12

Night of the Living Muppets™

By Tobias Glass

One night on Sesame Street, as everyone lay dreaming in their beds, a strange wet fog began at one end of the street, and worked its way up. The things in it were nightmares, and would leave no inhabitant of Sesame Street unscathed in some way.

Out of the fog came a mass of what looked like floating spinal cords attached to yellow slimy heads. These creatures were Daemites. And they were about to cause a whole lot of trouble for the residents of Sesame Street.

The first abode they came to was the nest of Big Bird. They made their way up to his nest, as Big Bird jerked awake. "What the--" he said, looking over the edge of his nest. He saw the Daemites and let out a startled cry. It was the last sound he ever made; the Daemites made it up the tree, and one of them pushed its way into his mouth, Big Bird writhed for a moment, and then he stood up, his head popping off, and the head of the Daemite popped out of the hole. Its tail was pushed into the large bird's spinal cord, controlling his body completely. (A/n: It's hard to imagine unless you've played the game Bloodrayne Its voice sounded like a dying asthmatic's whisper as it said, "Can ya tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street?" The rest of the Daemites chortled as the made their way to the next house on the street. Things happened this way until they reached the house of Bert and Ernie, where Bert was watching Saturday Night Live while Ernie slept.

During a commercial break, Bert went out to the kitchen to refill his bowl of popcorn. With only the stove hood light on, he opened a bag of white cheddar popcorn, and dumped it into the bowl. He crumpled up the bag and threw it away. Turning to go, Bert heard a sound. It sounded like the footsteps of zombies. I've been watching too many horror movies Bert thought as he turned off the light.

The sound of shattering glass jerked his attention back to the kitchen quickly. A large yellow bird flopped through the window and groaned.

"Big Bird? What the--?" he said, and gasped as the giant avian creature lifted its head. Where Big Bird's feathered head was had become a slimy looking round thing with a maw of gnashing teeth.

"Cut us," said the thing that had been Big Bird, as others climbed through the window. Bert shrieked, and threw the bowl of popcorn into the evil creature's face. He ran up the stairs, and into Ernie's room shouting, "Ernie! Wake up! They're after us!" Ernie gave a startled moan and sat up.

"Bert? What's goin' on? What happened?" Ernie murmured as he sat up. Bert clamped his hand over Ernie's mouth as they waited with bated breath as the sounds of zombie-ish feet walking past the door. They could see the shadows pass the door as the Daemite infested Muppets™ shuffled by. Bert let out a quiet sigh as the creatures seemed intent upon passing by their hiding place.

The door burst open; their former friends and neighbors stumbled in, along with several Daemites. The nearest one started towards Bert, who trembled, knowing that the end had come; the evil creature drew closer, closer...

All of a sudden, The Daemite's head exploded. It fell to the floor, twitching, and a young girl stood in the doorway. Her chin-length scarlet hair and emerald eyes stood out against her pale, heart-shaped face. She had beguiling looks, and a body to match. Clad in a corset-style top, and tight red and black leather pants, with long, razor sharp blades attached to her arms, she cast a formidable and somewhat frightening figure in the light from the hallway.

The Daemite/Muppets™ turned as one to look at her. They abruptly attacked her. She fended them off with her arm blades and a harpoon at her wrist. They noticed that she was careful to only decapitate the Daemites that were attached to Muppets™ that didn't immediately flee, while slicing up the rest. When she finished exterminating the creatures, she turned to Bert and Ernie.

"I hate those things," she said to the two startled Muppets™.

"Who—Who are you?" Bert asked her.

"I'm Rayne. And those things are going to come back if we don't hurry up and get out of here," she said impatiently. "Is there a place nearby that we could get to and defend?" When neither Bert nor Ernie was forthcoming, she said, "Never mind. I saw a water tower on the hill down the street. Hurry up." She went downstairs, and Bert and Ernie looked at each other; and silently started to get dressed.

They went down the stairs to find Rayne returning with the dagger, the mirror, and the candles that they had used in WalMart. She put these items in a small leather satchel and slung it over her back. "Well come on then," Rayne said to them. "Does one of you have a car or something?"

"I do," said Bert. He shrugged on his jacket and pulled them out of his pocket, jingling them. "Are you sure it'll outrun the bodiless ones?"

"Positive," said Rayne, as they stepped out the front door, where Bert's Subaru™ turbo was parked. Rayne climbed into the front seat, and Ernie slid into the back. They fastened their seatbelts, and were soon whizzing down Sesame Street. Ernie looked back, and saw a new crowd of Daemites emerge from the miasmic mist. He relaxed a bit as he saw that even the fastest ones couldn't keep up with the frisky little sports car.

Rayne took a silver flask from her hip, and took a long swig. She made a face, and put it away. "Eergh. Terrible. So much better when it's warm," she said.

"What is it?" Ernie asked her.

"What do you think?" she asked him, and she grinned, revealing sharp fangs, dripping scarlet from the drink she had just imbibed. Bert took a glance, and rummaged in his pocket, lighting up a cigarette, and taking a shaky drag.

"You're a vampire," Ernie said, detachedly. For some reason, it didn't frighten him as much as it should have.

"Only half- vampire," said Rayne, grinning. "My mother was a human, and my father was—look out!" A Daemite crossed the road, and Bert narrowly avoided hitting it. The water tower rose into sight as they got to the end of Sesame Street, a black sentinel against the blue velvet sky. Bert parked next to it, and they took the ladder up to the top. Climbing onto the roof, they waited.

"Wait. I have an idea," Ernie said. Out of the pocket of his coat, he took a lump of sidewalk chalk, and made a large circle around them. He left it a fraction of an inch incomplete, and took the silver dagger. He poked his index finger with it, and closed the circle; a gold flash of light flared for a moment around it

. Everything within a half mile radius saw it, and the infested Muppets™ and plain Daemites that saw it all turned and began their pursuit to their target hosts, Bert and Ernie, guided by the single intelligence that drove them. They were soon at the tower, and Rayne began to worry. Ernie had told her that the spell circle that he had cast would protect them, but how was she going to fight the Daemites off without the use of her blades?

A panicked shriek broke the darkness, and the figure of yet another young woman appeared on the horizon. The girl was a few years older than Rayne, with a sheet of midnight black hair and a sword at her side. Across her chest was a bandolier with seven mahogany handles sticking out of the leather pouches on it.

"This way!" called Rayne, and the girl turned her course towards the tower. As she got closer, the three could see why she had been running. A massive horde of creatures that looked absolutely terrifying, clearly dead, was chasing her. The girl flew up the ladder, and Ernie broke the circle around them. The black haired girl rushed in, and Ernie resealed the circle, just as the Daemites and the Muppet™/Daemites came into view. Beating a hasty scamper up the tower, the Daemites and dead things cleared the roof; the girl spoke in a strange tongue and drew a symbol in the air with her hand. It glowed, and flew at the assorted creatures. They recoiled at the bright light that issued from it, and many of them fell off the roof. The girl turned and, with a relieved sigh, collapsed to the floor.

"Who are you?" Bert asked.

"I am Lirael," She replied. "I followed some of the Dead Hands here, and they ambushed me. There is someone behind this, and whether it is a necromancer or something else, I know not. But whoever he is, it is him who brought these creatures and the Dead to this land. We must find him and stop him, before he takes over all everything."

"So you're saying this bad boy that talks to dead people is calling Daemites and these 'Dead Hands' here to cause trouble? And you can do some sort of magic to repel them, at least for a little while?" Rayne asked Lirael.

"I'm sure of it," said Lirael, getting to her feet. I'm not sure what exactly these 'Daemites' are or where they come from, but they are definitely controlled by the same necromancer as the Dead. I can sense Shadow Hands farther back too."

"What are Shadow Hands?" Ernie asked hesitantly, as though not sure he wanted to know.

"They are like Dead Hands, but they are without flesh, so they are even more of a threat than the dead hands, I'm afraid," Lirael said.

"And how do you know all this?" Bert demanded abruptly.

"I am the Abhorsen in waiting. The Abhorsen is sort of a necromancer that puts the dead to rest instead of raising them. We maintain the border between Life and Death, so that all walk their final path," Lirael informed him.

"Oh," said Bert, Ernie and Rayne together.

With a mass of hissing, gurgling and the clicking of necrotic joints, the army of evil swept up the ladder again in another attempt to surround the last living characters of Sesame Street. Bert and Ernie drew as far away from the motley array of things, and the circle crackled and flashed golden as the evil army tried to overwhelm it. "They're going to break through soon!" Lirael cried, as the circle flared even brighter than before. "I need to cast a diamond of protection. Stand back."

Lirael went to the northernmost part of the circle, and drew her sword, which had strange symbols on it that danced on its surface, and drew a mark in the air again. This time it flowed down her sword to form a bright recreation of the mark that Lirael had drawn in the air. She did the same at the western, eastern and southern parts of the circle, and stepped back. "Nobody go outside the diamond," cautioned Lirael. With a magnificent flash and sparking, Ernie's protective circle collapsed, and the Dead Hands stood back, aware of what the diamond would do to them. The few Daemites that blundered into it got scorched and thrown back, their lives extinguished. Ernie grinned, thinking of what they had done to his friends. Then the rest of the Daemites swarmed towards the diamond. They reveled in the pain. "This isn't what I had planned," muttered Lirael. She stepped back from the diamond, and turned to the rest of the little group. "There is a way I can find out who is sending these creatures. I can go into Death and find the necromancer who is sending these creatures after us."

"But how can you go into Death? Death is a state of mind, not an actual place," Bert interrupted. "I mean, how do we know it isn't you who-?"

"Surely it's blazingly obvious, Bert, that she isn't one of them," Ernie said sharply. Bet blinked. What Ernie said was true. He felt vaguely retarded.

"Never mind that. If there's a way that you think you can make these things go away, do it," Rayne ordered. Lirael nodded and closed her eyes. Fog billowed out around her feet, and the other three stepped back from her. Ice and fog wrapped around the woman, making her look like a museum specimen just in from the Arctic.

Lirael felt the familiar tug, and the chill that only those who traveled in Death knew. She knew where the necromancer was, to some degree, but he lay farther away from her, closer to the Second Precinct than she. He was highly skilled in Free Magic, and powerful, that was certain. She took a deep breath, and drew her sword, the sound of metal on metal echoing loudly over the flat expanse of water. She waded on, feeling very little in the way of spirits in this particular area. The dim lighting of Death prevented her from seeing too far, but soon enough, she could see the necromancer. He was a short, squat, rather rotund man, but he fairly radiated an evil aura. To those of you who realize that this is Newman again, give yourselves a hand. He turned and saw her. "Abhorsen!" he hissed. Newman took out the bell Saraneth. Swinging it in a figure eight pattern, Newman exerted his will over the young woman. Lirael steeled herself to fight the bell. She could see the sound waves travel across the water and when they reached her, she braced herself. The will of Newman was terrible. Lirael could feel the near unbearable power that would overwhelm most of the creatures of Death. But Newman underestimated one thing. She was also more powerful than the creatures of Death. She fought the bell, and withdrew her own. It was Ranna, the Sleeper. Ringing it, Lirael put her will behind the call of the bell, and Newman dropped like a fat man after Thanksgiving dinner. Lirael went over to him, and poked him with a Charter Mark for poking. Yep. He was out cold. It was a good thing that he was floating, she thought, or he'd drown. She decided to let the current have its way with him, and let Death Judge him. Turning, she waded back towards the border of Life and Death. She crossed over and, with a crackling of ice, opened her physical eyes.

"Whatever you did, it worked," said Rayne, smiling. "The Daemites and those Dead Hands just turned and ran for no good reason. What did you do?"

Lirael explained her story to the other three. When she was finished, Ernie said quietly, "That guy Newman must have something against us, because we've met him before. He tried to do us in before."

"You should make sure he doesn't do it again," Lirael commented. "I'll put some wards around your house, and that'll keep him from using Free Magic to do you in. Meanwhile, let's see to those friends of yours."

The four went around Sesame Street and located all the Muppets™ that had been possessed by the Daemites. Rayne helped load them all in a cart, and they brought them to the water tower. There, they took the stuffed animals that Ernie and Bert could find that looked like the dead friends, and lined them up next to their dead counterparts. Rayne took out a book on voodoo, and stood over the dolls, with a strange jewel pendant, she brought the dolls to life with the minds and souls of the dead Muppets™.

The Muppets™ all thanked Rayne, and went back to their homes. Then, Lirael showed them some practical knowledge on how to keep evil entities from their home. She gave them each a protective amulet as well, to ward off evil around them. Rayne contributed some of her knowledge of the occult, so the two Muppets™ would be better prepared to deal with whatever might come their way.