Chapter 2: A Long Lost Love

Marissa sat back down on her bed and cried. She reached to her dresser on the left side of the bed and pushed the play button. She knew Evanescence would be the only thing that could bring her back to life. She felt so dead to life she wanted to do something to take the pain away.

She looked around the room frantically trying to find something to dull the pain she felt in her heart. No man had ever loved her or ever will. She was shit. Even her best friend had moved on from her. She had no one to turn to and nowhere to go. She spotted a pair of scissors on her desk and ran to grab them.

She slowly crept into her private bathroom and locked the door if she bled to death no one would care. If she died no one would miss her. She slid down the door until she was sitting on the cold tile floor. She wiped her tears one last time. She needed to escape and get away.

Marissa couldn't even feel it when the sharp medal blade pierced her skin. She watched her pain drip away as the blood started to stain her bathroom floor. She started to feel nauseas as the room began to spin. She cut deeper and dragged the knife up her arm creating more blood. The next thing she knew everything was black.

Ryan burst through Marissa's door like there was no tomorrow. He had a bad feeling in his gut and she was nowhere in sight. He looked all over her room tearing it to shreds. He just had to find her. If he didn't, she just may be dead.

"What the hell are you doing?" Julie yelled as she peeked her head in her daughter's room. She caught Ryan looking for something as the room looked like a tornado had just past through. She was going to say more but thought better of it. She wanted to salvage whatever relationship she still had with her daughter.

"If I don't find Marissa, there is a good chance she's dead. I need to find a clue to where she is."

Julie walked into the room stepping carefully. She didn't want to break anything. She had nothing better to do then help him look. As much as she hated Ryan, he knew Marissa more than she did, and she didn't want to lose her daughter. She sighed as she stood in the middle of the room trying to figure out what she was looking for. She noticed Marissa's bathroom door was shut and ran over to it. She pulled and twisted at the knob with all her strength. She glanced at Ryan and stated, "I think I found her."

"Look out Julie!"

Before she could say anything in protest, Ryan started to run full speed at the door. If it was locked, then he would break it down. Even if they weren't romantically linked, they were still friends, Lindsay would have to understand. He rubbed his head as he threw the door across the floor nearly hitting Julie in the head.

"Mrs. Nichols if you want to see your daughter alive again, you should go start a car," Ryan said as he entered the bathroom only to find blood. He looked at Marissa and asked him self what it was that drove her to do this. He felt guilty for not staying with her. He should have protected her, but he wasn't her boyfriend and it wasn't his job. He walked over to Marissa Grabbing a towel on the way. He lifted her up into his arms and put pressure on her arm to try and stop the blood. He ran to the car and sat with Marissa on his lap in the back seat.

Julie and Ryan sat impatiently in the Emergency Room waiting room. Neither one of them had been that scared in their lives. Ryan still couldn't understand why he cared so much. Julie wanted to have a relationship with her daughter, she didn't want her dead. They both shared her in common and for once they were at peace.

"You're really not that bad of a guy."

"Thank you."

"I may not know a lot about my daughter, but I do know she loves you. I also know that you love Lindsay. Isn't she practically your aunt? That's practically incest."

"Wants your point?"

"You should be with my daughter."

"So this can happen again?"

"No, so it doesn't happen again."

"Why do you only think about yourself?"

"I don't know if my daughter is even alive. I do now that the two of you have something special because you knew she was hurt."

"She hasn't been happy for a while you've just been too blind to see it."

"What the hell do you know?"

"She came to my house asking to talk. She told me she wanted to commit suicide."

"And you left her alone?"

"I thought it was just a scheme to get me back."

"Newsflash! Now, she may never get you back."

Ryan didn't have a comeback to that comment. He should have stayed with her. He should have stopped her. He should have told her he loved her. Now, it was too late to help her. He could barely feel a pulse when he picked her up, maybe she really was dead. He cried. He didn't want to lose Marissa. He almost felt like he was losing his mother all over again.

The doctor slowly walked over with a manila folder in his hand. He looked very please and yet very puzzled. Neither one of the two waiting for him could tell what his was thinking. They both stood as he approached. They hoped he would deliver the good news that they may go see her.

"I have some good news for you guys."

"Is my baby going to be alright?" Julie asked earnestly. She didn't want Marissa dead. She just wanted her to get some help. She just wanted her daughter to get her head on straight.

"Marissa will be fine. My colleagues are running some tests right now to check her blood alcohol limit and seeing if there were any drugs in her system. I want the two of you to keep an eye on her. I am not sure that she is mentally stable."

"Don't worry we will. When can I see my daughter?"

"Actually she asked to speak to Ryan first."

"Him?" Julie asked pointing at Ryan. She couldn't believe her daughter would choose him before her. She loved Marissa. She never meant to be a bitch to her. She just wanted her daughter to have the best.

"Is she sure? I think that Julie should see her first."

"Thank you Ryan," Julie said. "She wants to see you, go." She couldn't really hide the pain it caused her to say that. She just wanted to be a good mother. If she ever wanted to get on Marissa's good side again, she'd have to tolerate Ryan. She was even beginning to see he was actually a good guy.

"Fine, where is she?"

"Follow me Mr. Atwood."

The doctor led Ryan to the treatment room in the very back of the hallway. He unlocked the door and pushed it open so that Ryan could get in. He stood waiting for Ryan to enter the room. After Ryan sheepishly entered the room, he shut the door behind him and walked away.

"Ryan, is that you?" Marissa coughed. She just wanted to see him one more time. She wanted to her him whisper sweet nothings into her ear. She wanted him to love her the way he used to. She just wanted him back; although she knew she could never have him.

"Yeah."

"Come over here, could you?"

Ryan strutted over to her. She was just like his mother. Although he didn't want to love her, she needed him. She needed him not only for love but also for survival. She was dead without him. She attempt at suicide was a desperate cry for help. He dint know what to say to her. He didn't know how to act around her. He dint know anything anymore.

Marissa was lying in her hospital bed wrapped in thin white blankets. She was wearing a paper thin patient gown that didn't hide a thing. She looked so innocent. She looked scared and confused all the same time. She had lost complete control over her own body and emotions. She didn't really want to die, she just wanted some one to love her and be on her side.

"You promised."

"I lied."

"Don't you care about anything?"

"Don't you?"

"Why are you doing this to yourself?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"No, Marissa it isn't."

"Maybe it's because I have nothing left."

"You have me."

"Bullshit!" Marissa exclaimed as she jumped out of her bed. She landed on her feet looking straight at Ryan. She wanted him to know that he was the reason she did this all to herself. She didn't have him at least not any more. He wasn't event here as a friend when she was in need. She loved him and he hated her. It was just the way the cookie crumbled.

"Marissa…"

"What?! Do you want me to pretend that you love me? That somehow you always have and always will?! You've moved on… I'm not even worthy enough to be your friend. I hope she forgave you, because you lost anything you had with me."

"Maybe I do love you."

"You don't love anything Ryan Atwood, nothing!"

"What do you know?"

"That run left me to go be with Theresa."

"I thought about you everyday, every night, shit every second!"

"Then why are you with Lindsay?"

"Why where you with DJ?"

"You left me…"

"Is that how you really feel?"

"You had to go raise your little family. What am I supposed to do spend my life waiting for you?"

"Yeah!"

"I can't do that Ryan."

"I am your friend Marissa and believe it or not I'm here for you."

"You only care when you have to. It's not true. It's not what is deep down inside your heart. It's like I'm just your rebound girl when you can't get anything else."

"Fine, then I'll just leave you alone for good. Don't worry next time I won't come to your rescue. Ill just let you die!"

"Good."

"Great," Ryan said turning around so Marissa couldn't see him cry. He couldn't still love her. They were through. They weren't even friends anymore. He loved her, even though he didn't want to admit it, he did. He had to go talk to Lindsay.