Ch. 6: When the shadows come
Walt rapped firmly on Cady's front door. He shifted on his feet and glanced around at the familiar neighborhood while he waited for her to come to the door. He knew she was still here. Her Jeep was parked out front. After what felt like a creeping eternity, he heard the door unlock and she pulled it open.
She didn't look surprised to see him.
"Hey, dad."
Walt offered her a tight smile.
"Morning, Punk. Can I come in?"
"Of course."
He wiped his feet and removed his hat as he crossed the threshold into Cady's house. They both hovered just inside the door, an air of uncertainty stretching out between them. She knew why he was here. She wasn't pretending otherwise. They both knew.
"Coffee?"
Walt shook his head, declining the offer.
"No. Thanks."
He twisted the brim of his hat in his hands.
"Cady…"
Cady started away from him and in the direction of the couch.
"Do you want to sit."
Again, he declined.
"No, I don't want to sit. I'm on my way to work. You know why I'm here."
Cady turned to him and folded her arms across her chest.
"Vic."
Walt nodded.
"She told me you stopped by her RV yesterday morning."
Cady's blue eyes held his.
"I'm surprised it took you this long to show up. Dad, I realize it might look like I overstepped…"
"You did, Cady. You did overstep. I told you about Vic because I don't want to keep things from you. I know that in the past I've done too much of that. I don't want to do it anymore. I want to be up front with you about my life. You are entitled to your feelings and your opinion. I don't fault you for that. I do need you to understand that I wasn't asking for your permission."
She stared at him, clearly caught off guard by his forwardness.
"I…didn't think you were."
"If you have an issue, you need to come to me about it. Not Vic."
She didn't reply.
"Cady, you are my daughter and I love you. I know how much you loved your mom. How much you still love her. I still love her, too. I always will. Nothing and no one will ever change that. But, I can't keep grieving her loss. I've got to move on and I know that your mother would want for me to. She wouldn't approve of me pining after her years later. It's taken me a long time to accept that. Too long. That said, I'm not the same man that I was when your mom was alive. I've changed. We all have."
"I know."
Walt pressed on, not wanting to lose his momentum, or his ability to get all of this out.
"Now, I'm not sure what you think is happening here. And…honestly, there's only so much you need to know. What I want you to know is that what's between me and Vic…it's real. This isn't some midlife crisis. We've both…been through a lot. She's helped me get through my share of it. I like to think I've done the same for her. This isn't something that happened suddenly. The feelings have been there for a long time."
He paused.
"She makes me think about the future in a way I haven't in a long time, Punk. I would like for you to be happy for me. I would appreciate your support."
Cady studied him with an expression that he couldn't quite read.
"Are you in love with her?"
He sighed. There was only so much that he wanted to discuss with her as far as Vic was concerned.
"Yes."
Cady nodded slowly.
"Does she love you?"
"She says she does."
"You believe her?"
"Yes."
Cady considered his words.
"Is this why she stayed with you after she was shot?"
Walt shook his head with a sigh at the retread topic. It only increased his suspicion that she might not believe his full account of this new relationship.
"No, that was for her safety. I've told you that"
It was a mostly true statement. Some of that fell under the category of things that he was unwilling to hash out with his daughter. It also crossed a line into Vic's personal life that he wouldn't divulge.
The gunshot that nearly killed her healed faster than the other wounds, most of which were mental and emotional. It wasn't his place to give out that information on a whim. He only told Henry in order to get her in the race.
"There was nothing going on between me and Vic then."
Cady tilted her head.
"Not physically."
Walt felt heat on his neck.
"Cady."
She held up her hands.
"Too much. I get it. Dad, she works for you and she's younger than you…"
Walt sighed.
"She won't work for me much longer. Whether you decide to run or not, I am retiring. Until then…we are being discrete. I'm not going to compromise the integrity of my position. As for the age difference, it's not anyone's business."
Cady gave him a dubious look.
"That's not the way things work in a small town."
He was willing to concede that point. As much as he disliked the idea of hiding, he wasn't all that eager to face the public scrutiny he knew was coming. She was right. That was how life went in a town like Durant. There were rumors, gossip. That was one constant that never changed. Still, he wasn't one to bow to public opinion.
"I know. But, I can't control what others think or say."
He paused.
"Cady, I know that you need some time with this. I'm not expecting to convince you of anything right now. If you decide not to run, that's your right. I just hope you're not making that decision based on the fact that you're mad at me…or Vic."
"I'm not mad at either of you, dad. I love you. And…I like Vic. It's just…the two of you together is…I just don't know how I feel about that."
Walt dipped his face.
"Fair enough. Take some time. Think about it. Let me know what you decide."
With that, he smiled at her and put his hat back on. Reaching out, he placed his hand on her shoulder and gave it a light squeeze, hoping that he was being clear enough with everything that he wanted, and needed, for her to understand.
She smiled in return as his hand slipped free from her shoulder and he took a step back towards the door.
"I love you, Cady. Nothing will change that either."
Outside, Walt waited until the door closed all the way behind him and released a breath he didn't realize he was holding. This was the very thing he wasn't good at. Especially not when it came to his own personal life. There was too much riding on this, though. He wanted to be able to reconcile the two parts of his life that were the most important to him. The part he shared with Vic and the one he shared with Cady. He wasn't naïve enough to believe it would happen overnight, or even in a week. He was hopeful that Cady would see what he was trying to tell her.
It was the first time in a long time that he actually felt that.
Hope.
xxx
Vic was more than a little surprised when Cady came through the door just as the clock was tipping over into lunchtime, leaving her alone in the office with Ruby gone to lunch with her granddaughter. Vic looked up when she heard the door open and her eyes landed on Cady, who lingered just inside the door, her eyes scanning the room before speaking.
"Hey."
Vic leaned back in her chair.
"What's up?"
Cady crossed the floor to her desk slowly. The apprehension on her face was clear.
"Is there somewhere we can talk?"
Vic waved one hand.
"There's no one here."
Cady's eyes drifted to Walt's closed office door.
"My dad in?"
Vic shook her head.
"No."
Cady took a breath.
"I…owe you an apology."
"Cady…"
Cady shook off her attempted interruption.
"Let me finish. Please. Dad came to see me this morning. He uh…he made some valid points and he gave me some things to think about. The biggest was that I…shouldn't have ambushed you the way I did. That was…wrong of me. I apologize."
Vic was watching her closely, not sure what to make of the shift in Cady since their last run-in at her RV.
"Okay."
"I…might have overreacted."
The admission pulled a smile from Vic.
"Well…I'm a pro at that so…"
Her words trailed off and Cady smiled the first real smile Vic had seen from her in two days. Cady looked around again.
"Can I sit?"
"Sure."
Pulling over a chair, she sat down.
"Will you give me an honest answer about something?"
Vic wasn't so sure about that request.
"Uh…that depends on the question."
Cady shifted in her seat, obviously uncomfortable. It did nothing to alleviate the pressure on Vic's nerves.
"What do you think about all of this?"
Vic gazed at her curiously, her mind trying to catch up.
"All of what?"
She was treading lightly.
"My dad's idea of me running for Sheriff? Do you think it's crazy?"
Vic bit her bottom lip and studied the younger woman sitting in front of her. It wasn't the first time Cady posed this question.
"It's…not the craziest idea he's ever had."
Cady looked like she might laugh at that comment.
"That's not saying much."
"True. Um…the suggestion surprised me. I'm not gonna lie. But…I can see what he's saying. You might not be the most obvious choice. But…an attorney running for Sheriff isn't unprecedented."
"An attorney with no policing experience."
Vic gave her a long look.
"You can get experience. You can take classes. All of that can be learned. I think Walt is thinking more along the lines of…the integrity of the office. The idea that…if a good person doesn't step up…a bad one will."
She could almost see the question before Cady asked it.
"Why don't you step up?"
Vic opened her mouth to answer, but Cady broke in.
"I'm sorry. That sounded rude and I didn't intend for it to."
Vic shook her head.
"It's okay. It's a legit question. The best answer I've got is that I don't want to."
Cady's brow went up.
"Really?"
"Yeah, it's…I see what Walt deals with on a daily basis and I just don't see it happening. I've…"
She ventured carefully, not wanting to go too deep, but wanting to quench the curiosity she saw in Cady.
"…been through some stuff recently and I haven't been in the greatest frame of mind."
"Is this about you being shot."
"Some."
She knew she was being vague.
"Besides…"
She flapped her hand towards the window.
"…these people here will never vote for me. I'm an outsider to them. Always will be. But, you…I can see them voting for you. I see where Walt is coming from. You might not be the most obvious choice. That doesn't mean you're the wrong one."
"You really think it's doable?"
Vic halfway smiled at her.
"With the right training under your belt, the fact that everyone in Durant knows you, and your family name, I do think so. Yes."
"So…are you still okay working with me? Even after all this?"
"I was never not okay working with you. I just thought you should have all the information before you made a final decision. You know…Walt has this habit of withholding information in the name of protecting people, or himself. He knew that you would struggle with this and he was afraid you might not be able to see past it. I think he underestimates you, though."
"That's…I appreciate that."
Vic shrugged.
"Can I ask…what way you're leaning?"
Cady let out a breath.
"This would be a move that I never considered for myself. The more I think about it, the more I think it might be something that interests me. I went to law school with the naïve idea that I could make a difference and it hasn't really turned out that way."
Vic sighed.
"I think we all thought that once upon a time. It's not until life gets in the way that you realize that idea isn't always realistic or possible. You know…a lot of Sheriffs are primarily administrators these days. Walt is a throwback."
"Yes, he is. In more ways than one."
Cady stood up slowly and let her eyes roam to the window.
"You've given me a lot to think about. Thank you for talking to me."
Vic stood up and pushed her chair out of the way as she cleared her desk.
"No problem."
Cady tapped her hand against her leg and offered up a smile.
"I'll see you tomorrow."
With that, she turned and pulled the office door open nearly colliding with Walt in the process. He clearly didn't expect to see her and stammered out a greeting.
"Cady."
She smiled at him just as she did Vic and sidestepped him.
"I'll see you later."
Then she was gone leaving Walt looking at Vic with a host of questions playing out across his face.
xxx
"Hey! Vic!"
Vic sighed as she unlocked her door and pulled her key free from the lock. She knew that voice without turning around. She could hear the sounds of his boots crunching over loose gravel as he half walked, half jogged to where she stood just outside her RV.
Vic turned around, not opening the door as Travis closed the distance between them. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other.
"Travis…it feels an awful lot like you're following me."
He gave her a look of indignation.
"I'm not following you. I have friends here, you know. I'm staying with one of them."
Vic shrugged.
"Okay. So…what can I do for you?"
He gave her a mild frown.
"What's up with you these days? You're in a bad mood all the time."
Vic could feel her temper rising up.
"I'm not in a bad mood all the time. You don't even see me all the time."
He nodded.
"That's the truth. Where you been?"
Vic tilted her head slightly.
"Um…at work."
He ran his eyes over her. She was wearing her uniform, so there was no argument to be made otherwise. Still, there was something on his face that told Vic he wasn't entirely convinced with what she was telling him.
"All the time?"
"What do you mean?"
He shoved his hands into his pockets.
"I mean…I've been around a lot the last week or so and you're never home."
Vic bit the inside of her cheek.
"I work."
He shook his head, not accepting that this time.
"No, Vic…you are never home. Doesn't seem to matter what time is it."
Vic narrowed her eyes.
"Are you watching my RV?"
"Nope. Don't have to. It's pretty obvious when your truck isn't here and there aren't ever any lights on."
Her patience was out.
"You do realize that I don't owe you an explanation as to my whereabouts."
Travis frowned.
"Are you…seeing someone?"
For a second, she didn't have a reply. She simply stared at him, trying to find her voice again.
"What?"
The word came out high pitched.
"Just trying to think of reasons you wouldn't be sleeping at your own place. All I can come up with is that you're seeing someone."
Vic felt her jaw go tight.
"Even if I were, it's none of your business."
He tried again.
"Vic…"
She shook her head with more resolution than she felt inside.
"No, Travis. You have got to stop this. I'm not sure what you want from me…"
"I just want to talk…"
"I don't think that's true."
He huffed.
"You know…we could have had something."
"We weren't ever going to have anything. Even if…"
Her voice broke off and she placed her hand on the knob to her trailer. She partially opened the door and turned to face him fully.
"I'm sorry if you have some kind of…unresolved feelings about all of this. But…you've got to figure that out for yourself. I can't do it for you. I can't…have dinner with you…or anything else for that matter. And…you've got to stop showing up here."
He looked at her for a minute or so like he couldn't process what she was saying. Pulling his hands from him pockets, he took a step back almost like he had been hit, or swung at.
"I'm not the only one who has things to figure out. You've changed, Vic. Not for the better."
Turning, he started off at a quick pace. Vic pulled her door open and went inside the RV, slamming the door closed behind her. Flopping on her couch, she ran her hands over her face and closed her eyes. Seeing Travis felt like a punch in the gut every time. She really didn't want to be so short with him. He just kept showing up.
She knew he had a thing for her. At least on a physical level. He didn't exactly keep it a secret. Travis was nothing if not honest. The one time they were together, she could admit that she was using him. She wasn't proud of that, but it was the truth. She had sworn him to secrecy and made him promise not to talk about it afterwards. That was the deal. It might have worked out that way had she not turned up pregnant. He wasn't a bad guy at all. She had to give him credit for trying to step up once he found out about the pregnancy even though he didn't know if he was the father or not. Still, there was an immaturity in him that didn't lend itself to being able to fully rely on him. Not that she was good at relying on people. That was something she had struggled with her entire life.
It was a sticking point in her marriage to Sean. Her self- reliance and her desire to handle things on her own. She didn't like feeling as though she needed someone else to take care of things for her. That was something that never sat right with her. It was still difficult for her in this new relationship with Walt. Fully letting go seemed to be a requirement to fully give yourself over to someone. But, it felt like standing on a cliff and letting go of the only line that was keeping you safe.
Without it, you were destined to fall with no knowledge of how it would end.
It was a terrifying prospect.
Vic inhaled deeply and let the breath out slowly in an attempt to calm her nerves. She lifted her eyes and scanned the RV. It was dark and quiet. She was due at Walt's. Her plan was to come here and grab some more clothes before heading to the cabin. He was planning to cook dinner for them. She knew she needed to get up and moving. She told him she wouldn't be long. Now, she felt stalled out.
Spinning her tires once again.
It was a never-ending cycle that she was unable to break.
She spent too much time feeling that way recently. She hated it. She absolutely hated everything about it. Vic stood up and forced herself into action. She grabbed her overnight bag and started to stuff clothes into it. Satisfied that she had enough not to come back here for a few days unless she wanted to, she shouldered her bag, grabbed her keys, and left.
xxx
"Is something wrong?"
Vic looked up from where she was mostly pushing her food around on her plate and met his eyes. She looked as though she might not have heard him.
"Hmm?"
Walt studied her for a moment.
"Is the food not good?"
He didn't think it was that. She always ate what he cooked without complaint, almost always telling him that it was good. This seemed more like an absence of appetite and an obvious change from the way that she was at work when she left earlier. She was in a good mood then. Now, her mood seemed murky.
That was a good word for it since he couldn't pinpoint what was bothering her. He noticed it as soon as she walked in the cabin. There was a somberness in her that was immediately detectable. Vic wasn't one to hide her feelings. When she tried, she wasn't very good at it. She was simply too expressive of a person for that.
Her eyes dropped to the plate, then lifted back to meet his.
"No, no. The food is fine. It's good."
His eyes continued to hold hers.
"I'm not sure I believe you."
She frowned.
"Why?"
Walt set his fork down.
"Because I don't think you've eaten anything."
She sighed and let her fork hit the plate with a clatter. Leaning back, she slouched into the chair.
"Sorry."
Walt cocked his head.
"What's wrong?"
She shrugged unconvincingly. Walt shook his head, clearly not accepting that.
"Vic?"
There was a gently prodding tone to his voice. She pushed her plate away.
"I don't want to talk about it."
Walt considered her. Pressing her too hard to talk could blow up in his face. But, this dark mood she was in wasn't going away on its own. He opted to bide his time. Pushing back from the table, he collected their plates and carried them to the counter. Vic stayed in her chair as he emptied the leftovers into the trash and set the plates in the sink.
He heard the low creak of the wooden chair when she finally stood up. He ran some water, rinsing off the residue so that it didn't stick later on. His pace was measured. He felt her come up beside him more than he saw her at first.
"Let me help."
Walt turned off the water and faced her.
"I'll get them later."
Her eyes sat on the dirty dishes before they slowly moved to him. Her palm landed lightly on his side and started a slow journey up and around towards his chest. Her gaze dropped to his mouth and she pushed up a bit and placed a soft kiss just on the side of his lips.
"Suit yourself."
The cadence of her voice changed and he knew exactly what she was doing. Something that she was very good at.
"Vic."
The word held a warning that she clearly ignored. She kissed him again, this time slightly more on his lips, still not full on contact. She didn't have any intention of indulging him and talking about whatever was on her mind. She was trying to erase the idea from his head and push him in another direction.
He recognized her motives.
It would be incredibly easy to go along with it. Some part of him wanted to do just that. But the problem would still be there when the sun came up in the morning. She would have to face it at some point. He didn't feel like he was doing her any favors by ignoring that. Or, himself for that matter.
The hand that started on his side was now on the upper part of his chest near the pocket of his shirt. Walt dipped his face away from hers and his right hand came up and caught her shoulder.
"Vic."
He tried again, injecting more volume into her name. She huffed with clear frustration.
"What?"
"Don't avoid the problem."
Vic looked up at him.
"I'm not avoiding anything. It doesn't have anything to do with you."
He wasn't deterred.
"It's affecting you."
For a minute, her eyes held his, then she stepped back, breaking all physical contact between them.
"What is your problem?"
"My problem?"
She nodded.
"Yeah. I appreciate that you want to help me. But this…this savior complex you've got going on lately is…"
"Savior complex?"
"Whatever you want to call it. This…this need you have to try and solve all that's wrong in the world."
"I'm not trying to…"
"You are, Walt. Okay…maybe not the world. But, certainly…our world. Mine."
His brow furrowed.
"What's wrong with trying to help you?"
"Nothing. It's just that…you won't let things go. I just told you that I don't want to talk about it. Yet here you are trying to force me to do just that."
"Force you?"
"Yes."
"I'm not forcing you to do anything."
Vic sighed and he could almost see an eye roll on the horizon.
"Semantics, Walt. You know what I mean. Everything that goes on in my life doesn't have to be some…some big situation. Believe it or not, I am capable of handling things on my own. But…"
She broke off momentarily and he thought she was going to stop there. He could almost see something in her face trying to decide whether or not to say what she was going to say.
"But what?"
She bit her lower lip and folded her arms across her chest.
"Maybe that's the attraction here."
"I don't understand."
He had a feeling he might not want to understand.
"You never wanted me until I needed you. You…"
Her voice wavered slightly.
"…you knew how I felt about you. I tried. But…you weren't interested until I got shot. Then, all of a sudden, you're so invested in all this. Am I some kind of a project for you? Is that what this is? Do you get some kind of rush out of saving me from myself?"
He wouldn't have been more surprised if she had actually slapped him. His first attempt to talk only produced and exhale of air. It took him a moment to find a response.
"Is that really what you think?"
She shrugged.
"I don't know, Walt. Sometimes, you act like you don't think I'm even capable of rational thought. Does what I think even matter to you?"
"You know it does?"
"Do I?"
He didn't have an answer for that. Vic seemed to have tapped into something and she was staring at him in a way that made him feel uncomfortable.
"You always want to save the day. But, when the day is over, you back off. How do I know that you're not gonna do that this time, too?"
He considered the question as a long bout of quiet spread out between them. He wasn't entirely sure where this was all coming from in the moment. Maybe it was on her mind and this was the first time she was giving it free rein. He could admit the fear wasn't without some merit.
Still. It hurt to be questioned so bluntly.
"I guess you don't. I suppose that's…where trust comes in. I know that you trust me."
Her head tilted to one side at his declaration.
"How's that?"
"Because of everything that you've told me. This…vulnerability that you've allowed me to see. You wouldn't have done all that if you didn't trust me."
He paused.
"I'm not trying to force you to tell me something you don't want to tell me. Or…save you. I'm worried about you. I'm scared."
"Of?"
He nearly smiled at the expected prompt.
"Of losing you. What we have. Vic…I didn't just start caring for you when you were shot. Your being shot scared the hell out of me. I do not want to repeat the mistakes that I've made in the past. I'm…I'm sorry that I pushed you to talk. But…I'm afraid of what goes on in your head these days."
That was the truth. His truth.
Her greatest enemy was herself.
For a second, he thought she might be mad. Something flickered across her face he didn't recognize. Vic moved one shoulder.
"You and me both."
Dropping her arms to her sides, she stepped in close to him. Walt's head dipped down as she closed the space between them. Her hands came up to the front of his shirt and took hold of the denim material.
Lightly, she gave it a tug.
"I do trust you, Walt. Honestly, I'm not sure you trust me."
He frowned.
"Why?"
"For starters, you didn't deny it. Also…what you just said. The things in my head right now…the thoughts…I don't trust myself. I can't expect other people to. I appreciate that you're worried. But…when I say I don't want to talk…you can't push me into it."
His head dipped. It was a fair point. As much as he wanted her to confide in him, she needed to feel comfortable when she did that. Part of that meant being able to tell him things in her own time, in her own way.
"Okay."
The word came out raspy.
She pulled at his shirt again and pushed up on her toes to kiss him. Walt returned the kiss, trying to release the worry that still plagued him. It wasn't an easy thing to love someone. He supposed that was always true. To draw lines between what was shared and what was separate. He understood. On occasion, there were things he kept from Martha.
Darkness surrounding his job. Things he didn't want to worry her with.
He owed Vic as much as Marth gave him. She was a smart woman, his wife. She knew more than she let on in almost all circumstance. She allowed him his secrets. He knew she had some of her own.
Did anyone ever really know all of someone else's thoughts?
He doubted that.
xxx
"I like that one. Kind of sad, though."
She sat on the piano bench beside him. Walt's hands rested idly on the keys, having just finished a song. He smiled and looked at her.
"My mother always told me that you should feel the music you play."
Her brow went up.
"Are you sad?"
Walt shook his head.
"No."
He pulled his hands from the keys and let them rest on his legs. He was loose now, dressed in his jeans and a t-shirt while she wore his shirt and not much else. Her legs were pulled up cross-legged and she was partially leaning on him in that way she did almost any time she sat beside him and they were alone.
His fingers picked at the stitching along the seam of his jeans.
"I'm sorry that I pushed you so hard earlier. I just…I want you to know that you can tell me anything."
"I know. I might have…overreacted. I'm good at that."
"You didn't overreact. I should've let it go when you asked."
Vic reached up and placed her hand along the keys of the piano. The tips of her fingers traced the smooth surfaces lightly.
"Travis came by the RV while I was there."
She kept her eyes on the keys, but she could see him look her way when she shared the information.
"Again?"
"Yep."
"That's what was bothering you?"
"Yep."
A few beats of silence passed before she spoke.
"Aren't you going to ask me what he wanted?"
"No."
She smiled and pressed one of the keys with her index finger, creating a solitary ding.
"He can't let go."
She offered up the words as the echo of the note faded away into nothingness.
"Of you?"
She shrugged.
"I don't know. I think he had this…image built up in his mind that we would be some kind of family."
Beside her, he didn't move. He was still looking at her.
"I know you don't like to hear it. But…his feelings for you were real, Vic. I don't know if he loved you or not. But, he cared for you."
"Yeah."
She pressed another key almost absent mindedly, a slightly deeper note resonating in the otherwise quiet cabin. She wasn't sure what possessed her to tell him the next part, but she felt like it needed to be said whether they were comfortable with it or not.
"It was supposed to be a one time, no strings attached kind of thing. Didn't turn out that way, though. Not for him. There's…nothing I can do about that. I can't give him what he's looking for."
"What's he looking for?"
"I don't know. I just know that seeing him reminds me of all that and I can't move forward if I'm always thinking about it."
There was a long pause as she gathered her thoughts.
"Have you told him what you just told me? Explained it to him?"
"No."
"Maybe you should. It might do you both some good."
She sighed.
"Travis only hears what he wants. I don't know that it would do any good."
Walt reached out and placed his hand over hers on the piano keys.
"It could still help you."
She spread out her fingers and allowed his to entwine with hers. Her eyes were on their hands.
"Maybe."
She slipped her hand out from under his.
"Play another one."
Walt put his hands back into place.
"Any requests?"
Vic reached up and stifled a yawn.
"Nope."
Walt was quiet for a stretch before he started to play. This time, she recognized the tune. She watched his hands move over the keys as he pressed the song out on the black and white keys. His hands were big and rough from a life of hard work. They were calloused and marred, yet represented him so perfectly as he sat and played.
She waited until he finished to speak.
"Stand by Me."
"Yep. Not the best, but if you recognized it, I must be doing something right."
Something approaching a memory wound its way through her psyche.
"My mother used to play that one when she drank too much wine and my dad wasn't home."
Walt glanced her way.
"He worked a lot?"
"All the time. His job was his first love. At one point…my mother had an affair."
"That must have been hard."
She shrugged.
"The guy was a mutual friend. A…detective."
Walt's eyes stayed on her.
"He was a friend and a coworker?"
"Yep. Who better to understand what she was going through? Sometimes…I think we might have all been better off if they had just divorced. Instead, he continued to work all the time and she kept on playing the detective's wife. You know…I don't even know if they love each other. Not really. When I was growing up, I promised myself that I would never end up like her. Sitting at home and waiting for a man. That's…that's what Sean wanted. He wouldn't come right out and say it like that. But…he wanted me to quit my job and stay home. I was never any good at being the dutiful wife, though."
A soft smile crossed his face.
"I wasn't exactly the world's best husband."
"You must have done something right for as long as you were married."
His expression turned wistful.
"She was a patient woman. She…understood me."
"That goes a long way."
"Yep."
He grew quiet. Pensive almost. The sharp prick of worry started to gnaw at her. She bumped him lightly with her elbow.
"I didn't mean to make you sad."
He shook off her words.
"You didn't."
He swung his legs around to the side of the bench and stood up. Vic remained seated, but dropped her legs and turned so that she could see him. He smiled down at her and held his hand out. Wordlessly, Vic took the offered hand and he gave a pull, hauling her up to her feet.
"It's late. We should go to bed."
"Yeah."
She pressed into him and tipped her head into his chest. Walt's hand came up and landed on her back, spreading warmth all the way through her. He felt like a safe harbor, something that she could put her back up against and know that it would hold. She both liked and feared the way that it made her feel. The fact that she was giving him so much power to hurt her.
"Vic?"
She felt his voice rumble in his chest.
"Hmm?"
"About Travis. Do you want me to talk to him?"
The offer surprised her. Vic leaned back and looked up at him.
"No."
"You sure?"
"Yeah. He asked me earlier if I was seeing someone. You go getting involved and he's gonna figure out what's going on here. If you want to keep it quiet, that's not the way to go about it."
He smiled a bit.
"Okay."
There was still a hint of worry in him that she could see.
"I'll talk to him myself. I think you might be right about that. I need to…clear the air. Maybe that's what we both need."
Walt gave her a nod and she stepped out of his immediate personal space. She walked into the bedroom with him trailing along behind her. Vic discarded her shirt and slid under the covers while Walt undressed for the second time that night. She pulled her knees up and leaned forward, resting her arms on them.
Walt started to push his pants off and paused when he realized how intensely she was looking at him. She grinned.
"Don't stop now."
He tilted his head to one side.
"You're making me self-conscious."
That only encouraged her.
"You have nothing to be self-conscious about. Trust me."
Shaking his head in amusement, he finished shedding his clothes and sat down on the bed. Vic took a long look at his back. Extending her hand, she traced her fingers over his scars in a manner that was reminiscent of their first night together. She saw him shiver slightly at her touch as she made a slow line down one raised mark and up the other.
"You still haven't told me exactly how you got these. What happened in Denver?"
His head bowed for a second and then he turned, her hand slipping from his skin.
"It's a long story. Kind of late for that now."
She found his eyes with her own.
"Do you want to tell me about it?"
It was an odd question, but one that made sense to the both of them. For what felt like an eternity, they looked at each other. Slowly, he let his chin dip in a partial nod that he confirmed with his words.
"I do want to tell you. And, I will."