The Harukagate Scandal

Disclaimer: I own none of this obviously. If I did, I there would've been some pantyshots. And Mai/Natsuki sex... drool Ahem... any resemblance to persons living, dead, or impeached, is purely coincidental. I mean it.

Song of the day: NOFX - Murder the Government

These are the times that try men's souls, and women's patience, particularly the patience of one irate Natsuki Kruger. She was sitting in the Garderobe council chamber on the biggest event since being appointed Headmaster. Youko took Shizuru's normal place beside her, looking quite intellectual with her new pair of glasses. The rest of the council looked on with as much enthusiasm as a dead cat, wishing that this meeting would hurry up and end, Backstage was having a sale today. The middle-aged man standing in front of the Headmaster's podium wasn't too happy either. He puffed on a large cigar, chewing the end nervously. Oh, how Natsuki wanted to castrate the man, and not just for blowing smoke in her face.

Natsuki coughed, waving the putrid plume away. "Gah, with all due respect Mr. President, must you smoke that in here?" Aries President Samuel 'Slick' Willy wasn't quite as charming in real life as he on TV.

"All right, fine," he replied, dropping the cigar on the floor and stomping it out, leaving a smudge of ashes and tobacco. "There, now why exactly did you drag me all the way here and make me wait for two hours. I've got some important issues to work out with the Senate back home."

Natsuki sighed, and told herself not to cause a major diplomatic incident, not that one wasn't already underway. "Ah, well, Meister Armitage has brought something rather dire to our attention."

The man blinked in surprise. "Oh, what is that? And where's Cupcake anyway?"

"'Cupcake' is up in my office awaiting the results of this hearing," she said, not one bit amused by the nickname. "Now, onto business..."

Meanwhile, up in Natsuki's office, an extremely pissed off 'Cupcake' was bound to a chair by carbon nano-tube rope, which was especially made by Youko for restraining the blonde nuclear weapon when her temper flared. "Let me go! I'll kill that leecher!" she snarled, rocking the chair back and forth before landing on her head with a loud thunk, denting the floor tile.

Shizuru happily volunteered to help guard one of her best friends. She and Miss Maria were enjoying a bit of tea, and paid the face plant no heed. "I believe 'lecher' is the word you're looking for. Your vocabulary still hasn't improved Miss Armitage," the elder woman said, wondering if she would ever learn to speak properly. Shizuru just wondered how much the floor damage would cost to repair.

Back in the council room, Natsuki leaned down and opened a box at her feet, producing Haruka's Meister uniform out of a box on the floor. It was wrapped in plastic, and bore an unsightly white stain on the back of the skirt. Natsuki grimaced in disgust. "Would you care to explain this Mr. President? We received this from an anonymous source. The delay was a result of the tests we had to run on it."

President Willy blushed, and loosened his collar a bit. "I thought I dest... I mean, explain what? It's Haruka's uniform."

"The stain."

"Ahh..." he muttered, taking a closer look and pretending to examine it. "She sat in ice cream?"

"No, you damn well know what it is," Natsuki shot back, "it's... err..."

"Semen." Youko said bluntly, flipping through the papers on the clipboard she held.

The council murmured amongst each other quite worriedly. The president started to sweat, wondering why the dress wasn't destroyed as he ordered. "How horrible," he said in false revulsion. "I don't know who did this, but they will pay."

"I ran some DNA scans," the scientist said, adjusting her glasses and then handing the clipboard to one of the councilmen to pass around. "It's a perfect match to yours, Mr. President."

The President started to sweat, his face turning beet red. "Err, what if the tests were wrong?" he stammered, not denying the charges outright of course.

Youko looked to Natsuki, who then continued. "That isn't the only evidence. We've also received video footage of the act in question from the Meister's private bedroom." Natsuki almost gagged at the thought of the dirty man defiling an Otome's clothing. "And also film from her bath. How disgusting, setting up hidden cameras."

The Aries ambassador turned quite green, and quickly walked out of the room. "I knew this was going to happen," he said as he left, but no one heard him amongst the uproar of the rest of the audience.

"Well, she wasn't wearing it at the time! Everything should be fine really," Willy said, backing towards the door when he realized his explanations weren't going to cut it. The council rose from their seats, ready to beat the living shit out of him. Everybody knows NOT to leave evidence when you do that sort of thing.

"Try not to hurt him, we need him alive until the annulment ceremony..."

Aries Vice President Yukino Crysant, former chief of the Aries Intelligence Bureau, ran with Samuel Willy, Governor of a small southern province on a platform of peace, economic reform, and environmentalism. They won the Presidential election in a landslide. When she personally chose Haruka Armitage to serve her President, the approval ratings skyrocketed to levels never before seen by any administration. They turned around a recession into the strongest economy in decades. He was the southern gentleman; she was the strong-minded woman, both leading the country into a new era of prosperity. But, the gentleman turned out to be a pervert; it turned out the woman was too. Oh dear.

The now beleaguered Vice President was in her office on the phone. Well, holding it several inches from her ear while an angry blonde on the other end of the line spewed forth a string of complaints, obscenities, insults, and words that didn't even exist. "I don't know what a kwyjibo is, but I don't think the President is one Haruka-chan." the bespectacled woman responded, once the verbal storm had calmed.

'This is my fault, all my fault,' she said to herself, rubbing her forehead in an attempt to relieve the migraine. News of the meeting had already reached Aries mere hours after the fact. "Umm, return to Aries after the annulment okay? I've got to keep this line free, the House is voting on Impeachment soon... No, he isn't going to be impaled on a spear..."

After a few more moments of language slaughter, Yukino hung up the phone. As she stood up to return to the Senate chamber, she wondered if she should be ashamed about leaking the videos to Garderobe, after all, she discovered the cameras during her attempt to plant her own, and then hacked into the camera network to enjoy naked Haruka for a month before deciding to end this charade. Oh, he soon-to-be former President wasn't completely innocent, doing THAT with Haruka-chan's dress, and then trying to burn it. In her mind, he had it coming to him. She sighed and scribbled on a crossword puzzle, trying to get her mind off of things for a little while at least.

"Joy in the suffering of others', thirteen letters, starts with S." she said to herself, looking down at the puzzle. "I know this..."