I do not own anything in these stories. All rights go to the creator Chris Savino and the current showrunner, Michael Rubiner.
This is the very first introduction in the entire fanfiction, as it serves as an introduction to the entire house in which this opens the same way SpongeBob did in "Help Wanted". Anyway, let's begin the story.
Our story begins right behind the woods in a forest. The camera then starts zooming to initiate parallax scrolling, which reveals the town of Royal Woods.
The narrator said, "Ah. The state of Michigan. So fascinating. So wonderful. So glorious. Here we see the glorious town of Royal Woods, teeming with life...," as the camera then shows the Loud House location, "…home to one of my favorite townspeople in the whole neighborhood, Lincoln Loud. Yes, of course he lives in a house with 10 girls, you silly."
The scene then cuts to Lincoln's bedroom. A young, optimistic 11-year-old young boy named Lincoln is seen sleeping in his bed, snoring as his alarm clock ticks. The alarm then sounds when it hits 7:00. He wakes, but is unaffected by the annoying sound, and with a smile on his face, turns it off. He then gets out of bed with a beautiful smile on his face. He then notices the viewers and decides to give them a big warm welcome to the show, "Oh, hi. Have you ever wondered what it is like to live in such a big family? Well, do not let the picture I have fool you, said Lincoln as he holds a picture of him with ten girls, all smiling and continued, "You know, it's not always sugar and spice for our likings. Don't believe me? Then it's time that we present you," he replied as he opens his door and outside his room, there is much chaos going on caused by the girls. Starting with a baby playing with pots and pans, one sister reading a poem, one sister dressed up like a mummy in some white cloth substance chasing another sister wearing a pretty dress who is screaming in terror, one sister playing Football in the house, one sister angrily chasing another grinning sister through the halls, and one sister playing on a guitar. as he said, "Welcome... to the Loud House."
He then closes the door behind him and comes up to a rock and roll sister named Luna who was about ready to play some great 80's-esque music and he replied, "Hey Luna? A little traveling music for me?"
"Sure thing, bro. And a one, and a two, and a one, two, three, four!", Luna said as she then starts jamming on her guitar and fulfills her brother's request as he started rocking through the halls. Suddenly, a goth girl named Lucy appeared in front of him as she said, "Hey, Lincoln, do you wanna hear my poem?"
Lincoln replied "I'd love to, but I have a big day ahead of me," as he continues down through the halls only to be stopped by a prankster named Luan.
"Hey, Linc. Smell that new flower on my outfit," Luan said as she squirts water from flower, but Lincoln ducks just in the nick of time.
"Ha! Did you really think I'd fall for..." but Luan suddenly squirts water from a flower on her left shoe into Lincoln's mouth. "It's not easy being this good", as Luan laughs for a few moments when all of a sudden...
"Clear the track!" as Lincoln does a spit take and gets out of the way for someone. "Comin' through!" as a jock sister named Lynn Loud Jr. comes out of nowhere playing a bizarre sport involving wearing a football helmet, riding a motorbike, and hitting a tennis ball with a hockey stick as she crashes into wall with pieces of debris flying all over as Lynn shouted, "SCORE!"
All right, that was unexpected," Lincoln said as he was just about to head on downstairs only to be stopped by a pretty perfect princess sister named Lola Loud.
"Whoa whoa whoa. Hold your horse right there, Lincoln. Why don't you be a friend of mine and play 'Fashion Photographer' with me if you have the time to play it right, Lola said.
Lincoln then replied, "I would love to Lola, but I really have a big day ahead of-
Lola then said, "Why don't you play with me, OR I'LL TELL MY MOM YOU WERE READING ON THE ROOF IN YOUR UNDERWEAR AGAIN!"
Knowing that Lola was about to get him in trouble again, Lincoln does a whistling sound, meaning that he calls for Lori, who takes notice off-screen and runs toward Lola, giving the latter an angry glare and Lori was threatening to spank Lola with her shoe. Lola was then silent and scared as Lori grabbed her by the dress as she told her, "Seriously, Lola? What were you about to do now?"
Lola then replied to her, "Uh, I was about to do some of my chores," but Lori then furiously told her, "Are you sure about that, Lola? Are you lying to me again?
"Okay, okay, fine. I'll spit it out!" Lola explained to Lori in a frightened manner, "I just wanted Lincoln to play with me, or I would tell your mother that Lincoln was reading on the roof in his underwear again.
"Unacceptable, Lola! Don't do that to him again, or I'll take your princess gowns and put them in storage up in the attic," Lori said sternly to Lola, "And that, I'd top off with serious spanking on your butt as well! Understand?" Lori asked her sternly before Lola replied, "Y... yes," before Lori released her.
"Well, that's Lori. The oldest of the Loud siblings and if you're curious about her, she's my mother by the way. She's got a voice of reason for her family and she always tries to get her sisters to act right, but really, she's actually very kind and gentle towards me and Lily," Lincoln said as Lori came to him and strokes his hair.
"Always happy to help you out, son. No matter where we are," Lori said to Lincoln very politely.
"Now where were we? Oh yeah," Lincoln said as he then heads on downstairs with his mother Lori following close behind him. Just when they went down the final step, they were stopped by a boyish sister named Lana Loud who loves to get dirty as she was carrying a pile of mud in her hands.
"Lincoln! Lori! Come check this out," said Lana as she held a mud pile in her hands.
"Hey! I should be the one working here," Lola yelled.
"Check out my mud pie! It's nice and squishy," Lana said as she throws it upstairs and it gets all over Lola's face and Lola said, "Ah! Help! I've got mud on my face!"
Lori laughs at that, knowing that it was funny and said "Good one, Lana! You really got her!"
Well I've got stuff to do," Lincoln said.
Yeah, I do, too. Come on, hon," Lori said as they then decided to head back upstairs and moments later, they find a little genius sister named Lisa who is writing a mathematical formula on the wall. "What in the... Lisa, what is this mess on the wall?!"
"I'm writing myself a mathematical formula. Don't forget to carry the 1," Lisa said as they notice her writings on the wall, Lori then got an idea and said "Lincoln, you know what to do."
Lincoln then whistles for their parents and they take notice heading upstairs while he and Lori both head back downstairs to the living room. The parents notice that Lisa was writing on the wall and they get mad at her.
"Lisa Loud! What are yo...?! Young lady, were you writing on the walls again?!" Rita said sternly to Lisa off-screen.
Lisa replied, "I didn't mean it. There was no paper so I..."
"Well, you know that could get you in big trouble, young lady!" Lynn Sr. said to Lisa in a very strict manner as Lori and Lincoln continued towards the living room where they find Leni struggling to get the vacuum cleaner to work.
"Ugh! Stupid vacuum cleaner! I was supposed to get this damn thing up and running a few minutes ago! Grrrrgh!" Leni said angrily as she was struggling to turn the vacuum cleaner on.
"Hey, hey, Leni. What's wrong?" Lincoln asked Leni before she said, "Beat it, twerp!"
"What" Lincoln asked.
"I told you to beat it, twerp!" Leni said angrily to Lincoln, "I have a busy day ahead and I'm not gonna let you ruin it!"
Suddenly, Lori said to her, "Hey, Leni. Don't talk to him like that. Just tell us what's wrong."
"Ugh! This vacuum cleaner won't even start," Leni explained as Lori found out that it is not plugged into an electrical outlet and then Lori said, "Wait, Leni. I think I know why it won't start. It's not plugged into an electrical outlet."
"Oh, right. That," Leni said as she realized it and Lori plugs the vacuum cleaner into an electrical outlet before placing it in a proper position. Once done, she turns it on and starts it up for Leni. "There. It's all set, Leni."
"Good, thank you. Don't forget about a physical workout sometime after I'm done," Leni replied, "Until then, both of you beat it!"
With that, they both headed on to the couch. Lincoln then picks up an old comic left on the floor and begins to read it and Lori set right next to him as she continued speaking to the viewers.
"Well, we've gone through most of my sisters of this family. You've already seen Lincoln by the way. So which one did we miss," Lori said when all of a sudden, she then smells a stinky fume and it reveals that it's coming from Lily.
"Poo-poo!"
"Oh yeah. It's my daughter Lily," Lori said as Lincoln takes notice and pauses himself from the comic and begins to hold his breath.
"Yeah, that is Lily's stinky little diaper smell," Lincoln said as he went over to Lily and asked Lori, "You mind if I change her for you, Mom?"
"Sure thing, Lincoln. I'll pay you twenty dollars in return," Lori told Lincoln politely.
"Okay, Mom. Thank you. Come on, Lily. Time to get you changed out of that stinky diaper," Lincoln said as he then picks his sister Lily up and goes upstairs to change her. It then gave Lori a big opportunity to take Lincoln's place and continue the show.
"As we were saying, that of course, takes care of my eight sisters and my son and daughter in the family," Lori now explains to the viewers, "So while he's up there... changing Lily's stinky smelly diaper, why don't I bring out the pets of our household?"
The screen wipes to show the pets of the family as Lori decided to introduce the pets as she said, "Okay. First off, we've got Charles, the honorary Pitt Bull Terrier. He's our brave and humble dog and he likes to hang out with Lincoln a lot. I have to say, he is known to be "man's best friend" but I honestly think Charles deserves a "lady's best friend" title as much as my son and daughter."
Suddenly A cat then climbs up onto her tan trench coat and it reveals to be the cute little feline of the family.
"Ohhh, yeah, that cat that's climbing on my coat is Cliff. Isn't he a cutie pie like Lincoln?," Lori said as she picks Cliff up and starts petting the cat politely and gently as Cliff was purring and Lori said "Yeah, you sure are, Cliffy."
But suddenly, a ball runs over Lori's shoe. She then screams in shock dropping Cliff, causing him to run.
"Ow! Ow! My foot! Goddamn that little..." Lori said as she then notices it was Geo running around in its little sphere and said "Oh, and if any of you guys were wondering, that's Geo running freely in his sphere around the house, sure we're hired to watch over one another in this giant house full of other sisters. But me, I just have myself focused on my son Lincoln and daughter Lily most of the time.
She then heads on over to the kitchen to get herself some water. She suddenly finds a bird flying right into her hair as it chirped freely.
Lori giggled and said, "This bird here, by the way, his name's Walt, the little birdie of the Loud family. You see, he doesn't like having people touch his birdhouse which kind of makes Walt really angry and get all pissed at them, Lori said as she then heads on back to the living room and continued, "Aside from that, Walt's a very cute little bird and we all love this bird just as much as my little son and daughter."
Lincoln then comes back down to the living room holding Lily, who is now nice and clean and said, "Hey, Mom."
"Hey, son. There you are," Lori said to Lincoln, "How did the change go?"
"It went out great," Lincoln explained to Lori, "I did exactly what you told me, I tossed her soiled diaper in the trash, I wiped her up clean and good, I powdered her and put a fresh and clean diaper on her the way it's meant to be put on.
See, Lincoln? It's not that hard. And I feel very good about you overcoming such fears like that. Boy, I have no idea of how proud of you I always am.
Lori said as she pats him on the head and said, "Here you go, buddy. The twenty dollars I promised you." as she gives Lincoln the 20 bucks she promised him.
"Gee, thanks, Mom," Lincoln said as he takes the 20 bucks politely.
"Oh, um, wait we haven't introduced the parents yet, have we, kids?" Lori asked Lincoln and Lily.
"Uh, no," Lincoln replied.
"Mm-mmm," Lily remarked.
Screen cuts to them in the parents' bedroom as Lori continued speaking, "So this is our parents' bedroom. That is where my parents reside. However they have some serious issues with their lives sometimes. Almost everyday of the week, they have to work, therefore they mostly leave me and Lincoln in charge of the other sisters of the dysfunctional family. But the good thing about them is they almost always have weekends and holidays off work, so that they can have time to help keep all us siblings to have some time to ourselves. However, with almost every child having major issues that the parents aren't taking care of, it seems rather certain that the Loud House is clearly not a good home to be in for somebody like me or my son Lincoln or daughter Lily."
"I know, Mom," Lincoln said to Lori, "But no matter how bad it gets, we do our best to deal with the cosmetic damages caused by these dysfunctional sisters of yours.
"Yeah, talk about living in a large family. Speaking of which, there are several things that are challenging about living in this family, like...," Lori said as it transitioned to them at the bathroom door with Lincoln in a lot of pressure while right next to Lori as she finished, "…getting a turn in the bathroom. With this, I present you, "Our Three P's to Go Poo and Pee." Here's what we need. First we need, patience, perseverance, and most importantly for our safety, "Problem solving. With these three steps, you'll get into the bathroom every time which is important."
"Especially if you wait until the very last second to go!" Lincoln said as he was in severe pressure.
"Yeah. That too," Lori said as she then heads on up to the bathroom door and knocks a few times very lightly and said, "Hello, someone in there?" as she then slowly opens the door and it reveals to be Lynn Loud Jr. and said, "Hello."
"Hello, stern shoes," Lynn said as Lori shrieks for a moment and then get stern at Lynn, "Lynn, what are you doing in there? You almost scared us to death!"
"I was just finishing brushing my teeth real quick just to show how fast I can brush them," Lynn explained to Lori.
"I see. Well, Lincoln has to use the restroom so please let him in," Lori told her with a now stern voice.
"I can't let him in. Can't you see I'm brushing my teeth?," Lynn said before Lori then snarls at her with a death glare on the former's face and grabbed her by the shirt and she was now terrified.
"Lynn. Do you want Lincoln to end up soiling his underwear and pants? DO YOU, LYNNSANITY?!" Lori screamed at Lynn before she then sees Lincoln wanting to go badly and decides to give in and says to him, "Alright, Lincoln. You can go."
"Yes! Thanks, Mom!" Lincoln said as he kissed Lori on the cheek and rushed into the bathroom and closes the door quickly while Lori released Lynn from her hands. In the bathroom, he pulls his pants and underwear down and pees right into the toilet with Lori hearing her son whistle in the bathroom and saying, "Wow. Sweet relief in the bathroom at last."
"Wow. That was unexpected," Lori said before she turned to Lynn, "Lynn, don't get any ideas about it either. You need to be reasonable about letting Lincoln using the bathroom whenever you're occupied in there or your parents are going to have to ban you from sports for a week. Get the picture?"
"Y... yes, Lori," Lynn said to Lori.
With that, the scene then cuts to an evening in the house as Lori continued speaking to the viewers, "All right, fellas. Now that that's out of the way, we have to deal with another thing about living in such a large family. And that is..."
"KIDS! COME ON DOWN! OUR PIZZA'S HERE!" Rita replied off-screen before it then cuts to an exterior view of the house as a pizza delivery truck is seen driving away.
"…finding out about getting seconds when dinner is happening," Lori finished as the whole family is now at the dinner table.
"You know, in a family this big, getting seconds is rare," Lincoln said.
"Especially when it comes to pizza," Lori finished as she and Lincoln both open the box to reveal a huge pizza with fourteen slices. Once opened, they all reach in and take out a slice of pizza each, thus leaving only one remaining.
Lincoln: With twelve slices and eleven kids, there's always one slice left.
"And you're all wondering, who will get the last slice? Well, that's always the problem. Let me tell you about..."Our ABCs to Getting the Last Slice," Lori said as the title then appears as she speaks it, "First, "A", Arguing."
It starts with Lincoln saying, "I'm the son of your oldest sister of the family and I deserve the last slice!"
Lori agreed with him as she said, "Yeah! He's my son and he deserves the last slice!"
"Poo-poo!," Lily said as she was agreeing with Lincoln before blowing a raspberry.
"No way! Beauty before age, you dumb jerk!" Lola explained angrily.
"Nuh-uh, twerp! Cleanliness is next to godliness! And I should have that slice!" Leni yelled at them.
"Oh, then I guess I should get it," Lana said.
"You don't need it! You'll just eat your boogers instead," Lynn said to Lana.
"Ewwwwww!" Lori said as she was disgusted.
"This is bad news anyway you slice it," Luan said as she laughs.
"Wiwy don't get it!," Lily said as she was blowing a raspberry in response to Luan's joke and Lincoln told Luan that "It was not funny."
"Yeah! You need to cut it out, Luan," Lori agreed with Lincoln.
"I know. I'll just contact the spirits and have them decide," Lucy said to herself.
"Dude, dinner's kind of crazy with a spooky little girl like you," Luna said to Lucy.
"Perhaps I can use my calipers to equally measure us all a piece," Lisa informed.
"Are you seriously talking about calipers again?! I should get that slice," Leni replied.
Suddenly, they were all still arguing in the background with various speech balloons indicating random objects as if they are cursing. But Lori interrupted it as she said to the viewers, "You know, arguing never works. So if we can't decide who gets the last slice, it brings us to "B"; we must... dare I say it... BATTLE," and with that, they shout as they circle the pizza slice and jump for it fighting over the slice and Lori jumps in with the rest of them piled on top of each other.
"Hey, there's one left and it's going to Lincoln because he's my son," Lori told her sisters.
Lynn then replied in anger, "QUIET, LORI! YOU CARE ABOUT YOUR KIDS MORE THAN US!"
Lana then said to Lori, "YEAH! AND YOU JUST LET HIM DO HIS OWN THING ALL THE TIME!"
Lori replied back to them in a stern manner, "YEAH! BUT AT LEAST I CARE VERY DEEPLY FOR HIM! AND I CAN SAY THE SAME FOR LILY BECAUSE SHE AND LINCOLN ARE MY ADOPTED KIDS! REMEMBER THAT, GIRLS!"
Suddenly, Lynn Sr. called off-screen, "KIDS! There's no need to fight!" as they then stop fighting.
Lori then replied, "Uh, excuse me, what was that again?"
Lynn Sr. shows them a second pizza box and opens it. as Rita said to them, "We got a second pizza for free!"
"And, of course most of us always forget about "C"; coupons," Lincoln replied.
"Yep," Lori said as all the kids zip out of the scene except for Lincoln, Lily and Lori, causing the one slice to drop to Lori's hand, and the rest go to enjoy their second pizza. Lori then lets out a sigh of relief and said, "Here you go, kids, I think you both deserve the last slice of that pizza."
She then gives the last slice her kids Lily and Lincoln and they eat it together in pure excitement. and Lincoln replied, "Thanks, Mom. What would I do without you?"
"Goo-goo," Lily said, agreeing with Lincoln.
"Come on, kids. Let's get us another slice together," Lori said as they headed on to get themselves another slice of pizza. The scene then cuts to them back in the living room as Lori continued speaking to the viewers, "Another thing really important about living in a large family is finding a perfect moment to tell your parents something."
Rita then enters and Lori said, "Oh, hey, mother. Lincoln and I would like to ask you something."
"Yes, dear. What is it?" Rita asked them.
"Do you know if we're going to be doing anything fun someday? Like really fun?" Lincoln asked her and Lori added, "Yeah. We'd like to know, mother."
"No, I'm afraid not, guys. But your father and I have been planning on dropping you guys off to spend a weekend at the Santiago house before heading off to work sometime before summer starts later this year." Rita said.
Suddenly, this awoke Lori as she said, "Oh boy! A weekend with Bobby! This will just be so fun." And Lincoln added to the sentence, "And Ronnie Anne too. It will be a blast."
"Now make sure you be good while you're there, okay?" Rita asked them before Lori and Lincoln both responded, "Okay, Mom! We will!" before Rita then headed back to the master's bedroom.
"Well, that was pretty interesting," Lori said as she then grabbed the remote and explained to the viewers, "Now this here, can possibly be one of the most challenging things here in this house. Having to fight over who gets the remote first."
Suddenly, the other girls then popped up from behind the sofa.
"Hey, Lori! Hand over the remote so that I can watch some sports," Lynn commanded Lori.
"No way! I want to watch another workout video with Jane Fonda while I dance along to it," Leni shouted to Lynn.
"Uh-uh! I want to watch some "Spinal Tap", bro," Luna shouted.
"How about a rerun of the Twilight Zone?" Lucy asked.
"Lola and I want Sesame Street," Lana demanded.
"Hey! I want to watch Ghostbusters with Lori and Lincoln," Lisa screamed at the twins.
"Poo-poo," Lily shouted at them as she agrees with Lisa and blows a raspberry.
"How about another comedy show on television?" Luan asked.
"No! Whoever gets the remote first is gonna watch television and I have the remote and Lincoln and I are gonna watch some television together as a normal family!" Lori said to her sisters.
Lynn then replied, "All right, girls! If Lori's not gonna give us the remote, then we might as well just pounce on both her and Lincoln."
Suddenly, it shocked Lori as she said "Uh oh."
"And we might even pounce on her baby as well," Leni shouted before she screamed out, "GET 'EM, GIRLS!"
With that, the girls all then pounce on Lincoln and his parents and they all fight over the remote while Cliff runs off from the fight as Lola then bites Lincoln.
"Ow! Lola!" Lincoln yelled before Lori told Lola, "Get away from them!"
She grabbed Lola from Lincoln and pinned her down on the floor, crushing her face a little. Suddenly, the parents enter but they were appalled as Rita said, "What in the name of... GIRLS!", which causes them to stop fighting and turn to their parents Lynn Sr. and Rita Loud who were extremely furious with their daughters fighting.
"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU GIRLS ARE DOING?!," Rita asked sternly.
"YEAH! ARE YOU ALL FIGHTING OVER SOMETHING AGAIN?!" Lynn Sr. asked sternly to the girls.
Knowing Lola was about to make another tattle just to get Lincoln in trouble, Lori spoke out very quickly.
"Okay, Mom, Dad, you aren't gonna believe what I'm gonna tell you," Lori explained to her parents, "I'm here to tell you that my sisters were fighting over the remote again!"
"Thanks for telling me that, Lori. Your mother and I will take it from here," Lynn Sr. then said sternly to the girls, "LENI, LUNA, LUAN, LJ, LUCY, LANA, LOLA AND LISA! ALL OF YOU GET UPSTAIRS TO YOUR ROOMS IMMEDIATELY AND DON'T COME OUT UNTIL THE NEXT MORNING! That's punishment for fighting over the remote!"
The kids all then head up to their rooms as Lincoln finally got the remote as he now had a black eye and a tooth knocked out.
"Got it, Mom," Lincoln replied to Lori.
"Hey, Lori. Thanks for telling us the truth," Lynn Sr. explained to Lori, "But your mother and I can't keep letting them run wild when you bring out the truth in what happens everyday.
"I gotta say, with a family as big as ours, it can be an absolute struggle at first, but it takes time to get used to," Lori said to the viewers as they went back to the front door.
"So, aside from that, like we both said, surviving in a big family can be really challenging. Waiting in line to use the restroom, having to get seconds, wanting to find a perfect moment to ask your parents for something, and of course, wanting to watch what's great for you on television first, it takes us a lot of time to get used to it," Lincoln said as he, Lily and Lori all head out to the front porch.
"And no matter how hard it is living like this, the thing is, we stay at it anyway as we are about to tell you on our adventures of how we struggle to survive. That is why we both welcome you to... dare we say it, Lincoln...
"THE LOUD HOUSE!," Lori and Lincoln said together as the camera pulls back to reveal the entire house at the front view.