Touched By An Ancient
By Ann3
Writer's Note: Thanks so much for the reviews, they've been much appreciated !
Well, the journey's nearly over for Carson, but there's just a wee bit more soul searching for him to come in this chapter. As always, I hope you enjoy !
Chapter Seventeen
They'd started walking again, each taking their turn to talk, to listen and explain – and silently heal. Now Carson paused once more, turning to stare back along the laborious path they'd taken together. It had been hard, and it had been painful – but he knew the worst of it was now behind him.
The anger had left him now, allowing precious curiosity, clear headed understanding, to take its place. With that understanding had come a realisation, that terror and tragedy had prevented him from seeing. His father had died so that he, and millions of others, would live. In her own way, so had Janet Fraiser. That discovery had humbled him as much as it had healed him.
Carson now knew that, if faced with the same choice, the same decision, he'd do the same thing. There was still so much to resolve, though. Still so much for him to come to terms with.
Watching him in supportive sympathy, Alex Beckett now placed a gentle hand on his son's shoulder – patiently waiting for him to find and confront the final few demons that still haunted his mind.
"It's – It's just so hard, dad…" Carson said at last, his eyes still wistfully lost on the distant horizon – as though its craggy, reassuring permanence somehow held the answers he still needed so much to find.
Inspiration had clearly come from somewhere, since an albeit rueful smile now returned to his face.
"I – I mean, I'll fight like hell to protect my family, both back home on Earth and on Atlantis too. I'll die for them too, if I have to, just like you did for me, and mum. I – I understand that now, but… I'm a doctor, dad. I've taken an oath to save lives, in whatever form, not take them, and it's so hard. It's just so hard, dad… having to use these powers that go against everything I believe in, when… well, whennothing I do to protect the people I love, those I care about, can keep them safe… however hard I try, dad, nothing I do makes the slightest difference… they – they just keep dying…"
"Aye, son, I know… but ye won't have that to worry ye for much longer…" his father replied – using the puzzled silence that followed to unlock another door in his son's still troubled psyche. "Why did ye do it, Carsie…? Why did ye become a doctor…?"
Still struggling to understand that first, cryptic comment, Carson stared back at him, totally thrown. Conceding defeat to its solution, for now at least, he then forced himself to concentrate on the second.
"To save my own neck, dad… to – to make sure that I didn't die of the same cancer that you did. I – I mean, when I found out I had the Ancient gene, I knew there'd be thousands of others like me. Thousands of others who'd been chosen, just like me, who'd possibly be at risk too, and… and… I – I had to do something, dad…! I – I couldn't just let an entire generation die the way you did…!"
The explanation-cum-apology then slid to a halt as Carson noticed the smile on his father's face – one that held a wisdom beyond a politely humouring hint that he'd more than made his point. Time, he wryly decided, for him to, as a certain scientist would so charmingly say, 'shut the hell up'. Then again, his father's response, when it finally came, left him too surprised to say any more anyway.
"And you did a hell of a job, son… ye did me proud… just as I knew ye would…"
"I – I did…?" Carson stared blankly back at him, flattered and thoroughly confused in equal measure. That confusion only increased as a telltale blur of light regained its now familiar form at his side.
"Yes, Carson, you did… you have done all of the Ascended Ones proud…" Melia told him gently – the warm smile on her face expressing every part of that pride as she reached to take his hand. "You have granted us the most precious gift, Carson… and now we salute you…"
He knew it was rude, a real failing of his usual, impeccable manners. But Carson couldn't help it. He couldn't help staring back at her, all attempts to understand what she'd said miserably failing. Nor could he stop his mouth dropping open even more, at the astonishing sight that now met his eyes.
He'd seen it enough times on this remarkable journey to know what this swirl of light would lead to. But the sight of row upon row of glowing, approvingly smiling faces left him completely floored.
He'd clearly done something special, something remarkable, to have earned such a unique and moving honour. For the life of him, though, Carson Beckett couldn't even start to think what that something could be. Instead, he summed up his delight and embarrassed bewilderment in just two soft, heartfelt words.
"Holy crap…!"