She'd hurt another person. Unintentionally, of course.
The reason she got into this business was two-fold. Her father had made a career in corporate law, manipulating contracts for clients and ensuring, when one party broke the agreement, it either wasn't his client or his client got the better deal in the end.
She had started out in law school expecting to follow her father, to one day work at his firm. But contracts and municipal bonds did nothing for her and she soon decided she would prefer criminal law.
It wasn't until she worked, during one of her summers, at the district attorney's office that she realized she also wanted to be a prosecutor.
It is the defense attorneys who actually made money, her aunt told her once. But she couldn't help put criminals back on the streets.
Everyone deserves a fair trial, her mother argued. Of course, she countered, but she wanted to be the one to make sure there was justice.
She believed in justice then. In fairness. In truth and goodness. She was idealistic and not yet jaded by the reality of the things people do to each other.
Tonight wasn't fair. Tonight there was no justice. Cheryl Avery had been beaten to the brink of death because she wasn't a man and she wasn't yet a woman. She belonged in jail - she'd taken a life - but Alex had explored every avenue available to give her a chance at safety. And she still got hurt.
Olivia had wanted to drive her home, but she wanted to return to her office, where she is now at almost three in the morning. She has barely made a dent in the arraignment files she was going through. She is going through a robbery case when she hears a knock.
Elliot smiles from the doorway.
"Hi. What are you doing here?"
"Tea?" He hands her a cup from a 24-hour deli next door.
"Thanks." She looks at him while she takes a small sip. "I'm assuming you didn't come all the way down here to bring me tea." He sits down on the couch and waits for her to join him.
"I'm catching tonight. Thought I would stop by. Liv said you didn't go home."
"No. I have arraignments in the morning."
He watches her for a minute. "You're thinking about her? Cheryl."
"I never wanted to hurt anyone. I wanted to help people, put away the bad guys."
He leans across the expanse between them, kisses her mouth softly. "Pain is inevitable. Someone is always going to get hurt." His hand rubs hers. "It's just how it is." She smiles weakly. The pager on his belt beeps. "911. I've gotta go. Why don't you go home, try to sleep?"
"I'm fine, El. I'll see you in the morning." He kisses her again, a quick goodbye, as if it were ritual, as if they'd been doing it for years. When he's gone, she returns to her desk and opens another file.