Disclaimer: I don't own Mutant X or any characters you recognize. The poem is "Out of the Rolling Ocean the Crowd" by Walt Whitman.
A/N: Hey guys, another chapter. Yay, right? Hope you enjoy it. Don't forget to review!
Mommy's sweet voice floated through the little room. It flowed through Kassie like warm honey, soothing and sweet. Kassie stretched out on her stomach, resting her chin on her hands to watch her mother. Mommy sat curled in the rickety old rocking chair, swaying gently next to the fireplace. The fire barely lit Mommy's face as she rocked back and forth, softly reciting poetry. Kassie loved to listen to Mommy when she read from her poetry books. The fascinating words spilled, like liquid, from Mommy's lips.
"Out of the rolling ocean the crowd came a drop gently to me," Mommy's voice sang softly through the room. Her deep brown eyes studied each word intently.
"Whispering I love you, before long I die,
I have travel'd a long way merely to look on you to touch you,
For I could not die till I once look'd on you,
For I fear'd I might afterward lose you."
Kassie had heard this poem many times before. Kassie was to young to understand the real meaning of the poem, but the lyrical words brought her comfort. Mommy's voice was always so quiet and passionate when she recited poetry. It often sounded like she was telling Kassidy and Brennan a very important secret, too beautiful and magical to be revealed to others.
"Now we have met, we have look'd, we are safe,
Return in peace to the ocean my love,
I too am part of that ocean my love, we are not so much separated,"
Kassidy may have been young, but she was not too young to know that Mommy was talking about Daddy. Mommy always read this poem when she missed Daddy and she really missed him today. Kassie could see it in Mommy's eyes, hear it in her voice, smell it in the four dozen Christmas cookies sitting on the counter waiting to be sent to soldiers in a far away war. A few silky strands slipped free from Mommy's braid to obscure her vision. Kassie watched as her mother brought a delicate hand up to brush the offending tresses aside. The small fire set Mommy's wedding band ablaze with light. She paused momentarily, in movement and recitation, to consider the simple ring. A single tear fell from her large brown eyes to land perfectly on the ring. Mama raised the ring to her lips and kissed it tenderly. Kassie watched in childish wonder.
Kassie didn't like it when Mommy cried. It always made her cry too. That couldn't happen today! It was Christmas! No one should be sad on Christmas, especially Kassidy Mulwray. Everything was perfect. The presents were perfect. The Christmas tree was perfect. The house looked perfect. They even remembered to set up the cresh this year. To top everything off, Daddy had even sent them a Christmas card. Kassie had cradled the card as though it were a precious jewel. She tried to show it to Brennan and explain to him where it had come from, but he was too busy playing with his new toys. Mommy said he was too young to understand and they'd have to wait until Bren was big like Kassie.
"Behold the great rondure, the cohesion of all, how perfect!
But as for me, for you, the irresistible sea is to separate us,
As for an hour carrying us diverse, yet cannot carry us diverse forever;"
Mommy continued reading the poem, though now her voice was thick with sadness. The firelight caught the silvery trails, which slowly slid down her cheeks. As she rocked gently, Mommy hugged the little book to her chest. She held it, cradled between her arms and chest, with all her strength. Her glistening eyes shut tightly, yet not tight enough to stop the flow of tears. A frown of distress marred her beautiful face while she tried to control the sobs that threatened to rise up and consume her. Mommy sat there, hunched in the rocking chair, eyes shut with the book of poems clasped tightly to her heart. All of her love, desperation, sadness, and passion seeped into her voice as she recited the last lines from memory.
"Be not impatient—a little space—know you I salute the air, the
ocean and the land,
Every day at sundown for your dear sake my love."
Silence reined as the poem ended. Kassidy did not know how to best comfort her mother. Her mind raced searching for ideas, each one discarded. Even little Brennan seemed unnaturally silent. It was so unnerving that Kassie jumped when the doorbell pierced through the quiet. It took her a moment to realize what the sound had signified. By the time her mind caught up with her, Kassidy was already halfway to the door. She dodged through mountains of wrapping paper and nearly tripped over Brennan and his new "fye tuck." She heard her mother warning her not to open the door alone. Mommy said that Kassie was a big girl but she still wasn't old enough to talk to strangers.
Kassidy bounced up and down as she waited by the front door. All sadness and distress was erased by the childish dreams of what could be outside. Had Santa forgotten something? Was it a pony? Maybe a unicorn? It was all too exciting for Kassie. Disregarding Mommy's warning, Kassie flung the door open wide, her eyes searching the porch for her Christmas surprise, only to find a man in a uniform. Kassidy was confused and very disappointed. This wasn't what she was expecting.
"Where's my pony?" she asked, with innocence only a five year old could manage. She saw the man grimace slightly. He had very sad eyes that looked at her with pity. She could tell that he didn't want to be the one on her doorstep any more than she wanted him there.
"Kassidy Alexis Mulwray! I told you not to open that door! What on Earth were you--" Kassie was even more confused when Mommy broke off in the middle of her lecture. Kassidy turned around to see Mommy staring at the uniformed man. She looked very pale and shaky, eyes wide with horror. She took two stumbling steps forward and rested a trembling hand on Kassie's shoulder. "Kass, go play with Brennan while I talk to this nice man. Ok, honey?"
Kassidy looked up at Mommy in confusion. She was starting to get scared. Mommy said the man was nice, but her voice was laced with fear and dread. Kassie decided it was best to do as her mother said, especially since she was close to getting in trouble anyway. She nodded and, after casting a final suspicious look at the man, she picked her way back through the debris. Instead of sitting where Brennan was playing on the far side of the room, Kassidy hauled her little brother to his feet and slowly dragged him over by the door to the entryway. She finally settled down so that Brennan was quietly playing, while she spied on Mommy.
Mommy's entire body was shaking with quiet sobs. Her beautiful hair fell out of its braid to shadow her face. Kassie could see something in her mother's hands but she couldn't tell what it was. Whatever it was, Mommy seemed to be studying it closely. When she raised her head, Mommy's hair fell back revealing her puffy eyes and tear stained face. What shocked Kassidy the most, thought, was the rage in her mother's eyes.
"A flag?" Mommy's voice was quiet and rough, as though she had been screaming for hours. The uniformed man shifted uncomfortably in front of Mommy. He kept opening and closing his mouth, trying to find something to say that might calm the distressed woman. Suddenly Mommy's quiet voice rose to an enraged yell. "A flag! My husband, the man I love, dies and you give me a flag? You actually came here, on Christmas of all days, to tell me that the father of my children was taken prisoner and executed, and…and now you're giving me some sick consolation prize? Fuck you and your damn flag!"
With that Mommy threw the flag back at the shocked man. She collapsed to her knees, covering her face with shaking hands, and sobbed uncontrollably. Kassidy sat in shock. She had never seen her mother lose control like that. Mommy never cursed and she hardly ever yelled. Kassie turned her wide eyes to the man. As she stared at the nervous man's uniform her mother's words started to sink in. Daddy's dead? No! It's not true. The man must have lied. Daddy wouldn't die. He promised Kassie he would be back for her. Daddy never breaks his promises.
Even as the reassurances filled her mind, Kassie's heart filled with despair. Tears streamed down the little girls cheeks as her mind fought to deny the truth. She sobbed, pulling her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms tightly around them, as she watched the man try to console Mommy. Mommy kept pushing the man away, screaming at him to leave, sobbing her heart out into the carpet. Kassie's mind finally registered the wailing cries of her baby brother. Brennan. He was so young. Too young to understand what had happened. He had never even met Daddy. Now he never would. Kassidy sobbed even harder as she pulled her brother into her arms. She held him, rocking, as they both cried together with their mother's hysterical sobs. Before long, the children fell silent. They were exhausted and drained from crying. Together they drifted asleep, lulled by the sound of their mother's tears.