Author's Notes: Right, me and Katy wrote this after we asked ourselves, "What is the 'Everything' Macavity can be accused of"? So we sat down at two in the morning and made the list of every crime we could think of. Hope you like it! Please R&R!
Day 1:
Macavity's at it again. Yesterday he robbed a bank and now he tried to have his way with Demeter. I don't know how much more I can take of this.
Day 2:
I've had enough! Macavity's crossed the line. He gone off his original target, Demeter, and managed to get hold of Victoria. This is the final straw; she was so young and innocent. He will not get away with this! I'm going to comprise a list of all the bastard has done and then I'll take it to Old Deuteronomy.
Day 3:
I spoke with the Jellicles today, and got them to help me comprise my list. Here is what happened.
I gathered the Jellicles together, and told them my plan.
"Jellicles," I said, "Macavity is getting out of hand. So I am going to make a list of all the crimes he has committed, and pass it on to Old D, who will in turn hand it over to the police."
The Jellicles began to chatter excitedly, so I waited for silence. When they were all orderly again, I said, "Right, well, I'm going to need your help to comprise this list. If you could just call out any suggestions for what you believe he has done, I'd be most obliged."
Immediately Etcetera stuck up her paw. "Oh, oh, oh, oh!" She cried. "Murder!"
I turned to Tumblebrutus, who was taking notes. He nodded and wrote it down.
I looked again to the Jellicles. Several had their paws up. I pointed to Victoria.
"Um… Err… R-r-r-r-rape."
The Jellicles looked astounded, but I just ignored it and nodded again to Tumblebrutus. I looked again to the Jellicles, and this time chose my brother, Rum Tum Tugger.
"Err… yeah, there was one… um… but I forgot it." He turned to an old broom next to him and muttered something. Misto, who was one his other side, tapped him on the shoulder. Tugger looked round with a start and Misto whispered something in his ear. Tugger looked back up at me with a grin (He was so obviously on catnip), and said in a slurred voice "Genocide."
"Right, thank you Tugger." I said, and then pointed to Electra who was practically jumping up and down to get my attention.
"Oh, oh, um… GBH," she said, the added proudly "That stands for grievous bodily harm."
I nodded my thanks to her and pointed at Pouncival.
"Armed Robbery?"
About half an hour or so later, we had the list comprised. I checked it again, just to make sure we had everything, and to make sure that next to every contribution there was the name of the Jellicle who suggested it. This was it:
Murder (Etcetera)
Rape (Victoria)
Genocide (Rum Tum Tugger)
Grievous bodily harm (Electra)
Armed Robbery (Pouncival)
Mugging (Jennyanydots)
Theft (Tumblebrutus)
Actual bodily harm (Sphinxaire)
Breech of the peace (Rumpleteazer)
Terrorism (Jemima)
Sex trafficking (Demeter)
False imprisonment (Tumblepatch)
Torture (Alonzo)
Forgery (Mungojerrie)
Indecent exposure: of himself and others (Admetus)
Joyriding (Pouncival)
Car theft (Pouncival)
Vandalism (Jellylorum)
Arson (Jemima)
Perverting the course of justice (Bustopher Jones)
Being evil (Ebony)
Stealing lollies (Pouncival)
Paedophilia (Jemima)
Drug offences (Skimbleshanks)
Being in possession of class A drugs (Jellylorum)
Inciting terrorism (Asparagus)
Inciting murder (Coricopat)
Inciting rape (Tantomile)
"Manslaughter" (Cassandra)
Attempted murder (Plato)
Assault (Munkustrap)
Kitten abuse (Exotica)
Identity theft (Bombalurina- through Evevity & Evembera!)
Credit card fraud (Jennyanydots)
Animal cruelty (Tigra)
Bullying (Rum Tum Tugger)
Porn distribution/possession (Rum Tum Tugger)
Possession of a dangerous object/weapon (Munkustrap)
Illegal use of the glowing red nose (Pouncival)
Trespassing (Mistoffelees)
Treason/High treason (Jennyanydots)
Attempt to ban chocolate (Etcetera)
Indecent assault (Cassandra)
Use of firearms (The cat from the dead)
Criminal damage (Gus)
Aggravated burglary (Legato)
Serious motor vehicle crime (Pouncival)
Aggravated vehicle taking (Pouncival)
Breach of an anti social behaviour order (Munkustrap)
Endangering safety of railway passengers (Skimbleshanks)
Assault on police (Policeman)
Administering poison (Everlasting Cat)
Administering chloroform (Tumblepatch)
Kitten abduction (Jemima)
Attempting to choke (Sphinxaire)
Causing bodily injury by explosives (Bonerot)
Affray ((Everlasting Cat)
Kitten destruction (The kit from the dead)
Kidnapping (Demeter)
Sending explosive substance with intent (Coricopat)
Threats to kill (Everyone)
Blackmail (Everyone- especially Demeter)
Cheating at cards (Bombalurina)
Handling stolen goods (Tantomile)
Making off without payment (Plato)
Removing article from place open to the public (Electra)
Procuration of intercourse by false pretences (Victoria)
Indecent assault on a male/female (Munkustrap)
Exploitation of prostitution (Grizabella)
Attempted rape (Demeter)
Import/export of controlled drugs (Rum Tum Tugger)
Producing/supplying a controlled drug (Munkustrap)
Money laundering (Mungojerrie)
Conspiracy to cause an explosion (Rumpleteazer)
Burning/maiming/etc by explosion (Mungojerrie)
Making/possession of explosives (M&R)
Trading in firearms without being registered as a firearms dealer (Rum Tum Tugger- "Not that I'd know of course...")
Trespassing with firearms in a building (Rum Tum Tugger)
Assisting unlawful immigration to Member State (Etcetera- Anana)
Placing/dispatching articles to cause bomb hoax (Etcetera)
Manufacture/distribution of flick knives/gravity knives (Tumblebrutus)
Taking indecent photogrph(s)/pseudo photograph(s) of kittens (Exotica)
Familial kitten sex offences (Tumblepatch)
Trying to take over the world (Mungojerrie)
Crummy evil laugh (Tigra)
I now have the list and I will take it to Old D tomorrow. I know there are still some crimes missing, but for now this will suffice. It may be enough to prosecute him, but we'll have to wait and see!
Day 4:
I have presented my findings to Old D and he has sent them on to the police. We may at last have some peace from the fiend who calls himself himself the Napolion of Crime.
PS. Macavity was never caught, because Munkustrap failed to provide some important information - his WHEREABOUTS! They haven't caught Macavity yet...and I doubt they ever will! Also, there was not enough evidence to prosecute him. Lol!
Did you like that? We certainly had a lot of fun writing it, but you've got to read it sowe hope you liked it! Please R&R!