Chapter Eighteen

Angel and Spike sat in the study, alone, listening to the sounds of Buffy and Shannon training in the basement. Spike had his mug of blood in one hand and a cigarette in the other. Angel had a glass of blood and he sipped at it occasionally. Angel turned to Spike asking if he is afraid. The blonde vampire grinned.

'Not for myself. For them,' he motioned downstairs, 'I am.' Angel nodded.

'Your going to take the sacrifice yourself, aren't you?' The older vampire said, trying his best to hide the emotion in his voice. Spike could hear it, feel his sire's anger and sadness at his decision but he nodded and ignored it.

'I can't let them die. I've had my time. But they'll be okay without me. I know it.' He took a drag of his cigarette and looked at his Sire. 'I can't let Shannon make that sacrifice. She has to live.' He looked away again. 'Besides…I'm due a good exit.' He joked. Angel didn't laugh.

'Do you ever wonder where you'll go?' The elder asked. Spike shook his head.

'I know I'm headed straight downstairs, mate. Got no choice in it. Everything I've done…I could never make amends. But I've accepted it. And I will not let the two things I have done right suffer my fate.' He stood up, downing his drink and stubbing out his smoke. He held out his hand to Angel, who shook it, then embraced the smaller man is a very rare display of affection. 'What was that, Angel?' He asked getting a little exasperated with his Sire.

'After everything…I'm actually proud of you Spike. Closest thing I had to a son or a brother. And maybe it'll be okay. I'm hoping it will. I don't want to see you dead.' The elder turned away and left the room, leaving Spike in a stunned silence. The blonde shrugged and blinked before heading down to the basement. He watched his mate and child spar for a few moments before interrupting.

'Shannon…it's nearly two am. You'd better get some blood then head on up to bed. Me and your mum need a chat.' He said, and his daughter obeyed without question. She shut the door on her way out, leaving Spike and Buffy alone. He pulled the tiny blonde slayer to his body and inhaled her scent. 'Baby…god, Buffy…I love you so much.' He said, pulling back and looking into her teary eyes.

'Spike…I'm terrified.' She whispered and he cupped her face gently.

'I know baby. But nothing is gonna happen to you or Shannon.' He said, kissing her. She shook her head.

'What about you?' She asked, fear flooding her hazel eyes. He sighed and pulled her close.

'Can't promise anything baby. I can't let you or Shannon get hurt. If I have to die to protect you, then I will. It's my job as a dad…and as your mate.' He felt her shudder against him as she suppressed sobs. 'Baby…I won't lie to you…chances are I know where I'm going.' She cried openly and he held her tight, kissing her face and trying to kiss away the tears and pain.

'Spike…when you died…did you go to hell?' She asked, hesitating slightly. Spike pulled away, looking at her with tears in his own eyes. He sat on the bench at the other end of the room and looked up at her. She moved to stand in front of him and took his hands.

'I burnt baby…but all the time I was dreaming of you. Trying to get back to you. And it worked. But this time…everything I did, I can't atone for. I cannot repay my debt. And there is only one place I will go.'

Buffy fell to her knees. 'I love you Spike…' She trailed off, burying her head in his lap. He stroked her hair and looked upwards, hoping that someone would look out for her when he was gone. In the silence, he thought he heard something but before he could detect it, Buffy stood once more.

'Go to bed, pet.' He whispered, kissing her stomach. He heard it again but put it to the back of his mind for now. Buffy nodded and left him alone. After a few moments, when he was sure she was in bed, he left the house and began wandering the streets. He remembered so much from this city.

He remembered taking Shannon to the zoo, her first day at school, and her first film. He hadn't missed any of it. Not a moment. It was all on film, either camera or video. He looked up as the rain began to fall and headed back home.

He walked into the house, sitting in the living room and dragging an old box from the cupboard near the television. He began thumbing through the contents and smiled at memories of the past. Tears coursed down his face freely as he looked at pictures of his family over the years. He heard Illyria come in and looked up. The blue demon approached him curiously.

'You are sad, vampire.' She said, in the way she always stated things. He stood and turned to face her.

'The big fight is coming, blue. You with us?'

'I am loyal to your fight. I will follow obediently. I wish to do violence on the things that hurt my…my friends…' She said; the concept slightly foreign to her, even after so long. Spike laughed a little and turned back to his photos. 'You mope over memories of the past.'

'No, I rejoice.'

'You are afraid of losing your mate and child. I understand.' The blue demon made to leave. 'Spike…do not die. You are not unpleasant to my eyes.' He smiled as she left the room. A few moments later, Ryan walked in, a glass of water in hand. He noticed Spike and sat opposite him.

'You okay?' He asked and Spike nodded. 'Liar.' The mini-Giles said.

'Things are gonna change, Ryan. I need you to take care of Shannon.' Spike said, looking up at the young boy, a serious expression on his face. 'I need you to look after my little girl when I'm gone and I need your word.' He said, and Ryan nodded.

'Don't give up hope, Spike. You know I'll always look after Shannon.' The boy stood up, suppressing a yawn. He moved towards the stairs. Spike watched him leave and fell back on the sofa. After an hour of sitting in the dark, he stood and walked up the stairs to his and Buffy's room. He lay down on the bed next to his Slayer and watched her sleep peacefully.

Tomorrow, they would go to war.