Chapter 30: I Am The Fire
February 16th, 2014 - 0700 (7:00 am)
It ended up being two days later that Rios released Rachel, keeping her longer than he anticipated due to a concerning amount of swelling and reddening around her wound, but he did eventually let her go, much to her relief. She hadn't wanted the kids to see her while she was in the med bay, hooked up to scary looking machines, but she wasn't sure how much longer Jed could distract them.
It was seven in the morning when Tom helped her back to their shared quarters, and the simple trip back to their room exhausted her. He helped settle her on their bed, and wrapped a blanket around her shoulders before stepping back. He knew she would be asleep within minutes; he needed to find something to do to distract the children so they wouldn't wake her.
"Rest, love," he whispered, and kissed her on the forehead. "I'll be back soon."
"Mmm," she acknowledged him, and turned her face, asking for a kiss. He smiled and obliged her, catching her lips with his and kissing her gently. "Love you," she murmured as she snuggled deeper into their blankets. It was so nice to be back in their bed. It still held their combined scent, and it was comforting to be surrounded by familiar smells as opposed to the sterile, medical environment of the med bay.
"Love you, too," he said, and gently closed the door, her eyes already closing as he did so.
He was just stepping away from the door when he was attacked by 3 feet, 6 inches of energy. "Daddy!" Sam yelled, and Tom immediately picked him up, settling the little boy on his hip and shushing him, pressing a finger gently to his lips.
"Shh, buddy," he whispered, glancing up to see Jed and Ashley in the doorway. "Rachel's sleeping. We don't want to wake her."
Sam frowned, confused. "But it's morning. She should be awake by now. Is she OK?"
Tom nodded, and quietly opened the bedroom door so Sam and Ashley could see Rachel resting on the bed in their room. He closed the door again, and then motioned Jed and Ashley out of their quarters, closing the door behind them.
"She needs lots of sleep right now," he explained, putting Sam on the ground. The little boy immediately reached for the handle on the door, wanting to go and check on Rachel himself. "We need to let her rest, buddy. When she wakes up this afternoon, we can all read some Harry Potter together, all right?"
Sam pouted, but nodded. "I guess. I just miss her so much."
Tom smiled and ruffled the boy's hair. "I know, buddy. But she got hurt and needs to heal. That takes time, and it's easier to heal when you can rest. Which means when we see her later, no running, jumping, or yelling. And you have to be careful and ask if you want to hug her, because her shoulder still hurts a lot."
Sam nodded seriously, and stuck two of his fingers in his mouth as he regarded his father. Ashley still looked worried, so Tom turned and took her hand as they walked toward the mess for breakfast.
"What's bothering you, Ash?" he asked, and the little girl shrugged.
"I'm just scared for Rachel. What if she dies, and goes away forever like mommy? I don't want to lose another mommy."
Tom could hear Jed's surprised gasp behind him; Ashley clearly hadn't shared this worry with him over the past few days that he'd been watching the children. Tom glanced over his shoulder and caught his father's eye, sharing a concerned look with him. He hadn't realized that Ashley had attached herself so thoroughly that she considered Rachel like a second mother. It only reinforced his decision to no longer allow Rachel on land for the duration of her pregnancy. Not only could he not stand the thought of losing her, he was sure it would break the kids, too, especially if Ashley already considered her a mother figure.
He waited until they were in the mess and out of the p-way, and then leaned down in front of Ashley.
"Hey," he said, reaching up and tilting Ashley's chin up so she could look him in the eye. "Sweetheart. Listen to me. Rachel is going to be fine. She was hurt, yes, but we took good care of her and she and the baby are both healthy. She just needs to rest. And from now on, she won't be going on any more dangerous missions. She'll stay here, on the ship, with you and Sam. Baby, I can't promise that nothing will ever happen to her, because no one can tell the future, but believe me when I say that she would never, ever leave you if she had a choice. And I will do everything in my power to make sure she's safe and healthy, OK?"
Ashley nodded, a tiny smile tugging at her lips.
"OK, Daddy," she said, and then shifted on her feet in a way that told Tom she had something else on her mind.
"What else is bothering you, Ash?" he coaxed her gently.
She looked up and blushed, but said, "Can I tell Rachel that she's like a mommy to me? I love her so much, and I want her to know that I think of her as my second mom."
Tom smiled and took his daughter into his arms, tucking her head beneath his chin. "She would love to hear you say that to her, sweetheart. She loves you and Sam more than anything, and it would make her happy to hear that you think of her like that."
Ashley nodded, and then Sam was there, hugging Tom around the waist, too. "What about me, daddy?" he asked excitedly. "Can Rachel be my second mommy, too?"
Tom chuckled, and hugged both of his children close.
"I'm sure she'd love nothing more," he said, and when he looked up he caught his father's knowing gaze.
"Just gotta make it official, now," Jed said, and winked at Tom. "Move that ring to the right finger, son."
Tom rolled his eyes, but began shifting around ideas in his head to make exactly that happen.
February 16th, 2014 - 1400 (2:00 pm)
When Rachel woke up that afternoon, the children crawled into the bed with her and refused to leave. Sam took up residence on her left side, the uninjured side, while Ashley settled on her right. She was very gentle, not touching Rachel except to hold her hand. She didn't want to hurt her, and she was more careful than Sam, so she had taken it upon herself to sit on the injured side.
"Rachel, can you read to us?" Sam asked, looking up at her with bright blue eyes from where he was snuggled under her arm. Rachel was about to respond that she would love to when Tom entered the room with the third Harry Potter book. They'd finished the first and the second, and had just started the third book, which was Rachel's favorite of the series.
"I will read to you," Tom said, sitting carefully on the bed and scooting against the headboard. "Rachel is tired and needs to rest."
Rachel rolled her eyes at Tom and his over-protectiveness, but the smile didn't leave her lips.
"But Daddy," Ashley complained, her voice a whine. "Rachel does the voices better!"
"Yes, she does," Tom agreed. "But I will be reading today, and she can take back over when she feels better."
Ashley pouted but didn't argue as Tom opened the book and began to read.
"Harry Potter was a highly unusual boy in many ways. For one thing, he hated the summer holidays more than any other time of year. For another, he really wanted to do his homework but was forced to do it in secret, in the dead of night. And he also happened to be a wizard."
Tom looked up briefly when he heard Rachel sigh, but when his eyes met hers, he saw that it was a sigh of pleasure. Her eyes were ever so slightly glassy, an effect of the pain medication, but she was smiling and looked completely content snuggled up between the two children. He wanted to reach out and kiss her, but settled for sending a soft smile her way before continuing to read.
"It was nearly midnight and he was laying on his stomach in bed..."
He continued reading for a very long time. The next time he looked up, he could see that Sam had fallen asleep despite the fact that he didn't normally nap in the middle of the day anymore. He had two fingers in his mouth and was sucking them lazily as he rested. Rachel was watching the little boy with love shining in her eyes, and Ashley was watching Rachel watch her brother.
Tom marked their spot and put the book down slowly. Rachel looked up when he stopped reading, giving him a curious look.
"Hey, Ash," he said softly, turning his attention toward his daughter. "Wasn't there something you wanted to tell Rachel?"
Ashley's cheeks pinked, but she nodded quickly, scrabbling to sit in front of the scientist. She was leaning up on her knees, matching Rachel's height on the bed, when she spoke.
"I was talking to daddy, earlier, about how I was so worried about you," she started, and Rachel made a small, pained noise. She looked like she was getting ready to interrupt Ashley to assure her that she was fine when the little girl continued speaking. "And I told him that... that I was so worried 'cause I didn't want to lose a second mommy."
Rachel gasped, her eyes shining suspiciously bright as she watched the little girl.
"And I asked daddy if I could tell you that. That I think of you like my second mommy, 'cause I love you so much, and he said that he thought it would make you very happy."
Rachel nodded, sniffling as she carefully shifted out of Sam's grasp to hug Ashley.
"It makes me very, very happy," she confirmed, and Ashley smiled as she returned the hug.
"Can I call you mommy sometimes, then? I do in my head sometimes, but I didn't know if it was OK to say out loud."
Rachel nodded quickly, burying her face in the little girl's hair. "I would love that. But only ever if you want to, and only if you feel comfortable," she said, and Tom loved her so much in that moment that his chest hurt.
He met her eyes over Ashley's head and gave her a soft smile. He knew that the look on his face was probably very sappy, but in that moment, he didn't care. He was alone with his family, and it was OK to let them know how he felt.
"I love you," he whispered, and Rachel reached around Ashley's body to grab his hand. He squeezed it and held on tight.
"I love you, too," she whispered, and he couldn't help himself. He moved over to sit next to Rachel, lifting Sam's sleeping body into his lap so that he could wrap his arms around Rachel. She sighed happily and curled into his chest, resting her head over his heart while Ashley continued to rest against her side.
He knew that he would have to talk to her soon about not letting her off the ship. He knew she wouldn't take it well at first, until she understood his reasoning, but he didn't want to think about it until later. Here and now, he just wanted to spend time with his family, content in the knowledge that the people he loved were alive and well and safe in his arms.
February 16th, 2014 - 2200 (10:00 pm)
"I already know what you're going to say," Rachel said as she sat on the edge of the sink later that night. She was naked, and Tom was carefully washing her body before bed. She wasn't supposed to get her stitches wet for at least another 48 hours, so much as she wanted to take a shower, she was stuck with sponge baths for now.
At least her nurse was hot.
"Oh really?" Tom asked, running the wash rag over her shoulders before washing gently between and under her breasts. She sighed at his touch, turned on as she always was when he touched her, but not in a way that demanded anything more. She was just warm and content and enjoying his large, calloused hands being so gentle with her.
"Yes. I know you don't want me to go off the ship anymore."
Tom opened his mouth to defend himself (though not to deny it), but before he could, Rachel set a finger against his lips to hush him.
"It's OK, love. I agree. We have been playing with fire, me leaving the ship so many times. I... I've always believed that if I could do good, then the risk was worth it. But it's not just me now, and it's not just me and the baby, either. Ashley and Sam can't lost another mother. And I know you can't lose me, either."
Tom nodded, his hand shaking as he sat the wash rag on the counter. He pressed his forehead to Rachel's uninjured shoulder, his arms wrapping around her as he shook with relief.
"Thank you," he whispered, and she returned his embrace, wincing as she pulled on her stitches wrong.
They held each other for a long time. Long enough that when he pulled back, he had to run new, warm water in the sink to finish washing Rachel. He washed every inch of her with the same loving, gentle touch, from between her legs to the bottom of her feet. When he was done, she was lazily leaning against the wall, a smile on her lips.
Tom kissed her cheek before encouraging her to stand in front of the chair he'd pulled up by the sink. He helped wrap her in a soft, warm towel before nudging her to sit down. Once she had, he leaned her backward and started pouring cupfuls of warm water over her hair, wetting it from root to end before lathering shampoo in the brown strands.
"That feels so good," she hummed, her eyes closed as he scratched at her scalp.
"I'm glad," Tom said, carefully running his fingers through her hair, making sure there were no knots before rinsing and applying conditioner. He let it sit in her hair for a few minutes while he left the room to find her clothes. He ended up grabbing only a pair of panties and one of his large t-shirts for her, and after rinsing her hair he helped her dress, loving the way she looked in his clothes.
"Are you ready for bed?" He asked, quickly changing into his own sleep pants before taking her hand and leading her out of the bathroom.
She nodded and crawled carefully into the bed, waiting for him to join her before laying on top of his chest.
She hummed and ran her fingers over his chest, noticing that he was half hard under his pajama pants and wanting to do something about it. But he shook his head and grabbed her wrist, entwining their fingers and raising their hands to his chest.
"Not tonight, sweetheart. Rain check for when you're feeling better."
"OK," she breathed, and then closed her eyes. She was asleep in a matter of minutes.