Special answer to Great Hippo Thief: it feels nice that you told me first. But if you ever need to talk, email me, okay? I'll be happy to help!
Nubia: If you still cut your wrists... i'm not going to stop you. And that's not a bad thing. I know how hard it is to stop and i fell out with a few people cos they tried to make me stop straight away. but talk to me if ya need to, hun, okay? (big hug)
Lunar Fire: yes it was hard to lose 'Sarah', but i know she's looking over me. I'd rather she be gone than for her to live in pain, though.
crisismydaemon: yup, Christina's 'Soar' is the one song that i love. I feel it represents me. And yes, whenever i need to talk, i'll turn to u! (Hugs
Demenior: Yeah, Spring 2004... but like i said to Lunar Fire, i'm glad she's up in heaven... I know you'd want to fly over and hug me and i'm happy... Thank you!
Barbara: Yes, i will finish this and i'm glad you love it. You're review was unique and it made me smile, even though it was plain and simple. Thank you.
Estrela Jem: I'm glad you love the last chapter and yes it was sad, but things will get better, i promise. though this chapter will be slightly worrying, if ya catch mah drift.
Warning for this chapter: (sorry i didn't warn you last chapter!) Self-harm
'If you were here I'd never have a fear
so go on live your life
but I miss you more than I did yesterday
you're so far away
so c'mon show me how
cause I mean this more than words can ever say' Give 'em Hell Kid, My Chemical Romance
Bang Bang!
Silence…
Bang bang bang!
More silence…
"Hilary! Open the door! We know you're in there!"
Hilary gave a small, strangled sob as the banging on the door continued. Why wouldn't they leave her alone? Why couldn't they understand that she didn't want to 'open the door'?
She clutched her injured arm with her other hand, tears streaming down her face as she huddled tighter into the corner…
FlashbackAs Hilary perched on the edge of her bed, memories swirled around her mind like a whirlpool. Memories of happier times; whether they were with family or friends.
But there was something inside her mind that kept floating to the surface. To be precise, it was a voice…
'It helps me, you know? Whenever I feel the walls and people closing in on me, I literally let it all out… not all, of course, cos then I would be dead, but just a little at a time… it makes me feel better… you have to understand… do you?'
Hilary made a decision. She stood up, almost confidently, and walked into the hallway bathroom. She opened the cupboard and took out her father's old razor, before successfully dismantling it so she only had a single razor blade in her hand. She dropped the razor into the sink carelessly as she stared at the sharp metal.
Turning her arm over so she could she the veins in her wrists clearly, she placed the blade over the skin where the veins disappeared from view and applied pressure… but she didn't move it. She couldn't.
Another voice surfaced: 'Oh, these? On my arm? Well, sometimes, when I don't have the guts… I… I cut myself here, on the top, so I can be sure that I won't, you know, bleed to death…'
She shut the voice off so she didn't have to hear what Sarah had said last, though she knew already.
Taking the blade away carefully, she turned her arm over again and replaced the blade halfway down her lower arm, before slicing it sideways in a swift movement. She watched as blood oozed up out of the fine wound, not dripping down though… but she noticed one thing…
She didn't feel any pain…
Only…
Relief…
'NowI understand, Sarah...' Hilary thought.
Placing the blade over a new patch of skin, she did the same thing, feeling herself strangely relax as the blood came up. Seven more times she did this until she had nine randomly-placed, blood-leaking lines on her lower arm. But she tipped her arm accidentally and a drop of blood fell onto the white tiles next to her bare feet. She didn't care, though. No one would see it and she could clear it up when her slight light-headedness cleared up.
Downstairs, a knock at the door sounded, but she didn't answer it. She didn't acknowledge it at all. Instead, she bandaged her arm before walking back out into the hall and up to the mirror.
She just stood there… staring, as the knocks at the door became more aggressive and red dots and lines appeared through the white linen.
"Hilary? You're in there, we know it! We saw you come here five minutes ago!" Tyson's angry voice echoed upstairs.
She gritted her teeth and, for many reasons, banged the side of the fist of her injured arm against the mirror. It cracked and fell to the floor with a huge crash. Hilary stumbled back, clutching her bleeding hand. Her mind went blank and numb with shock. Tyson would've surely heard that…
"Hilary! Open the door!"
The tears streamed down her face silently and she found herself downstairs, in the hallway that led to the main door. She sat on the floor and moved into the corner as more tears streamed down and as more impatient knocks banged at the door…
End Flashback"Hilary! If you don't open the door now, I'm gonna break it down!"
"Tyson," Ray's voice drifted through as Hilary stood, "I don't think you should. Hilary might not be home…"
"I don't care Ray."
Hilary had two choices: fight or flight…
Grabbing her coat, she ran, still barefoot, out the back door and down the garden, into the overgrown foliage. When she reached the back gate, she yanked in open and ran out into the street…
With a swift kick, the door banged open, hitting the wall behind it on its hinges. Tyson stepped in hesitantly.
"Oh," A jittery Kenny panicked, "this is breaking and entering, Tyson, BREAKING AND ENTERING! We're breaking into Hilary's house AND we're breaking the law!"
"Calm down, Chief. It was you're idea to find out if Hilary was alright." Tyson said as he peeked round the corner of the open doorway to the living room. "And you heard that huge crash."
"Yeah, but that could have been anything! She could have a pesky dog! The thing that made the sound could've been a mirror that had a bad wire… ANYTHING!"
"Calm down, Kenny!"
"I have to agree with both of you." Max said. "We are kind of breaking the law, but we need to find out what's wrong with- Ray?"
"No we're here to find out what's wrong with Hilary not… hey Ray buddy? You ok?"
Ray's eyes were slits and it looked like he was searching for something. He walked down the hallway quietly and looked up the stairs.
"Is she up there, Ray?" Max asked.
Ray shook his head. "No, but I smell something odd…"
"Nah, that's Kenny sweating…" Tyson said.
Ray chuckled, but started up the stairs; the others followed after him.
"No…way…" they heard Ray say.
They rushed up and gasped. A huge, full-length mirror was lying face down on the ground, shards of the reflective glass scattered around it, but even more frightening…
"Blood…"
Silence…
"What do you think happened?" Max asked Ray, walking to stand beside his friend. "Kenny's 'mirror' explanation fits in with this, but the blood…?"
Ray stayed quiet and looked around, sniffing once in a while. He walked silently into a bathroom; he appeared a few minutes later, face pale.
"Ray?"
"We need to find her… now." He breathed.
"Why?"
He held out the semi-dismantled razor and his finger, on which almost-dried blood was smeared. "This is why…"