Author's Notes: This story is 21chapters long, including an epilogue and a prologue (1000 words each), 50 drabbles (100 words each/ 5 per chapter), and 9 ficlets (500 words each). It is meant to tell of a relationship between Alex and Elliot on SVU (I ignore Conviction and the fact that Alex is back), beginning in season 2 and going through season 6, because season 7 doesn't feature Alex nor is it worth my time and I'm pretty sure Conviction is going to screw with any subtext one could read into any Alex-pairing from SVU. This was also started pre-Conviction and I didn't want to play around with a post-"Ghost", pre-Conviction Alex.
The ficlets/drabbles, etc are interconnected and telling ONE story. Almost every character is featured, or will be featured, by the end.
Also, the story moves backwards, starting with the "epilogue" (season 6) and moving back to the "prologue" (end of season 1).
Canonical errors in the epilogue are purposeful (I steal from season 7). The very last chapter ("22") will be notes, including spoilers and credits from episodes, where needed.
Oh, one last thing... at the time I originally wrote/posted this, I planned on the story being a story on its own. It is/will be, but will also be part of a series elsewhere and the order of the chapters will change so they move forward consequtively (rather than backward).
That is all.
Disclaimer: The characters and (some) of the situations belong to DW, et al.
Epilogue
February 24, 2004
"How are you, Elliot?"
"Fine." He sighs. "This is mandatory, but I don't have to say anything." He leans against the wall. The position reminds Huang of a rebellious teenager or an angry child.
"No. The rest of these fifty-eight minutes might go by faster if you do, though."
Elliot sits down in the chair. "Did you know that Alex studied psych in college?" He plays with his hands, studies the calluses on his fingers as he speaks.
"No, I didn't."
"Psych and sociology, she said. She was going to shrink me once."
"And?"
He looks up from his hands. Simply, he replies, "She didn't."
"What was the case?"
"What do you mean?"
"I'm assuming it was after a case. Which one?"
"Do you remember Richard Manning, the doctor who gave his wife a caesarian and killed the baby?"
"Yes. You were very...conflicted...during that case."
"No. I was angry."
"There was a lot going on at home then, too."
He plays with his ring. "Yes." When he sees Huang watching him, he fixes it on his finger and pulls his right hand away, sitting up, crossing one ankle over his knee.
"Like now."
"No. There's nothing going on at home. There's no one there."
"During the Manning case, why did you go to Alex?"
He remembers the way she placed her hand against his, the way it felt. Everything was beginning to slip from him and he was just starting to see it. When she held him, kissed him, it didn't hurt anymore. At least for a time.
Huang looks up at him, a look of concern crossing his features. "Are you all right?"
"I'm fine."
"You got up."
He lies: "Stiff." He sits back down.
"Tell me more about Alex."
"No."
"You were close." Elliot looks past him, out the window. "How did Kathy feel about you and her spending so much time together?"
"She didn't know." He sits back down at his wife's name. "I lied to her. I would tell her that I had to stay late or come in early, or that I was catching, and that it was easier if I just stayed at the crib. She trusted me. After eighteen years of marriage I trusted her to be faithful, too."
"Why did you go to Alex?"
Elliot paused. "Do you know why Olivia's single?"
"Why do you think she is?"
"She's a beautiful woman - smart, strong... but as soon as she says 'special victims', men either walk away or they become too interested. There's no one who just understands."
"Did you get to that point with Kathy?"
He nods. "I stopped talking. We'd gotten to the point where you talk about your day, and things that happen with mutual friends, about the kids, what needs to get done or be paid for... That's it. She took care of the house and the bills. We talk about the kids, but that conversation can only last for so long. So then we were left with the anecdotes about work..."
"And work is a large part of your life."
"This job, besides them, is my life. But I couldn't tell her about it. I couldn't say, sweetheart, you know what I did today? I interviewed a twelve-year-old boy who murdered the man who was sexually abusing him and his sister for five years. Or, honey, I met a woman today who will never speak again because she was raped and then beaten so badly a plate had to be put into the side of her head and her face reconstructed."
"But you could talk to Alex?"
He nods.
"What about Munch or Fin or Olivia?"
"It's too difficult with them." He says, softly.
"Difficult, how?"
"Alex knew when I needed her to just listen or when I needed her input. We may have fought in the bullpen or her office, but when one of us just needed to be heard, the other was there. I don't think I could have done that with them..."
"Why not?"
"They're too close. They see the things I see, close-up, hands-on. Alex was removed, if only a little. It made it easier. Me and Alex weren't attacking case theory...we were...just talking."
"When did it become romantic?"
He hesitates, surprised by the question. "I don't... I don't know." He pauses. "When we went to New Jersey to interview Brodus. Things started to change then."
"When she was shot, what did you feel?"
He thinks for a second, closes his eyes. He can remember the round fired into her back, the feel of the pavement under his feet as he chased the SUV, then the way she looked when he turned and saw Olivia bent over her, holding her. "Pissed off. Until I saw her... There was this rush of adrenaline. I could catch the guy. I could see the license plate. I saw Liv was okay, and I just assumed about Alex... I never thought she'd get hurt."
"What did you think?"
"I thought... if anyone was going to be shot, ever, it was going to be me or Olivia. We were the cops. We were facing the risk. But she was the one who ended up dead or... gone."
"What did you feel when you saw her again?"
"Fear... She died. I let her."
"How?"
"I... it was my job to protect her. I let her down." He is giving too much, he decides, and he's suddenly tempted to leave.
"You didn't get to say goodbye."
"It was better. For everyone."
"You mean it was easier."
"No. Better."
Huang nods. "Did the relationship have a role in your separation from Kathy?"
"Yes."
"Did you tell Alex about the separation?"
"She found out."
"What effect has the separation had on yours and Alex's relationship?"
"Alex and I... are done."
"Was it mutual?"
"No break-up is mutual."
"Who ended it?"
"Alex."
"Why?"
"Kathy, the kids..."
"Did you love her?"
"I could've."
"What happens if she comes back?"
"Then, I guess we start over..."