My friend wrote this poem in high school years ago
so I thought I would put it on the night before Christmas – Old Santa was pissed
He cussed out the elves and threw down the list
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks
I have good mind to scrap the whole works
I've busted my ass for damn near a year
Instead of "Thanks Santa" – what do I hear
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night
The elves want more money – The reindeer all fight
Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those assholes from IRS sent me a letter
They say I owe taxes – if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Clause money?
And the kids these days – they all are the pits
They want the impossible… Those mean little shits
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls… Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's No request for them
They want computers and robots… they think I'm IBM!
If you think that's bad… just picture this
Try holding those brats… with their pants full of piss
They pull on my nose – they grab at my beard
And if I don't smile… their moms think I'm weird
Flying through the air… dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job… there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment
There's no Christmas this year… now you know the reason
I found me a blonde… I'm going SOUTH for the season!
I'll laze in the sun – into bed I'll get tucked
And those snotty nosed brats – can go and get fucked.