Chapter Nine

Buffy sat on the wet grass of the cemetery, her eyes still damp from hours of crying. She had been wandering for days now amongst the devastated city, watching the people pick their lives up after the apparent "gang war". She had stolen food and water by means of survival but really, she didn't want to face the prospect of carrying on once more having lost what she held dear. She knew the others would be worried, knew that Dawn and Giles and Willow would be panicking without any word from her.

But she didn't care.

Nothing mattered now that he had been stolen from her again. The ruined horizon in the distance was a chilling reminder of how he had done the right thing – and left her again. But then, they always left. It should be something she was used to.

She held her head in her hands, silent tears running down her face once more. Her eyes were swollen and puffy, her skin stained red. But the tears wouldn't stop. Not now.

'Why did you do this to me, you stupid vampire?' She sobbed, once more the broken Slayer she had been when returning from the grave. But this time, she wept not for a lost heaven, but for a lost love. One that she knew the Powers would not return to her. But then, stranger things had happened.

'I loved you.' She looked up at the sky, blinking salted tears away. 'I loved the way you smelt of whiskey and cigarettes whenever you wrapped your arms around me. The way your body warmed up when you held me. Sometimes it felt like I could hear your heart beating, even though I knew it wasn't.' She chuckled, wrapping her arms around herself, blocking out the cool night air. She wiped her eyes. 'I loved everything about you…I just wish I had seen it sooner…admitted it. You made me strong, Spike.' She choked. 'I don't know if I can do without you now.'

She leant back against the solid surface behind her, suddenly feeling his arms around her. She smiled and leant back into the embrace, nuzzling his arm. 'I'm so sorry for being angry at you. I know what you did was right for the world…but I don't think it was right for me. I was being selfish.'

Spike held her tightly, kissing the top of her head as they stared up at the moonlit sky. 'It's okay pet. I'm still waiting for you to find me, baby. I live on inside you…and somewhere else. Just have to find me again.' He grinned and stroked her hair out of her face. 'Can't keep away from you baby. Not for too long.'

Buffy bolted up straight; her eyes open wide as the sunrise hit the horizon of the city. It was a dream. The dream she'd had before. But he wasn't going to come back this time. She stood up slowly, stretching her limbs out, and heading for the exit of the graveyard. Her body felt heavy, tired and weak, not like the Slayer she was used to wearing. She sighed and walked alone the city streets until she came to the cordoned off area where it had all died for her once more.

Blood still stained the streets, signs up warning anyone away for the time being. The police were making a show of investigating it, but she knew it was just a display to deter the public from the real cause of the damage the city. The hordes of hell. How anyone could swallow the crap the authorities had fed them about it…it was unbelievable.

She stood motionless as the sun hit the area full on, showing the devastation and gore left behind by the battle. The authorities had left it alone for now, and everyone was ignoring it. But Buffy couldn't. She stared at the spot where he had died, where he had turned to dust, knowing that it would had been taken away on the wind long before she had returned.

Tears flooded her eyes again and she leant against a nearby building, sliding down the cold wall and hitting the floor, her eyes not moving from the spot of her lover's demise.

Hours had passed and the sun had once more crossed the sky and disappeared behind the city and the rest of the world. The streetlights lit the area dimly and Buffy had not moved. Her body told her she needed rest and food, water most of all but she ignored it, content to sit out her own death waiting for him to return.

She knew Angel was lurking in the shadows. He had been there since sunset, hesitating to approach her. Finally it seemed like he had gathered the courage but Buffy stood up to meet him with a warning, bold words from a weakened body.

'No closer Angel.' She whispered with a hoarse voice. He looked her up and down.

'Buffy, you need rest. What are you doing? We've been worried.' The brunette approached, knowing instinctively that he could easily restrain her in this state. She looked tired, thirsty and pale, her hair was a mess and her clothes still ripped and bloodied from the fight.

She shook her head. 'I had the dream again. The one I had last time he…he left.' She looked to that spot again and clenched her fists. 'I wasn't sure…I wasn't sure whether it would happen again. I guess I shouldn't hope.' She shrugged and leant against the wall, feeling the strength seeping from her body. Angel moved towards her, offering his support and she took it, collapsing into tears against him. He embraced her.

'Nothing is impossible Buffy.' He said against her head, holding her tight. For a moment they stand in silence before Angel looks down at her in confusion. 'I can hear something.' He said, looking concerned. Buffy just looked back at him with a frown. 'There are two heartbeats inside of you Buffy…' He looked serious now and Buffy shook her head, knowing it couldn't be true. 'Was there anyone…'

Buffy slapped him hard and stepped away. 'I don't know what you think I am Angel…but I couldn't…not after…and how could I be…?' She trailed off.

'Buffy, you are pregnant. My ears can't lie to me. I just don't understand how…how can it be? You and Spike were reunited barely a week a go. I know you probably did but it couldn't be that defined that quickly.' He said, pleading for her to come closer. 'Look, we'll get you back to the Hyperion. Fred will take you to the hospital and we'll take care of you.' He held out a hand but Buffy backed away.

'No. I don't follow orders, Angel. You know that.'

'I'm not telling you to follow orders Buffy. I'm saying what is best for you…' She cut him off, her temper snapping quickly.

'I'm sick of what is best for me! For once, I want to do things my own way without anyone telling me what is best for me! And Spike was the only one who knew that!' She began crying anew, shouting at her former lover. 'The reason I lost him, is because everyone wanted what was best for me! So stop fucking telling me how to run my life!' She screamed and then turned, running into the darkness. Angel watched her leave, feeling her pain but also feeling his confusion at the situation. He turned on his heel and headed in the direction of the PTB temple gateway, hoping it had not been damaged by the battle.

The temple was as he remembered it, sterile and white. The outside, the entry to the gateway, had not been damaged by anything and he counted his luck stars, only hoping now that they could give him an answer. The room was empty and he suddenly realised he had no gift for them. But as they appeared, it seemed that it didn't matter.

'You strayed from your path, vampire.' The male said, bitterness hinted in his voice. The female sat across the room, her blue skin paler than her male counterpart's. Angel hung his head. 'Maybe we were too early…maybe our foresight was not as accurate as was believed.' Angel stuck to the spot, frowning.

'There is also the lingering fact that your childe chose his fate.' The female said, swooning slightly. Angel looked between the two of them.

'I know I have strayed. I know I did wrong. And I know it was selfish. But now…I am concerned about Buffy.' The male frowned.

'One day, the ultimate prize could await you but the events of recent have disrupted our power and we cannot see the future as clearly as it once was.' He sat at the opposite side of the room to the female, looking pointedly at Angel.

'The blonde warrior…' The female said with a hint of flirtatiousness in her voice. 'He is honourable. And he loves with such…such passion. And he fights only for love…the way this world should be.'

'Love…it is not the only thing that should be fought for my dear sister.' The male reminded her and Angel waited for them to speak again. 'The vampire…your childe…he is wandering now. It is up to you to find him.' Angel nodded, knowing that Spike never could stay gone for long. The male stood once more.

'Don't suppose you could offer a clue?' Angel chanced and the male looked frustrated.

'He wanders in the mind…his body rests at his birthplace. But that is all the help we can offer, vampire. You must leave now.'

'But… what about the baby?' Angel asked quickly. The female turned to him, her brother leaving anyway. She smiled and walked closer.

'Children are a gift, warrior, a joy and the most precious and greatest mission of all in this life. This child is important, the uniting of two and a new line in the Slayer heritage. The old line, the one girl in the entire world…it is polluted and corrupt but shall continue nonetheless. That is not our place to control. But new blood and new lines of power must be forged for the earth to have any hope of surviving the coming battles.' She smiled once more and turned. 'You must go now.' Angel nodded and turned away, leaving the temple and once more finding himself on the streets of LA. He started walking back towards the hotel.

He knew his path now. He had to find Spike.