Chapter 24: I Am The Fire
December 16th, 2013 - 2422 (12:22 am)
It was well past midnight when they finally made it back to the Nathan James. It had been nearly impossible to pry Rachel away from Martin, Lane, Mark, and the lab. She and Martin alone had been bad enough, but when the other two scientists had come back from their supply run, she had been completely entranced in science heaven. Lane Smith was an older woman who had known Rachel's mentor, Dr. Julius Hunter, and they had talked and reminisced for hours. Mark Landon, a research virologist, had been particularly interested in how Rachel had created the cure (and also possibly in Rachel herself).
Tom had been amused more than anything, chuckling at Rachel's obliviousness as Mark's flirting had grown more and more obvious. Finally, Tex had put him out of his misery and informed him that Rachel was very much taken, much to Tom's amusement and Rachel's embarrassment.
"I thought the kids would never fall asleep," Tom groaned later that night as he entered the bedroom, trying to simultaneously take his clothes off and close the door behind him. He ended up tangled in his Nathan James t-shirt and grumbled while Rachel laughed at him.
"Hush," Tom grumbled, finally freeing himself from the cloth and throwing it in the corner. "Sam was positively wired when we came back. Oh my God, I hope he sleeps until noon."
He carefully hung his pants in the closet along with his jacket. When he had successfully rid himself of all unnecessary clothing, he dropped to the bed with a groan. Rachel immediately scooted closer to him, laying her head on his chest and sighing deeply in contentment.
"Today was amazing," she sighed, running the fingers of one hand across the warm skin of Tom's chest. "I can't believe Lane knew Dr. Hunter. And I really can't believe that they are in contact with so many others! We were hoping to fine one working lab, and instead the cure is going to be spread across the US before we return. This is how it starts."
Tom nodded, one hand joining Rachel's on his chest. He interrupted her caress and entangled their fingers, using his other hand to reach out and brush through her hair. "Because of you."
Rachel blushed, but didn't respond.
Silence filled the room for several moments, though Tom knew that they weren't ready to sleep. Even though she had been distracted and had maybe forgotten, he still remembered her words from earlier.
Can we talk tonight?
He sighed, and then squeezed Rachel's hand. When she looked up at him in question, he smiled and said, "You wanted to talk?"
Rachel was silent for several moments. Then she nodded; Tom could feel the movement on his chest.
"What about?" he prompted.
"The future," she said quietly. "Specifically after the baby is born."
"Ah," Tom said, and frowned when Rachel didn't say anything more. "Just tell me what you're thinking, Rachel," he said. "Once it's all out, we can talk about it. I can tell something is worrying you."
Rachel knew he was right. She tended to hold things in, but this wasn't something she could just suppress. It wouldn't just affect them, it would affect Sam and Ashley and the baby, too.
"Earlier, before we left for Jacksonville," she started slowly. "I was thinking. I don't remember what started it, maybe thinking about what the kind of world we would be bringing the baby into? Anyway, it snowballed, as these things tend to. And that led me to thinking about where we would live when the baby was born. Would we be able to find a place on land, or would we stay on the ship? And then I got to thinking that I can't raise a baby on a Navy ship, so at the very least I have to leave the Nathan James eventually. And really a ship is no place to raise a five and eight-year-old either, so maybe I could bring Sam and Ashley with me. And of course I want you there, too, but I know that you've made a commitment to the Navy. So... I guess my biggest worry was, what happens after the mission? Will you stay with us, or will you have to stay on the ship? I don't... I don't want you to leave us."
Tom was silent for several minutes. Rachel played nervously with his chest hair while he thought, organizing his thoughts before speaking.
"Rachel," he began, and was shocked to hear the emotion clear in his voice. He was normally better at not letting it show. "I won't- I couldn't leave you, or our baby. Or Ashley and Sam. I will do whatever I have to do to keep our little family together."
Rachel nodded, relieved at least to hear that he felt the same way she did. Separation simply wasn't an option, not for any length of time at least.
"Thank you. I appreciate that. I will also do anything to keep us all together. But... what will that look like?"
Tom paused again, thinking. "Well," he started. "My hope is that after our mission, the world will have changed quite a bit. One of the first needs of reestablishing a society with a working government would be to reestablish the military. If that happens, I'm hoping that I would be able to take a position that would allow me to stay in one place. Regular hours, home every night."
"Do you really think that is likely to happen, though?" Rachel asked. "Do you think that by the time we return, America will be ready for that?"
Tom nodded. "I do. I think that once it's physically safe to do so, people will want to get back to normal as quickly as they can. And," he added. "Even if that isn't a reality, I will do everything in my power to keep us together. If that's on the ship because land still isn't safe, then so be it. We will adapt. Just because no one has ever raised a baby on a Navy Warship doesn't mean it can't be done."
Rachel nodded again, but she still seemed anxious, not meeting his eyes or saying anything else.
Tom sighed, and then sat up, bringing her with him. He sat criss-cross on the bed, and cupped Rachel's face in one of his large warm hands. She looked up at him, her cheeks flushed sweetly and her eyes bright with emotion.
"Sweetheart," he said. "Listen to me. I don't know what it will look like, because the whole world is a mess and nobody knows what anything will look like tomorrow, much less in nine months. But whatever the world looks like, or wherever we are, I promise you - we will be together. You and me, Ashley and Sam, and this baby," he said, his free hand pressing gently against her stomach. "I won't leave you, even if it means leaving the Nathan James or the Navy. Yes, I made a commitment to the Navy, but after we save the world, I think most people will agree that we deserve to be together. I will go where I am needed and do what is asked of me exactly as long as we are able to stay together. If anyone or anything tries to separate us, they're gonna have a fight on their hands."
Rachel nodded, swallowing past the lump in her throat. She knew that Tom loved her, but hearing that he would put her and the kids and the baby before the Navy was something she honestly and truly had not expected.
"I can't wait for us to be a family," she blurted out, and Tom smiled, kissing her forehead and laying down again. She followed, curling up next to his body.
"We already are," he said, and reached over to turn the light out.
December 24th, 2013 - 0800 (8:00 am)
By Christmas Eve, they had made three more stops in Exumas, Santo Domingo, and Rio de Janeiro. They'd found three more working labs, had shared the cure with the scientists at them, and had vaccinated everyone they had come across. Rachel had left behind a complete record of all her research for them to pass on to anyone else they could get in contact with.
With each stop, each success, the excitement around the ship grew.
They were currently on a 55 hour trip from Rio de Janeiro to Buenos Aires through the South Atlantic Ocean, and the crew was taking advantage of the longer trip to decorate for the upcoming holiday.
The effort was, of course, spearheaded by Sam and Ashley, who had lamented loudly about missing Christmas until Rachel had come up with a plan.
Stopping and getting a Christmas tree in the middle of the ocean was, obviously, not an option. Thankfully, Kelly Tophet had revealed her hidden artistic talents and had drawn a five-foot-tall Christmas tree by taping together the papers that the children had already finished in their schooling and drawing on the backs of them. She had set her little elves to making paper snowflakes, hand-drawn ornaments for the 'tree', paper chains, and drawings of presents. The p-ways were quickly plastered with brightly colored decorations, paper chains hanging over most of the doorways.
Sam, Ashley, Ava, Hannah, and Lucy were like little sugar demons who had never experienced Christmas before. It took the combined efforts of every single adult on the ship to contain their energy.
One afternoon while on a 'field trip' in Rachel's lab, Sam was running up and down the only clear walkway as quickly as he could. She knew that if they didn't do something, there was going to be blood or broken glass soon. Or both.
"Children," she said, and grinned as stood from her chair. "Why don't we go out onto the deck?"
Sam whooped in excitement, and vibrated in place as Rachel helped him into his coat. The girls were chattering excitedly as Kelly and Jed made sure that they were also appropriately covered before they opened the door to the Helo Bay.
Once outside, Rachel revealed something that she had been saving for Christmas. But, Christmas Eve was just as good, and besides, they had other presents for the kids for the morning.
"CHALK!" Ava yelled, and reached out for it with both hands. She, like her mother, was artistic, and the prospect of drawing all over the ship with brightly colored sidewalk chalk was too much to excitement to bare. "Ashley, wanna draw with me? We can draw a cat, or-or a unicorn. OR! We can lay down and draw around each other and make ourselves!"
The four girls ran off to begin coloring, giggling the whole way. Their cheeks were bright red with excitement and the cold, and Rachel was smiling at them fondly when she felt Sam tug on her jacket sleeve.
"Rachel? Do you have anything for me to play with?"
Rachel turned to face the Sam, smiling softly, and kneeled down to face him.
"You know what," she said, and reached into her pocket. "I think I do have something for you."
She handed the little boy the pack of Hot Wheel cars she had found at their last stop, and Sam's eyes lit up. He grinned his toothless little grin, and bounced up and down.
"Can I go play with them now?" he asked excitedly, and Rachel nodded, laughing.
"Of course, love! That's why I got them for you!"
Sam grabbed one of the cars out of the package, a green monster truck, and ran off to run it over the ground, the rails, and anything else that he could find. He made the appropriate vroom-vroom noises, then loudly crashed the car into one of the girl's boots, dramatically narrating the explosion the car made.
Rachel grinned, and leaned back against the wall behind her. Jed, who had been watching the proceedings, walked to stand next to her.
"How are you, Rachel?" he asked.
She turned to look at him, wondering absently if Tom would look like his father in thirty years. She could see the resemblance between them, but Tom's eyes were bluer and more intense. Jed's green eyes were kind and soft, and she found herself wanting to tell him everything. Of course she wouldn't, because she and Tom had decided to keep the baby's existence a secret for at least a few more weeks. She knew, logically, that keeping the news to themselves for the first twelve weeks made the most sense, since she was most likely to miscarry during that time frame, but she wasn't sure they would make it that long without one of them slipping up.
"I'm fine. Keeping busy, obviously, but it almost feels like we're on the way to everything being okay. Those first few months, when I was working on the cure, were just ... terrible," she said, and Jed nodded in understanding. "Well, no, it started before that. For those entire first four months, I knew what was happening to the world. I knew that there were half a million people dying every day. I knew that every single person I saw on the ship was oblivious to what was happening in the world, oblivious to the fact that their families were dying, and I couldn't say anything to them about it. But, now, it feels like it was all worth it, because we did it. We survived."
Rachel paused, and then grimaced.
"I apologize, that was... far too much information for the question you asked. I suppose I'm feeling introspective this morning."
Jed laughed, reaching out to clap her on the shoulder. "Don't apologize, hon. I can't even begin to imagine what it was like. It has to feel good, to be able to help people now."
"It does," Rachel agreed. "I had high hopes for this trip, but we've only made four stops and I feel like we have been able to do more than I would have ever thought possible during those first weeks."
"I honestly didn't think we would be here by Christmas," Jed admitted. "Until you found us, I was certain we wouldn't even be alive for this Christmas, and before that we just... didn't have much hope that anyone would find a cure. Hope is a pretty badass Christmas gift."
Rachel chuckled, and then whispered, "Yes, it is, but we were able to find a few things for the kids these past few trips during the supply runs. Mostly functional things. Clothes, new shoes. They're growing like weeds; Sam's pants are an inch too short now! But we also found the whole set of Harry Potter, as well as a track for Sam's cars and some jewelry supplies for Ashley." She paused, and then blushed as she looked at Jed. "I hope they like their presents."
"They'll love them," Jed promised, watching as Sam ran his monster truck over Ashley's hair. She yelled at him, swatting at her brother as he laughed and darted away from her. "It'll be nice when it warms up out here. We can do school outside, play more. They're a little cooped up inside the ship."
"It will be nice," Rachel agreed.
They watched the children for a while longer, and then herded everyone inside when Sam's nose began to resemble Rudolph. Jed took the children back to their classroom, and Rachel returned to her work, very much looking forward to Christmas the next day.
December 25th, 2013 - 0420 (4:20 am)
"Why," Rachel demanded to know, refusing to open her eyes even as Sam wiggled between her and his father. "Why are you awake?"
"Cause it's Christmas!" Sam sad enthusiastically. Tom chuckled from beside her and Rachel groaned loudly.
"Even Santa is still sleeping, love," she said, throwing an arm around the boy and cuddling him to her. "Christmas doesn't start until at least six."
"Last Christmas he was up at 2am," Tom commented as he rolled over and wrapped his arms around both of them. "Darien had to threaten to send his toys back to the North Pole to get him to sleep for a little longer."
Rachel smiled in the darkness at the casual mention of the children's mother. Though Tom didn't hesitate to speak of her, especially around the children, it was nice to hear her name connected with a happy memory.
"Yeah?" She prompted, wanting to hear more. "Tell me about last Christmas, Sam."
"I got a bike as my big present! It was my present from Santa. Mom and dad always got me stuff like clothes and books and little toys, but Santa brought me a blue bike. It had training wheels and a horn that went beep-beep and it came with a helmet that had Pokémon on it. I loved my bike."
Tom chuckled. "Two feet of snow on the ground and he demanded to go ride his new bike immediately. He crashed within three minutes and wouldn't touch it for months. He did learn to ride it with the training wheels though, right before I left for deployment."
"Mommy said you would help me learn to ride without the training wheels when you came home," Sam added. "But then everyone got sick and I had to leave my bike when we went to grandpa's cabin. Daddy, can I have a new bike this year?"
Tom shook his head sadly.
He wanted very badly to be able to give Sam the bike that he wanted. He wanted to give both of the children everything they could ever want. They had done their best for this Christmas, though, taking extra time and extra risks at their last stop to search for toys for all five of the kids. They had needed clothes for them, anyway, and it turned out that children's stores weren't too badly picked over. Apparently things like art kits and kids socks weren't as popular as toilet paper, food, and condoms (they hadn't found a single pack, try as they might. Not that Tom and Rachel had much use for them now, but it wouldn't hurt to have some on hand).
He'd seen Rachel eyeing the infant section and had wanted badly to let her pick a few things for the baby, but they'd been part of a larger team and hadn't been ready to share their news yet, so they'd passed on the little onesies and tiny baby shoes.
"I don't think so, buddy," he finally told Sam. "There's nowhere to ride a bike here. The p-ways are too narrow and it's not safe on the deck. Maybe next Christmas."
Sam seemed disappointed, but rallied quickly. "Well I know I got lots of presents 'cause there are boxes under the tree. Even if they are wrapped in regular paper that's been colored, I know they're presents for me."
"Some are for your sister," Rachel pointed out, and Sam yawned as he nodded.
"I know. But half are for me, and that's still a lot!"
"Sure is, love. Now, why don't we all try to sleep a little longer, hmm?"
Tom hummed in agreement and held them tighter. Sam was squished between them, just the way he liked. He was holding onto Rachel's shirt with one hand and had the other pressed against Tom's warm skin.
"OK. I guess we can wait for Ashley to wake up before we open presents," he said, and then tried and failed to suppress another huge yawn.
"Close your eyes, love," Rachel encouraged, and Sam was asleep again within minutes.
Rachel, however, was unable to fall back asleep.
"It's their first Christmas without their mother," she said, and Tom hummed in agreement. "Is there anything I should do, or not do, to make it easier for them? For you?"
Tom smiled but shook his head.
"No, I don't think so. Thank you for thinking and asking about it, though. I think this morning will go well, because of the presents and then Christmas lunch with everyone. And they'll probably nap after that. But tonight could be hard."
"We can read extra Harry Potter if they want," Rachel offered, and Tom was so in love with her. "Whatever they need."
"We'll be OK," Tom promised, kissing her gently before settling his forehead on hers, staring into her chocolate brown eyes. "We'll be together. And the kids may be sad, but they know that they have a lot of people who love them and are here for them. They're strong and resilient. And, since we're working on building a new family, maybe we can start some traditions of our own."
Rachel smiled and whispered, "I'd like that. But please let me know if there's anything you need. If you need space or time alone with them."
Tom nodded, though he knew he wouldn't take her up on her offer. They would be together today, as a family. They would celebrate as a family and grieve as a family, if they needed to.
"Go back to sleep," he finally said, settling back into his own pillow. "You'll want to rest before the chaos officially begins."
Rachel obliged, but was skeptical, because how much damage could two small children cause, after all?
The answer, she discovered two hours later, was a lot.
There was makeshift wrapping paper everywhere. She had never in her entire life seen someone tear into a gift with that much enthusiasm and excitement, but Sam and Ashley had simply grown more and more frantic with each present.
Tom and Rachel had made sure to give them the practical gifts first - hats and gloves, pants and t-shirts, shoes, socks, underwear, new pajamas and slippers. But the kids loved them, exclaiming over each one and carefully putting the new items on their beds.
They hadn't even had a chance to give the kids the more fun gifts when they begged to change into their new pajamas.
"Go for it," Tom said, and Ashley ran into the bathroom while Sam ran into the bedroom. They emerged less than two minutes later in matching flannel pajamas, grinning from ear to ear.
"I love them," Sam said, running his fingers up and down the soft material of his top. "It's so soft."
"I'm glad you like them so much, love," Rachel said, her eyes twinkling. "But we have a few more presents for you two. Come here."
They all settled on the couch, Rachel and Tom at opposite ends with the children between them.
"This first one is a gift for the whole family," Tom explained, and Rachel knew that he considered them a family, but it still made her heart swell in her chest to hear him say it so casually. "Sam, you can open this one, and Ashley, this one's for you to open, but remember, we will share them all."
Sam nodded eagerly, and then tore into his stack. He squealed at the familiar cover on one of the books and held them up for everyone to see.
"More Harry Potter! There's four of them! We have so much Harry Potter to read!"
Ashley glanced down at her own wrapped package, excitement clear on her face now. She tore the paper off quickly, revealing the other three in the series, and squealed happily.
"Rachel, will you read all of them to us?" She asked in wonder, looking at each cover carefully.
"Of course," Rachel responded, running her fingers over The Order of the Phoenix. "It'll take us a long time, but we'll read through them all. We're about halfway done with book 1."
"Can we read some now?" Sam asked, and Rachel chuckled but agreed.
"Sure. But first, one more present for each of you."
Sam and Ashley looked up at them in wonder.
It had been so long since things had been normal, since they'd gotten so much as a single gift, and to suddenly be showered in them was a lot. Even if most of them were practical, necessary things, neither of them had had a new pair of shoes or new socks or new jeans since this had begun, and it was nice to have some things that were just for you, that you didn't have to share or that didn't have holes worn in them.
"Last presents," Tom said, and handed Ashley a large, flat rectangular box. Sam got one that was roughly the same size, and the two kids looked at each other before tearing into them.
"Oh my goodness!" Ashley exclaimed, holding up the bracelet making kit they had found. "I want to make friendship bracelets for me and Ava and Hannah and Lucy! We can each have a different color, but we can have matching charms!"
"For my cars!" Sam yelled, holding up the hot wheels track and bouncing in his spot on the couch. "They can launch from here," he said, pointing to the illustration, "and there's a big loop they go through! Daddy, can you help me build it?"
Tom nodded, but paused. "Yeah, but first, there's one more present."
"But you said those were our last ones," Ashley said in confusion, and Tom nodded again.
"They were. This one is for you," he said, and he passed Rachel a small box. It wasn't wrapped, and she immediately knew what was inside.
"Tom...?" She asked, breathless as she snapped open the small jewelry box.
He smiled at her over the kids heads, reaching over to take the slim, elegant ring out of the velvet. It was simple, rose gold, with a single diamond in the middle.
"I'm not asking yet," he said, because he realized that while things were moving fast between him and Rachel, that it as probably still too soon. "But it's meant to be a promise. A promise that no matter what, I won't leave you. No matter what's waiting for us at home after this mission, we'll be together. We're in this together," he said, and she felt tears welling up in her eyes.
"Tom," she said again, but this time it was more of a sob as he slipped the ring onto her finger. Her right hand, she noticed, and she couldn't help but hope that one day it would be on her left hand instead.
"I love you," he said, and she smiled brilliantly, nodding as he held her hand in his, admiring the way the ring fit her.
"I love you, too," she said, and reached up to wipe a tear away as Ashley chimed into the conversation.
"Are you getting married?" She asked, and Sam looked up, his bright blue eyes growing wide.
Tom laughed and shook his head. "Not yet," he said. "It's more of a promise ring than an engagement ring. I promise that I'll love Rachel and that I won't leave her."
"That's a good promise," Sam said seriously.
"Can I give her a promise ring, too?" Ashley asked. "I can make one with my kit! I promise that I'll always love Rachel, too, and that I'll be a good big sister to Sam, and that I'll always do my homework."
Tom couldn't help but laugh at her incomplete understanding of promise rings. "Of course, baby," he said. "I'm sure she'd love it."
"I would," Rachel confirmed, her eyes sparkling. "I'd wear it every day."
"Then I wanna give her a ring, too!" Sam said. "I promise I'll always love Rachel, too, and I'll be a good big brother if you and daddy ever have a baby!" He paused, considering. "But I can't promise to always do my homework. Homework is boring."
Rachel laughed, a tear slipping free from her eye as she grabbed both Ashley and Sam into a hug.
"I promise I'll always love you, too," she vowed, and kissed them both on the cheek. "Now, go start picking up all the paper. Heathens, tossing it everywhere!"
Sam and Ashley laughed but got up to begin cleaning anyway. As soon as they were off the couch, Tom scooted over and wrapped his arms around Rachel, pulling her to him.
"Merry Christmas," he whispered, and then kissed her softly. She happily kissed him back while the sounds of Ashley and Sam starting a paper fight faded into the background.