Song: Koyasu Takehito~ Tiny Little Song, Weiß Kreuz
Lyrics in English are the translated version of the original version.
Chapter 4
Seto's POV
I wasn't too surprised when he called me. In fact, I was sort of waiting for it. Ryou's the sort who will call and check on you if you were sick or did not go to school. Well…even after he caught me with Yami…in fact after all the times he caught me with Yami he still called to see if I was all right.
I suppose that it was my fault that he left me.
No. It was my fault that he left me.
Ryou was the perfect boyfriend anyone could ask for. He was kind, caring and, most of all, patient. If god knows the number one quality that any potential partner of mine needs its patience.
I can't count the hours that he spent up waiting for me.
The times he'd come to my office to meet me for our dates only to be stood up for at least five hours without complaining.
The times he'd bear with my temper.
The times he'd let me beat him just to vent my anger.
The times he took care of Mokuba for me.
The time he took to listen to the shit I had to say when he caught me with Yami.
I never did appreciate him much. I never gave him much. He never wanted much. All he wanted was a bit of my time…and I never made any for him. But I had a hell of a lot for Yami. Ha…
The only thing I ever gave him was his cell phone. It was private line for us. I had one and he had the matching other. It was an unlisted number, only the two of us knew. He never used it. I gave it to him for my use only. I used it to locate him. Whenever I felt like it I would call him and ultimately keep him waiting for me. Of course back then I never cared much for what happened to him, like the time when he got into an accident while rushing to meet me. Naturally I blamed him for not being careful and for keeping me waiting. I must have spent a total of five minutes yelling at him. That's even less then when Yami calls me during meetings. Funny thing was, Ryou was never angry with me.
I'm happy though. That I was the last person he called. Well, he and Bakura that is. I'm not too sure as to what Bakura's take on these events were, but I can say I felt sorry for him. He did all he could to regain his lover only to have his lover betray him, use him and play with him like a puppet.
I admit, at first, I didn't like Bakura, but now, I think I'm starting to see his better qualities. If anything, Bakura has been more tolerant than I'd give him to be. I still have that bruise from when he hit me. I deserved that though, I was beating Ryou up really bad that time. If anything, I'd say that Bakura cares more for Ryou than he let's on.
Funny, he's been gone for less than an hour and already I miss him. I suppose its because he has always been my security blanket of sorts. I always knew, that if Yami dropped me, I could fall back on Ryou. But know I know he's gone for good, and the feeling is not good at all. In fact, I hate it. I miss his voice, his soft tones, and his caring words. Most of all I miss his song.
I still remember what the conversation like it was just yesterday, when in reality, its been almost four months since he called.
// tsuki no yukira no de
kimi wa yurete iru
Get in the cradle of the moon
You have that swaying feeling //
"Seto…" its him…I….I didn't think…after what he said… gods…I've missed his voice. I haven't heard it for the past month…
"Ryou…" My voice is cold, calculative, the normal, for business that is. I have never taken this tone with him before, at least not since we started going out together.
"Seto…how are you?" he would ask that wouldn't he? He always does. I haven't seen him in school lately. Glimpses here and there but that's all. But why should he care after all that I've done to him…
"What is it Ryou? I don't have time for this…"
"You never have time for me do you?" his gentle voice cuts me off before I can finish my sentence. It doesn't hold any anger though, regret. It was filled with regret.
"I…" He cut me off again! How dare…
"Its ok. Its alright Seto." He said my name, said it in that special way of his. Gods, I love the way he says my name, not even Yami can make me feel that way when he says my name. Oh great, now he's managed to cut my thoughts off too…fantastic…I thought only Yami could do that to me…
// jikyuu ni otosareta
chiisana hoshi no naka
Don't fall; endure it
Show me the small star inside //
"I need a favor Seto…" his voice is so soft now…I can barely hear him…he sounds almost apologetic that he has to call me…why…I owe him so much…still…
"What is it Ryou? I've already said that I've…" I'm trying to sound as cold as possible yet a soft laugh comes from him…I…I…don't understand.
"No time for this? I know, I know. I'm sorry but you're the first and last person I could call…" I smile…a rare thing…even for Yami. There are only two people who can make me smile. Mokuba is one of them. Ryou is the other. I've always thought that I'd only smile for the one whom I was in love with, apart from Mokuba, but I guess I was wrong. Unless…
"I want to leave Seto" his voice is louder now, more determined. I smile sadly, I knew this was going to happen. While I never did speak to him again, nor did I mix with him again after the incident, his presence was always comforting. I always knew, that as long as he was around, I would always have someone to fall back on.
"Where do you want to go?" I don't ask why he came to me. I knew why. He knew why. Everyone else would know why as well, the moment the find out that it was me who helped him escape.
Escape? Ha…that sounds more like what I want to do. Funny as it seems, although its been four months, it feels as if, I've never left him at all.
// nandemo KISU wo suruyo
nani mo kowasaru wo
Might as well give a harmless kiss
There's nothing to lose. //
"Where do you want to go?" I ask again, but this time, softly. I don't want him to leave, but I'm too proud to tell him to stay. And why should he? When all his friends betrayed him? He has nothing here. Well…well…he still has me…but I will never tell him that…I don't have too…because I hope that he knows that…
// Sotto
Secretly... //
"I don't know Seto…anywhere…anywhere from here…from…from…" his voice is breaking…he is breaking. I can tell.
"From me?" I question…state in my coldest manner possible with him. I give a cold laugh, the one he used to find creepy especially when I snuck up on him while he was reading his favorite horror book.
"…"
"I'll send you a ticket and the details by tomorrow morning." I said clearly, none of my emotions coming through my voice. I act as if I never asked the last question or rather, stated the last fact. I don't really want to know what his reply will be.
// kimi no chiisana temo
mamorinagara
My little star
Protecting you through everything... //
"Thank you…" He sounds relieved. I know he is, and so am I. I'm still don't want him to go. But…I don't have the right to ask him to stay. Its wrong of me to and I won't.
// oyasumi
Good night //
"I won't send you off then." I don't think I would be able to handle the goodbye anyway. Its better for him and for me as well.
"I…I…I…"
"Understand? Good. Don't stutter. I've been telling you that for the past year. Stop stuttering." Its true that bit. If I had tried to do anything for Ryou it was trying to correct his speech problem. It wasn't that he had bad grammar or anything, he just had a habit of stuttering. Must be Bakura's doing.
"Thank you…and…yes…" With that he put down the phone. That was it. But…that last yes…he couldn't mean it could he? After all I had done.
I thought about it. During these four months and…. And the answer is
…yes…
Yes.
He did forgive me.
Yes.
He never blamed me.
Yes.
It was his fault.
Yes.
It was never my fault.
Yes.
He was happy for me.
Yes.
He still loved me.
And yes,
I still loved him.
Oh my god, what have I done?
// oyasumi
Good night. //
~ ` ~
For those who did not get it….the flash back starts with the first line of the song. That being "tsuki no yukira no de…" and ends with "after all I had done" …thanks…