It was all over. Finally, some would say. Others would breathe a sigh of relief and thank the Force. There were those that were defeated that would curse the crew of the Ebon Hawk and vow revenge. In the end though, only one thing remained, it was all over.
The Star Forge, that immense factory of death, powered by the unending death of Jedi, was destroyed. The combined power of capital ships from the Republic and a small Jedi strike team destroyed it, one from the outside and the other from the inside.
The strike team had made its way through the Star Forge, losing members along the way, until there was only the crew from the Ebon Hawk left. When we confronted Bastila, the strike team was left with only one member, me. The former Dark Lord of the Sith turned Jedi, Revan. I went into the control room fully intent on being the only one to come out alive. Malak was an evil entity, he'd destroyed too many worlds and it was time that he was destroyed by the same power that allowed him to perform such wholesale slaughter.
Little did I know that when I got into the room, I'd have a life-shattering, no, that's wrong. It was a destiny shattering revelation. Malak wasn't just the Dark Lord of the Sith, he wasn't just my former apprentice; Malak was my brother. He had followed me down the dark path because of his devotion to me as his older sister. He had trusted me to not lead him astray.
With this revelation, I went from trying to kill him to trying to save him. I wanted to save him from the path we'd both walked at one time. Salvation wasn't to be and with one small misjudgment, I ended my brother's life. I was covered in his blood and mine when Carth found us.
When he reached me in that control room, I was rocking the dead body back and forth. I cradled Malak's head gently in my lap, humming and singing broken snatches of lullabies little remembered from childhood. I was singing to my baby brother, not the Dark Lord. That's not how it looked to the man who'd come to mean so much to me. Carth interpreted the soundless tears streaming down my face to reflect my grief towards killing my former apprentice. I wasn't given the opportunity to explain. The Star Forge was about to be destroyed and I had a promise to keep. Carth helped me drag Malak's lifeless shell back to the Hawk. I knew he didn't understand.
So embittered was Carth that he didn't come to the pyre to support me as I burnt the body of my brother. The tears dried up as the grief firmly took hold of me. They refused to fall any more and I was stuck with this huge knot of grief and guilt in my gut and heart. Carth didn't understand; he wouldn't understand. Adding to my twin burdens of grief and guilt, I couldn't make him understand. Just like when I was revealed as the former Darth Revan, the rest of the crew supported me as Carth mistrusted. Just as before, we talked and worked things out to a truce. Whether we would ever be allowed true happiness built on trust, I wasn't sure.
I kept reviewing the recent past as I lay ensconced in his arms. Carth was in all of my true memories. Over the course of the past month or so, as we traveled from Manaan to the Star Forge system and all throughout the adventures with the Rakatan people, I'd slept in his arms. Spending the night alone last night was torturous to me; I hadn't slept and instead spent the time pacing. I wanted to go to him; I didn't want to go to him. My heart pulled me towards him; my pride kept me where I was.
When we both caved, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief. When he promised me that we'd let tomorrow take care of itself, I breathed easier than I had since "The Revelation". I was afraid of tomorrow and what it would bring. Reality was coming with the morning and I didn't want to waste my last few minutes asleep.
"Beautiful, I can hear you thinking. What's going on in that overactive brain of yours?" Carth's voice whispered into my ear. His breath ruffled my hair, tickling my neck.
"I'm just thinking." It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the whole truth. If I told him what I was thinking, I'd break the truce.
"What are you thinking about? You can tell me." Carth's arms tightened around me.
"Are you sure? It's a subject that will upset you."
"Lay it on me, beautiful, I'm a big boy, I can deal with it." I gave a mental snort on that one. I might feel guilty for forcing Carth to drag his enemy's dead body through a doomed space station, but I wasn't a complete idiot. Carth hadn't dealt with any revelations regarding Malak well. I doubted he'd deal with this well either. However, I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
"I'm thinking about Malak and whether I could have saved him. I know he was evil but at the end, he looked like a lost little boy. The world he knew was yanked out from under him at the end."
"He chose his own path. He didn't have to follow you down the dark path. He chose to. He chose to betray you and become the Dark Lord. You didn't choose that. Don't blame yourself for his choices. He had free will, just like you do." I snuggled even deeper into his arms.
"I can't sleep." I hated that it came out sounding needy. I was a Jedi, for Force sake. I shouldn't need a bedtime story like Mission needed after the destruction of Taris. However, almost like Taris and Mission, I too had my world destroyed. My world, though, was figurative instead of literal. The final truth I thought I'd known had been proven false. I killed the last of my family to discover it.
"Want a story?" I nodded. "K, beautiful, I'll finish the story."
"What story?"
"The one you started with Mission. Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess named Leia. She'd led the rebellion that had destroyed the evil Darth Malak's planet destroying weapon with the help of her friends; Luke, Han and I can't remember the name of the Wookiee. Mission wouldn't be happy with me. I'm forgetting the most important character of the story." I gave a watery sort of laugh. I'd teared up when Carth referred to Malak as evil. Sure, in the story I'd started, Malak was an evil guy. Now, though, I couldn't help but see the lost expression on his face as he died. I couldn't help but remember that he was my little brother.
"Chewie, we were calling him Chewie."
"Ok, Leia, Luke, Han and Chewie destroyed this horrible weapon. However, this just inspired Malak to create an even bigger weapon. This one would put the previous one to shame. It was an enormous station, the size of a moon. It had enough fire power to destroy a world, like the last one. Only this one was worse because it also had enough fighters and ships on and around it to destroy planets and keep the rebellion from attacking." I felt about five years old as I listened to Carth's voice. It lulled me into a restful state. I still wasn't ready to sleep, but the knot in my gut and heart was untying itself little by little as he rattled on.
"The rebellion found out about this huge station and decided that it had to be destroyed to save the galaxy. So, the rebellion gathered their heroes. Luke had, in the years since the first station, matured into a young man that could use the Force. A Master Vandar guided him along the way into being a full-fledged Jedi. Leia could use the Force, but not like Luke could. Luke had a special power that made him the target of Malak. Luke could rally people around him."
"Battle Meditation." I mumbled against the hand I'd pulled away from my waist and pressed to my face instead.
"Right, how could I forget the name to such an important power, especially with Bastila repeating it every five minutes." I giggled. I was really reverting to childhood. I flipped over to watch Carth tell the story. My head lay on his chest. His hand started to absently stroke across my hair. I loved when people played with my hair, it was comforting.
"While Luke was off doing Jedi things, Han and Leia talked. They found out they had a lot in common. They'd both been members of the evil empire ruled by Malak. Han had trusted the wrong people and had left them when he discovered how badly he was betrayed. He vowed never to trust anyone else, just himself. He even said to Leia, 'I take orders from just one person, sister, and that's me!'." Carth pantomimed a finger pointing at his chest as he said the line. It was endearing and comical. I laughed, I couldn't help it. The knot loosened itself further.
"As Han and Leia worked together, they started to fall in love. Even after it was revealed how disparate their lives had been, they still fell in love. They didn't admit it to each other. Han was scared. I couldn't tell you how Leia was feeling."
"I think she was scared too. She wasn't supposed to love, her being who she was."
"Yeah?" Carth gave a small smile I could dimly see in the low light.
"Yeah. She had loved him for a long time, she just didn't want to admit it." I was going to feel really stupid if Carth wasn't pretending that I was the Leia in the story and he was the Han character.
"That's good to hear. Err, for Han in the story, I mean. I'm glad you felt, err, Leia felt that way about me, err, Han. What I'm trying to say is, I'm glad Han and Leia felt the same way because it makes telling the story easier." I put my hand on his chest and pressed against his heart. I could feel its pulse picking up and I gave a quick kiss on the spot right next to my head. Carth leaned down a little and kissed the top of my head.
"I'm glad Han and Leia felt the same way too."
"You are a distraction, sister. Anyway, some things that Malak did separated Han and Leia. When they were reunited, they finally admitted their feelings. Han hadn't trusted or cared about anyone or anything in a long time so it was hard for him to admit it to Leia, especially after what he'd learned about her. He sucked up his pride and admitted. He was really relieved when Leia admitted to caring for him, too.
"Meanwhile, Luke decided to sacrifice himself to help the rest of his friends. He was captured by Malak and tempted to turn to the dark side. Meanwhile, Leia, Han and Chewie mounted a strike team to destroy the station. They infiltrated the shields and destroyed the generator. Luke turned back from the dark side and helped Leia. During the confrontation, it was revealed that Malak was actually the brother of Leia. They were too far into the confrontation to turn back, however. The dark side had eaten away what Leia could barely remember of her brother. He was a shell of the man she'd grown up with and in the end, she was forced to kill the shell. With little thought to her own safety, she dragged his body through the station until she reached a ship. The strike team followed. As they all flew off the station, it blew up with seconds to spare.
"The brave group of friends flew down to the planet below. Han didn't understand why Leia had risked all of their lives over the body of the enemy. He said some pretty awful things to the woman he supposedly loved. He didn't even pause to think about how she was feeling or why. He could see that she was torn up but his pride got in his way to asking. He skipped the heartrending funeral Leia had for her brother out of spite. Once it was hammered into his thick skull with a hydrospanner, he felt like a complete jerk. He worked out a truce with Leia, but he didn't apologize." Carth's voice had gotten soft. I knew we weren't talking about a story anymore. This was Carth's way of apologizing to me.
"Did he have to work for her forgiveness?" I put my arm around Carth's stomach and held on.
"What would you do? I mean, if you were Leia?" I loved the way he stuttered over words. It was so Carth, just like the smell I was breathing in as I lay there.
"I'd make him work for it, maybe crawl across the floor on his knees bearing flowers and candies, singing a love ballad." Carth shocked me when he got out of bed. He turned the bedside light on and went to the other side of the room. He got on his knees and started knee walking over towards me. I was speechless. For a woman who lived by her wits first and her lightsabers second, this was a very rare occurrence.
"What in the name of the Force do you think you're doing?"
"I'm working for it. I know the last time I apologized to you; you teased me that I'd have to work for it. This time, I don't think a kiss is enough. Revan, I was selfish when I tossed those words at you. I was selfish when I wasn't willing to support you. I, um, I know I can be a bit stubborn." I got out of bed and tried to pull him off his knees. I'd been kidding when I said crawling.
"Stubborn? You could give lessons to a ronto!" I kept tugging at his arms, trying to lift him off his knees.
"Yeah, well, just let me get to the apology. Revan, I should have stopped to consider how you were feeling and ask you why you were feeling like you did. Instead, I had my own assumptions and I didn't. So, do you forgive me?"
"Where are the candies and flowers?" Carth's face fell. He was much too serious at times. His gaze ducked down towards the floor. I grabbed his chin and tried to force it back up. He wouldn't let me so I used the Force. "Carth, I'm kidding. I was kidding on the candies, I was kidding on the flowers and I was sure as the sun will rise kidding on the crawling thing. Please, get up!" I tugged at his shoulders again as he put his arms around me. He pillowed his head against my midriff.
"If you aren't the most exasperating woman I've ever met! I'll get you for this, sister!" I only laughed. It was still a bit watery, but I was feeling better. The overwhelming grief that had encompassed my whole focus since I killed Malak was starting to lift. I could see a light at the end of the tunnel. I hugged the head that was cushioned against me. The tears that had been stuck inside me since I lit the fire to burn my brother's body started to fall as I slid onto the floor. Carth caught me as I came down and held on.
"I've got you. Cry all you need, beautiful, I'll be here for you. I will always be here for you."
Originally submitted as a response to a challenge issued on kotorfanmedia dot com. Challenge was to use SW movieverse in KOTOR realm. Hope you all enjoy!