-1Big Machine

And I'm aware, I'm in love and you don't care

The thing about Spinner was, he wasn't a bad guy. He wasn't a total jerk, like Jay, he didn't have a chip on his shoulder the size of Antarctica, like Alex. He didn't hurt people just for the sake of hurting them and he rarely attacked without provocation.

He just made stupid decisions, that was all. Time and time again, he tried to do the right thing, and it just never worked out. His latest lack of judgment had led to his best friend's current wheelchair-dependant state and made Spinner determined to get his life back track.

Jimmy being shot had taught him - the hard way, of course, because how else did he learn things? - that life was always shorter than expected and often crueler. It seemed an awful twist of fate that Jimmy was the better man between the two of them and was punished for it.

He arrived at the hospital with a copy of the day's English homework and a slice of pizza as olive branches. He figured cafeteria food, no matter how cold, had to be a step up from hospital jell-o and the homework delivery was at Kwan's request. Today in class, they'd finished Caesar and she wanted to be sure Jimmy covered it before the test.

Spinner pictured Jimmy in a toga, staring him down as he tried to explain himself. E tu, Brute? He wasn't so great in Literature, but he was pretty sure that handing his friend a story of ultimate betrayal just before he dropped his bomb was called irony.

"Hey, man, did you see Manny anywhere out there?" Jimmy asked the second Spinner entered the room.

"No. Why, what's up with you two lately?" Spinner pulled one of the uncomfortable sitting chairs closer to the bed. "You seem kinda buddy-buddy."

"Nah." Jimmy looked vaguely upset as he answered. "We're not really anything. So, what brings you by?"

"Well, you fainting in the middle of the school day, for starters," Spinner began nervously. "You sure you're feeling okay?"

"I'm fine, I just got a little stressed, that's all."

"Maybe this isn't the best time, then," Spinner murmured.

"Best time for what? Spin? What's up, man?"

Spinner sighed. He had to just get it out before he lost his nerve. "Jimmy, man, I gotta tell you something. I know ... I know why Rick shot you."

"Because of that stupid prank."

"No. Well, yeah. But, I mean, I know why he thought you were to blame."

"Okay." Jimmy looked puzzled as he prompted, "Why?"

"Jay and I made him ..." he looked away, his voice dropping to a whisper, "... think it was you."

The entire balance of the room seemed to change with Jimmy shifting to sit up straighter in bed. "What are you talking about, Spin?"

"I helped Jay and Alex set the whole thing up. We just wanted Rick to see that he was unwelcome at Degrassi after what he did to Terri," Spinner rushed to explain. "We thought he'd just take the hint and leave. And then, later, we saw him hiding in the bathroom and we just ... we made him think you'd been in on it, too."

"You did that to him?" Jimmy glanced around at the various machines he was hooked up to, the wheelchair that sat in the corner. "You ... you did this to me?"

"We never thought it'd go so far," Spinner tried desperately to make him understand. "If I'd known it would end up like this, Jimmy ... you have to know, man, I would never have even thought about going through with it. I ... I wish it had been me."

Jimmy's stare was burning hot and full of blame. "Yeah?" he said finally, and his voice was the exact opposite, so icy that it froze the blood in Spinner's veins. "I'm kinda wishing the same thing."

"Jimmy, man -"

"Get out. Out," he ordered, more forcefully, when Spinner stayed rooted in place. "I mean it, Spin. You have no idea how much I mean it."

"I'm sorry, Jimmy. I'm really sorry," he tried again as he backed out of the room, but even he could tell it was too little, and far, far too late. Sorry couldn't even begin to repair the damage he'd done. Nothing could.

XXX

The clatter of forks scraping against plates and glasses clinking as they were set back on the table was all that could be heard at the Nelson-Simpson kitchen table. Snake was just about to start the meal's conversation with the traditional inquire about everyone's day when Manny's cell phone rang loudly, interrupting the steady routine of dinner.

She dug for the offensive item in the bag slung across the back of her chair, grimacing apologetically at her temporary host parents. "Sorry, I'll turn it -" A glance down revealed that the caller was Jimmy, "Um. It's my Mom. I have to take this."

"Of course, hon," Spike said distractedly, passing the carrots to Emma and shaking Jack's bottle simultaneously. "Tell her I say hi."

"Sure thing." Manny forced a smile, wrenched her eyes away from the easy way the family interacted, and hurried down to Emma's room. "Hello?"

"Manny?" His voice came sounded strange, somewhat ... tight, she decided. As if it was a strain to form coherent sentences and breathe at the same time. "Hey. Listen, I wanted to say I was sorry for earlier. I didn't ... mean what I said. I wasn't really thinking straight."

"Well, how were you thinking?" she asked. His words at the hospital had stung more than she'd let on. She'd already been discarded by one boy she'd thought cared for her, Jimmy making it two had been grounds for a crying jag on the bus ride home. "'Cause you were pretty rude."

"I know." Jimmy sighed and Manny softened at the exhaustion in the sound. "I know. It's just ... I woke up in the hospital again and I thought, this is how the rest of my life will be. I mean, I have to face it, Manny, really face it. I'm a cripple. And I just didn't want to be a burden on you. You don't deserve that."

"Jimmy." Manny leaned into the pillows piled on Emma's bed. "You just spent a week walking me through the most painful, heartbreaking experience of my life. And you barely even knew me when you agreed to do it. Even today, you stood up to Craig for me when you didn't have to. So there's no way I'm not gonna stand by you through every single minute of your recovery."

She stressed the last word, the absolute certainty in her voice speaking volumes. Jimmy half-smiled at the faith she had, but said nothing. A moment of silence passed. Then he cleared his throat. "Can I tell you something?"

"Of course."

"Spinner came by today, right after you did. He told me ... he told me he's the reason I got shot. He and Jay made Rick think I planned that whole stupid joke with the paint.

"He was - he was mad at me." He stumbled over the words, unsure of how to relate the severity of this betrayal. "He was mad at me, so he thought it'd be funny if Rick blamed me. My best friend is partly responsible for the fact that I might never walk again."

"Oh, Jimmy. Do you want me to come down there and sit with you for awhile? I'll sneak in some of Spike's leftover vegetarian surprise for you. It's not half as bad as it sounds."

Jimmy glanced at the slice of pizza Spinner had brought that still laid, untouched, on the nightstand. "No, thanks, I don't think I can stomach anything with the word 'surprise' in it right now. And visiting hours end soon, anyway."

"Okay." She thought briefly of the family unit upstairs, talking and laughing together as they always did, as her own family was no longer capable of doing, and settled deeper into the cushions. "Want me to stay on the phone for a bit?"

He shifted his cell from one ear to the other, uncomfortable with asking the favor even though they were miles apart. "If you don't have anything better to do," he hedged.

Manny smiled at his hesitance. "Trust me," she assured, "I really don't."