Chapter 7: I Am The Fire
December 5th, 2013 - 2330 (11:30 pm)
Tom was the first one out of quarantine, since he was the last to be infected and therefore the first to be symptom free. He went through the decontamination process impatiently, wanting to hold Rachel and congratulate her for figuring it out, for solving the vaccine problem, for saving everyone.
She had already vaccinated everyone in the lab, including herself, and had told the volunteers that they would be receiving a booster shot after they were well again, just in case.
She was standing beside her desk, leaning heavily against the cooler that held the ice. She was drinking slowly from a water bottle, her hand shaking ever so slightly as she raised it to her lips.
Tom paused right outside of the plastic lab door, just staring.
She had done it.
He had always known she would, but in this moment, it seemed surreal. She had known all along how to make the vaccine for this, had fought tirelessly for the opportunity to go to the Arctic to find the primordial strain. She had created a vaccine in less than two months, under battle conditions, to combat the deadliest virus in all of human history. One woman, who had saved the entire world. She had saved him, and his crew, and when they found his family, she would be saving his children and his father, too.
"We have it," he whispered, his voice uncharacteristically quiet and soft. "We have a vaccine."
Rachel turned around, setting her water bottle on top of the cooler and taking a step toward him. She looked beautiful, even now. Her hair was a mess, her clothes were wrinkled, her face was drawn and exhausted, but he swore that she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.
She took another step toward him. She could feel the energy between them, wanted to take him in her arms and never let him go. Instead, she said, "We don't just have a vaccine. We have... the cure."
Tom could feel his eyes filling with tears. He opened and closed his mouth several times, unable to speak.
"You mean..." he asked.
"I mean," she paused, sniffling, meeting his eyes and seeing in them his devotion, his disbelief and excitement. "That we can save people who are already sick."
Tom gave one small, quiet sob, and moved forward, enveloping Rachel a hug. He wrapped both of his arms around her back, holding her tightly, unsure if he would ever be able to let her go. She returned the embrace, laughing in disbelief, tucking her head into the juncture of his shoulder and neck. She greedily breathed in his scent (medical, antiseptic, yet underneath all of that, she could still smell him, his unique, earthy scent).
He swayed their bodies back and forth, pressing his cheek heavily against hers. He couldn't get close enough. He paused, looking up briefly to take in a deep breath, and then buried his face in her hair, breathing her in, sobbing, releasing everything that he had been holding inside since he had risked it all and walked into that lab without a bio-hazard suit.
"You did it," he finally whispered, and she smiled against his skin.
"No, we did it."
December 6th, 2013 - 05:00 (5:00 am)
By the time that Rachel had finished cleaning up the bio-hazard zone that was the lab, it had been a full 48 hours since she had slept last. And while the excitement of having discovered the cure had carried her through the night and into the morning hours, she was beginning to feel the effects of everything that had happened.
"You're exhausted," Tom noted, helping her tie off the last bag of bio-hazard waste. They would dispose of the trash, and then they would be done, finally.
"Yes, but it was for a good cause," she responded, and smiled up at him. He grinned back, unable to do anything else when faced with her happiness.
"We're almost done here. I'm thinking it's time for some food, and sleep."
Rachel nodded, although she didn't necessarily want to sleep. The trials had been a complete distraction from her own personal woes, but she knew that she couldn't go on indefinitely. She was hopeful she wouldn't have nightmares simply because of the exhaustion, but knew it wasn't actually likely.
"Sounds good to me," she said, instead of voicing what she was thinking.
Tom nodded to himself, and then collected the bags of trash they had gathered in one hand. "I'll be right back. I'm going to dispose of these."
"I will finish up some paperwork while I wait for you," Rachel said, acknowledging the unspoken question in the room - would she be returning with him to his cabin to sleep, or would they be parting ways now? She wanted to go with him, and after what they had just accomplished, she felt like she deserved it. Since everything had happened aboard the Vyerni, she had slept for a grand total of less than twelve hours, and she knew she would sleep better with him than alone. She still had some lingering guilt, but knowing that he felt the way he did about her helped assuage it.
She distracted herself by organizing all of the paperwork that the trials had created. She had written everything down, recorded it for anyone else who might want to replicate the vaccine. Her research was compiled all in one place, in case something ever happened to her.
"Ready?" Tom asked as he entered the room again.
She nodded, and then stood up from her chair, falling into step beside him as he started toward the kitchens. He knew that with how exhausted Rachel was, he would be most successful getting her to eat and sleep if they did it as quickly as possible. He was going to get food for them both and bring it back to his cabin, have her eat while he showered, and then give her a turn in the bathroom before he forced her to sleep for as long as she possibly could. No one could deny the fact that she deserved the break, and Mike had already told him that they had the bridge covered for as long as he needed. They didn't yet have any concrete plans for distributing the cure, but they were hopeful they would be able to make contact with someone on the coast who knew of a lab they could work in. Rachel was able to create small batches of the cure aboard the ship, but admitted that she wouldn't be able to create a significant amount without a lab. So, that was their next step, but in the meantime they were headed to a refueling station off the coast of Maine.
As they stood in line to get food to go, Tom noticed that Rachel was starting to lag, leaning against his shoulder for support. He smiled softly, his chest filling up with warmth and a feeling that he knew the name of, but wasn't willing to acknowledge at this point.
"You can sleep soon. sweetheart. But you need food, and a shower first."
"Mmm," she mumbled in agreement, and he chuckled, steering her in the direction of his cabin.
Once inside his quarters, Rachel sat heavily on the couch as Tom handed her one of the containers he had collected from the kitchen. It had eggs and toast, which he hoped would be gentle enough on her stomach.
"Thanks," she mumbled, and she looked so cute when she glanced up and sleepily smiled at him, that he couldn't help himself.
He leaned forward, planting a soft, lingering kiss on her forehead before backing up and heading toward the bathroom.
"Please eat more than one bite of that," he requested, grinning as he noticed a tiny blush on Rachel's cheeks as she stared after him. "I'll be right back out."
She nodded and ate a forkful of eggs on auto pilot, still staring after his retreating form.
She grinned around the food.
Who knew that, deep down, Captain Tom Chandler was a giant teddy bear? Who liked to mother her, make sure she ate and slept? It was frankly adorable, not that she would tell him as much. He would get all grumbly and say, 'United States Navy Captains are not cute, doctor,' and then she would have to laugh at him.
It took Tom less than five minutes to reappear dressed in sweats and a t-shirt. He was rubbing a towel over his wet hair, and had a dry towel in his other hand. He held it out to her, saying, "Your turn. Did you manage to eat anything?"
She nodded, happy with how much she had eaten. It probably wasn't enough, but it was better than she had been doing, so she was proud of herself.
"I ate about half," she said, taking the towel from him. She reached up on her tip toes to kiss him on the cheek as she passed. "You can add the rest to yours, I think I'm done for now."
"OK," he said quietly. The feel of her dry lips on his cheek made his heart race; he smiled and went to take her place on the couch as she closed the bathroom door behind her.
December 6th, 2013 - 05:25 (5:25 am)
Rachel was fast asleep within five minutes of her head hitting the pillow, but Tom couldn't wind down. He held her, running the fingers of one hand continually through her hair, the other on the small of her back. Her shirt had ridden up, and her warm skin was taunting him. He was sprawled on his back on the bed, her head resting right over his heart, but despite everything that had happened in the past several days, he couldn't sleep.
He should be exhausted.
He should be fast asleep right now; he had trained himself to fall asleep quickly and efficiently.
Sighing in exasperation, he stared up at the ceiling. The great thing about living aboard a ship was that it didn't matter if the sun was just starting to rise, his room was always dark and quiet.
Perfect for sleeping.
It was not perfect for being alone with your thoughts.
He loved Rachel.
He was sure of it, but he wasn't sure about how he felt about the fact that he loved her.
Nothing against her of course, she was lovely and perfect. She complemented him perfectly, was his equal in every way that mattered.
No, the part that bothered him was he felt like he was betraying Darien. They had been married for 15 years, had two children together. He had loved her deeply and unconditionally.
But she was gone.
Just because she was gone didn't mean he loved her any less, though. It wasn't that he was trying to replace here - nothing and no one could ever replace her.
But, it was kind of like having a second child. He'd felt something like this when Sam was born. None of the love in his heart for Ashley was replaced. There was enough room in his heart to love Sam exactly as much as he loved Ashley.
Just because there were two of them didn't mean his love was diminished.
He could love Rachel, he thought. He could love her and let her into his life - his children's lives - without replacing Darien.
In fact, based on what he knew about her, Rachel would insist on not replacing Darien, especially not for the kids. She was the kind of person who would talk to his children about their mother without being jealous of the woman.
Tom sighed again, and rested his cheek on top of Rachel's head.
Yes, he was in love with her.
He had well and truly fallen for her.
And he was starting to believe that loving her was OK.
December 6th, 2013 - 11:33 (11:33 am)
They slept for almost six whole hours before Rachel woke from a nightmare. For the first time since she had been assaulted, she didn't wake screaming. She was still terrified, her heart beating out of her chest and gasping out a sob, but she didn't scream. She was hopeful for a moment that she hadn't woken Tom up, but realized that she had indeed when she felt the arm around her waist tighten.
"It's OK," he whispered, his voice rough with sleep. "You're safe. We're in my cabin, aboard the Nathan James. You're safe."
She nodded against his chest, her hands clutching tightly to his shirt as she breathed deeply to calm herself down.
"I'm safe," she repeated. The phrase had become something of a mantra, and it truly did help her calm down when he laid out the facts for her like that. She was with him, she was on the ship she'd come to think of as home, and she was safe.
"Sleep, darling," he whispered, and she nodded, closing her eyes and relaxing back into his chest.
December 6th, 2013 - 20:22 (8:22 pm)
Each time she woke up after that, scared that she was back on the Vyerni with them, touching her even though she begged them not to, it got a little easier.
She was able to calm herself had fallen into an easy routine where she would wake up, he would reassure her that she was safe and with him, and then they would fall back to sleep together.
She half wondered if he was even waking up during these times; sometimes, he didn't even open his eyes when he was speaking. He would press his lips to her forehead, rub his hand on her back, and relax her effortlessly each time she had a nightmare.
The final time they woke up it wasn't to terror or tears. She came to slowly. Her whole body was relaxed, heavy. She smiled to herself, and snuggled closer to the warm body in bed with her.
"Mornin'," came Tom's rough voice. He stretched out beside her, his knees and shoulders popping. "Well, evening, that is."
They had slept, she realized as she looked at the clock, for a long time.
"Oh my god," she groaned, rolling over and out of his embrace. She didn't necessarily want the space between them, but she needed to stretch. They had been sleeping for fourteen hours. "We slept forever."
Tom grunted in acknowledgement.
"And yet, somehow I feel like I could take a nap," he said.
Rachel chuckled, reveling in how comfortable everything felt right now. It should feel weird. This was the third time she had woken up in bed with her captain, and man for whom she had feelings that weren't very platonic. A man who had admitted that what he felt for her wasn't platonic, either. They had admitted that they cared about each other, that they liked each other.
"Thank you," she said, turning back around to face him again. She gave him a soft smile and he returned it.
"You keep thanking me," he said. "You really don't have to. I do these things because I want to."
"I know," she admitted, playing with the material of his shirt as she spoke. "But I'm not sure what else to say to tell you how I'm feeling. It's... my chest feels so warm when I'm with you. I feel like I can breathe easier, like everything will be OK. I know it's more than gratitude. But I don't have a name for it. So," she surmised. "When I'm saying 'thank you', I'm ... "
Tom smiled.
He might have a word for her to help explain what she was feeling, but he knew she wasn't ready for it yet.
"I know, sweetheart. You'll figure it out."
They laid in silence for several more minutes, simply enjoying each other's company and the comfort they took in each other.
In the silence, Rachel's hands began wandering. First caressing his chest, and then moving to his stomach. He felt his muscles clench beneath her soft, warm fingers, and hissed in through his teeth.
"Tom?" She inquired quietly.
"Yeah?" He grunted, shifting to face her.
"Can I kiss you?"
He gave her a little smile, entwining the fingers on one of her hands with his.
"Rachel, I would like nothing more. But," he paused, worried that she might think that he was expecting that of her, after he had started kissing her on the head and cheek. "I want you to kiss me when you're ready, and not any sooner. No expectations, remember?"
Rachel smiled, her cheeks red and warm from sleep. She blinked, and her long lashes caressed her cheek. God, but she was beautiful.
"I want to," she whispered, and then she was pressing a hand to the bed on the left side of his cheek, and leaning forward to press her lips gently to his.
She was hovering over him, having shifted so that they were chest to chest. He pressed his lips back against hers, his hand coming up automatically to rest on her cheek.
The kiss was gentle, chaste by any standards. Just lips, no tongue, and it ended as soon as it began.
Rachel pulled back and smiled at him, running her tongue over her lips as if to taste him. He groaned deeply in his chest as he watched the action, and she giggled, laying her head back down on his chest.
Tom wanted to bask in the afterglow of their first kiss, but a knock at his cabin door interrupted them.
He groaned again, rolling over and setting his feet on the floor.
"I guess we should just be happy that we were uninterrupted for so long," he said, running a hand through his hair to try and make it lay flat. It didn't help in the slightest, and it was with a serious cowlick that he stood up to answer the door.
With a sense of deja vu, he opened the door to find Mike on the other side while Rachel lay in bed behind him.
Mike raised his eyebrow at the captain, but didn't say anything about Rachel this time.
"Sorry to disturb you. I know I said I would handle the bridge so you and Master Chief could rest after, you know, almost dying," he said. "But we just received communication from Baltimore. You're gonna want to hear this."