Meredith Grey could hear the soft sounds of the Seattle rain gently tapping on the roof as she lay in bed, trying to erase the image of him from her mind. Sighing softly she glanced toward her alarm clock, its large red digits reading 5:05pm. A mere 5 minutes had passed since she last checked but to her it seemed like an eternity. It had been days since she had last spoken with Derek, days since she had shared glances with him in the hallways of Seattle Grace Hospital, and even longer since she had felt his warm embrace and the heat that emanated from his lips when they pressed against hers. Although she had tried moving on, tried throwing herself into the internship that threatened to altogether consume her, and tried convincing herself that she was not in love with Derek, the more she realized just how futile her attempts at trying really were. She felt hopelessly lost and hopelessly in love with a man that she knew at one time was hopelessly in love with her too.
Trying hard to concentrate on the pitter-patter of the raindrops to lull herself to sleep, Meredith was gently startled by the sound of a soft knock at her door.
"Meredith? Can I come in?"
Meredith half-smiled. She and Izzie had chosen to take their vacation week together to enjoy some much needed rest and relaxation. Over the past few months, she had grown to enjoy Izzie's company and thought of her as a substitute mother with her fanatical baking, cooking, cleaning, and interior decorating. Izzie had been a friend and loyal companion throughout Meredith's entire relationship ordeal, planning interesting journeys for them to embark on each day during the week in an attempt to get Meredith's mind focused back on the good things in life. Eternally optimistic Izzie…that phrase described her perfectly. But with only 4 days of vacation time remaining, Meredith started to worry that going back to work would be tougher than she was willing to admit.
"Yep. I'm just lying here, trying not to think about it and trying to nap." Her voice was flat and monotone, with just a hint of sarcasm.
Izzie turned the doorknob and found Meredith lying in bed, dressed in the same Dartmouth T-shirt, baggy grey yoga pants, and lambswool slippers that she had on yesterday. She forced a smile at her, hoping in some way to cheer her up. "Hey, I just made a fantastic batch of my special recipe chocolate cupcakes for you…complete with the coconut extract . You've got to come downstairs and try a couple. I promise that they'll make you feel better."
This time it was Meredith's turn to force a smile at Izzie who was now perched at the edge of her bed, a small chocolate smudge on her lower lip.
"Thanks Izzie. That was really sweet of you, but I'm just not hungry at all." Meredith motioned with her hand toward her mouth indicating to Izzie that she had a little bit of leftover frosting on her face. She gave her a sad smile before turning away.
Izzie quickly wiped her mouth with the back of her hand before starting in. "Meredith!" she warned. "You can't just lie around all day feeling sorry for yourself, refusing to eat, and refusing to take charge of your life. You need to let Derek Shepherd know that you're not going to crawl into a hole and stop living because he decided to give his wife, the woman he married and made a commitment to, another chance. Gosh Mer, you are just too good for that, you know? It's so hard for me to see you like this."
Meredith could feel Izzie's eyes burning into her back. She could almost picture her, hands on hips, complete with the motherly tone to her voice. After a few moments, Meredith rolled her eyes upward in pure exasperation, sat up and quipped "Okay, where are those calorie-laden cupcakes?"
Jumping up and down with pure excitement, Izzie extended her hand toward Meredith, pulling her off the bed and toward the door.
"They're in the kitchen and freshly frosted," she replied with pure satisfaction.
Meredith smiled. There was something so innocent and pure about Izzie's excitement, about her friendship. For a moment, Derek Shepherd was the furthest thing from her mind.
Three cupcakes and an hour-long Izzie counseling session later, Meredith trudged back upstairs to her bedroom, resolving to finally take a shower and change her clothes. Sitting down on the edge of her bed to remove her warm slippers, Meredith's thoughts drifted to her mother. The week had flown by and Meredith hadn't been to visit her once, ignoring the intrusive phone calls made by the nursing home staff that was constantly chastising her for not attending any of the family functions. Meredith knew that she was acting selfishly, choosing to nurse her own psychological needs rather than the needs of her mother who didn't even recognize her from one visit to the next.
Begrudgingly, Meredith vowed to drive out to the home for a visit tomorrow morning. It would do her some good to get out of the house and she knew that regardless of whether or not her mother actually recognized her or felt any emotion at all when she was present, that she was being stimulated in some way and it helped her to stay connected to the world she had left behind. Meredith knew that if her mother were able to comprehend the nature of her daughter's situation that she would be very disappointed. Meredith had proved her wrong by attending medical school and gaining a surgical residency position at one of the nation's most prestigious training institutions, however, she knew that her mother never would have let a relationship come in the way of her success as a brilliant surgeon, a true female pioneer in the field.
Letting out a sigh of defeat, Meredith strolled barefoot to her large walk-in closet, opening the door and fumbling around for the string that controlled the overhead light. Giving it a good yank, light spilled out onto the floor illuminating the closet's contents. Meredith never really realized, until now, just how many clothes she owned. As she bent over to rummage through the contents of a bag that had yet to be unpacked from her cross-country move, she heard a soft voice call out.
"I think I might have what you're searching for."
Startled, Meredith whirled around so quickly that she practically fell right into Derek Shepherd's arms. Wearing a Ralph Lauren khaki sweater over a button-down oxford and his perfect-fitting jeans, he almost took Meredith's breath away. She noticed that he still had some raindrops in his dark, wavy hair.
"Woah, easy killer," Derek said gently with his soft laugh and a wistful smile on his face as he tucked a stray strand of Meredith's dirty blonde hair behind her ear.
"Derek, wha- who- what are you doing here? How did you get in?" Meredith felt speechless and caught off guard, taking a few steps back to regain her balance and her composure. In true Derek fashion, he quickly narrowed the gap that threatened to divide them by taking two steps toward her.
"I told Izzie that I'd eat two of her cupcakes. Do I have any frosting on my face?" Smiling, he turned his face to the left and then to the right as if he was truly asking Meredith to inspect his face for any leftover evidence that he had indulged in Izzie's confections.
Not willing to indulge him in the least, Meredith pushed past him until she reached her window. Her back now turned toward him, she didn't see the look of disappointment spread across his soft features when she broke contact with him.
"What are you doing here?" she repeated. This time she could not keep her emotions from creeping into her voice. She hated the fact that she felt weak whenever he was around. She wanted him to think that she was strong, that she had her emotions in check, and that she wasn't going to waver just because he decided to show up.
"I- I want, I need to talk to you, Meredith" he replied in an almost pleading tone. He took two steps forward, once again trying to eliminate the distance between them.
"What could you possibly need to talk about? You made your choice, Derek. I put my heart out there, made myself vulnerable, and I'm just about all talked out." She spun around to face him and continued. "I don't want to hear about how you're going to go back to New York with Addison to live your posh city lifestyle and raise your kids at a beach house in the Hamptons, or how you think we need to work on being friends while we're still working together, or how you need me to understand how important it is for you to try and fix your failed marriage. I can't and I don't want to hear it any longer." By this time, tears were streaming down Meredith's face.
A very concerned and concentrated look was set on Derek's face as she spoke. He daringly took two more steps toward her, wanting more than ever just to hold her and tell her that things were going to be okay. He was restrained only by the look in her eyes that told him to come no further.
Putting her hands up in an attempt to stop his advances, she replied, "Please. Just tell me what you want from me and leave. You and I both know that you shouldn't even be here right now." Tears continued to stream down her face, but Meredith was quickly regaining her composure. "I mean, this is a time for me to heal, and…"
Derek interrupted her rambling. "I signed the papers, Meredith."
Meredith, completely unaware of what he just said, continued. "…And I just want to be alone right now, okay? So if you could please…wait…what did you just say?"
Moving closer to her, his voice barely above a whisper, Derek said "I think you heard me the first time. I signed the papers, Mer. I signed them. Addison and I are over. She's leaving to go back to New York first thing tomorrow morning. I wanted you to know." He turned toward the door as if to leave but changed his mind when Meredith moved to sit on the edge of her bed, her small body trembling and the tears still streaming. He immediately felt a sharp pang of guilt for all of the sadness and misery he had caused her and suddenly, he wanted to be nowhere else but here…with her.
Derek moved toward the bed and sat inches away from her cupping her face with his palm, raising her chin, and begging her eyes to meet his and acknowledge his presence. "Mer, talk to me. Just say something…anything."
Meredith looked deeply into his eyes, so deeply that she had to close hers before she fainted. She felt dizzy and weak, and she was sure she was trembling. Finally mustering up the courage to look at him again she replied, "I don't…I can't…why Derek, why?" At that moment she wanted nothing more than to crawl into his arms, have him smooth down her hair, and whisper to her that things were going to be okay. But she knew better and wanted to hear him out before she made any other decisions that might leave her hurt.
Determined, Derek got up off of the bed and knelt down in front of Meredith, taking her hands in his. She tried to resist but knew that she couldn't. "Don't pull away Meredith. Just let me touch you…please." She obliged, not quite sure of the tone of his voice, the desperation that was evident in his eyes, and the stream of words coming from his mouth.
"You want to know why, Mer? I'll tell you why. Because for the last 3 months, all I can think about is you. When I wake up in the morning and get ready for work, I think about waking up next to you, smelling your hair, making you coffee, driving together to the hospital, and kissing you after I tell you to have a good day. When I lie down in bed at night, I think about holding you close to me, nuzzling in your neck, telling you how much I love you. During the day, I can't wait to see you, steal glances with you, ride the elevator to the 5th floor with you, discuss my next surgery with you. I think about watching movies and sharing a bottle of wine with you, making passionate love to you, and raising a family with you."
Tears were once again streaming down Meredith's face and she was shaking uncontrollably. "Der- Der- I…"
"Shhhh…" Derek said, pressing one finger up against her lips. "I'm not finished yet." He moved his hands so that he was holding her shoulders now. He spoke with such conviction that Meredith couldn't help but listen.
"Meredith, I married Addison during my second year of a very arduous and rigorous neurosurgery residency. I barely had time to hang out with the guys let alone date, so when I met her I figured that I might as well get married because I didn't think I'd have the chance to meet anyone else. She came from a wealthy family, unlike mine, and I knew that they would help us out financially. She seemed to have it all. Looks, personality, and sharp intellect. But I was blinded Mer, I thought I was in love and that's why I tried to make things work. But I had no idea what love was and didn't think I ever would…until I met you. You changed that for me Meredith, you showed me what love was like and I'm addicted to you. I know I've hurt you, and I know I've caused you great pain, but please Meredith, please…just…let me love you." Meredith thought that she saw tears begin to form in the corners of Derek's eyes. He did his best to disguise it, but Meredith knew…she just knew.
Slowly and with tears still streaming, Meredith stood up and Derek rose to meet her. His eyes were searching hers for some sort of acceptance, some sort of understanding. And at that moment, Meredith caved and grabbed onto him as if he would vanish into thin air any minute. He held her close to him, so close that he thought he would break her if he held her any tighter. After what seemed to be an eternity, Derek kissed the top of her head and stepped back an inch to raise her face with his hand to meet his eyes. Meredith, with her eyes scanning his, taking in all of his emotion, honesty, and truth, whispered, "I love you, Derek."
Derek leaned over and taking her more fully into his arms, whispered, "I love you Meredith Grey. I always have and I promise that I will never hurt you again." His lips found hers, softly at first, but the kiss quickly heightened to one wrought with passion and desire. Breathless, Meredith pulled away slightly almost gasping for breath, her lips swollen.
"Derek, I…I don't know what to say. You picked me, you chose me, and you love me."
He looked at her, remembering their conversation that fateful day in the OR. His face turned a little more serious then. "I'm just sorry that it took me so long to figure things out Mer," he said smoothing down her hair. "It was a messy situation and I had to make sure that Addison and I agreed to disagree before I set the two of us free. I knew all along that it probably wouldn't work out, that Addison and I would never have a strong relationship, but it's difficult after 11 years to finally throw the towel in and not worry too much about all of the repercussions." He added, "But I never knew that anything could feel so right in life. Being here with you, I know that it's the real thing."
"I want us to take things slowly" Meredith interjected, almost too suddenly. She took a few steps back and held him at arms length. "I don't want us to rush into anything. I want to see where this leads us. You just got out of an 11-year marriage and regardless of your situation, it will still take time for the both of us to heal. But I'm willing to go with it, I'm willing to give us another chance."
"Mer, we'll move as slowly as you want. You call the shots, okay?" Flashing her one of his best smiles, he once again embraced her and held her so close, feeling like the luckiest man alive. This wonderful, ballsy woman with her tiny ineffectual fists had chosen to give him a second chance, and he couldn't think back to a day in his life when he felt so elated. After a minute or two, he took her hand and led her toward her bedroom window.
"Hey Meredith, look at your driveway."
"What am I looking for?" she replied. "Oh wait a second" she said, still wiping tears from the corners of her eyes with her shirtsleeves while attempting to scan her driveway. "Whose SUV is that? Derek…did you get rid of the BMW?"
He smiled, bringing his thumb up to brush across her cheekbone. "No way. I know how you love that car. I bought this right after I moved here." Taking a deep breath, he continued. "Addison hated roadtrips. I would beg and beg early on in our marriage for her to drive with me to upstate New York, to see the mountains in New Hampshire and Vermont, and to camp out in the state park but she couldn't bear the thought of a weekend away from Neiman Marcus so I just went alone. When I got out to Seattle, I vowed to myself that I'd take that roadtrip I always wanted to take, but this time, in beautiful Washington state. But ever since I got here, I've been so bogged down with work and with, well, you know…that I haven't gotten the chance. I really feel the need to get away right now, I just don't want to do it alone."
"And so…" Meredith smiled at him, waiting to see what he was going to follow up his statement with.
"And so," Derek continued, "even though we are going to take it slowly, I wondered if you, Dr. Meredith Grey, would like to accompany me on a roadtrip through beautiful Washington state in that SUV."
Meredith glanced down at the floor before looking back up into Derek's eyes and said, "Dr. Derek Shepherd, neurosurgeon extraordinaire, there is nothing I'd rather do than spend the rest of my vacation taking a roadtrip with you." She began to laugh, that beautiful, girlish, happy laugh that Derek missed hearing so much.
Beginning to laugh himself, Derek placed both of his hands in Meredith's and brought them up to his lips, kissing them gently. "Kiss me, Dr. Grey," he commanded. This time, without hesitation, she put her arms around his neck and pulled him close giving him a long and deep kiss.
When they parted, Derek took a step back and looking deep into her eyes, whispered, "Meredith you are the most amazing woman I've ever met. You'll never know what your friendship and love mean to me."
"I think I might have a clue," Meredith replied, smiling until her face hurt.
"C'mon," Derek said grabbing her hand and smiling mischievously. I want another one of Izzie's cupcakes."
And with that, Meredith led him out of her room and downstairs where Izzie sat in the kitchen shaking her head at them.
"Izzie? What's with you letting stray dogs in the house?" Meredith jokingly asked her roommate who looked both pleased and confused that Meredith and Derek looked happy.
"Hey! Who are you calling a stray dog?" Derek said, feigning hurt. "After all, she offered to feed me but I had to beg her to let me in. I promised that I was house trained."
Both Izzie and Meredith laughed at him before Izzie stood up from the table, realizing that Meredith and Derek probably needed some time alone. "Ummm… I, uh, have some work I need to catch up on so I'm going to go upstairs and get that done while I have the time. Feel free to help yourself to the rest of the cupcakes."
"Thanks, Izzie," Derek and Meredith said, almost in unison. Izzie exchanged an all-knowing glance with Meredith before striding out of the room and up the stairs. They both knew that they would have a lot to discuss later on after Derek left.
As soon as they were alone, Derek grabbed a cupcake for himself and offered another one to Meredith. "C'mon, you can't refuse a guy who offers you chocolate…or have you had one too many already?" He liked to tease her because he always got such a great reaction in return.
"For your information, Dr. Shepherd, I have refused a guy who offered me chocolate and I haven't had one too many already." Meredith couldn't help but smile even though she was trying to put on a very determined face.
Together they sat and ate their cupcakes in silence, just staring at each other and reveling in the fact that it felt so customary, so normal, like they had been doing it every day of their lives. Derek reached over with his thumb to wipe some frosting that had strayed to Meredith's cheek. His touch was so warm and soft that it made Meredith close her eyes and shiver slightly. "You okay?" Derek asked gently.
"Yes. Yes. I am fine. I'm fine. I guess I'm just a little overwhelmed, a little confused, a little…gosh, can't I just enjoy this? Remember when you used to stay over and eat breakfast with me in the mornings before work? You'd look at me, just like you're looking at me now. That look…I didn't know if I'd ever see it again."
Derek grasped Meredith's hands in his, giving them a firm tight squeeze as if to say that all of her doubts could now be erased. Meredith smiled, a real smile this time. "So, about this roadtrip. When does the fun begin?" she asked, eyes sparkling.
Derek could barely contain his excitement. "Well, I was hoping to be able to pick you up tomorrow morning. I haven't packed anything yet and well, I figured you'd need time to throw a few things in a bag too. Meredith, I want to take you fishing. Have you ever fished before? There are so many amazing places to fish out here."
"Woah, woah, woah. Slow it down there, Derek." Meredith started laughing, surprised at just how animated he had become. His excitement was so different from that which she was used to witnessing at the hospital. There his excitement was so controlled, so professional, even if he had just successfully completed a very rigorous and complicated surgical procedure. But here, he was different, he was like a child on Christmas morning and Meredith decided that she really liked this side of him.
"I'm sorry, Mer. I'm just ecstatic that you're willing to do this with me. Wait…you didn't answer me about the fishing."
"Yes, Derek," Meredith replied gathering their plates and standing up. Running her hand through his dark, wavy hair and planting a kiss on top of his head she answered him bemusedly, "Believe it or not, this girl has been fishing before. Don't forget, I lived on the East Coast too." She walked to the kitchen sink and placed the dishes inside, leaving Derek smiling at the table. "So, um, tomorrow morning is fine. But there is an errand I have to run, so can we leave at like 10 or so?" Meredith knew that Derek understood the situation with her mother, but she wasn't ready to talk about it with him at this point, not after all of the emotional stress she had been under over the last several months.
"So, what errand are we running?" Derek asked, standing up and moving toward Meredith.
"We?" Meredith questioned. "You're asking to go with me?"
"Sure, why not?" he replied, his arms encircling her tiny waist. "We can get it done and then just take off from there. Whaddya say, Mer?" His eyes were so open and honest that Meredith found herself unable to tell a little white lie.
"Well, honestly, it's my mother. I haven't seen her all week and I feel horribly about it. I guess I've just been too busy feeling sorry for myself to see that I've been neglecting her needs. I think that if I go with you, I owe it to her to at least stop by and let her know that I'll be out-of-town."
Derek nodded his head in agreement. "Then it's settled, we'll go see your mother tomorrow and then take off on our roadtrip. That wasn't very complicated, Mer." He playfully ruffled her hair with his strong hands.
"Wait, let me get this straight. You want to go with meto see my mother? Derek, I don't think that that is such a great idea. I mean she's so confused and irritable, and…" Meredith trailed off feeling a strange combination of relief and confusion. She just didn't know if she was ready to bring Derek into that part of her life.
"Meredith, I understand that it's your choice, but don't forget what I do for a living. I see people like this everyday and while they may not be related to you, it doesn't make it any easier. I want to be a part of your life and this is a huge part of it. Please Mer, let me come with you. If for nothing else, I've always wanted to say that I've met the Ellis Grey." Once again, in his teasing playful tone, Derek had warmed Meredith's heart and she realized that she couldn't hide this from him forever, that she'd have to give a little too.
"Okay, Derek. I'll let you come on one condition."
"And what would that be, Dr. Grey?"
"That you don't make me bait my own hook when we go fishing."
At that, Derek laughed out loud. "I promise I won't make you, but I can't promise that I'm not gonna teach you how." He leaned over and kissed her softly, letting his hands settle firmly on her waist. "I should get going. I've gotta get some things together before I'm ready to leave in the morning."
Letting out a frustrated little sigh and adverting her eyes, Meredith disengaged herself from his hold and turned around walking out of the kitchen. "Would those "things" happen to be in any way related to Addison?"
"Mer," he responded, letting out a frustrated sigh of his own. "Don't do this. She's not even staying at the trailer tonight. She's at a hotel somewhere near the airport. Mark is coming tonight to fly back with her tomorrow morning. Gosh, I don't want to run through this with you again. You've gotta believe me when I tell you how I feel about you."
"I'm sorry, Derek. That wasn't fair to you. I guess it's just going to take me awhile to get over some of my insecurities. You're just going to have to understand that it'll be tough in the beginning but it'll get better."
"I know, Mer. I know. We have all the time in the world as far as I'm concerned. And if you really want to know, I need to get home so I can let Doc out and pack my bags." Derek pulled Meredith close to him.
Gazing up at him she said, "So, be here by 8 tomorrow morning and we'll go see my mother and then head out of town. You do have a plan for where we're going right?"
"Ummm, yeah. Well, sort of. But you can't truly roadtrip without taking a few wrong turns here and there. It just takes all the fun out of it. I'll be here at 8am sharp." He smiled, looking down at Meredith like he didn't ever want to forget the way she looked at that very moment.
"Goodnight Derek."
"Goodnight Meredith. Thank you for hearing me out today. I love you."
Meredith walked him to the door and placing one hand on his firm chest, gave him a soft and slow kiss. "I can't wait for tomorrow."
"Me either. We'll have fun…I promise."
Meredith watched as Derek walked to the GMC Yukon, opening its driver's side door, his eyes never leaving hers. She waved as the vehicle pulled out of the driveway and made its way to the highway. Closing the door, she pressed her back firmly against it, letting out a huge sigh of relief. After a few moments, she opened her eyes and saw Izzie standing at the top of the stairway, arms crossed, with an indeterminable look on her face.
"Dish it, Mer," was all she said.
"…And so that's what he said, Izzie…plain and simple. Or maybe not so plain and simple, but anyhow, that's what he said and I believe him."
Izzie sat across from Meredith on the living room couch, mouth dropped open in surprise, her hand suspended in midair bearing another chocolate cupcake. She was making a lame attempt at taking this all in, noting in her mind how quickly everything had happened and how quickly Meredith had accepted Derek's explanation. Part of her wanted to be happy for her friend but another part of her questioned Derek's ulterior motives.
"Mer, I don't want to rain on your parade, or tell you what to do, but please just take things slowly. You have been through so much. Regardless of the love Derek has for you and you for him, the fact remains that he is a newly divorced man with baggage from a past relationship. I guess I just don't want you having to pick up the pieces of his shattered marriage."
"Izzie, I appreciate your concern. I really do. And I'll admit that I can understand how you'd question Derek's intent, but you've got to believe me when I tell you that this is the real thing. That's why I'm going on this trip with him. I want to talk with him and make sure that we're both comfortable with where this is headed."
"Meredith, I never doubted Derek's love for you. I mean, God, how many times did I see him in the hospital staring at you with those puppy dog eyes, watching every little thing that you said and did, watching you everywhere you went. Any time he could get close to you, he jumped at the opportunity. Any time he could choose you, he chose you. Addison was a fool if she didn't see it and I think McSteamy showing up was the final straw. He knew that the marriage wasn't worth saving." She took a huge bite of her cupcake that very moment, just for emphasis.
Meredith smiled gratefully at Izzie before leaning across the couch to give her a warm hug. "Thank you, Izzie. You are a good friend and I don't know how I would've made it through this without you. And I promise…we are going to take this slowly." For the first time in a long time, Meredith felt a surge of happiness spread throughout her entire being. It was almost as if she was glowing and radiating a pure energy unlike anything she had ever experienced. "I should get upstairs and pack a few things. We're leaving here at 8:00 tomorrow morning. Wanna come help?"
Izzie gave Meredith a reassuring smile. "Sure, Mer. I'll be right up. I'm just gonna go save the last two cupcakes for George. He'll kill us if we don't leave him some."
"K…sounds good." Meredith gave Izzie a smile, a real smile, before bounding up the stairs.
"Hey Meredith," Izzie yelled up the stairs.
"Yeah?" Meredith yelled back.
"It's good to see you smiling again."
"It feels good to smile again," Meredith replied. And that was the truth.
The large red digits of her alarm clock read 7:50am and Meredith smiled to herself thinking that she'd be on her way with Derek in just a matter of minutes. Dressed in her most comfortable jeans, soft blue knit top, and her warm and worn matching blue fleece, she grabbed her overstuffed duffel bag and the chocolate chip cookies that Izzie insisted they bake in the wee hours of morning, and descended the staircase. With Izzie gone shopping and George at work, the house was unusually quiet and Meredith afforded herself the thought of no one else but she and Derek inhabiting this beautiful sanctuary together. Silently chastising herself for thinking such things, Meredith looked up to see Derek's Yukon pulling up into the driveway. Little butterflies stirred in her stomach at the sight of him. She could hardly keep herself from running and jumping into his arms.
"Hey beautiful," he said as he hopped out of the car, a huge smile splayed across his face.
Meredith's breath caught in her throat. Is it possible that he could look any more handsome? His dark North Face fleece, maroon sweater, and jeans gave him that perfect rugged-yet-stylish Seattle look that drove Meredith wild.
"Hey," she replied shyly, blushing slightly.
Derek walked quickly to greet her and scooped her up in his arms, spinning her around. Setting her back down on the ground he tilted her chin upward and gave her a very soft kiss on the lips. "Are you ready?" he asked, in a whispered tone.
"Let's do this thing," was Meredith's reply. Giving him a smile she inquired, "Derek?"
"Yeah?" he said, still beaming like a child.
"Good morning." And with that she encircled his neck with her arms, drawing him in for a long and slow kiss.
"Good…morning…to you…too," he replied after being allowed to come up for air. "Wow Dr. Grey, I believe you've rendered me speechless."
"Good. That means you'll let me do all the talking when we visit my mother today." Meredith laughed a little and handed Derek her duffel bag and the cookies.
"Hey, these cookies look great Mer. Let me guess, compliments of Chef Izzie?"
"You got it," she responded. "She made me help her out, so there are no guarantees on the quality."
"I'm sure that they'll be just fine, Mer. I trust you." As Derek mentioned the word "trust," his face turned serious and his eyes sought out Meredith's, hoping for some sort of agreement and acknowledgement.
Meredith understood how his trust had been betrayed by Addison and she could only imagine how difficult it must've been for Derek to deal with those feelings. Bringing her hand up to his cheek she reassured him, "Of course you can, Derek." She smiled, letting him know that she understood, letting him know that she accepted his insecurities just as he accepted hers. He smiled back, silently appreciating her understanding.
"Well, I hope that you didn't eat any of that leftover grilled cheese or cold pizza you usually eat for breakfast because I bought us some of Seattle's best bagels and coffee for the ride."
"Well, it must be your lucky day Dr. Shepherd because I didn't even have a cookie yet." She hopped into the passenger side as Derek held the door for her. Meredith breathed in the wonderful scent of Derek, new car, and fresh coffee thinking that someone should bottle and market it.
"I'm thrilled to be with you all weekend long, Mer" he stated, grabbing her hand. "Thank you."
"For what?" she questioned.
"For this. For us. For giving us another chance. I promise I won't let you down."
"You're welcome…and you better not." With this statement Meredith laughed, the laugh that Derek loved and couldn't help laughing along with.
Within minutes they pulled up to the front of the South Seattle Extended Care Facility and Memory Center. Derek found a parking space near the main entrance and turned off the vehicle, leaving the keys in the ignition. He grabbed Meredith's hand, signaling to her that she had his support and encouragement.
"Are you ready?" she asked, without much hesitation in her voice.
He looked into her pale blue-gray eyes and replied, "Let's do this thing."
With Derek's arm around her waist, he led her up to the front entrance and kissing her gently on the forehead whispered, "I love you, Mer."
"I think she liked me, Meredith. I really do." Derek, grinning from ear-to-ear, grabbed Meredith's hand as they exited the building, making their way back to his SUV.
"I think that she was just having a good day and besides, you told her that you're a surgeon so naturally she's gonna like you," Meredith teased back enjoying the upper hand in the conversation. "I also think that she thought you were pretty cute." She smiled, gauging his reaction.
"Well, I would have to say that Ellis Grey is not only surgically gifted, but that she also has a talent for knowing a good guy when she sees one." Derek laughed, opening the passenger door for Meredith and helping her in. After settling in the driver's seat and fastening his seatbelt he remarked, "But in all honesty Mer, she seemed to be doing well this morning. Even though she won't remember this conversation or even this day, I think that you visiting her is doing her a lot of good."
"I hope so, Derek. Thanks so much for coming with me. I don't know… I mean, I didn't want to drag you into all of this but when you offered to come I decided to take a chance." Meredith stared deep into his eyes, the kindest and gentlest eyes that she had ever seen. "It's so difficult for me to see her like this, especially knowing what she used to be and who she used to be."
Derek squeezed Meredith's hands before reaching to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear, a very comforting and calming gesture that had become routine for him. "I can only imagine what it's like Mer, but if you need to talk about it, I'm here for you, k? Anytime, anyplace…just let me know. I hope to be able to visit again with you, if you'd like."
"Thanks, Der. And of course, you're welcome anytime." Meredith smiled at him, feeling like all of this was too good to be true. Derek Shepherd seemed to really want to become part of her life and while it was difficult to let him into the deepest darkest recesses, it somehow seemed a very natural process, like they had been doing this for years.
Turning the keys in the ignition, Derek smiled and said, "So, you ready for the greatest roadtrip EVER?"
Laughing, Meredith quipped, "You know, I don't think I've ever seen you this excited about anything."
"Oh, c'mon Mer," Derek responded, in mock exasperation. "I get excited all the time. For instance…ummmm…okay…how about you agreeing to roadtrip with me? That was exciting."
Meredith just kept smiling, laughing, and shaking her head at him. "That was a terrible example, Derek. Just drive."
Meredith couldn't remember a time when she felt so relaxed and carefree. Cruising the open highway surrounded by all of the lush green foliage and the brilliantly setting sun made her feel refreshed and renewed; her spirit was reborn and it felt absolutely wonderful. Pretending to enjoy Derek's taste in music, she dutifully chose 6 CDs to fill the stereo system with as they drove, his appreciative nods and smiles letting her know that he agreed with her choices. This felt so incredibly natural and instinctual to her, like they had been taking roadtrips together for years. She hoped that it wouldn't be the last.
"Earth to Meredith…" Derek laughed, waving his hand in front of her eyes. Instantly, Meredith realized that she had been staring into space. Shaking her head and turning to look at Derek she laughed and replied, "Hey…yeah, I'm here."
"So, what do you think?" Derek asked her expectantly, eagerly awaiting her answer.
"So what do I think about what?" Meredith answered hesitantly, obviously aware that she had not been paying attention to a single thing he had said.
"Awwww, Mer. You weren't even listening to me." Derek gave her the best pout he could muster before breaking into a wide grin. "I said that this trip has been the best I can remember in a long time…and what were you thinking about just now?"
"I was thinking that this trip has been the best I can remember in a long time…seriously." Meredith reached out and accepted the hand that Derek was offering her, squeezing it tight. They gazed at each other for a moment before Derek turned his eyes back onto the road.
"I have a surprise for you, but you've got to promise me that regardless of what it is, you'll agree to it." He smiled mischievously at her, awaiting another one of Meredith's infamous reactions.
"Will I like it?" Meredith inquired. She gave him a very skeptical look and wondered what tricks he had up his sleeve.
"Yes. If I know anything about you, I do believe that you'll like it. Oh, and if you want a hint, let's just say that we're not sleeping under the stars tonight." He looked over to where Meredith sat, appreciating the puzzled look on her face. "Don't worry, it's a good surprise. Trust me, okay?"
"Yeah, sure, whatever Derek." Meredith laughed and replied, "By the way, when are we going to stop for the night? It's starting to get quite dark."
"We're almost there," Derek said. As the wound their way down the Pacific coastline, Derek put on his turn signal and suddenly they were traveling down a winding paved road, surrounded on all sides by trees. Meredith could hear the sound of crickets chirping in the night and she could see the last of the sun as it blended into the bright horizon. "Isn't that sunset beautiful, Mer? That's what I love about being out here. It's just so calm and so different from our everyday lives."
Meredith smiled at him in agreement, still trying to figure out exactly where Derek was taking her. Far off in the distance, she sighted a large house with lights burning bright. As they drove closer, she could make out a beautiful wood-burning fireplace surrounded by various loveseats and sofas through a large bay window. It was so beautiful and inviting that it made her forget all about the life that she left behind just hours ago in the busy city of Seattle.
"So, whaddya think?" Derek asked, looking at Meredith as the pulled to a stop in front of the house. "It's a bed and breakfast and this is really the only way to see the Pacific Northwest in all its majesty."
"Der- Wow! I mean, this is beautiful and—how did you find it?" Meredith was both speechless and touched that Derek had made these arrangements for her, for them.
Smiling, Derek replied "Welcome to the age of the World Wide Web, Meredith. I knew what I wanted and the internet helped me find it. I also had it recommended to me by a few people at the hospital, so I figured that I might as well give it a shot." He became quiet and added, "Mer…I hope this wasn't too presumptive of me. I don't want you to think that I assumed you'd agree to go with me. I just…well, I was hopeful, that's all."
Meredith smiled at him placing one finger on his lips. "Stop right there, Derek Shepherd. This is wonderful and very thoughtful of you. Thank you. Thank you for having hope." She leaned forward and kissed him gently on the lips. "Now let's go relax."
Derek just shook his head at her, amazed that such a wonderful woman could be so in love with him and help to feed his hope. All he had ever wanted was for her to be happy, he knew that from the second that he had met her and confirmed this when he had realized how much he loved her. Even after all of the hurt and the pain he had brought to her life, Meredith was willing to give him another chance and he could never express how thankful he was for that act, for her forgiveness.
"Yes, M'am!" Derek said, smiling up at Meredith. "I'll grab the bags from the back." Leaving the car to gather up the bags, Meredith sat in her seat smiling. She didn't know whether this was reality or all a part of a really good, really vivid dream. In the middle of her reverie, the passenger side door opened and Derek stood there with his hand outstretched, ready to help her out of the vehicle. "My lady…" he said, bowing to her in a joking fashion.
"Well, thank you Sir Derek. You are quite the gentleman." Meredith jumped down from her seat, taking a breath full of fresh air. It was sweet, pure, and unadulterated.
He led her up the stairs, opening the door for her. Meredith took no more than 2 steps inside and was instantly greeted by a very handsome, well-dressed couple that looked to be in their mid-60s. "Welcome!" they exclaimed, almost in unison. "You must be the Shepherd party," the woman said. They quickly advanced to help Derek with the baggage and make their introductions.
"I'm Rose and this is my husband, James." The couple extended their hands to them. Meredith, a bit overwhelmed, smiled and nodded while shaking their hands.
"I'm Derek and this is Meredith," Derek said smiling, proudly pulling Meredith in closer to him.
"Gosh, James, aren't they just a beautiful couple?" Both Meredith and Derek blushed in response to Rose's comment. "It makes me remember the good ol' days when we were their age."
James smiled and nodded approvingly. "Did you find the place okay? We're kinda tucked back here aways."
Derek responded, "Yeah, it was pretty easy. I'm good at finding out-of-the-way places, though." He looked down at Meredith who was smiling up at him. "Thanks so much for your hospitality. This place is great!"
"Well, you're probably exhausted from your drive so we'll show you to your room. We serve breakfast from 6am-9am every day so feel free to come down whenever you'd like tomorrow morning. You're also more than welcome to have coffee and tea in our main room by the fireplace tonight if you'd like. If you need anything, please let us know. Believe it or not, you're our only guests for the evening. We just had three couples leave us this morning." Rose looked expectantly from Derek to Meredith and then back to Derek.
"Thank you so much Rose and James. We really appreciate it." Meredith smiled at the couple thinking of how happy and content they looked together.
"You're most welcome," James said. "Now follow me and I'll show you upstairs." Meredith and Derek followed closely behind James and Rose who were carrying their bags. "Here you are," he announced as he opened the door to a beautiful room complete with a bay window, its own fireplace, a four-poster queen-sized bed heaped high with beautiful light blue and white linens, and a huge private bathroom with a whirlpool tub. In the middle of the room, directly across from the bed was an armoire that held a brand-new flat screen TV. Hardwood floors and beautiful woodworking completed the room that Meredith felt was fit for a princess. "Do you like it?" James asked. "It's one of our favorite and finest rooms."
"Wow, this is absolutely amazing," she said, walking around and finally disappearing into the bathroom to check out the whirlpool tub leaving Derek alone with Rose and James.
Derek agreed. "This is great. Thank you so much for arranging this for us."
"You are more than welcome. Thank you for seeking us out." Rose and James began walking toward the door. "Remember, if there is anything that either you or your wife need, please let us know."
Blushing and looking down at the floor in response to Rose's comment, he said "Thank you. Meredith and I greatly appreciate your kindness. We'll see you tomorrow morning."
After the door shut, Meredith walked out of the bathroom and said, "Your wife, huh?" She laughed, letting Derek know that she wasn't the slightest bit offended by Rose's statement.
A huge smile spread across Derek's features as he walked across the room taking Meredith into his arms, kissing the top of her head and letting his chin rest there for a moment. "I love you Meredith."
She buried her nose in his chest realizing just how small she felt in comparison to him, his large warm hands gently caressing her back, his strong upper body the perfect size for her to wrap her arms around. He smelled so good she could almost feel herself getting lost in the essence of him. Derek's mind was racing. He knew that it hadn't even been a week since he and Addison had been officially divorced but he also knew that the love of his life was standing right here before him and he was going to make sure to play according to all of her rules.
Meredith pulled back a bit and stared up into Derek's eyes. "Derek?"
"Yeah?" he responded, gently pushing her hair away from her eyes.
"Will you hold me tonight? Just…hold me?" She asked him hesitantly, hoping that he had meant it when he told her that they'd play by her rules. While she wanted nothing more in the world than to make love to him, she knew that they had to take this slowly. Things were still too fresh and old wounds weren't completely healed.
Looking deeply into her eyes Derek responded, "Of course, Meredith. There's nothing I'd rather do. Well, okay, that is a bit of a lie but you're calling the shots, remember?" He tipped her chin slightly upward and gave her a tender kiss. "Let's get ready for bed, I'm exhausted." Meredith smiled at him before hugging him tightly. "Lemme guess…ummm…gray PJ pants and your Dartmouth T-shirt…the one with the little hole in the neck?" Derek inquired.
"You do know me well," Meredith replied, giggling.
Minutes later a shirtless Derek hopped into bed alongside Meredith who was busy trying to find the bottom sheet underneath all the layers of linens. "Here, let me help." Derek grabbed the covers, threw them back and discovered the bottom sheet. "Ready?" he asked, tucking Meredith in tightly.
She reveled in this feeling, this feeling of being treated like a princess, this feeling that nothing else in the world mattered to him but her. Seconds later, Derek was spooned around her with one arm draped protectively over her small frame. She loved the way his bare chest felt against her back and how she could hear his quiet breathing in her ear. "Thank you, Derek. This is absolutely amazing and there's nowhere else I'd rather be." She yawned and rubbed at her eyes, realizing how tired she was from all of the day's excitement.
He hugged her tightly to him for a few moments before saying, "You're welcome Meredith. You deserve to be happy and I hope that you are."
"Yes Der--," Meredith yawned signaling to him just how tired she was. "Yes, Derek," she repeated. "Yes, I am very…love you."
Derek smiled to himself realizing just how sleepy Meredith was from a very emotionally exhausting day. Hearing her easy breathing, he vowed to himself at that moment to never let her go. "I love you too, Mer," he whispered in her ear. "More than you'll ever know."
The sound of the chirping crickets filled the room and Derek could hear a light rain on the rooftop outside. He lightly kissed Meredith's shoulder before turning out the bedside lamp, neither of them waking until the first rays of dawn filled the room, the promise of a new day.