'In the mirror is where she comes
Face to face with her fears
Her reflection looked forward on to her
After all these years
However how she's tried to be
Something besides herself
Now time has passed and she's ended up
Somewhere else with regret' Soar, Christina Aguilera
Flashback
A younger Hilary walked along the streets of Tokyo, heading to school. She was normal; her Anorexia having not… 'arrived'. She was fine, if not a little bit full, but happy with life. Sure, there were no boys lining the streets to date her, but she didn't care about that.
"Hil-Hil!" A yell echoed down the streets, catching Hilary's attention quickly. She grinned as she caught sight of her best friend up ahead.
"Sarah!" She yelled back as she ran to catch up. She was quickly enveloped in a hug. "Sarah… dying… air!"
Sarah giggled and let go, smiling like there was no tomorrow. "Sorry, Hil-Hil. S'just I haven't seen you in AGES!"
Hilary smiled and linked arms with Sarah as they walked towards the school. They chatted normally, like they did everyday… until…
"Sarah?"
"Mm?"
"What… what are those cuts?"
"Where?"
"On your wrist."
"Oh…" Sarah looked away, pulling her cardigan sleeve down lower, trying to hide the red lines that marred her skin even more. "N-Nothing…"
If you ever tried to find Hilary, you'd probably find her in front of some kind of reflective surface, just staring. Nothing could pull her away: not a phone call, not a knock at the door, not even if the water in the bath overflowed. Her image captivated her for some reason…
But not in a good way…
"Look at them." Sarah muttered darkly, as the group of popular girls walked past. "Totally and utterly fake; the lot of them… when will they figure out that image isn't everything?"
"Well…"
"Please don't tell me that you think that having your skin as orange as a… well… orange, your clothes skimpier than Paris Hilton on the beach and flirting with 'hot boys' is more important than… other things!"
"I don't! It's just; I think that image does help. It plays a big part in our life, Saz, whether we like it or not." She paused as she bent down to drink from the water fountain. "It's not the most important thing, no I agree, but it-"
"Yeah, yeah, plays a big part in our life, yadda, yadda, yadda." Sarah giggled. "But I guess you're right… like always!"
Hilary laughed. "I am not always right!"
They laughed together down the hallway and outside, where they ran to their hiding place; under the branches of a large weeping willow. They leant against the trunk, still giggling at nothing in particular. Hilary sighed and looked over at her blonde friend.
"Sarah?"
Mm?"
"Don't you wish you were, you know, pretty? Like really beautiful?"
"What, like the Plastics?" Sarah scoffed.
"No! But like, naturally beautiful… tanned skin… deep blue eyes…"
"Stop living in a fairytale, Hil-Hil!"
"What? A girl can dream can't she?"
"Yeah… that we can…" Sarah sighed.
After a moments pause, Hilary said, "You still haven't answered my question, Saz-chan."
Sarah sighed again. "Yeah, I do wish I was beautiful… have the perfect boyfriend… not necessarily the hottest and buffest on the block, but… he'd have a nice personality… he'd be really kind and thoughtful… looking after me and all… maybe one of those mysterious types, ya know?" Sarah giggled.
Silence reigned once more.
"Hil-chan?"
"Yeah?"
"Promise me something?"
"Yeah?"
"Promise me that if something happens to me, you'll remember me and live a happy life for me?"
Hilary was surprised. "What! Nothings going to happen to you, Saz-chan! You don't-"
"Promise me!" Sarah almost shouted, startling Hilary.
"Saz-chan…"
"I don't wanna be around anymore…" Hilary felt the tears well up in her eyes. "I'm living a lie, Hilary… my parents hate me… so does my brother… I haven't ever had a boy who liked me… and you…" Sarah smiled, tears in her own eyes. "You're my only friend… past… present…"
"What about future?" Hilary was almost too afraid to ask.
"Only up there, Hil-chan… I promise to look over you, ok?"
The next day, Hilary found out that Sarah, her one and only true friend, had committed suicide…
For around a month, she hid away.
And the next year?
Her parents left.
Her parents had left some time ago. Where? She did not know. Just upped and left. Not even a note. And that's what sparked off her problem; not necessarily the cause, but it was the final straw. Her own parents had lit the fuse and, unlike all the other times, she couldn't stop it and when the fire reached the barrels of gunpowder… it rocked her world to the core.
It had happened right after the BEGA tournament. She had come home, expecting her parents to come running into the hallway and congratulate her on helping her team to victory, like they had done after every tournament she had been helping in. But they didn't arrive. Not the day after; nor the day after that. In fact, they never reappeared.
All their belongings had gone too.
And she realised. She was all alone.
'I promise to look over you, ok?'
Sarah's words echoed around Hilary's head as she lay on her bed. Her one and only true friend… her one and only friend…
That's what made her wonder… was Sarah watching her? Up there? With other angels?
Hilary didn't doubt that Sarah was. In life, Sarah had looked out for her, so why wouldn't she do it in the afterlife? Hilary just hoped she would…
Another thought occurred to Hilary… what would Kai think if he knew she was wallowing in her own misery…?
Notes on this Chapter:
- The opening quote is from the song 'Soar' by Christina Aguilera. It's a song that seems to fit in with my life, somehow, and helped me think about things.
- In the summary i said, 'No OCs' and this still stands. 'Sarah' was actually my friend (although her name was changed in this story) so she was/is her own person.
- Although this is a fic about my life, my parents have not left. I added this so it would fit into the storyline.
- 'The Weeping Willow' hiding place is a place i visit when i want to be alone. It reminds me of 'Sarah'.
Thank you to all the reviews i have received. They have made me feel a lot better; physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
Please review again!
Demi-Goddess