 2 required a few conforming revisions to chapter 1.
******* OMAKE *******
Brock looked askance as Ash once again started rummaging in his backpack. "Ash, are you really sure you want to do that?" As he spoke he and Pikachu shared glances: both of them found their young friend's recent obsession with shiny, deadly objects quite unsettling.
Ash waved breezily with his free hand as he located a magazine with the other. "Don't worry. I'm only going to fire a warning shot." He squinted up at the looming, oddly-shaped balloon. "Now where can I aim where it won't do any real damage?"
"With Jesse and James? Between the ears ought to do it." Misty muttered
-- "A Fist-full of Pokémon", chapter 5