Chapter 12: I Am The Fire

December 7th, 2013 - 15:30 (3:30 pm)

Because Tom was unwilling to leave Rachel for even a second but was needed at the base, Danny ended up radioing the Nathan James to see if they could send Rios to shore to check on the scientist. She had argued, saying that she was fine, but Tom was having none of it.

"You died," he said, his voice choking on the word. "You will let the Doc check you out without complaining, and that is final."

Rachel had given in pretty quickly after that, though she demanded that Rios look at his knife wound as well. She was still exhausted, both mentally and physically, from their kidnapping and her resulting brush with death. Her mind was also reeling and replaying Tom's words in her head over and over again.

I love you, he'd said.

He'd been pretty emotionally worked up, she reasoned with herself. Maybe he'd just said it in the heat of the moment.

I love you, I love you, I love you, he'd chanted, and he'd held her so tightly to him that she'd finally felt safe for the first time since the first shot rang out.

"Daddy?" a little voice said, and Tom looked up, smiling, as he took in the sight of his son sitting on Rachel's lap. The sores on his face were beginning to disappear, leaving behind little red spots in their wake. The boy had taken to Rachel quite strongly, and wasn't willing to let her go.

"Yes, baby?" he asked, reaching out again to ruffle his hair, just because he could.

"When are we gonna go home?"

Tom's smile turned a little sad as he brushed his hand over his son's small face. "We can't go back to our house, buddy. But you and Ashley and grandpa are all going to come with us back to the Nathan James. It's become kind of like a home to the people living on it, and you can live there with us."

Sam looked excited about the prospect of living on a ship.

"Will I get my own room?"

Tom laughed. "You'll share with Ashley and Grandpa. But you can both stay with me for a while if you want."

"Like if we get 'mares, we can come sleep with you?"

Tom sat down next to his son and Rachel, casting a glance at her over his son's head.

"Yes. But I might not be alone in my bed if you come to me for a nightmare," he said carefully, and Sam's eyes widened.

"'Cause Rachel might be in bed with you?"

Tom nodded. "Would that be OK, buddy? If she was there with us?"

Sam nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah. I like Rachel."

Tom grinned. "Me, too, Sammy. Me, too."

Rachel smiled softly at the two of them as Tom reached out to take her hand in his much larger one. He squeezed her hand, and then kissed his son on the forehead before getting up. He motioned toward where Ashley was fast asleep on the couch in Granderson's old office. "Do you want to rest?"

Rachel shook her head quickly. She knew, she knew, that as soon as she closed her eyes, the nightmare were going to start again. What she really wanted was to get back to work. There was a lab somewhere in this building just calling her name, waiting to distract her with all of its equipment and machines.

"I want to go to the lab," she said, and Sam perked up at that.

"Can I come, too?" he asked excitedly.

Jed saved Rachel from having to break the little boy's heart. "Hey, let's let Dr. Scott work, buddy. She has to go save the world."

Sam's blue eyes were wider than ever, and he nodded vigorously. "Oh yeah, cause she's gotta make more of the blue stuff that made me feel all better. Dr. Rachel is amazing," he said, and Tom bit his lip to hold back a laugh. Must be genetics, he decided. His son was just as enamored with Rachel as he was. Jed didn't even try to hold back his laughter. He winked at Rachel, and then turned to Tom.

"Looks like you have some competition for the good doctor's affections," he joked, and Tom finally let himself chuckle.

"I think I could take him," he said, staring at his little son.

"Assuming I'd choose you," Rachel teased him, and then leaned down to hug Sam. "I'll see you later, OK, buddy?"

Sam nodded, but his smile began to droop. Tom could guess what was worrying him.

"I'm going with her, buddy. I'll make sure she stays safe."

Sam looked up at his father with wide, blue eyes.

"You'll make sure the bad guys don't take her again?"

"I promise, buddy. I will make sure the bad guys don't take her again."

Sam nodded, as if that was that. But Tom remembered another time when he had promised Rachel that he wouldn't let anything happen to her again, and he had. He had failed, broken his promise, and she had almost died.

As if sensing his thoughts, Rachel reached over, grabbing his hand and tugging on it.

"We'll be back in a bit, OK, love? Try and get some rest."

Sam nodded, and Tom followed Rachel as she tugged him out of the door. They had only made it halfway down the hallway before she stopped, pushing him against the wall and folding herself into his arms.

"It's not your fault," she whispered, and his breath hitched. How could she read him so easily? It was like he was an open book to her.

"I promised I wouldn't let anything happen to you," he argued. "And you almost died. You almost died, Rachel. What would I do if-"

He was cut off by her arms reaching to wind around his shoulders (being careful to avoid his wound), one hand settling on the back of his neck and the other on his cheek. She reached up and pressed her lips to his briefly, breaking the contact to say, "I was the one who demanded I be able to go and distribute the cure. I am the one who convinced you I would be fine. And Tom, I would be pretty pissed at you if you hadn't let me go. It was the right thing to do. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have found your dad, and Ashley and Sam," she said, kissing him again before pressing her face into his neck.

"I know," he said, holding her tightly. "I know. I just don't know what I would have done if I'd lost you."

He squeezed her for a second, and then ducked down to kiss her neck. He whispered, straight in her ear, "I love you," and she gasped in surprise.

"You don't have to say anything. No expectations. But I want you to know. Rachel, I am in love with you. I love you so much and I can't lose you, I can't-"

"I love you, too," she whispered back, and he jerked his head up immediately to meet her eyes. She was staring at him with a smile on her face, her eyes clear and sure. "I love you, Tom Chandler."

He couldn't help himself in that moment. He lifted both hands and cupped her cheeks before pressing his lips to hers, hungrily, desperately. She pressed back against him with just as much force, one of her hands going under his shirt to press against warm skin while the other wound around his neck. She coaxed his mouth open, and kissed him deeper. He groaned, turning them around so that she was the one pressed up against the wall now.

He wasn't sure how long the kiss would have gone on if he hadn't heard Tex's whistle of appreciation behind them.

"Dinner and a show!" he hollered, and Tom broke away from Rachel long enough to turn and glare at Tex. He was perched on the stairway, munching on a granola bar and grinning at the two of them.

Rachel giggled and pressed her head into his chest. Her cheeks were warm, and she was sure she was blushing, but she didn't care.

"I love you," she whispered, just to feel his heart rate spike again, and then pulled away from him. "Now. I really do want to see this lab. Please show me where it is."

December 7th, 2013 - 17:00 (5:00 pm)

Two hours later, Rachel had been given a clean bill of health by Doc Rios and Tom had been stitched up. They had gone through everything in the lab, tagging all of the equipment and supplies she needed. Tom estimated that it would take most of the night to get it all back to the ship. But, he decided, that was someone else's problem. He was determined to get Rachel and his family back to the Nathan James as soon as possible, now that Rachel was done with her part in the lab.

When he told her his plan, she bit her lip and said, "I really should stay to oversee the process."

"No," Tom argued. "My men know how important all this stuff is. They know if they break something they're in deep shit. They'll take very good care of your equipment. What you really should do is let me take you back to the ship, feed you, and pile you, Ashley, and Sam into our bed so we can take a much needed nap."

"And maybe a shower," Rachel added, blushing at the way he had said our bed. She tugged on her borrowed shirt; hers had been a complete loss due to the blood, bile, and vomit that had ended up on it, and said, "I could also use a change of clothes."

Tom nodded. "We can handle that. Now, are you ready to go?"

Rachel gave one last, longing glance at all of the equipment in the lab before sighing and nodding. She really could use food, a shower, and a nap.

She and Tom walked out of the lab side by side, and dropped by Granderson's office (which was becoming Thorwald's base of operations, slowly but surely) to pick up the kids and Jed.

"I will have enough doses of the cure for your people by the end of the day tomorrow," Rachel assured Thorwald. She had left as many doses of the cure with him as she could manage, so that he could inoculate his fighters and the men who were going to stay and guard the compound.

Thorwald smiled, and held a hand out to her.

"We are in your debt," he said, and Rachel smiled as she shook his hand.

"You are most welcome," Rachel said, and then reached out to take Sam's hand as he sleepily walked to her side. Tom had already picked up a sleeping Ashley and had rested her on his shoulder. The kids needed showers and sleep, too, desperately.

"We'll come back tomorrow to check on the progress here," Tom told Thorwald, and then motioned to the sleeping girl on his shoulder. Thorwald smiled and nodded.

"Go, take care of your family. We have everything under control here."

December 7th, 2013 - 19:00 (7:00 pm)

Less than two hours after leaving the base of operations in Baltimore, Tom had managed to feed his kids, get them into the shower and clean clothes, and had set them in his bed, fast asleep already. They were curled together on Rachel's side of the bed. It was going to be a tight fit for all four of them, but he was sure he could manage it.

"Want to take a shower?" he asked Rachel, gently taking her bowl out of her hands. She had decided she would try to eat some chicken noodle soup, but had only taken a few sips. He imagined that she didn't have much of an appetite. Dying briefly after choking on your own vomit could do that, he imagined.

She nodded, and then bit her lip again. Tom had come to know this as a sign that she wanted to ask for something, but didn't feel like she could.

Tom kneeled in front of her, taking her hands into his own.

"What do you need?" he asked.

She blushed, but defiantly looked up to meet his eyes. "Will you shower with me? No funny business, I just... I don't want to be alone. I want to be with you."

Tom felt his heart race, and held back a groan at the thought of showering with Rachel. It would test the limits of his self control, but he would do it if it was what she needed.

"You don't have to. I just I want to be close to you," she admitted, and Tom smiled, squeezing her hand.

"I want to," he said, and then, because he knew that his self control had limits and he likely wouldn't be able to stop his body's natural functions, "But please let me know at any time if you're uncomfortable. I can't promise my body won't get the wrong ideas, even if my brain agrees with your assessment of no funny business. My children are in the next room, after all."

Rachel's cheeks pinked at the suggestion in his words, but nodded.

Tom stood up and pulled her to her feet, herding her in the direction of the bathroom. "Go get the shower started. I'll be in in a minute. I'm going to grab some towels and clothes for us."

Rachel nodded and walked to the bathroom. Once she had closed the door, she began stripping her clothes off. The borrowed t-shirt, bra, pants and panties ended up in a pile by the door. She walked naked to the shower, twisting the knob to turn it on hot. She let it flow for a moment, warming up, before stepping in. She left the shower door open a few inches, a clear invitation, and sighed as she ducked her head under the warm water.

She was about to reach for the shampoo when a warm, naked body entered the shower behind her. Her heart beat faster as he put one gentle hand on her hip to guide her over so there was room for both of them. He then grabbed her shampoo for her, depositing a small amount in his palm before running his fingers through her hair. She groaned and leaned back against him, relishing the feeling of his warm body pressed into hers.

She could feel him, half hard, pressing into her back, but somehow it wasn't sexual. He tenderly washed her hair, running his fingers so gently through the strands that he didn't pull even once. After he had helped her rinse the shampoo out, he grabbed a clean washrag off the top of the shower and her body wash, and set about the very serious task of washing her body. He started at her neck, their eyes meeting through the steam, and gently washed every part of her. She was warm, aroused, but not in a way that demanded she do something about it.

She felt safe.

She felt loved.

She returned the favor for him, making him lean down so she could scrub his hair, and then taking the washrag from him. She used it to clean blood from his shoulder, gently dabbing around the knife wound. It had been cleaned and stitched up (and he honestly wasn't supposed to be getting it wet, but she would make sure it was cleaned thoroughly so he wouldn't get an infection), but still bled sluggishly since he'd used his arm even though she had repeatedly told him not to strain himself.

"I love you," he whispered into the silence, and she smiled.

"I love you, too," she said, leaning up to kiss him. The washrag fell to the floor, forgotten for a moment, as he wrapped his arms around her naked waist. They settled on the small of her back, right above the swell of her ass, and he pulled her closer against him as he kissed her. She keened as she felt the evidence of his own arousal against her belly, and pushed harder into him, her breasts pressing against his chest with just enough friction to make her nipples pebble pleasurably. One of her hands settled into his hair, twining her fingers through the white-blond strands.

This kiss was more like the one in the hallway at Avocet than any of their previous kisses. He kissed her like he meant it, using his lips and tongue and teeth to show her exactly how much he loved her.

After several moments, he pulled away and pressed his forehead against hers. She smiled at him as they caught their breath, and then leaned down to pick up the washrag. She finished washing him gently, and then reached over to turn off the shower.

Tom reached out of the shower stall and grabbed one of the towels, running it gently over her hair, and then wrapping her up in its warmth. He took the second towel and quickly dried himself off before stepping out of the shower and helping her out as well.

"Here are your clothes," he said, handing her a stack. She looked up at him - that was definitely not her sweatshirt. He grinned and kissed her cheek. "You were out of tops."

She snorted and pulled on his large sweatshirt, loving the way it engulfed her small body. She didn't bother with the bra he had grabbed for her, but slipped on the panties and leggings quickly. By the time she was dressed, he was trying to pull on his t-shirt, but hissed in pain as the movement caused his stitches to pull painfully.

"That reminds me," she said, taking the t-shirt out of his hands. She opened the bathroom door behind her and motioned for him to sit down on one of the couches. "I need to disinfect your wound. You shouldn't have gotten your stitches wet."

"You were the one who wanted me to shower with you," he reminded her, and she grinned.

"Yes, yes, I am a terrible influence," she admitted, and grabbed the first aid kit that he kept under the sink. She sat down on the couch beside him, cross legged, and was just about to open the kit when there was a soft knock on Tom's cabin door.

She motioned for him to stay sitting, and got up to answer the door. Like she had thought, it was Jed on the other side. For tonight, he would be sleeping on Tom's couch, as there weren't any quarters ready for him or the children. (Rachel almost offered her room, since she wouldn't be sleeping in it, but had known that it would probably be best for everyone if they were all close together for the first night at least).

"Hello, Mr. Chandler," she greeted, as he walked in and closed the door behind him. She went back over to Tom, sitting on the couch again, and began emptying supplies out of the medical kit. "How are you feeling?"

"Much better after a shower," he said, smiling at the two of them as he sat in the desk chair. "Clean clothes help, too. Oh, and that miraculous cure of yours. I thought I was going to die tonight," he admitted. "Me and the kids. Instead, here I am aboard the Nathan James, with my son and my grandchildren."

Tom smiled over at his father, his heart swelling in his chest.

He didn't know how he had gotten so lucky. Yes, he had lost Darien, and that fact would haunt him for a long time to come.

But he had Rachel, and his dad, and his children. Most people weren't so fortunate.

"Thank you, dad," Tom said simply, and then hissed as Rachel pressed some disinfectant against his wound. She was gentle, as careful as she could be, but it still stung when she wiped over and under his stitches. "For taking such good care of the kids."

"You should be thanking your little lady, there," Jed said, leaning back in the chair. "Her cure saved us. We were all sick, Tommy. All of us."

Tom turned back to Rachel and again realized how much he owed to her, how much the entire world owed to her.

Instead of saying thank you, he mouthed the words 'I love you', and she smiled, wanting very much to hold him in that moment.

"Almost done," she said instead, and dropped the bloody disinfectant wipe into the trash. She reached for a compress and a bandage, and had Tom all wrapped up within the next minute. "There. That should help stop the bleeding and let the stitches do their job."

Jed hovered as she gathered all of the supplies back into the medical kit.

"That's my bed you're sitting on," he reminded them, shooing them away with his hands. "I haven't slept in 36 hours. Move it or lose it."

Tom chuckled, and then wrapped his arms around his father.

"Thank you," he said again, and squeezed his dad tightly. Jed hugged him back just as hard, blinking away tears.

"I love you, kid," Jed said, and then reached out and hugged Rachel, too. "Sleep well tonight. You did good work today."

Rachel nodded, and then waited for Tom to show Jed where his pillow and blanket were before they walked hand in hand into his bedroom. She tossed his unused t-shirt onto then floor in the corner. They paused just inside, staring at the sleeping forms of Ashley and Sam. They had curled up into the top corner of the bed, holding each other, and Tom smiled at the sight.

"Thank you," he told Rachel, kissing her temple. "You saved them. You saved my family."

Rachel just smiled, and tugged on Tom's hand to lead him to the bed.

"I love you," she told him, and then pushed him down on the bed. Once he was settled next to his children, she curled up on top of him, taking advantage of the little bit of space left. He wrapped his arms around her tightly, so she didn't go anywhere during the night.

"I love you, too. Goodnight, Rachel," he said.

They fell asleep that night to the knowledge that the kids, and Jed, and each other would be there in the morning.