Author's notes: Adult themes; Italics denote the symbiote is speaking or a flashback; ' ' denotes symbiote and host speaking to each other
"Seasons don't fear the reaper, neither do the sun and the wind and the rain. We can be like they are. Come on baby, don't fear the reaper."
--Blue Oyster Cult 'The Reaper'
Once the ceremony was over Malek retreated to grieve alone leaving Jared in control. He didn't interfere with the symbiote's decision. It was simply Malek's way of dealing with a loss of this magnitude. The loss of some friends affected him more than others. Jared suspected it would take Malek quite some time to sort things out for himself before resurfacing, as the bonds of friendship with Jacob and Selmak were strong.
The withdrawal was something the symbiote had always done from one host to the next. Thus, Jared wasn't surprised nor was he hurt by it. They had already mourned together and would continue to do so for some time as they were both deeply hurt by the death of their friend. But unlike Malek, Jared preferred to be with people during a time of mourning to talk with others about a fallen friend or loved one. Where Jared came from, sharing stories with others was a way of keeping the memory of one's friends and companions alive.
So it was after he had talked to a few Tok'ra and received a quick but heartfelt thanks from Major Carter, who was then escorted out by Colonel O'Neill, that Jared sought out Janet Fraiser. He had witnessed her tears from the podium while Malek was delivering the eulogy for their fallen comrades. Both could easily imagine what she was going through having lost their mate a few short decades ago. And her tears caused such heartache within him and Malek.
Jared wanted so much to rush over and hold her, to comfort her, to tell her that one day the pain would become easier to bear. The woman seemed in desperate need of some form of comfort. Only Jared couldn't while others were around. He and Malek knew that much of or all of Jacob's friends, including his own daughter had no idea that Janet was involved with Jacob beyond a professional level.
As far as Jared was concerned, Jacob and Janet's secret was safe because such a pairing never crossed anyone's mind, as it didn't even occur to Jared or Malek! And they were still had their doubts until Jacob formally introduced Malek and Jared to Janet. It was immediately apparent how Jacob and Selmak felt about her and she them.
A few months after that day, and in accordance with Tok'ra law, Janet legally became Jacob and Selmak's mate. The deeply spiritual ritual of exchanging ones affirmation of love for the other need not be public as was the custom with Tau'ri ceremonies. And it was something a Tok'ra symbiote, particularly Selmak, would not give lightly.
To this day, Jared has never forgotten the pure joy in Selmak's eyes and in his voice when he revealed to Malek about the ritual. It had been such a long time since Malek had ever seen their friend in such high spirits and it was the first time ever Jared had witnessed such emotions from Selmak. Their joy was almost infectious and a few times Malek had to remind them about where they were if amongst other Tok'ra. Still it was good to see them so happy and content.
Jared had only known Selmak for seventy years but from Malek's memories learned how Selmak blamed himself for his mate dying during a mission. Selmak was devastated and had closed himself off from his host and the other Tok'ra for a long time. Selmak's host at the time, Aetolan a deeply passionate and emotional man, was too overwhelmed by Selmak's grief as well as his own. The Council decided it was best if Selmak took new a host when Malek found Aetolan trying to drown himself in the bathing pools.
The Tok'ra tried to save Aetolan but his will to live was gone. They would have lost Selmak too if not for a young, spirited, elegant lady named Saroosh. Saroosh had lost her entire family to the Goa'uld and had been looking for a way to help the Tok'ra with their fight. She eagerly volunteered to become a host. Actually, she made it her mission to be Selmak's host because she believed that she could help the symbiote to move past his grief.
The result was over two hundred years of a wonderful friendship between host and symbiote. Saroosh and Selmak never sought out intimate companionship. Selmak didn't want to experience such a loss again. And Saroosh was never troubled by it as she had so many friends amongst the Tok'ra. She and Selmak were even mentors to those who would one day host a Tok'ra symbiote. Not to mention they were a very loud and very vocal voice that refused to be silent on the Tok'ra High Council.
Malek said that the only way to quiet them both was for Saroosh to pass on and even then she wouldn't go quietly. When that day had finally come to pass, Malek and Jared were disheartened as they had been away on a mission. Both deeply regretted not being there to say farewell to Saroosh. They also regretted not being there for Selmak's blending with Jacob and were angry when the council assigned Martouf and Lantash to tutor Jacob in the Tok'ra ways.
Still, Martouf did his job well. Jacob integrated nicely into the Tok'ra way of life and became good friends with Malek and Jared. Eventually, they had learned how Jacob too blamed himself for the death of his wife and that at times it was almost overwhelming how he and Selmak had a shared pain. And they were both so glad when Jacob and Selmak shared their secret with their closest friend about Janet.
It was because of that comradeship that Jared felt it was his duty to see how the woman was doing. For one thing, he knew if the situation was reversed, Jacob and Selmak would be doing exactly the same thing. Apparently, he wasn't the only one concerned for Janet. Jared found her in the hallway outside her office talking with Dr. Jackson.
"It's Malek, right?" Dr. Jackson asked.
"Actually, I'm Jared, Malek's host," Jared smiled, shaking Jackson's hand. "It is a pleasure to finally meet Dr. Jackson. Jacob told me so much about you."
"All good, I hope," Jackson smiled.
"Nothing but high praise," Jared said then looked to Janet. "Should I come back later?"
"No, I'll go," Jackson quickly said. "I want to talk with Sam before Jack takes her to the airport. It was nice meeting you, Jared. Janet…"
"I'm fine, Daniel," she smiled politely. Jackson nodded then left. "He's an overly concerned friend."
"It's his nature from what Jacob told me. May we speak in private?"
"Sure, inside my office," she said showing him the way in.
Once inside, Jared gently took hold of Janet's hand.
"How are you doing?" he asked.
"I'm getting by," she shakily replied.
"And the baby?"
Janet's mouth slightly dropped open making him laugh softly.
"Selmak told Malek and I with explicit instructions to never tell Jacob!"
"He's doing well," she smiled, her hand rubbing her flat stomach. "Did they ask you…"
"No, my dear. They were good friends. I felt it was my duty as their friend to check on you. They told us so much about you and could only do so with Malek and myself. They knew we could be trusted with such a precious secret. They would get this…sparkle in their eyes whenever they talked about you."
"Tell me," she requested.
"Perhaps we could sit down," he suggested, seeing she was a little tired.
"Wonderful idea," she said moving away from him. "I'll make some coffee then you can tell me. Would you like a cup?"
"No thank you. Selmak warned me about the stuff. He even told me about how Jacob tried convincing him that coffee wasn't all that bad."
Janet giggled, "I often found Jacob sniffing the coffee grounds from the bag to get a fix."
"What was the excuse for drinking the stuff Selmak quoted from Jacob…oh yeah, CPR."
"Cardiopulmonary resuscitation?"
"No, Coffee Provides Resuscitation!" he said, making Janet laugh uncontrollably.
"That sounds exactly like something Jacob would say!" she managed to say between her giggles. When her giggle fit died down, she took hold of his hand. "Please, tell me more."
"Let's see…oh I know. I'll tell you about the day when they told me they were in love with you. And how their entire universe had changed because of it. We were heading to Earth in a cargo ship…"
"Jacob!" Malek snapped. But Jacob was far away even though he was standing two feet from Malek. "JACOB!"
"Hmm…what…oh, sorry," he smiled sheepishly then handed the crystal to Malek.
"Where is your head? I thought you, of all people, would have wanted to take this equipment to Earth!"
"Sorry, Mal."
'Mal?' Jared whispered to Malek who did a double take.
"Jacob, are you feeling well?" Malek asked.
"Couldn't be better!" Jacob grinned.
'Something's up Malek!' Jared commented. 'Jacob never smiles that big and never this early in the morning!'
'You're right, my friend. He's always so grouchy in the morning and he has been acting rather…odd lately. Even Selmak has been slightly out of character. More so on this trip.'
'Only one thing I can think of to make a man smile like that!'
Malek agreed. They had known Selmak a long time. And Malek was there when the symbiote was head over heels in love. And though they had known Jacob a few short years, both Malek and Jared knew exactly what kind of man Jacob was. Smiling and daydreaming wasn't a part of Jacob's character unless something truly wonderful and amazing had happened to him.
'It certainly would explain their actions lately!' Jared added.
"What?" Jacob asked, his smile slowly fading.
Malek folded his arms across his chest.
"So, who is she?" Malek seriously asked.
Jacob blushed slightly. He had this dreamy grin on his face as he rubbed the back of his neck.
"I take it that it's very serious as you and Selmak have been sneaking off to Earth on a regular basis this past month!"
Jacob's mouth dropped.
"As base commander, it's my job to know who comes and goes through the Chapa'aii. The guards report to me regularly. And those who go through are either following my orders or have my permission. I let you go without question because I knew you had family on Earth and assumed that you were visiting them. But you could have told me something, anything instead of sneaking off like that! We are your friends!"
Jacob looked away. His smile was gone and he looked somewhat ashamed that he'd been caught.
Malek sighed, putting a hand on his friend's shoulder.
"Jacob, I'm not angry with you or Selmak. Jared and I are your friends. All you had to do was ask us. You could have even lied to us about who you were visiting to protect this woman. I would have gladly given you permission to go."
"We didn't ask to fall in love…"
"Jacob, my dear friend," Jared smiled. "Malek and I are very happy for you and Selmak. It has been so long for both of you. And you don't need to explain to us. It is very obvious you deeply love this woman. And we understand your desire to protect her. You know we never would tell anyone of your secret. In fact, Malek and I could have come up with a few excuses for you to visit Earth more often…if you had only told us!"
"Alright! I'm sorry!" Jacob smiled. "I…we…Selmak and I didn't think if fair to tell anyone, even you, because Janet has no one to tell. She can't even tell her own daughter. I couldn't allow our enemies, on Earth, to get to Selmak or myself through Janet or her daughter."
Jared raised his eyebrows. He knew Dr. Fraiser having met her on a couple of occasions. He found her to be passionate about her work and a formidable presence to deal with. And he never imagined Jacob or Selmak falling in love with her!
"You don't mean Dr. Fraiser, do you?" Jared asked, making Jacob face turn a nice bright shade of red! Jared laughed, "Jacob, you poor man…you've got it bad!"
"Selmak does too!" Jacob quickly added. "We're together on this matter!"
"About that…have you…you know?"
"Jared! I'm surprised at you! You sound like a school girl dying to hear the gossip of the day!"
"Malek's first host was a woman! So tell me, have you..."
"That's none of your damn business!" Jacob snapped, but could stop himself from smiling or blushing.
"You have!" Jared shouted, laughing at Jacob. "I thought you were going to remain celibate as you said, and I quote, 'there's no way in hell I would ever make love to a woman when Selmak's in the front row and back row leading the cheering section!'"
"Just finish calibrating the hyperdrive so we can get moving again," Jacob growled.
"Wasn't all that bad, was it…symbiotes do come in handy during those long…intimate…nights that just melt into days!"
Jared laughed so hard as Jacob's face turned an even darker shade of red!
"Malek and I teased Jacob and Selmak the rest of the way to Earth," Jared smiled. "They said they never in their wildest dreams thought that they would find that kind of love again. But when the opportunity presented itself…they couldn't resist."
Jared paused, reaching to take hold of her hand.
"It tore them apart when they had to leave you," he spoke sincerely. "Jacob was doing everything he could to get back to you…and the baby."
Her eyes instantly glistened with new tears as she smiled.
"Selmak told Jacob a little too prematurely…like our second day at the new base!" Jared laughed. "Jacob still had doubts that you were actually pregnant as he knew all to well that Selmak was often overly confident! However, the very idea of you carrying his child seemed to bring him great joy…I thought you should know that."
"Thank you…thank you so much," she wept. "I only wish I could thank Selmak for what he did for Jacob and I."
"Janet, he knew how grateful you would be," Jared smiled, wiping away Janet's tears. "They both knew."
Walking through the briefing room, George spotted Jacob sitting at his desk. Curious about what his friend was doing, George approached quietly. Jacob was diligently writing on a piece of paper. Then he was so absorbed in rereading what he wrote that he didn't notice George standing in the doorway.
George cleared his throat.
"Oh…sorry George," Jacob said, quickly getting to his feet folding the piece of paper.
As he moved around the desk, George noticed Jacob putting the piece of paper in an envelope before concealing it within a hidden pouch of his uniform.
"What's this?" George asked after sitting down at his desk and seeing a white envelope with Jacob's writing on it resting on the keyboard.
"My will," Jacob said solemnly.
George couldn't help but be surprised as he looked up. Jacob sat in the chair across from him.
"We've known each other a long time, haven't we George?" Jacob started. George nodded. "So, I'm going to be honest with you. I haven't told Sam or anyone else this and I trust you not to repeat this to anyone. Selmak and I may not be coming back. Selmak has enemies on the High Council that have been waiting for an excuse to get rid of him. And blending with me didn't exactly make things any better for him."
"Then why go? If you're in that much danger, why risk it?"
"Because Selmak and I truly believe this alliance between Earth and the Tok'ra is worth it. Even if it means sacrificing ourselves," Jacob seriously said.
George frowned and sighed heavily. He didn't like the idea of his good friend going into danger when there was nothing George could do to cover his six.
"Jacob, you know you're both more than welcome to remain on Earth. We could easily grant Selmak asylum."
"Thanks George. Selmak really appreciates the gesture. And the time may come for that. However, now is not the time. And on the chance that something does happen to me I would like it if you told my children. Especially my son, Mark. Sam shouldn't have to go through the pain of telling her brother that Dad's dead."
"Sure, Jacob. Anything for a friend. You just better make sure you get home in one piece!"
"Thanks again George. I knew I could count on you," Jacob smiled then he turned serious again, pulling out the envelope from his uniform vest. "There's…just one more thing…"
Jacob paused looking at the small pale blue envelope in his hand. His face filled with a sadness that George wasn't expecting to see. Normally, Jacob was very good at hiding his emotions. Judging from Jacob's reaction to the envelope, its contents were extremely important to him.
"This…this is for a very special lady," Jacob said, handing the envelope to George. George couldn't hide his surprise as he raised his eyebrows at Jacob. "Yeah…I know…at my age!"
Both men laughed. Only when Jacob's laugher died down, the weight of his decision to leave was evident in his sad, dark eyes.
"God…this is so hard for Selmak and I. The decision to save a people and leave behind the woman you love…I hope you never have to make that kind of decision George."
"I'm kind of past my prime, Jake," George joked, making Jacob smile.
"Yeah, I used to think that way too. Until I saw her," Jacob said with this far away look in his eyes. "We truly hope to make it home. The idea of leaving her alone…well, it's something Selmak and I really don't like to think about."
"Who is she?"
"Janet Fraiser," Jacob replied with this devilish smirk plastered all over his face.
That smirk told George that Jacob was madly in love with this very fine lady. George had been witness to this part of Jacob before, so long ago. He had that same look in his eyes. The same bounce in his step. Most everything was the way George remembered when he saw his best friend and a stubborn military young man fall helplessly in love with a young nurse who was also a Lieutenant in the Air Force.
Maybe George shouldn't be so surprised that Jacob fell for Janet and kept it a secret from everyone. The spunky little woman had quite a few qualities in common with Allison Carter, Jacob's wife. Aside from the facts that both women were in the medical field and the Air Force, both also had an enduring spirit about them that could never be snuffed out.
And Jacob did have a tendency to keep some things secret about himself when he was a young man. It was known that fraternization between a military officer and a medical officer in the Air Force wasn't actually breaking any official rules. However, it was an unspoken rule that wasn't meant to be broken and officers were usually discouraged against such relationships. Often because the two individuals involved would almost never be assigned to the same base if new orders came in and an officer couldn't function well if he or she were under the emotional stress that separation from a loved one caused.
So, the couple did their best to keep their relationship private and secret for fear of being reassigned and split up. The only two souls that did know were George and his wife, Marie. Well, three souls if you counted his first born daughter but then she was only a few months old when Jacob first introduced Allison to the Hammonds.
George, Marie, and Emily, their daughter, were even witnesses to the secret marriage of Jacob and Allison, three months after they met! Three months after that the Carter's world nearly came crashing down around them. Allison found out she was pregnant. They were ecstatic but so worried because the pregnancy happened much sooner than they had planned and they weren't ready to divulge their secret to their superiors. But also on this day, Jacob received new orders. He had been reassigned to a base in Europe.
No one had known about the orders yet except for Jacob. But he had disappeared from the base after receiving them. Allison went looking for him after he didn't show up for their lunch date. And after being enlisted in the search, it was George who had found Jacob in a nearby bar, drunk and nearly in tears. The very thought of leaving his wife alone with a baby on the way tore him up inside. He was rambling on about what a failure he was as a husband and had even talked about quitting the Air Force so that he could remain with Allison. Not knowing what to do or what to tell Jacob to comfort him, George had phoned Allison about where Jacob was. The woman had a knack for knowing how to deal with Jacob during any given moment. As an eyewitness to a few of them, George had seen how she was able to handle the man's hot temper and his stubbornness!
Upon seeing her husband in such a condition Allison Carter knew exactly what she had to do. She had happily made the sacrifice in order to not be separated from her husband. She still worked as a nurse but in the private sector. She knew all to well that the Air Force was the only life Jacob knew and would ever know. He was intelligent, ambitious and she knew he would go far up the ranks. And she did her duty by being his wife to support him throughout his career and giving him two beautiful children in the process. But she was more than just his wife or a companion; she was also his closest friend and closest confidant. There were things only he could say to her and no one else. A part of him died when Allison died.
It appeared that Janet Fraiser brought to life that part of Jacob that George thought would never be healed. It was apparent in his friend's posture and face as he sat there, dejected and torn, that she had filled a voided in Jacob's heart that had been empty far too long. And like so long ago, George could see that leaving Janet was killing Jacob inside.
"Jacob, are you sure you want to do this? I know you. This is tearing you up inside. If you love Janet that much, why go?" he asked gently.
"I'm not a selfish person and neither is Selmak," Jacob countered. "We cannot let a race of people die. Not when we can save them…no matter what the personal cost. Janet understands this. She's willing to wait for us. Our only hope is that we can return to her."
"Ok, Jacob," George said, relenting. "I know you've made up your mind and there's no changing it. I will abide by your wishes. But I'll say again, you had better come back in one piece or I will find you in heaven or hell and give you an ear full!"
"Selmak and I will do our best," Jacob smiled, getting to his feet. He offered his hand to George. "Take care of my little girl for me. And I hope to see you again, soon."
"Likewise," George smiled, returning the handshake.
Jacob headed for the door but stopped and turned back to George.
"One more thing, George…a word of advice. For the time being, do not trust any Tok'ra unless it's Selmak or Malek. And especially, do not trust anything Delek tells you."
"You'll get no argument from me on that one."
"Delek is behind the Council's distrust of Selmak. We're sure of it. Only we have no proof. And until we get it, Selmak's in danger and so is anyone close to us."
George sighed, picking up the photo of him and Jacob when they were young pilots in the Air Force. The photograph was a gift Jacob had given to George on his fifty-fifth birthday. Jacob had shanghaied George from his family and took him to a local bar where the two had gotten totally drunk that day of celebration! Well, George was well on his way to getting drunk. Jacob had been a Tok'ra for several months at the time and had quickly learned, after three shots and two beers, that Selmak prevented him from getting totally inebriated. Needless to say, Jacob wasn't too happy about it and bitched at George!
Selmak was still learning some of Earth's customs and didn't see the point of getting falling down drunk. However, since it was something important to Jacob Selmak graciously allowed the alcohol to affect Jacob's systems. Of course, Selmak being the joker he truly was intensified the effects of the beer and the tequila. George hadn't laughed that hard in such a long time as Jacob's words were so mixed up and slurred so badly after one more shot of Tequila was added to his system.
To this day, George still doesn't quite know how they made it home in one piece. Both men could barely stand together, leaning against each other, let alone drive! The only logical conclusion George could come up with was that Selmak had driven them home. George wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing or something one best not examine too closely! It was bad enough the following morning that Jacob was bright eyed and busy tailed because Selmak took care of his hangover while George had a splitting headache the size of Texas and his stomach was twisting about fiercer than a tornado. Still, they had one memorable evening reminiscing about old times!
"He was a character to make one laugh when they're alone," a voice said, bringing George back to reality.
"Yes, Jacob was indeed a character," George smiled.
Jared moved across the room and noticed the picture frame in George's hand.
"May I?" he asked, holding out his hand.
George gladly handed over the photograph.
"So, that's what Jacob looked like with hair!" Jared joked. "Selmak often told Malek and I that Jacob having hair on top of his head was just a figment of his host's imagination."
George chuckled, "Selmak did have a wicked sense of humor. Though a few times Jacob ended up being the butt of the jokes."
"It was something Selmak did to all of his hosts," Jared admitted. "And if I might add, Jacob was able to get back at him once or twice! The first host to ever do such a thing to Selmak! I even joked with Selmak that he was getting sentimental in his old age for allowing it to happen. Of course, that didn't go over well as one day I ended up stuck in the baths without my clothes or a towel and had to walk…make that run back to my quarters…naked! Selmak didn't let the joke end there…he orchestrated it so I had to run by more than half the Council members as they were exiting the chambers."
George laughed as Jared handed the picture back.
"Yes, I myself have been the victim of several of Jacob's pranks!" George smiled. "A week after I met him, thinking he was such a hard ass on the squad, he did something similar to me when a four star General was in house making inspections around the base! I found myself locked in the showers when the General came by the barracks. Jacob stood behind the General with a straight face while the other guys behind him were trying not to laugh. The General laid into me for being caught without my britches."
"I was just a kid at twenty-three on a new assignment. I tried desperately to plead my case, which only brought down the wrath of the General. After about fifteen minutes of an ass chewing, Jacob steps up to the General and says, 'I think he's had enough Gus' and hands him a twenty dollar bill!"
"Jacob bribed the General?" Jared asked.
"The man wasn't even in the Air Force! He was a groundskeeper on the base!" George laughed. "I didn't know whether to knock that shit-eating-grin off Jake's face or just shoot him in cold blood. I was so pissed off! The guys started laughing…I mean falling down laughing at me. I just snapped and jumped Jake. I was young and hadn't learned to control my temper yet."
"We were finally separated before our CO showed up to see what all the ruckus was about. Later that day, we all got drunk together. I was able to look back and laugh with the others. And Jake and I have been friends ever since."
"True friends are hard to find General Hammond," Jared smiled. "We were lucky to have been theirs."
"Yes we were."
"I have a request to make, General Hammond. I know it is not permitted, but I would like to attend Jacob's funeral. There is something I wish say to his family and his friends. And before you protest, we will be in the company of several member of the SGC who will be attending. I will be safe."
George really was about to protest. However, he could see the sincerity in Jared's eyes. The man was hurting as much as George was from the deaths of their good friends.
"Very well," George smiled warmly. "As Teal'c will be attending the funeral as well, I will assign him to you while you are away from the base."
"I understand," Jared nodded. "Now, there is another matter that needs to be addressed...the surviving members of the Tok'ra. Many have asked Malek about what will happen to them now. I think relocating many of them to a safe planet would be ideal. Some have expressed a desire to return to their homeworlds."
"I don't see why we can't arrange for that to happen."
"Also, a few have also express their desire to remain and fight with the Tau'ri against the Goa'uld. They can be valuable assets to the SGC or even to one of your Alpha or Beta sites."
"I'll have to discuss the situation with my superiors but I don't for see a problem. I'm sure we will be able to accommodate you and your people."
Jared's head dipped down and his eyes flashed brightly as he looked back up. Accustomed to the transition, George wasn't a bit surprised.
"Malek, is there something you wish to add?"
"Indeed," Malek frowned. "Once my fellow Tok'ra have been taken care of, Jared and I are going to complete Jacob's mission."
George blinked in surprise.
"Delek," Malek simply said.
"Is that wise?"
"Dark and difficult times lay ahead of us all, General Hammond. Many of us must face the choice between what is right and what is easy," Malek countered. "And my path leads to Delek. He must be brought to justice for what he did to my people and to our friends."
"You remind me a little bit of Jacob," George smiled. "He too often made difficult choices. But once his mind was made up there was no changing it."
"It is true, Jacob and I have a few idiosyncrasies in common. Only because he had so much in common with Selmak, who just happened to be my tutor and mentor."
"So, you're as stubborn as a mule too!"
"From what Jacob explained the expression to me…yes," Malek smiled proudly.
"Then I wish you all the best and if I may say…remember, you do have friends here. Don't hesitate to call on us if you need help."
"Thank you, General Hammond," Malek said, shaking George's hand. "We will never forget."
Teal'c observed Daniel Jackson talking with Dr. Fraiser from Jackson's car. The young man seemed overly concerned of late for the Doctor and insisted on stopping by her house before continuing on to Colonel O'Neill's residence. Indeed, Teal'c himself had also been concerned for the small woman. He noticed her restrained tears during the Tok'ra funeral ceremony. He also noticed that Jackson was quick to escort her from the gate room when the procession was dismissed. Had Teal'c not remained behind with O'Neill and Major Carter he would have gone to see if the Doctor was well. Then, sometime later, when he went to see her she had already left the base.
Early on, when he first joined the Tau'ri, Teal'c quickly learned that Janet Fraiser was never one to hide her feelings during any given moment. Her fiery temper, though rare, was often heeded by many SGC personnel, including her superior officers. The concern for every single one of her patients was evident in her expressions whether the patient was doing well or dying. And she never hesitated to flash her bright smile at anyone, even Teal'c.
She never looked at him differently even though he was different because he was a Jaffa. Unlike with others whom Teal'c had to earn their trust, Fraiser gave hers willingly. During his first days amongst the Tau'ri he had even asked her why she was so trusting. Her response was one of sincerity and pure honesty, 'Teal'c you strike me as the kind of man who wouldn't hesitate to hurt of us if you wished. The fact that you have not tells me your intentions are true. And I'm an excellent judge of character…you are one of the good guys Teal'c. Oh, yeah you come off as this big bad warrior guy, but you're just a softy on the inside.'
It took many months before Teal'c fully comprehended what she had told him as he was so unfamiliar with the Tau'ri's language. He had only allowed everyone to see the warrior for so long that it took a great deal of time for Teal'c to allow his 'softer' side to be seen and he only did so with his closest Tau'ri friends. Janet Fraiser being one of his closest.
Teal'c suddenly got out of the car. Jackson's attempts to console her were failing as she was obviously very upset and in tears. Teal'c could understand her mourning over so much loss of life but her emotions seemed much deeper and more personal. This confused him, as her tears were the equivalent of a woman mourning the loss of a man she loved. Teal'c was not aware of Janet Fraiser's involvement with anyone on such an intimate level.
"Daniel, please…just go! I want to be alone!" she adamantly said through her tears.
Right away, Teal'c knew Dr. Jackson was not making things any better. Janet Fraiser was now visibly shaking and profoundly upset. Regardless of Teal'c's lack of knowledge about whom Fraiser was seeing, he understood all to well her pain and empathized with her.
"Daniel Jackson, perhaps it is best if you return to the car," Teal'c suggested, making it clear that there was no room for debating the suggestion. But Jackson didn't move. "Your intentions are admirable and I'm sure Dr. Fraiser appreciates them. However, she does have a right to mourn alone if she so desires."
Daniel sighed. His eyes filled with the revelation that he had gone too far. Teal'c couldn't blame his friend for being himself. Dr. Jackson was passionate in everything he did.
"I'm sorry, Janet," Jackson frowned, taking hold of her hand. "I was only trying to help."
"I know you were Daniel. But I will be fine. I'm not a wilting flower," she smiled. "I can take care of myself."
"Indeed, Dr. Fraiser is a most resilient woman," Teal'c added, making her smile just a tad brighter.
"Thank you, Teal'c," she responded, squeezing his hand in both of hers.
Teal'c returned the gesture by taking hold of both her hands.
"I to know what it is like to have lost some one dear to my heart," he said, bringing her to tears again. "As does Dr. Jackson. This is why we both are so concerned for you and simply want you to know that you are not alone…you have friends who care deeply for you."
"I do know," she sniffled, immediately hugging Teal'c. "I know."
He enveloped her in a big hug. As did Dr. Jackson. Both men leaving her to mourn alone as she had wished and returned to the car.
Now, Teal'c was an intelligent man. He had once thought that Dr. Jackson was involved with Dr. Fraiser as the young man was always around her office. But Jackson was persistent with his claims that they were only friends. Teal'c thought the man's claims were full of 'piss and wind' as O'Neill called it when they were discussing the issue. However, after witnessing Janet Fraiser's behavior after learning of Jacob Carter and Selmak's death Teal'c soon realized what he thought was wrong. Looking back, Teal'c did recall that Jacob Carter had frequented the Doctor's office when he was not injured. And before the Tok'ra left a month ago, Teal'c did see Dr. Fraiser leaving Jacob's private quarters. She didn't notice Teal'c as she was trying to cover the fact that she was crying as she hurried down the hallway.
His heart weighed heavily within him. Not only for the loss of his friend and comrade but also for the loss that Fraiser had to endure.
"How long have you known about Jacob Carter's relationship with Janet Fraiser?" he asked, breaking the silence as Jackson drove the car.
Jackson shot Teal'c a surprised look.
"How long have you known?" the young man questioned.
"I only just realized," Teal'c replied solemnly. "The evidence was not apparent until just now."
"I found out yesterday," Daniel sighed. "She was in her office…crying. I was concerned and a little confused why she was crying so much. She told me. But now that you know, you can't tell Sam or anyone else. I promised I wouldn't tell anyone. And Janet's going to tell Sam sometime after the funeral in Georgetown."
"Her secret is safe with me," Teal'c nodded.
"Can you keep another secret?" Jackson asked excitedly.
"I am capable of keeping many secrets."
"Right…sorry…anyway, the reason why I've been overly concerned for her is because she's pregnant. This baby is all she has left of Jacob and I just want to make sure nothing goes wrong."
Teal'c said nothing but did raise an eyebrow in surprise. He did not think Tok'ra were allowed to have children for fear of the child being harcesis.
"I know what you're thinking," Jackson continued. "But it's my guess that Selmak knew there was a possibility that he and Jacob might not be coming back, so he allowed Janet to get pregnant. He was obviously very confident Jacob would be successful as Selmak left her a letter about the baby. He's going to be a normal baby of Jacob and Janet."
"I did not think such a thing were possible."
"Well, Selmak had been around a long time so I guess it makes sense that he would find a way."
"Indeed."
They were silent the remainder of the way until Dr. Jackson pulled up into O'Neill's driveway.
"Remember Teal'c…not a word to Jack."
"Do not worry, I have not forgetten," Teal'c replied.
"Sorry."
"I understand," Teal'c simply nodded then exited the car.
Though Teal'c had been confused about Dr. Fraiser's mourning, he was not confused about O'Neill's. The man was good friends with Jacob Carter and also had deep feelings for Major Carter. O'Neill has in fact, been by Major Carter's side as much as possible since learning of her father's death. And even now, as they sat down on the couch in the living room, O'Neill appeared to be in mourning. He had been home from the airport for some time but had not changed out of his dress uniform. Though it was slightly disheveled with his tie undone and the shirt's top few buttons undone.
"How's Sam?" Jackson asked.
"Oh…she's trying to be the tough soldier," Jack sighed while peeling the label off his beer bottle. "I'm not sure if she's actually cried or not. She won't even talk to me."
"She just needs time. Being with her brother and his family right now is a good thing."
"I agree. Family is very important during such times," Teal'c added.
"What about one's friends?" Jack asked, then got to his feet. "I'm getting another beer, do you guys want one?"
Neither Daniel nor Teal'c could respond before O'Neill left the room. Concerned, Teal'c did not hesitate and quickly followed his good friend into the kitchen. Jackson wisely stayed behind, as he knew that Teal'c and O'Neill had a special comradeship.
"O'Neill, if you permit me…"
The man waved his hand for Teal'c to continue.
"Major Carter need not speak about what you already know is hurting her. You, of all people understand her well enough that Major Carter has no problem speaking her mind when she so desires. It is simply your duty to be there for her when she is ready."
"Teal'c, I'm not sure she wants me there," O'Neill remarked, his head hanging low.
Teal'c smiled, "The two of you have deep feelings for each other. I am still at a loss as to why neither of you have acted on them. And do not quote me rules and regulations…for was it not you who told me that rules were meant to be broken? And again, I speak your own words…where there is a will there is a way."
Moving closer, Teal'c rested a reassuring hand on his friend's shoulder and smiled warmly.
"Trust me when I say, Major Carter will be grateful for your continued presence during her time of need."
Her eyes were burning as General Hammond was speaking of her father. It wasn't because of the bright sun shining high in the sky. Nor was it because of the cold bitter wind as it whirled about through trees in this Georgetown cemetery. Sam actually thought she had cried all her tears away during the long week in San Diego with her brother and his family.
Yet, she wasn't prepared for this finale as her father's casket, though known to be empty by only a few people, sat beside her mother's burial site. Her emotions were overwhelming making it difficult for her as she tried not to cry again. It was bad enough she had done so in front of General Hammond. But what would her father's friends, the majority of them being high ranking officers in the Air Force and extremely tough men, think if Jake Carter's little girl was sobbing like a baby at her own father's funeral?
"Are you sure you want to do this? The Air Force is a man's world, Sam!"
"Dad, it's what I want," she answered, continuing to pack her suitcase. "How else am I going to go into space? And this is the Academy…not the Air Force yet!"
"You always have to take the toughest route, don't you?" he smiled. "You're smart and you're beautiful. Both are going to be challenges that you have to overcome if you want to make it. Even at the Academy."
"Come on Dad, being smart is going to get me where I want to be."
"But you're too smart Sam. Even for a kid."
"I'm seventeen!"
"Exactly! You're still a kid! A girl who has so much to learn…"
"Dad, I'm not an idiot! And quit seeing me as a little girl! Because I'm not!"
"That's what terrifies me so much, Sam," he said, taking hold of her hands. He looked lovingly at her. "You're a girl growing into a beautiful young woman!"
Sam smiled, "I know what you're going to say. But I think I'm prepared enough to face a world of men seen as how you taught me how to defend myself against men twice your size! Really, Dad, I think I already have a reputation of being able kicking the shit out of a man, rumors spread by those two Airmen you had me use as punching bags!"
"I just wanted to make sure you could handle yourself," he chuckled. "By the way, those two did request to be transferred from my command for fear that I had another daughter that needed training!" Dad paused, turning serious. "Word of advice, to make it as far as you want to go, never let them think you're weak and never let them see you cry!"
Sam was a little startled by her brother's arm as it wrapped around her shoulders. Her eyes rapidly blinked, attempting to stop her tears and failing miserably. He simply smiled, handing her a tissue.
"Shh, it's ok to cry Sam," he whispered into her ear. "Not one person here will think you're weak. You're Jake's little girl who grew up to be tough as nails just like her old man."
She laughed quietly as they held leaned against each other and comforted each other. Both hers and her brother's tears freely rolling down their cheeks as General Hammond was quoting Remembrance, by SSgt. Robert W. Root, USAF, from the Arlington Cemetery during his eulogy. Though this was not a military cemetery, the ceremony was arranged and conducted by the Air Force.
"…Now that the fight is done. And those that we cherish are safe. Our friends are gone…Did they seal their fate so that we may enjoy the things they held so dear? After all this time, we must try and make amends. The only way to achieve a piece of mind is to honor our fallen friends."
General Hammond paused to clear his throat. Sam thought she saw his eyes glisten slightly as he had to take in a deep breath to gather himself before continuing.
"Many of you here knew Jake when he was a young cocky, arrogant, pilot who often flew by the seat of his pants at neck breaking speeds that could blow the hair right off the top of one's head. And as you know, while he may have lost his hair…" George paused, smiling as there were few chuckles in the crowed. His voice quivered slightly as he continued. "The man never lost his love for life, his family, or his friends. Jake my friend, you will be sorely missed."
Sam noticed the General quickly wipe away a few tears as he stepped down from the podium. He returned to his seat with the other members of the SGC. Sam was sitting with family and most of Dad's friends, some Air Force and some civilians who had worked with him at the Pentagon. Most were people Sam didn't even know.
Though Sam was where she should be, a part of her felt like she should be with those people she worked closely with. To one side of General Hammond was Colonel O'Neill, Teal'c and the Tok'ra Malek. On the other side was Janet and Daniel. It seemed odd being apart from her team and her co-workers. After all, they were essentially her extended family when one considers all they've been through the past few years.
Yet, from here she could see how her father's death was affecting each one of them. The General looked as if he just lost his closest brother. She hadn't known her father and Hammond were that close of friends. She knew they were mutual friends but had forgotten that the Hammonds and the Carters were stationed together long ago when Sam was three years old. And the friendship was something she never thought to ask about. Perhaps now she would because Hammond could tell her stories about her father that she didn't know.
Janet who had worked with Selmak a few times was even in tears. She was such a good, sweet person. She and Sam became dear friends. Sam knew that Janet would be in tears if she lost a patient that she didn't know and never met until they were brought to her care! Janet was passionate about her work and everything else in her life so her friend's tears didn't surprise Sam.
Sam also noticed that Daniel, who was equally shaken by the death of her father, was holding Janet's hand tightly. That didn't surprise Sam either as she's often seen Daniel hanging around Janet's office or seen them both having a friendly chat in the commissary over breakfast or lunch or a pot of coffee. Those two were coffee fiends and were equally passionate about their work. Sam often wondered when they were ever going to get together, as they seemed to have quite a few things in common. Perhaps her father's death made them realize how short life truly is.
Then there was Teal'c. Through his long life he had lost so many warrior friends. He too was deeply affected having lost a fellow warrior and good friend in both her father and Selmak. Teal'c had always expressed his gratitude towards her father and Selmak for rescuing him and the Colonel from the malfunctioning Deathglider. As a Jaffa it was in Teal'c nature to never forget such acts of selflessness. His honor simply wouldn't allow him to.
Sam sighed, staring at Colonel O'Neill…Jack who had been acting selfless of late. He had also been so empathetic towards her that day she last saw him. He took her to the base, was beside her during the Tok'ra funeral ceremony and he drove her to the Airport where he remained until she boarded her plane for San Diego. He never said anything except how sorry he was about her Dad. He was simply there for her if she needed him.
She felt bad for bottling up her emotions that day and keeping him at arm's length. She knew he was only trying to help. But this was her Dad who died. It wasn't the random death of some close friend or fellow officer. Friends have come and gone during her lifetime. Personnel have been replaced during her career. But she only had one father. And from her point of view, a father or a mother can never truly be replaced.
She wasn't sure if Jack really understood that. Since, from what Daniel told her, Jack never really had loving parents the way she did. His mother left when he was a little boy and his father was an abusive drunk. Not exactly the all American Family consisting of Mom, Dad, son and daughter and the optional dog or cat. Sam at least had all of that for a generous portion of her life minus the dog and cat.
On the other hand, Jack did lose a son and it had nearly killed him. She understood a little of that as she felt like she wanted to die after mom's death and felt the same way after learning that Dad was gone. Because of that, Sam knew she should at least thank him and apologize to him.
"Who's this Jared guy?" Mark asked her in a hushed voice, pulling Sam from her inner thoughts.
"What? Oh…he's a guy Dad worked with," she replied, wondering what Jared, Malek's host, had to say about her father.
Actually, she was wondering if it was actually Jared who was in control. Perhaps it was Malek who was speaking as he could use his host's voice when talking. None the less, she was paying close attention.
"I would like to open with a few words from a song I once heard…they remind me of Jacob and I believe that they would be appropriate," Jared started then cleared his throat. All the while Sam was trying to figure out what song he was going to be quoting as she didn't believe Tok'ra heard any of Earth's music! "Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew. When I bit off more than I could chew. But through it all, when there was doubt. I ate it up and spit it out. I face it all and I stood tall. And did it my way. I've loved. I've laughed and cried. I've had my fill- my share of losing. But now, as tears subside, I find it all so amusing. To think I did all that. And may I say, not in a shy way – Oh no. Oh no, not me. I did it my way. For what is a man? What has he got? If not himself. Then he has naught. To say the things he truly feels. And not the word of one who kneels. Let the record show I took the blows and did it my way."
Sam smiled approvingly, as did many others including her brother. She was definitely going to have to ask Jared how he heard that song. It was one of her father's favorites, sung by Frank Sinatra. And it happened to describe her father perfectly.
"I only knew Jacob for a few short years," Jared continued, this time looking directly at Sam and her brother. "But I must say this, and there are many who would agree with me, that Jacob was the kind of man that if you had met only for a brief moment he left a lasting impression. For those of us who were lucky enough to get to know him, found him to be stubborn and intelligent but more importantly found him loyal to those he called friends."
"He was the one of the most honorable men I've ever had the privilege of working with and getting to know. And though Jacob was loyal to his friends, his heart…his heart was always with his family. For once you truly got to know Jacob and were considered good a friend he would show you several pictures of his son, his daughter and of his grandchildren. And to look in his face when he spoke of them, one could see the depth of his affection for his loved ones."
Jared paused, tears glistened in his eyes and his face was full of such sincerity.
"Mark…Sam…though your father was often far away from you both, you were never far away from his heart."
Instead of heading directly to his seat, Jared came over and embraced both Mark and Sam together.
"I am so sorry," he wept.
Mark and Sam, who were already in tears themselves, hugged him right back. Shortly after that, the priest said his final words and invited everyone to pay their respects to Jacob and to his remaining family members. Mark and Sam were receiving hugs and apologies from each of their father's friends. Mark's wife, Melissa, was near by, doing her best to console the children who were taking their granddad's death very hard.
Tiffany at age nine was in tears, sitting in her mother's lap. William at age eleven had tried not to cry during the whole ceremony but was unsuccessful as he hid his face on his Mom's shoulder. Their sobbing only deepened Sam's sadness for Jared was right, Dad did make an impression on one. And it was very obvious that though his visits with his grandkids were brief, a day here or a few days there, his time with them was memorable.
"Sam, you don't mind if I take Melissa and the kids back to the hotel?" Mark asked, looking at his children. "Melissa's tired and not feeling well. All this traveling isn't good for her or the baby. Plus, I'm not really the military type and I've already heard quite a few stories about Dad and his hell raising days as a young ambitious pilot and prankster."
"No, go ahead," she smiled, remembering how Dad pulled a few practical jokes on Mom. She knew he had a sense of humor but had forgotten about the jokes. Especially on Halloween when he loved to scare the crap out of Mom. "I'll be fine, Mark. Take care of Melissa and that baby."
"You always could take care of yourself and others," he smiled. "There were a number of occasions Dad and I would have thrown more than a few punches at each other if you hadn't stepped between us."
"Try not to think about that…remember Dad as he was with your kids."
"It's hard, Sam…so many years wasted," he wept. "I always thought we would get the chance to make up for lost time. Now he's gone."
Sam wrapped her arms around him, comforting him the only way she knew how. For once in her life, she didn't have the answers and wasn't sure if she would ever have them.
Several hours had passed since the funeral ended. Janet's stomach was still doing flip-flops. She wasn't entirely sure if it was because of the funeral or because her body was now feeling the full effects of her pregnancy. Everything felt out of whack. As a doctor she knew her body's hormones were re-calibrating themselves to accommodate the baby she carried. Still, such knowledge did nothing to stop her morning sickness, which seemed to strike at any given moment.
Janet didn't like feeling so out of control. Her skills as a doctor enabled her to save lives and it was a skill she was gifted at. However, the past week she felt somewhat like a medical student apt in knowledge but lacking in experience. And so much like the medical student, Janet was eager for the experience knowing full well there would be bumps along the way of this miraculous journey.
'Well Thomas, what did you think of your father's funeral?' she internally asked her son. Talking to him the past week had become a habit now. 'A true hero's honoring? He certainly had more friends than I had realized. Which only fortifies my belief that your father was truly a remarkable man. You would be proud to be called his son.'
'And he would be proud of you, Thomas. I expect that if you are anything like your father, you will grow to be a good man, stubborn but definitely a good person. However, I'm sorry to say son, you may be doomed to lose your hair as your father did and as my grandfather did too. Not sure if your uncle Selmak was able to take care of that on the genetic level or not. Regardless, never fear my son. For the future always holds hope for the possibilities are endless.'
Boisterous laughter caught Janet's attention, drawing her from her inner conversation. Around her, the gathering had dwindled down to a few of Jacob's closest Air Force buddies at the bar behind the couch she was sitting on. Such men who knew Jacob when he was very young before his had even met his wife.
"So Colonel Madsen's yelling at the squad at the top of his lungs, 'You ladies got your head's screwed on backwards today? What the hell do you call that formation? Cause it sure as hell wasn't flying!'" retired General Douglas Murphy said, from behind his bar.
He was a tall, proud man with a deep booming voice and from what Janet learned was one of the first to have known Jacob as they had entered the Air Force together as teenage boys of eighteen yearning to be men. With him was retired Colonel Robert Harwood who was also there with Jacob and Murphy during their beginning years in the Air Force. The two men were telling a story to General Hammond and Major Carter. Janet noticed Colonel O'Neill lingering nearby Sam nursing a beer.
"And Jake, raises his hand to answer the SOB," Harwood continues. "Madsen, marches right up to Jake and looks down at him, trying to intimidate him…'You think you've got the answer, Carter? You want to explain to me what kind of formation the squad was flying in?'"
"And without hesitation, Jake answers…'It's called a cluster fuck, Sir!'" Murphy bellows out, making everyone laugh, even Sam and the Colonel.
Janet herself was giggling as she listened from her seat. Her stomach turning too much to risk moving.
"And Madsen's like…'What did you say?'" Harwood laughed.
"'A cluster fuck, Sir! That's when you have five pilots flying in a fucked up formation because each pilot thinks he's the leader and no one thinks they're part of the team, Sir,'" Murphy chuckled. He then sighed, "Jake had balls for talking that way to our CO."
"Yeah, but Madsen made Jake squadron leader the next day," Harwood added. "Madsen was one stupid, tough SOB but he was smart enough to recognize the characteristics of a leader when he saw one. And we all knew Jake was the best pilot on the base."
"I'm not sure it was Jake's flying ability that helped to persuade Madsen," Murphy cut in. "The squad was the most troublesome lot on the base. The five of us were always playing illegal poker games, smuggling beer into our bunker, and smoking those illegal cigars. It was Jake who always stood up for us, bullshitting the Colonel with flattery and managing to get us all out of trouble."
"What was it Madsen said…'That's bullshit Carter! But, unbelievably good bullshit!'" Harwood smiled. "Jake may have been a silver tongued devil, but he did always say what was exactly on his mind. Madsen respected that. And Jake did speak his mind often didn't care who he was speaking too. Right, George?"
"What did he call you when you replaced Parker?" Murphy asked.
"He called me an ignorant red neck who wouldn't know the difference between the rear of the plane from the nose, even if the nose was jammed up my ass!" Hammond said, making Sam's mouth drop open in shock.
"Don't worry darling," Murphy smiled at her. "Jake's bark was always worse than his bite. At the time he was so angry with himself. He was always hardest on himself. He blamed Parker's crash on himself because he was squad leader. There was nothing any of us could tell him to make him see it differently. Parker's hydraulics malfunctioned plain and simple. But Jake always believed if Parker was better prepared he might have been saved."
"As a result, Jake took me in and showed me the ropes," Hammond smiled. "Though at first, I thought he was a hard ass and couldn't understand why you guys were so loyal to him."
"Jake got you good!" Harwood laughed heartily. "The look on your face when you realized Gus wasn't the General you thought he was! I swear fire was coming out your nose when you realized it was all a big joke! You were so pissed at Jake!"
"I didn't think we could pull you off him!" Murphy added.
"Thankfully no harm was done," Hammond smiled. "Jake had a long talk with me. He explained how he had to see how the new guy would react. He needed to know if I was going to fit in with his squad. Apparently I passed with flying colors as I was excepted by all of you."
"And as evident at how shit-faced we got you, George! Your wife was so mad at us for bringing you home in such condition."
"Honestly, I don't remember her ever being mad," Hammond replied. "Marie never hesitated to let me have it if I came home after drinking a few too many beers with the guys."
"Well, you were passed out when we dragged you home. And Jake talked to her, calmed her down. Explained to her not to worry about you as you were in the best hands the Air Force had to offer," Murphy added.
"Jake did always take care of his own…always," Harwood said, his eyes glistening. "He was there for me when my Jessica passed away. He flew across the country to help with the arrangements. He refused to let my kids do it for me, saying it was something they shouldn't have to do as they were barely even adults."
"He was there for me too after a drunk driver killed my little granddaughter Stephanie," Murphy swallowed hard. "The entire family was devastated. My son, David and his wife couldn't cope with the idea of their child being gone. Neither could my wife and I. Jacob's wife hadn't even been in the grave two months yet he was there, making all the arrangements for my little darling."
"He went AWOL for a week and flew half way around the world when my Marie died from her cancer," Hammond spoke sadly. "To this day I have no idea how he found out because I never called him. He just showed up in the middle of the night, broke a window to get into my house and found me sitting in the dark of my bedroom on the floor. I wouldn't have moved from that spot if not for Jake."
"Whenever one of us was in desperate need, Jake always seemed to be there," Murphy remarked, then raised his glass. "Here's to Jake!"
"To Jake!" they said raising their drinks.
"To Jake," Janet whispered to herself.
'Did you hear that Thomas?' she asked her son, her hand gently resting on her queasy stomach. 'Your father was a man of loyalty and integrity. So I don't want you being angry that he's not around. Ok?'
"Sorry it took so long," Daniel smiled, sitting beside her and handing her the glass of Alchazeltzer. "Mrs. Murphy had to rummage through three different medicine cabinets to find it!"
"Thank you," she said, quickly taking a sip.
"How you doing?" he asked as the group at the bar was laughing loudly again.
"Daniel, you were only gone ten minutes. My condition hasn't changed much," she smiled at him.
"Sorry," he replied sheepishly.
"You're a good friend," she said, patting the back of his hand. "Want to continue being a good friend and take me back to the hotel?"
"Sure," he said, quickly getting to his feet and helping her up.
Once on her feet, Janet went over to Sam.
"I'm so sorry, Sam," she said, hugging her good friend tightly.
"Thank you so much for being here, Janet," Sam responded, hugging Janet just as tight.
"When are you coming back to Colorado?"
"A couple of days. I'm going to fly back to San Diego with Mark and his family tomorrow afternoon, stay with them for a day then fly back home."
"How about this weekend we have a girl's night out," Janet suggested. "You can come over to my house and we can get fat on pizza and ice-cream. Maybe even some beer as you know you can crash in Cassie's room since she's at college now."
"Sounds great! I'd like that," Sam smiled. "Again, thank you so much for coming."
"What are friends for," Janet smiled, holding back her tears as she had done each time she was near Sam since hearing of Jacob's death.
After all her good-byes were said, she and Daniel left. Back at the hotel, he hugged her and wished her a goodnight. Once alone, Janet let out her tears, curling beneath the bed covers. But the didn't last long as she found herself so looking forward to telling Sam about the baby and her relationship with Jacob and Selmak. The idea made her remember when she and Jacob seriously discussed the issue of telling Sam about their relationship.
"What's wrong?" she asked when Jacob let out a heavy sigh in the dim light of dawn.
"I was wondering about what Sam might think of us," he replied, his hand slowly sliding up and down her arm as it rested across his chest.
"I suspect she would be happy for you and me," Janet answered honestly. "She did tell me once or twice how lonely you seemed at times even though you were blended with Selmak."
"I don't know…I am in an intimate relationship with her best friend," he countered. "I know Sam, she might get weirded out!"
Janet moved and straddled him. His hands rested on her hips as she looked down at him.
"Why would she be weirded out?" she asked. "What we have is perfectly normal…even with Selmak involved in the relationship. Besides, Sam's a big girl now. I'm sure the idea of her father having sex wouldn't effect the relationship between you both that much. I'm sure she's well aware that she wasn't dropped off on your doorstep by the stork and has a full understanding of how the birds and the bees work!"
Jacob laughed beneath her. Janet took advantage, tickling his sides making him laugh even harder. She was always amazed that a man like Jacob was so ticklish. She didn't even have to tickle him that much to get him going! His hands weakly defended himself, allowing her to do with him as she pleased.
Then he decided to try tickling her. Janet thwarted him, blocking each of his attempts. Both were laughing wildly even as she managed to grab hold of his hands pinning them both firmly down on the bed beside his head.
"Now whatcha gonna do?" she teased, leaning forward with all her weight in hopes of keeping him pinned.
"I could think of a few things," he smirked. "Things I certainly wouldn't want you discussing with my daughter if and when we do tell her about us. But the real question here is what are you going to do?"
"I could think of a few things," she cooed before kissing him fiercely.
She released her hold, immediately feeling his hands slide beneath his T-shirt that she was wearing.
"Maybe we can wait to tell her," she said, sitting up and pulling the shirt off.
"You are so beautiful, Janet," he whispered as his hands moved up her arms to her neck. "I think we can definitely wait to tell her." His hands slowly moving down, caressing her body affectionately. "After all, we have lots of time."
"I agree, we have lots of time to tell her," she said, before leaning down and kissing him passionately.
Janet hurried into the bathroom at that all to familiar feeling of her stomach rising into her throat. What little she ate at the wake was expelled in one heave. She wasn't sure how much longer she could take staring down the drain of the porcelain bowl as she was becoming familiar with the brand names of each one she had used throughout the week!
Moving to the sink, Janet rinsed her mouth then brushed her teeth. After that she went back into the room, removed her dress uniform and changed into her favorite shirt she loved sleeping in. The shirt was actually one of Jacob's favorites that he often went to bed wearing and she often woke wearing while lying in his arms. To any one else it was just a gray Air Force T-shirt. To Janet it was Jacob's Air Force T-shirt and therefore it was of great importance to her.
Before reaching the bed, Janet paused in front of the full-length mirror. She turned to the side, observing her profile and trying to image what she would look like when near full-term. She knew her tiny figure was going to change dramatically. Thankfully she wasn't having cravings yet. But Janet was so looking forward to the day when her belly would be extended to the point where she would feel like she was going to burst. Then shortly after that, Jacob's son would be in her arms. That day made all the discomforts now worth it and gave her comfort as she climbed under the covers, turning the light off.
"So Thomas, you going to join the Air Force and be a pilot just like your daddy?" she asked, smiling brightly in the darkness, rubbing both hands over her stomach as she lay on her back. "My luck, I'll probably ended up paying for half your tuition for medical school! Oh well, we can always hope for a full scholarship, right?"
For once Jack finished his report on time. Well, he finished it ahead of time. Truth was he was keeping himself busy in order to hang around the base and wait until an appropriate time to visit Carter in the infirmary. The appropriate time being after Jacob Carter left the base, as Jack didn't want Jacob to get any ideas about his daughter and her CO.
With fifteen minutes to go until Jacob's departure, Jack figured it was safe enough so he ventured out into the hallways. He was slowly meandering through the tunnels on his way towards the infirmary when an all too familiar voice stopped him dead in his tracks.
"Jack!"
Jack cringed on the inside as he turned to see Jacob moving quickly towards him. The man had already thanked Jack and Teal'c earlier for rescuing his daughter. As he moved closer, Jack had no idea what Jacob wanted now. Jack knew Jacob was an intelligent man and could only assume it had something to do with Sam, as this tunnel was the only one in this sector that lead to directly to the infirmary.
"What can I do for you Jacob?" Jack asked, noticing how convenient it was that the hallway was deserted!
"We need to talk," Jacob said seriously and in that concerned fatherly tone.
Without realizing it, Jack rolled his eyes. It was an automated response, something he had done his entire life when he was confronted with 'the talk'. It didn't matter what the talk was about, school grades, drugs, girls, sex, following orders…whatever, Jack always responded the same way. He knew what had to get done and he didn't need someone to remind him of it!
Only Jacob wasn't like any of Jack's teachers or commanding officers. Jacob simply stood there with his arms folded staring intently at Jack.
"Sorry Jacob," Jack said, shrugging his shoulders.
"I'm going to get straight to it."
"Really? You, Jake…a bullshitter!"
Again, Jack got the look and again apologized.
"It's a good thing you didn't know me when I was younger."
"That was a lot of hair ago, wasn't it!" Jack joked, this time getting a smile out of Jacob.
"Seriously, Jack, I want you to listen and stop with the wise cracks for five minutes," Jacob ordered and continued on before Jack could give a response. "I know you have feelings for my daughter and that she has feelings for you."
'Here it comes!' Jack thought. To Jacob he said, "She's my second in command…"
"Cut the crap Jack! I wasn't born yesterday! And don't pretend to be so dense," Jacob snapped. He paused then softened his tone. "Sam's my only daughter. All I want is for her to be happy. And if that's with you then I have no problem with that."
Jack blinked in surprise not expecting to ever hear those words uttered by Major Carter's father to him!
"You sure about that Jacob? She could do way better than me, Sir."
"Maybe. But I know you, Jack. You and I are a lot alike. And I know you would take care of Sam the way that she deserves. I'm just saying, as a father, I want my daughter to be safe and happy."
Jack sighed replaying his last conversation with Jacob over and over. It was one conversation he had never expected to have with Carter's father. In fact, Jack often imagined Jacob's 'talk' to be more…life threatening. Or at least along the lines of him threatening to remove vital parts of Jack's male anatomy if he ever touched or even looked at Carter in that way.
"Just take care of my little girl, Jack. That's all I want."
Again, Jack sighed. If he had known that was the last time he had a chance to talk with Jacob he would have say something like…'Sure Dad, she's in safe hands with me!' After which, no matter what kind of mood Jacob was in, he probably would have ripped of those vital parts of Jack's anatomy!
Looking through the windshield, Jack wondered if Jacob knew he wasn't going to make it back home. That's the only reason Jack could figure as to why Jacob had 'the talk' with him. It made sense. But even with Jacob's consent, it still didn't make things any easier for Jack.
He'd been sitting in his truck for half an hour now. The sun had set and the lights were now on in a few of the windows of Carter's house. This was something he had been debating all week about since hearing of Jacob's death and he was still unsure whether he should even have come here or not. Hell, he couldn't even remember arriving here. He was simply driving his truck around town and somehow it made its way to her house.
"Jack, don't be afraid to take a chance…she won't wait around forever," Jacob smiled then walked away.
Jack finally exited his truck. He switched his cell phone off and replaced it in his jacket pocket. He didn't want to be disturbed if Carter needed comforting. He was sure she didn't want to be disturbed as he discovered that she had unplugged of her private line and turned off her cell phone when he tried calling her earlier and couldn't get through.
She had just returned from San Diego this morning. Jack knew she wouldn't have shut herself off from everyone, him included, to just rest from her trip. The funeral had been two days ago. He sat at a distance but kept a watchful eye on her during the ceremony. He was even near her during the wake, keeping his distance and respecting her space. He knew she was hurting deep inside, her tears at the funeral were the proof.
But that invisible barrier they both had erected was just so hard to break through. Tonight, no matter what, Jack decided he had to get through to her. He quickly rang the doorbell and waited. There was no answer so he rang it again. Again, still no answer.
"Carter!" he shouted, pounding on the door. "For crying out loud! Carter, open the door! I'm freezing my ass off out here!"
He was getting ready to break a window when the door suddenly opened. Right away, he could tell she had been crying. Her eyes were red and slightly swollen. Even the end of her nose and her cheeks were slightly flushed. She was alone and grieving. Something all to familiar to Jack as he had done just that after his son had died. Closing himself off from the world was all he could do as he slowly shut down. The result being that he lost his wife and nearly killed himself. Jack would be damned if he allowed Carter to do the same thing. He was certain, Jacob would haunt him for not taking care of Carter!
"Come here," he said, pulling her into his arms.
She didn't struggle and leaned into him. Upon feeling the warmth of her body against his and her trembling in his arms he realized he was such an idiot. He should have done this long ago. Quickly moving inside, Jack helped her over to the couch where he sat her down and sat down beside her. For the longest time she wept on his shoulder as he caressed her back with his hands.
Glancing down, Jack happened to notice the photos scattered on the coffee table. Well, they weren't exactly scattered. They were neatly organized. Too neatly organized. No doubt Carter was diligently categorizing the photos of her father and of her family.
"Wow…your Dad actually had hair?" he asked, making her laugh lightly.
Jack reached and picked up the photo of Jacob not in his uniform but in everyday clothing sitting on a chair cradling a baby with big blue round eyes in his arms.
"He's smiling too. I didn't think he was capable," he joked, leaning back into the couch.
"He had just returned from Vietnam," Carter sniffled, moving so she could see the photo, still securely wrapped in one of Jack's arms.
"You the baby?"
"Yeah…I was born exactly nine months after he left for his tour."
"Way to go Dad!" he said, making her laugh again.
"I was four months old before he finally got to hold me for the first time," she said sadly. "When I was older I accidentally found out that I almost never met my father as he was MIA for a month over there. I'm not sure what happened to him, as he never talked about his tour during the war with Mom. In fact, he never talked about his job whenever he was home. At least not in front of my brother or me."
"Because home is about one's family," Jack said, speaking from experience. "Sometimes we don't know when we have to leave home or when we might return. So we have to make the most of it whenever we're home. And we keep home close to our hearts when we're away. Why else do you think pilots carry pictures of their loved ones in the breast pocket of their flight gear?"
"Dad carried the same two pictures of me and my brother with him throughout his career. Even when he joined the Tok'ra he kept them hidden on him at all times even during his undercover ops. Adding pictures of his grandkids to them when he and Mark reconciled."
Jack quickly put the picture down as she was crying again.
"Shh," he cooed, kissing the top of her head while holding her close.
For several long moments he simply held her, not saying anything, knowing that there was nothing he could say to make her feel any better. Sometimes words were never enough. Often in these situations words were never enough. And even more often, Jack believed that words got in the way. Hence the reason why Jack was never a man of many words and why he was a man of action.
Only Jack wasn't even sure when he first kissed her. Or even if he kissed her first! Hell, he wasn't even sure how long they had been kissing! And he only became aware that they were kissing rather enthusiastically just before they suddenly pulled breathlessly apart.
'This is wrong,' he thought to himself, closing his eyes. 'We shouldn't be doing this. Not now. I don't think her father intended for me to care for her this way…did he?'
Her hand caressed his facing, making him open his eyes. Her deep blue eyes had never looked so lovely before as they did during this moment. He longed to lose himself in those eyes as the feeling of her kiss still lingered on his lips. Her fingers trail along the stubble on his jawline to his lips.
"Sam…" his voice quivered.
"Shh…" she cooed pressing her finger against his lips.
Her kiss was soft at first, just a pressing of lips against one another. Then as it deepened he could feel the warmth of her tongue against his. He eagerly returned her kiss knowing there was no way to fight the inevitable now. And he willingly followed her as she leaned back allowing her to pull him down on top of her.
Whether it was right or wrong, Jack didn't care anymore. He loved Sam too much to hold back any longer. And whether the time was now or later, it wasn't going to matter one bit. Besides, what there were doing was perfectly natural as it was something men and women had been doing for hundreds of years.
Only they seemed to be rushing things. Jack found he couldn't slow himself down as his hands wandered beneath her blouse and her skirt. He had wanted her for so long and now he had her. He felt like a teenage too eager to experience such an intimate act. Not that Sam was trying to slow down either and seemed to only encourage him as she moved beneath him.
The first act ended up being over and done with far too quickly that Jack had to apologize to her.
"Sorry…I was…"
"Anxious," she smiled, pushing her fingers through his hair.
"Yeah…just a little," he said. "You too?"
She nodded with a devilish grin on her face.
Jack smiled, moving his lips around her neck and feeling her pulse was still rapidly beating. Her breathing was still fast to as was his and their passion was quick to rekindle. Only this time he wanted to do it properly. He effortlessly picked her up in his arms and carried her to her bedroom. There he slowly undressed her with is eyes while removing his own clothes.
He removed her clothes. His movements were slow and deliberate. His hands and lips pleasing and affection, kissing and stroking her soft skin as it slowly became exposed. Once done, he traveled back up her body, feeling her hands urging him on until their lips met.
This time, his body against hers, they made up for all those years of repression. His words of affection for her poured out as he emptied himself within her again and again. Much to his delight, she spoke of her love for him. And for several long hours, nothing else mattered to them as their joining engulfed them both entirely.