'What is it is that makes us feel the need to keep pretending
Gotta let ourselves be' Soar, Christina Aguilera
The day was a neutral one. The sun neither shone nor hid; grey clouds drifted across the sky at a lazy pace and living life was still asleep, nestled deep in their homes. Apart from one boy.
He had been up the whole night, looking over a girl of similar age. He had not slept a wink. Nor had any stimulants to keep him awake. Just watching this girl sleep… this troubled girl.
She shifted in her sleep and the boy's gaze shot over to her. Her soft-looking, pale lips were parted slightly to allow deep breathing and one hand was beside her head, gripping the pillow in a soft grasp. His eyes softened; his barriers down.
The ginger-tabby cat on his lap looked up at him with big hazel eyes, before nuzzling his arm, begging for attention. He granted it, scratching it behind the ear. It purred quietly, but his attention was still on the girl.
He had heard the others come in quite late last night. They didn't talk, but he heard their shuffling footsteps down the hallway. Max, he knew, was sobbing, but as far as he could tell, the others hadn't been; just quiet. No others sounds had he heard in the huge dojo.
He looked back out the window to look at nothing a particular, stilling stroking the sleeping tabby.
Her eyes slowly opened, blinking once of twice, taking in her surroundings. She wasn't in her room, no she figured that… so where was she?
It wasn't until she saw the boy sitting on the windowsill did she feel safe…
But it wasn't until she noticed she was only in her underwear did she feel insecure.
The boy somehow knew she was awake because he looked in her direction.
"You ok?" He asked.
She sat up and hugged the covers close to her body. "Where?"
"Tyson's."
"Oh…" She looked away, ashamed. "Who changed me?" She asked quietly.
"Does it matter?"
"N-No…"
She heard him stand and his footsteps got nearer. The bed went down slightly when he sat down next to her; he held out his hand. She looked at it, confusingly, but it dawned on her when she remembered his arm; though she didn't hand it over (pardon the pun). She shuffled back, keeping the duvet tight around her body self-consciously. He frowned.
"Hilary…"
"Please leave me, Tala." She whimpered, looking down, her self-consciousness reaching an all time high. "I know you want to know what's wrong with me and crap but-"
"Yeah I know, there's nothing wrong with you." Tal replied, resisting the urge to roll his eyes; his hand still outstretched. "Just let me look at your arm. I won't do anything you don't want me to, though. If you don't want to talk, fine by me; I won't ask. If you want one of your friends; I'll go get one."
"And what if I want you to leave?" Hilary asked, her hand going out gingerly.
Tala smirked wryly. "Fat chance."
"Worth a shot…" She muttered, watching intently what Tala was doing. A small smile came to her lips as she said this.
He unwrapped the soft linen with utmost care and placed it on the table beside her bed. He ran a finger down her lower arm, barely grazing the skin, his fingertips feeling the bumps below. He felt her muscle tense at first, but relax after; she seemed to like it.
He grunted. "Good, no tissue-structure damage."
"Tissue damage?"
Tala nodded as he reached for a damp flannel in a bowl of shallow water. "Sometimes, if the blade goes too deep," She flinched, but not from the pain; the memories flooded up, "it can damage the structure of the tissue cells. Like, knock the others out of place. It rarely happens, though, don't worry. We just can't be too careful."
Silence for a while…
"Tala?" Hilary asked steadily. "I-I… last night, I woke up… and I thought I felt someone… watching me… was that you?"
Tala shook his head. "No, I went back to my hotel. Most probably Kai." He looked up and smiled. "That guy never seems to sleep."
Hilary smiled back; it was a small smile, but it was a smile all the same.
"Where is Kai?"
"Talking to the Bladebreakers."
"W-What?"
"Hilary, listen, calm down." He soothed, reaching out and cupping her cheek, rubbing away a tear that tumbled down. "He isn't going to say anything that you don't want him to; neither will I. He's just going to say what happened, just tweaked a little. You were out of your house, got stuck in the storm, passed out, I found you and brought you here to Kai." But his expression turned serious. "But you'll have to tell them the truth sometime, Hilary. Things like this," he ran his finger down her arm again, "can't be ignored."
"But… they'll think me as… weak…"
"Hilary, if they think that you doing this makes you weak, then that makes me weak; weaker than you. Now, I don't know your reason for your self-harm, nor am I expecting you to tell me of all people, but at least someone, so that they can help you get over whatever's making you harm yourself."
The corner of his lips tugged upwards into a lop-sided, reassuring smile as she nodded. He brushed her cheek with the back of his fingers, before setting back to work rewrapping the bandages. He finished and looked at her.
"Who should I tell?" Her voice was barely a whisper.
"Would you like me to get Kai?" He asked softly, knowing whom she actually wanted to confide in.
She nodded. He gave her one last smile before leaving the room, shutting the wooden door quietly. An almost deafening silence echoed in the room, the only sounds from chirping birds outside and a car going past. She looked over at the window to see a small ginger-tabby cat, staring at her with curious, big hazel eyes. It stood and hopped of the 'sill and wandered over. It jumped onto the bed and padded over to her; she could hear it purring from the end of the bed very clearly. It rubbed its chin against hers in an attempt to get some attention; which it got.
But after a while, it must've gotten bored and hopped of the bed to go elsewhere. But when she looked up, she saw Kai leaning on the back of the closed door, his crimson eyes boring curiously into her maroon ones; her once-ruby ones.
The covers were tugged round her body once again and she looked away, whispering the one word she had denied from anyone-
"Help…"
His eyes seemed to soften and his stance seemed to slacken.
"That is something I have been doing for so long, Hilary, but sometimes you do not let me." Was his reply.
"If I let you this time…will you?"
He didn't need to nod, or say 'yes'; she saw it in his eyes. The eyes that refused to let her gaze wander elsewhere and bored into her soul… the eyes that force you to tell all…
And that's what she did.
Shyly at first… but slowly telling the Russian about what had happened in her life that led to her depression; Sarah, her parents leaving, no friends... He helped her continued with a few questions, but he normally let her talk, listening intently.
A pause…
"Hilary…" She looked up at him. "Do you know what's wrong with you?"
Hilary shook her head, but it was unknown if it was in denial or 'no'.
He walked over and sat on the bed. "Hilary, you may have something… severe…" she looked up sharply. "How would you… define yourself as?"
"Fat." She said without hesitation. "Totally and utterly fat."
He took her uninjured hand in his and cupped her cheek with his other, forcing her to look at him. "Hilary, I'm going to get straight to the point: Anorexia."
"What?"
"Anorexia is what you have, Hilary. You feel overweight when you are dangerously underweight-"
"But I'm not!" Hilary cried, falling forward and sobbing into his chest.
"You are Hilary." He said calmly, placing his hands on her back and hugging her closer as she continued to cry. "You feel fat, but you are thin; you've withdrawn from us; fallen into a depression for no apparent and obvious reason. All these add up to anorexia, Hilary." He held her out so he could look her in the eyes. "Look at me Hilary, look at me. It can be overcome, trust me on this." But doubt was shining in her eyes like pools of drying blood. "Have I ever let you, down, Hilary? Have I ever given up on you?" She shook her head slowly.
"You-You saved my life on the Island…" She murmured.
"And I can do it again…" He whispered. "But…"
"I know…" She sniffed. "I have to-to tell the oth-others…but…promise me something, K-Kai…" He nodded. "You'll st-stay by me, no-no matter what…"
"No matter what…"
I'm not sure about you, but when I first met my now-close friends, I thought they'd be somewhat 'temporary'; I'd soon find more friends and we'd move apart. But, they've stuck by me, no matter what.
And that's what Hilary had.
In a chorus of 'Hilary, we love you!' s and 'We'd never leave you!' s, she was buried under many pairs of arms, being embraced in a bear hug; if the bear that hugged her had many arms, that is. And… she laughed.
For what seemed like a century, she laughed. For the first time in over a year, she laughed in total happiness as the mass of bodies fell over onto the floor. They lay there for a while, revelling in the body warmth that spread like butterflies in a field disturbed by children running around. She caught sight of Kai leaning against the far wall, smiling at her.
Smiling…
She smiled back, and, as if he could hear her, thought, 'Thank you, Kai…Thank you Tala… I'll never forget you… Thank you for turning my life around… just promise to keep your promises by helping me get back to how my life used to be…'
A/N- thank you for reading and review! Only one more chapter to go, then an epilogue!
Anywho, review!