"It still might"
"I want so much to be close to a man again. I mean a real man." Thoughts slowly started to creep into her mind. "I look at myself in the mirror, like I don't even recognize myself anymore. Who am I? Why can't I relate to people, even the ones that are always around. I mean I don't even know"
"Maybe you just needed your mother or was it your dad?" CC mind: What did he just say? How could he possibly know all that we just met I mean is it that obvious?
"You seem...I mean being hostile...it's like...Maybe they made you grow up to fast. Maybe they put you in situations that you weren't ready for. Maybe they thought you could handle it." He put his hand on her face. "That sweet innocent little girl that had to deal with things you should have had too." She grabbed at his hand to get it away from her.
"Are we talking about me or you now"
"Well," He blinked. He thought that he might be falling for CC. Look how beautiful she looks. How soft her skin feels. Oh. "You say you want to be loved, growing up in say...a different way..." "Different-different then you."
"No actually like me. I didn't have a family well, sort of speak of...I was adopted oh, say about...twenty times in fifteen years. I never spent more then two years in a place they...they didn't say...want me. I just know it was a matter of time before nobody did. I mean...I have... been here oh, let's say...about twenty five years now."
"Really?" She looked around. Look at some of the people. How can one survive that long? Is that what it's going to be like with me? "How dreadful"
"Yeah, I have had my days. I just wanted..." David shook his head. "Enough about me"
"It's like I'm out of place anywhere and everywhere. Maybe I never did."
"Everybody..." CC looked over at him. She put her head down and began to sob. David went around the table and sat his chair beside hers. He placed his arm on around her shoulders. "There, there. Let it all out CC"
"But..." She sniffs and looks into his eyes. She could see pain and coldness. Why so much pain. She thought for a minute. Then realized that must be what she looked like. Nothing, but a coldhearted person. Maybe Niles is right. Maybe I'm just coldhearted. Maybe I'm incapable of loving anyone or anything. More tears dripped from her eyes. Why me... she sniffed again. Her mind went back to the conversation at hand. "But what if it were...What if I wasn't supposed to"
"Supposed to have a place." He lefts her chin. "You just have to say, find it." He
kissed her on the lips before she could answer him. Surprisingly she didn't hold back.
"That wasn't so bad now was it?" she swallowed.
"Well," her head was spinning "No."
A tingling sensation went though her. Could it be? Could it be? Was she beginning to start to feel? More memories of her mother came to mind. She still had stuff on her chest that she wanted to get out in the open. Then a memory of the dreaded day came into view. The one that she wanted to forget, the day her parents had a fight and the words "I don't love you, no one ever will." rang out. Let go CC thought just let go. She took her hand and slid it down her face.
"What is it"
"Oh, I don't know." She smiled.
"Something's still in there." He pointed to her hair and then rubbed his hand though it.
"Just thinking about the day my parents split up. That's when I got a nanny"
"There wasn't enough love. Was there? No special moments to share with your mother"
"My mother was caught up in here own life. I mean she was"
"Never there when you really needed her the most. I understand. I wish things could have been different for me too"
"Maybe I'm turning into her. A lot of times my work consumes me"
"Do you have kids?" CC hesitated at that.
She did at one time but ever since that day, that horrible day. She was too young to care for him so she gave him up but four years later he died in a car crash alone with his adopted parents. And...And her best friend Sarah. She shook her head. CC mind: Don't think about that CC. It wasn't you fault he died. You were doing the right thing by giving him a life that you know you couldn't. David took that to mean no.
"No I'm not..." CC started to say.
"That's right." He smiled he already know that she wasn't married and some how he was glad. Not so much for her but that he might be able to get to know her on a deeper level.
"um..." she blinks then realizes the real reason she got stuck in "The place" in the first place. "I work for a guy who has kids, three to be exact. He hired a nanny, who is really annoying and obnoxious. See she has this really annoying high pitch nasal voice. Don't get me started on her." David laughed at that. "See my partner's kids lost their mother and I guess I wanted to"
"Take her place."
"No, I just had an obsession with him." I never thought of it like that. maybe that's why Maxwell fell in love with the nanny cause she like his kids. "I guess the jealousy that I kept burning in my brain got to me and it got worse every time I saw them together. What women wouldn't be? They have it all. I guess that's really the reason why I'm here. I had a break down cause he decided to marry the nanny. And once again I'm all alone"
"Maybe they're happy. Maybe you should be happy for them too."
"Happy for them. I loath them"
"You need a man who knows you right down to your core."
CC the thought of the only man, she know that might fit that profile Niles. It always goes back to him why is that? Is he the one? Who am I kidding? That will never happen. Look at us fighting all the time. What's with that? Is that the connection that binds us together?
"Then maybe you can get over this obsession"
"Oh, well..." She smiled remembered all the times Nanny Fine got everyone to smile and forget their problems. Sometimes she had good ideas to get out of sticky situations. Then she saw how the kids got alone with her, and are actually happy, well behaved for their age. "They had an impact on me but as hard as I tried it was never a place I could call home but this"
"You want a family of you own." Is this guy good or what? It's like he knows me too well. "I wish we can just wave a magic wand and give you that."
CC started to blush and David knew it. "to make everything right." He smiled "I'm here for you now"
"I don't wont to be afraid of getting hurt that I can't"
"Have a wonderful life of your own." She thought to herself that that might not come true for her. Once again she started to sob. He held her in his arms. "Let him, come to you. You shouldn't have to fight for approval or trust that will come later." He held her for what seemed to be forever. "It will happen someday. Someday soon." He whispered over and over as she laid her head on his shoulder. She started to doze off when the guards told them to leave back to their rooms.
"Visiting hours are up. You can come back tomorrow." She looked over at David. He whispered in her ear that he would meet her at the same place and the same time. She smiled. "Break it up, break it up." Both of them got up to leave even though they didn't want to. For the first time CC felt safe, safe being around a man. David turned and kissed her one last time.
"It will be ok." He winked. "Trust me." as they were getting up to leave. "Oh by the way the name's David"
"CC. Later."
CC sat in her room. She thought about what had happened today. She finally opened up to someone and she talked all day. "David was right. I have to be happy for them and happy for myself. I'm beginning to feel again." She said out loud. "I just might be a new person when I come out of here." She sat in her bed and day dreamed about David. She slowly drifted away, the next thing she know the sun was shinning though her window.