-1Here Is Gone

And we wake up in the breakdown

Of the things we never thought we could be

Manny approached Jimmy's locker the next day with a bright smile pasted on her face. She was determined to set their relationship back on the right track and bypass any awkwardness last night might have provided. "Hey, Jimmy. Did you do the reading for Kwan today?"

"Yeah," he said shortly, slamming the locker shut. "Good stuff. I gotta go, I'm gonna be late."

"For what? The bell hasn't even rung yet."

He ignored her. "I'll catch you later."

"Jimmy -" Her voice trailed off as he wheeled away. Manny sighed and pursed her lips. "Great. Just great."

"Talking to yourself?"

Emma appeared, clutching her books to her chest and leaning one shoulder against the wall. "'Cause, you know," she continued, "That's the first sign of quite a few serious mental illnesses."

Manny exhaled loudly. "Do I get to pick which one?"

Emma's eyebrows knitted together. "What's going on?"

"I don't know." She watched Jimmy's retreating form until he'd been swallowed up by the crowd. "Jimmy's being weird."

"Think is has anything to do with the fact that you shut him down?" Emma suggested sardonically.

"Em!" Manny glared. "Don't be a jerk. I didn't shut him down."

"Are you sure about that? 'Cause from everything you told me last night, it sure sounds like you did."

"I just thanked him for being such a good friend."

Emma shook her head. For such a smart girl, Manny sure could play dumb when she wanted to. There wasn't a doubt in her mind that her friend knew exactly what Jimmy had been trying to get at last night. And there wasn't a doubt in her mind that it was exactly what Manny really needed.

"Manny. Don't be an idiot," she counseled. "You know what he wants. And you know you want the same thing. Why are you being so stubborn about it?"

Manny shook her head. "Do you know how messed up I am right now, Em? I just ended the most dramatic relationship of my entire life. I was knocked up by a boy who couldn't have cared less. I had a baby in me and I don't anymore.

"If I start something with Jimmy, I'm scared ... no," she decided, "I'm terrified that I'll wreck it. He's got enough on his plate right now, and he's such a great guy, perfect, really, and he just doesn't deserve all my stupid issues."

"Manny, it's not a matter of whether he deserves them. It's whether or not he wants to take them on. And guess what? Jimmy wants to." Emma's eyes twinkled knowingly. "So let him."

XXX

Emma's words echoed in Manny's ears throughout the day. By the time she reached the cafeteria for her daily meal with Jimmy, she was so confused she could barely walk straight. Jimmy was going through a whole lot right now. She wasn't sure it'd be fair to either of them to drag him into a relationship, especially considering her track record with guys.

But on the other hand, he hadn't looked too thrilled with her when she turned him down, either. And she knew she hadn't been happy about it. Maybe that was the unfair thing. They'd helped each other out a lot in the past few weeks.

She was going to talk to him about it. Her mind was made up. She needed to just lay all her cards out on the table and see what he thought.

Of course, that would require him actually showing up. She sat at their usual table by herself, her food untouched in front of her, her head down, for half the lunch period. "This is ridiculous," she mumbled finally, with fifteen minutes left, and marched out of the cafeteria.

She found him right where she'd thought she would, sulking in the gym and taking half-hearted shots from the foul line. "Avoiding me?"

He didn't look all that surprised that he'd been caught. "Just practicing."

"Still got a pretty decent shot, there, superstar," Manny commented, catching the rebound and dribbling a few times.

Jimmy nodded grimly, his eyes trained on the hoop. "Pretty big waste, don't you think?"

"Jimmy." Disappointment coated his name and they both cringed at the way it sounded. "Don't talk like that. Please, you know you're going to make a full recovery. It just takes time."

"I don't know anything," he said irritably, shooting her a dark look. "Or anyone, apparently."

Manny steeled herself. He obviously wasn't going to make this very easy. "Jimmy. If you're mad about last night ..."

"Why would I be mad about last night?" he interrupted. "Nothing happened. And, I mean, we're such good friends. I could never be mad at you."

Manny's face fell at the sarcasm in his tone. "You don't sound very happy about being friends," she noted, her voice small.

Jimmy knew, deep down, that he was being unreasonable. He knew he couldn't be mad at Manny if she chose not to be with him. And he knew there were a dozen reasons that supported her decision - first and most important, that he was wheelchair-bound for the foreseeable future.

But still. He couldn't seem to help himself. Her rejection had hurt, a deeper, more relentless kind of pain than his leg provided on a daily basis. He had no idea how to recover from something like that. But he knew he couldn't even begin to move on if she was still around, smiling kindly, eyes shining with pity.

"Listen, Manny. I get it, okay? You don't want to be with me. It's fine, really. I don't even blame you. Who wants to walk down the street next to the guy in the wheelchair? What high school girl needs a boyfriend who takes a handicapped van to school and a ramp into the building, right?"

"Jimmy, you are not just a guy in a wheelchair," she argued.

"You know what, Manny, save your breath. I don't need you or your pity."

"Pity? You think I feel sorry for you? You didn't deserve what Rick did to you, Jimmy, but guess what? It could actually have been worse. So, no, I don't feel sorry for you at all. I think you were lucky, I think you were brave, and I think you have to make a choice. I think you have to choose to stop thinking the worst of people just because of one screwed up kid and a giant mistake. I think you need to choose to start living your life again, on your terms, prognosis be damned."

"Like the choice you made so you could start living your life again?"

As soon as the words left his lips, he regretted them. Manny recoiled as if he'd struck her, the color draining from her face. "Oh ... wow," she whispered, taking a step back.

Jimmy immediately started to backpedal. "Manny, I didn't mean - that was out of line, I don't think ... I'm sorry. Manny, I'm sorry."

"It's fine," she said stiffly, shaking her head to ward off his apology. "It's good, actually. Good to know how you really feel."

"That's not -"

"I'm just a stupid, slutty girl who got knocked up and couldn't be bothered to deal with it, right, Jimmy? Right?" She launched the basketball, with surprising force, at the wall. "Well, hey, it's what everyone else thinks. I'm actually surprised it took you so long to come to the same conclusion."

Manny turned to walk away, then changed her mind and stormed right up to him, bracing herself on the armrests of his chair to better get in his face. "I want you to know one thing, Jimmy Brooks, and then I'm walking out of this gym and leaving you here to rot the way you'd like to."

She looked him dead in the eye, wanting to be sure her point got across. "You may not be the guy you thought you were going to be, but you're also not half the man I thought you were. And for that ... I feel sorry for both of us."