Chapter 33: I Am The Fire

February 21st, 2014 - 0600 (6:00 am)

The next morning, Tom considered calling into the bridge sick for the first time in his Navy career that he could remember. He woke up feeling the same peace that he had fallen asleep with the previous night, and he knew that it would disappear as soon as he was forced to face the real world again. All he wanted to do was stay cuddled up with Rachel, breathing in their combined scent and remembering how it had felt to give her control and have her take care of him.

He'd never been taken care of like that before, sexually, and he was afraid that he was a little addicted to it.

Instead of calling in sick like he really wanted to, though, he lay in bed thinking.

He knew that he wanted to marry this woman. If he had any say in it, they were going to spend their rest of their lives together, raise Ashley and Sam and this new baby together (and maybe more babies? He wouldn't be opposed to a large family). It only made sense to ask her to marry him.

But not only did it just make sense, it was something he wanted desperately. He wanted them to be bound together in every sense of the word. He wanted her to wear his ring, and for him to wear her ring in return. He wanted, if it was what she wanted, for her to share his last name even if she kept hers professionally.

He knew he wanted to ask her, and he knew that she was going to say yes (he was 99.98% certain, that was), but he just didn't know when he should ask.

It seemed like last night on the beach would have been a good time, the right atmosphere, but he wasn't prepared. He wanted to find her another ring, one that mean something more and different than the previous one he had given her. The last ring had been a promise that he would never leave her, or their little family, but the ring he gave her next would be a symbol that he wanted to marry her, and be hers for the rest of their lives.

Sighing, he reached the hand that Rachel wasn't laying on to brush his fingers through his hair.

He would have plenty of opportunities to look when she wouldn't be around. She had agreed, without arguing, that she shouldn't leave the ship on these missions anymore. Dr. Tophet would begin taking her place today, in fact, when they stopped in Ireland. He felt a sense of relief about that; he no longer had to worry about her safety, because even if anything did happen while they were on land, she would be safe on the ship. And, if anything should happen to him, the kids would still have Rachel. They wouldn't be left alone.

"What are you thinking about so intently this early in the morning?" Rachel murmured sleepily, curling even closer to his chest. He smiled, turning onto his side so he could press her head into his chest and wrap both arms around her.

"Just about how much I love you," he said, kissing her hair. She smiled against his skin.

"You big flirt."

"I only speak the truth."

"Hmm. Well then, I happen to love you, too."

"That's lucky for me."

Tom couldn't wipe the stupid smile off of his face. He felt so... light. So different than he normally felt. The weight of the world wasn't on his shoulders this morning, though he knew that once he stepped out of their little bubble, it would come crashing back down.

He decided to enjoy the peace a little bit longer.

He also decided to throw caution to the wind.

He could always find a ring later.

But he couldn't wait to tell her that he wanted to marry her and grow old with her.

"Rachel," he started, and she looked up at him, her sleepy brown eyes meeting his. She was so beautiful like this, her hair a mess from sleep and her cheeks flushed. She never let anyone else see her like this; it was a privilege that only he was given, and he relished it. He loved that he got to see her first thing in the morning, before she put on her armor for the day, and he hoped that he would get to spend every morning of the rest of his life the same way.

"Yes, love?" she asked, her fingers trailing a path down his chest. He hadn't bothered to put a t-shirt on after their shower last night; her warm fingers running over his skin made him shiver.

"I was just thinking." He paused, and kissed her gently, unable to help himself. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

Rachel blushed, a huge smile breaking out over her face. It was the kind of smile that he loved seeing on her. He could tell, when she smiled this way, that she was elated and didn't care to hide her happiness.

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you, too," she whispered, and Tom felt his heart racing as he pulled back from her just far enough to cup her face in his hands. He marveled at how his hands covered her face from almost the bottom of her chin to her temples.

"I want to marry you," he said. A simple statement, not quite a question, but Rachel still drew in a deep breath, her eyes searching his. He smiled. "No pressure and no expectations. I just wanted you to know. I love you and I want to marry you."

"I want to marry you, too," Rachel blurted out, and held out her hand. "I've wanted to move this ring to my left hand since the day you gave it to me."

Tom beamed, leaning forward to press his lips to Rachel's. He kissed her slowly, lovingly, for a long moment before pulling away.

"May I... ?" he asked, and motioned toward Rachel's right hand. She grinned and nodded, sniffling to hold back tears as Tom carefully removed the thin, rose-gold band from her right hand.

He stood up, stepping off the side of the bed, suddenly wanting to do this right. He held out a hand, and encouraged her to stand beside the bed with him.

"Rachel," he started, as he slowly fell to one knee on the floor of their cabin.

It wasn't the most romantic place, and he still wished that he had a better ring for her, but it was what felt right in that moment. Alone, in the place that they had grown so close over the past few months. The place he had held her though nightmare after nightmare, where they had slept together as a family for the first time when he had gotten Sam and Ashley back. The room where they had conceived the baby that was growing in her stomach.

Rachel pressed a hand over her mouth, trying to contain her grin. She knew there were tears welling up in her eyes but she didn't bother to wipe them away. They were happy tears.

"I love you. And I am so damn lucky that I get to love you, I know that. I am so lucky that you chose me, that you chose Ashley and Sam, us. I know the circumstances that brought us together were not ideal, but I also know that we would have found each other eventually, regardless. Me falling for you wasn't a matter of if, it was a matter of when."

"For me, too," Rachel said, her voice breaking. She felt a tear fall free, and reached out for Tom's hand. He grasped her hand in his, in the one that wasn't holding the ring he was about to put on her finger.

"I promise I will love you, and this baby, and any other babies we have, for the rest of my life. I promise I will never leave you, for any length of time, if it is at all within my power to do so. I will fight for you, and for our family, because you and Sam and Ashley and this baby are the most important things to me in this entire world."

He paused, taking in Rachel's expression, the tears that were running slowly down her cheeks. He smiled, and reached their clasped hands up to wipe away her tears.

"Rachel Scott, will you marry me?"

Rachel nodded; she was a vision standing there in just her tank top and panties (his second favorite ones now; the black lace ones had overtaken the red ones as his favorites). Her hair was a mess, she wasn't wearing any make up, and she was perfect.

He couldn't wait to spend the rest of their lives together.

"Yes. Yes, of course I will. Yes, I will marry you," she said, and he placed the ring on her finger with shaking hands. As soon as it was settled on the ring finger of her left hand, he surged up, cupping her face and kissing her deeply, pressing her back into the bed.

"Bold of you to assume we will be having more babies after this one, however," she said, giggling as he lowered her back to the sheets.

"Rachel," he said seriously, holding himself over her and staring into her deep, brown eyes. "Unless we find some birth control, and soon, we will be having a small army of babies, because I don't know if you noticed, but we can't seem to keep our hands off of each other."

"Hmm, yes, that does seem to be a bit of a problem for us," she admitted, grinning as he peeled her tanktop off of her body. "In fact, you seem to be having trouble keeping your hands to yourself right now, mister."

Tom chuckled. "Do you want me to keep my hands to myself?"

Rachel grinned, and shook her head as she wrapped one leg around his waist, using the toes of her other foot to draw his briefs down his hips.

"No, I do not."

Tom brought their clasped hands up to kiss the ring on her finger, and then smiled, turning his attention to the last, red scrap of fabric keeping her body away from him.

"That's what I thought."

February 21st, 2014 - 0900 (9:00 am)

"Kara says that you can tell us at any point if we're having a boy or a girl," Danny said, smiling at Rachel as she motioned for Kara to lay down on the bed in the med bay. She nodded, sitting on a small stool beside the couple. "She said it would make more sense, knowing, so that we can get the things we need."

"Yes, I can," she confirmed. "And it would be easier, though as I told Kara, if you don't want to know we can look for gender neutral items. It really is your choice."

Kara smiled and gripped Danny's hand. They shared a look, and then turned back to her as she was readying the ultrasound.

"We want to know," Kara told her. "At first we weren't sure, but ... we talked about it, and we want to be able to come up with a name, and make sure we have all of the supplies and clothes we need. We want to know."

Rachel grinned at them and then rolled up her sleeves of her sweater, preparing to put on gloves so that she could begin the exam. "Well, then it's a -"

"Holy shit!" Kara exclaimed, and Rachel jerked her hand away, alarmed.

"Are you OK, Kara? Is the baby all right?" she asked, reaching one hand out to press to the other woman's arm in concern.

"I'm fine. I'm fine. But oh my god, your ring moved. Did you get engaged, Dr. Scott?"

Danny whipped his head around, staring at Rachel's hand, breaking out in a grin when he, too, saw what Kara had spotted.

Rachel blushed, ducking her head and hiding her smile. They hadn't talked about telling people - they'd been otherwise occupied this morning, and then Tom'd had to race to the deck with less than ten minutes to get ready for their stop in Ireland after Rachel had so thoroughly distracted him. But she hadn't counted on her friend being so observant. The cat was out of the bag, she supposed; might as well tell her.

"Yes," she admitted, raising her gaze to meet Kara's. "This morning. Tom... gave me this ring a while back, as a promise ring, but this morning he... he asked me to marry him. I said yes, obviously."

Kara squealed excitedly, her eyes shining, and Rachel couldn't help but laugh.

"This is so exciting. I can't believe it. Are you going to have the wedding aboard the ship, or wait until we get back home?"

Rachel shrugged, reaching out to continue her exam as she considered. "We haven't had time to talk about it. Ideally we would wait until we have landed back in Norfolk. We are hoping to ... somewhat settle down, after this mission. Before the baby comes. Maybe sometime between the end of the mission and the birth, maybe after. I don't care either way, as long as we're together."

Kara smiled happily, humming as Rachel squirted ultrasound gel on her abdomen.

"Now, did you want to know if you're having a boy or a girl or not?" she asked, trying to deflect attention.

"Yes. Sorry, I got distracted by your ring."

Rachel smiled at the expectant parents, looking forward to when it would be her turn to have this conversation in a few weeks.

"Congratulations, you're having a boy."

Danny grinned from ear to ear, gripping tighter to Kara's hand, eyes on the ultrasound as it came online. The fluttering of the baby's heart filled the room, and even though she'd heard it before, Kara felt herself tear up.

"Hearing that never gets less amazing," she said, sighing happily. Then, to Danny, more quietly this time, "We should name him Frankie."

Danny nodded, clenching his jaw tightly to try and keep his emotions in check. It was futile, of course, listening to the women he loved suggesting that they name their baby boy after his fallen best friend. A tear escaped despite his best efforts, and he let it roll down his cheek, unchecked.

"Yeah. Yeah, he would love that. Frankie. That's perfect."

Rachel turned her attention to the ultrasound screen, giving her two friends a moment of privacy. They didn't speak much. They simply continued to grasp to each other tightly, foreheads pressed together, breathing in the same air. She gave them as long as she could, until she had finished taking the baby's measurements and was ready for the physical portion of Kara's exam.

"Everything looks perfect," she told them, and handed them a new ultrasound picture. "Development is right on track. Baby is measuring a tiny bit large at 16 inches and approximately 2.6 pounds, but that's perfectly fine for 26 weeks. We'll keep an eye on him. If he's getting too big to safely deliver vaginally we may induce, since a c-section on aboard the ship is not ideal. Now, the next portion of the exam is not as fun, I'm afraid."

Kara grimaced but nodded, and Rachel stepped away, pulling the curtain for her privacy while she got ready for the physical examination.

While she waited she pressed a hand to her own stomach, absently wondering how big her baby was. At 14 weeks she had just entered the second trimester, and knew that the baby should be around 4 inches and 2 ounces, still smaller than the palm of her hand. But, considering Tom's size, she wouldn't be shocked if her baby was a little big, too. She'd have to have Rios check for her soon.

"We're ready, Doc," Danny called a few minutes later, and Rachel smiled, pushing aside thoughts of her own baby, to go finish Kara's exam.

February 21st, 2014 - 2200 (10:00 pm)

"Why isn't daddy here?" Ashley asked that night as Rachel helped the kids get settled into bed before they started Harry Potter. Sam nodded in solidarity with his sister, wanting to know where his father was, as well.

Rachel shot Jed a look but he shrugged, unsure of how to help answer. The older man was sitting on his own bed, reading from a paperback he'd taken from Tom's collection.

Tom, who was supposed to be back by now.

The team had missed their last check in at 1800 and they hadn't heard from them since, although they hadn't seen any flares, either. No flare meant no trouble. Or, at least that they couldn't report the trouble.

Rachel sighed and pasted a smile on her face before turning to face the children.

"I don't know, love," she said honestly. She didn't believe in lying to children, and Ashley and Sam were strong and could handle the truth. "The team is late coming back. But they haven't signaled for help, so I'm sure they're just not getting a good signal on the radio or something. Or, maybe Dr. Tophet isn't as smart as I am and it's taking him longer to explain how the cure works."

Ashley nodded and smiled a little at the joke, though it didn't reach her eyes. She always worried when her daddy wasn't there for bedtime. "I'm glad you're here, though," she said, looking up at Rachel and gently touching the shoulder that was mostly healed by now. "I'm glad you're not leaving the ship any more, after you got hurt. It scared me when you would leave."

"But you don't get scared when your father leaves?" Rachel teased the girl as she brushed a stray lock of brown hair out of her eyes.

"Daddy is Navy," Ashley said, as if that explained everything. "He's been trained to fight the bad guys. He knows how to use a gun and everything. I still worry about him, but I know he'll come back. I was worried that you wouldn't come back if you left again. You almost didn't come back last time."

Rachel reached out to take the little girl into her arms, glad that she had made the decision to not go on land anymore. It went against her instincts - she wanted to show everyone that she could and she would, but she had to worry about more than herself now, which was novel. It had been the right decision, and she knew that no one thought she was weak for making it.

"Well I'm here to stay," she said, and then pulled back, smiling as Sam crawled into her lap, too. "Now, how about some Harry Potter, then? They're about to use the time turner, and I want to see what happens next."

The children nodded eagerly, and Rachel settled in to read. She made sure to make the voices extra silly and excited tonight, knowing that Sam and Ashley needed a distraction from waiting on their father.

She was just finishing a chapter, resolving to reread it the following night since both children had fallen asleep several pages ago, when the hatch to Jed's chambers opened.

"There you are," Tom said with a sigh of relief, and walked toward to sit on the bed beside her.

Rachel smiled brightly, and then quickly but gently dug herself out from under the children to hug him.

"What do you mean 'there you are', you're the one who is four hours late!" She scolded him, and he chuckled, holding her tightly in his arms.

"She's not wrong," Jed added, and Tom shot his father a look. "Kids have been worried. So has she."

"Tex got us lost on the way to the lab. We tried to radio, but couldn't get a signal. Everything went fine once we found our way out of the jungle. No one got hurt, nothing like that, sweetheart," he assured her.

Rachel sighed and nodded, resting her head on Tom's chest. "I knew that you were most likely fine, but staying here while you're out there was harder than I expected it to be. I know we're doing good, and that this mission is ... so important. But I'm just ready for it to be over, for us to be able to take a breath and not have to worry about the fate of everyone on the planet. It's exhausting, living this way."

Tom agreed, knowing that Rachel wasn't the only one who was struggling with the length of the mission. It had been nine months since the ship had set out from Norfolk for the first time, and they easily had another three months in front of them. The crew was in better spirits after the beach barbecue, but he knew that the pressure and the weight of such an important mission was weighing heavily on everyone.

"I know," he said simply, unsure what else to say. "But we're halfway done. We're in the home stretch, and then I promise, we will have some time to ourselves. Just us, our family. We'll find a house, settle down for a while. Do normal, boring things like setting up a nursery and getting ready for the baby. Fight about whose turn it is to take out the trash. You can even yell at me for leaving my socks on the floor."

Rachel sniffed and then pulled back, turning to check on the children. She made sure they were both comfortable and tucked in before standing up.

"Those boring things sound absolutely wonderful," she said, and took Tom's hand when he held it out to her.

"Goodnight you two," Jed said, waving at them from his bunk.

"Night, dad," Tom echoed, tugging on Rachel's hand to lead her out of Jed's cabin and across the hall to their own.

Once they were inside, Tom closed and latched the door, and then turned to stare at Rachel, his fiancée.

He grinned, and then said, "Now, Tex had me trudging through the jungle for six hours this morning. I need a long, hot shower. I don't suppose I could convince you to join me?"

"I think," Rachel said, leaning up to wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him chastely on the lips. "That you could convince me of nearly anything if you put your mind to it."

"Well I guess I'd better put my mind to it, then," he said, placed his hands on her hips to lead her into their bathroom.

It was good to be home.