Ch. 16: diving in the deep

He was tired. Not necessarily in a bad way. Some things were worth staying up for despite the fact that he had to work today. Vic planned to come in until he told her to take the day off and spend with her brother. He thought she might argue with him. She didn't. She left his cabin, telling him she didn't need any breakfast and leaving her bag of clothes, along with her clothes from the previous day in his bedroom.

It had been a long time since a woman's things took up real estate in his cabin. Her presence in his life was solidifying slowly. That wasn't a complaint on his part. It was what he wanted. The progression felt natural, unhurried. He liked the change. He liked that he could put his face into the pillow she used and smell her. He liked seeing her discarded shoes lying on the floor. Those were the things that most people took for granted.

The small things.

Signs of a life that was being shared.

Walt shook his head and looked at his office door. It was ajar. The last thing he needed was to be caught daydreaming while he was at work. Walt rubbed his hands over his face. Cady would be back sometime today. She called him to tell him she was back in town but needed another day. He didn't ask why. He knew there was something going on with her.

She wasn't good at hiding things.

Their relationship was back on the right track and he didn't want to endanger that.

From his seat, he could see Vic's empty desk., the chair pushed in and her hockey puck sitting on top of some papers that were centered on the desk. He was pulled from his thoughts by a tap and he looked up.

It didn't come from his main door. Instead, it seemed to come from the entrance that was marked Private. Walt started to stand when the door opened. The last person he expected to see was Travis Murphy standing there with a grim look on his face.

Walt stood.

"Travis. That's a private entrance."

"This is private."

For a second, he was back in time with Sean standing there telling him the same words. It was a safe assumption that this was about Vic just as that was. Walt came around the desk and placed his hands on his hips.

"What is it?"

Travis stopped a few feet from him and looked around.

"I hear you're retiring."

"I am."

Travis nodded like he was in on some secret.

"Is it because of Vic?"

Naturally.

"Travis…"

"I know, Walt. I know about the two of you. It doesn't take a genius to figure it out."

Walt sighed.

"What are you doing here, Travis. I'm at work."

Travis took a breath, expanding his chest. Something in him struck Walt as posturing.

"I wanted to tell you that I told Vic how I feel. She has the right to know."

Walt stared at him.

"What?"

"I love her. And…I was there for her. She deserves to know that. She deserves to have all the information."

Walt continued to stare.

"You told her that?"

"I did. I just wanted to let you know. Man to man."

Walt nodded slowly.

"You should go."

Travis glared at him momentarily before he seemed to deflate some. He must have been expecting a stronger reaction to this news. He seemed almost disappointed. Maybe he thought Walt would confirm his suspicions.

He took a step back and started to turn.

"Travis."

Walt's voice barked out his name. Travis stopped and waited.

"Vic makes her own choices. She tells you to leave her alone, leave her alone."

Travis stared at him for a moment before he went back through the door he came through and closed the door behind her. Walt shook his head and sat back down at his desk. It was too reminiscent of the night Travis showed up here with a ring and an ultimatum. That hadn't worked out his way either.

Walt had known Travis for too long. It seemed like the man would never grow up, nor would he ever learn from his experiences. Walt refrained from saying what he really wanted to say. Some part of him wanted to return the male posturing and tell Travis to step off. She was his. The more rational part of him reminded him that Vic wouldn't appreciate being treated as though she belonged to anyone.

She didn't, of course.

It was the same reaction he always elicited from Sean back when they were married.

Then, he tried his best to assure the man he was no threat to his marriage. He never intended to be and no lines were ever crossed.

There was one thing that Travis would never learn about Vic.

She did not like to be told what to do.

His eyes drifted back to his door, her desk. Travis told her that he loved her. She hadn't told him that. He knew she didn't have any feelings for Travis. She reiterated that point over and over. He believed her. There was no reason for him no to. It still bothered him.

Walt sighed and looked at the clock. It felt like this day would never end.

He looked at the phone in its cradle on his desk. Walt shook the thought off. She was with her brother. She didn't see her family all that often. There was no real reason for him to intrude on that time. Walt pushed the idea out of his mind and looked at the work that scattered over his desk.

He was entering the final weeks of his career as Sheriff. From here, the pace would pick up. At least, professionally. He was already in the process of figuring out the delegation of his primary works as he slowly removed himself from the day to day operations of the office.

The pace of his personal life was still in question.

xxx

"Do you miss Philly at all?"

Vic looked up from her lunch. They sat in the Busy Bee after a morning spent exploring what Absaroka County and Durant had to offer. It did Vic some good to be with someone who knew more about where she came from than anyone here. Being with Michael was familiar comfortable.

"Of course."

Michael sipped his iced tea.

"But, you're determined to stay here."

It was an observation, not a question. Vic studied him, trying to decipher his motivation.

"I thought you weren't here to try and talk me into moving."

Michael held up his hands.

"I'm not. I'm just trying to understand."

Vic took a sip of her own tea and swirled the glass around, causing the ice to clink together. She set the glass down and glanced around the bustling café. It was all so familiar to her now. As much as she scoffed at it when she first moved here.

"Everything I have here, or don't have, I did on my own. You know how it is in Philly, Michael. We're Victor Moretti's kids. Or, I'm your sister, or Al's niece. There's all these…expectations. Not to mention how popular I am with most of the cops back there. I would've had to quit my job eventually. They would never have forgiven me. Some of them never will. As much as I love the city, that wasn't good for me. Dad was trying to set me up with a public relations job."

Michael shook his head, clearly amused by the idea.

"He should know better than that. You have some impressive skills. People aren't one of them."

She vibrated with a laugh.

"Smart ass."

"Just calling it like I see it."

She paused and picked up a fry from her plate, dipping it into the ketchup that she poured into a thick, red puddle as he continued to piece together what he was seeing of her life.

"So…you like being where no one knows you?"

She smiled and bit one half of the fry off.

"No, I like people either liking me or not liking me for me. Not because of who my family is or because of one decision I made that pissed off a lot of people. Also, back in Philly, the force is so big, you never really feel like you're making a difference. There's a hundred other people to take your place. It's not like that here. There's only four of us. It's hard to explain."

His head nodded slightly as though he understood what she was saying.

"I get it. I do. I just wish you would visit more. We miss you. Believe it or not, we do."

She ate the rest of her fry and wiped her hands.

"Maybe I would if the entire trip wasn't everyone trying to convince me to stay. It's tiring to have my life choices questioned twenty-four hours a day."

"I know. Dad comes on strong. He just worries about you. He was upset when he found out that you were shot. Whether you believe it or not, so was mom."

Vic looked at her plate again, an old guilt creeping in. With some distance, she could see some of the mistakes she made during that time. Things she couldn't really set right even if she wanted to. If she was being fully honest, she wasn't sure she would, though.

"I'm sorry. I should have called. But…I was in a…a dark place."

The concern on his face was clear.

"Are you doing better now?"

That was a good question.

"Some days."

"And others?"

"Not so good."

"Have you talked to anyone?"

"I tried going to a therapy group. It wasn't for me."

"Maybe you should try one on one."

"Maybe."

"I just hate to think of you out here with no one going through that."

"I wasn't alone."

He leaned on the table.

"Walt?"

She nodded and sipped her tea.

"Yeah. He took care of me."

"Is that…how this happened?"

Vic shook her head.

"No. It wasn't like that. He was there for me. But…not like that. This happened later. Michael, I meant what I said. I will tell mom and dad about this when I'm ready. I need you to keep it to yourself."

He looked at her for a long moment.

"You can trust me. But…you know…dad will never accept this. Are you prepared for that?"

"That's his choice. I just can't…let how he feels dictate how I live, Michael. I can't."

"I get it."

He pushed his mostly empty plate away and leaned back in his chair.

"I'm flying home in the morning."

"You got a flight?"

"Yeah. It's early as hell. But, it'll get me in Philly before midnight and I need to get back to work."

"How is work?"

He shrugged.

"You know. It's policing in Philadelphia. Never dull."

She smiled at her own firsthand knowledge of that comment.

"You can say that again. You want to have dinner again tonight?"

He shook his head.

"Nah. I'm gonna check out the casino early. Maybe we can meet for a drink after."

Vic huffed out a laugh.

"Don't lose all your money."

He grinned at her.

"I don't have that much to lose."

A moment or two passed and he grew serious.

"I want you to promise me something. A promise for a promise."

"What's that?"

"Come visit us more. Seeing you once or twice a year doesn't really work. Also…call."

"I will do my best."

He nodded as they stood up, paid, and walked outside. Michael looked around.

"This town is like something off of a TV show, I swear. It's really…nice here, though. I can see the attraction if what you're looking for is to be away from people."

"Well…when we moved here…that was the idea."

"And now?"

She glanced around.

"Now, I just like it. As hard as that is to believe, it's the truth."

xxx

The was finally winding down. It hadn't been an incredibly busy day, but Walt felt restless and he was ready to not be stuck in his office. He was slowly trying to detach himself from this place and he wondered if that was going to be as hard as he thought it was. Possibly not.

The earlier visit from Travis was still on his mind even though he wished he could just forget about it. He hoped that Vic's day with her brother had gone better than his own here in the office.

Walt was getting ready to leave when he heard the knock on his door. Again, on the entrance marked private. He sighed to himself.

"Come in."

He was surprised when it was Michael Moretti who came through the door into his office. Without Vic. Michael glanced around the room, ensuring that he wasn't disrupting anything.

"Busy?"

Walt shook his head as he stood up.

"No."

Michael pushed the door so that it closed all the way. He gave Walt an apologetic look.

"Sorry to not use your main door. But…I wanted to talk to you…"

He gestured at the door.

"…without drawing attention."

Walt leaned on his desk, bracing his arms on the surface.

"You mean without Vic finding out."

Michael smiled. Walt was again struck at how easy going the young man was compared to his father, and even to Vic. Maybe it was the benefit of being the youngest child. Maybe with all the chaos in his home, he was left out of most of it. Left to his own devices. Someone who was never perceived as a threat or competition.

"Something like that. I might be risking my life. Or, getting hit."

Walt nodded in agreement of that assessment. He suspected Vic would have strong feelings about this particular move.

"What can I do for you?"

Michael shifted on his feet.

"For me? Nothing. Let me assure you that I'm not my father. He's…old school. I know he gave you a hard time. More than I'm sure you deserve. But…I wouldn't be any kind of a brother if I didn't talk to you without Vic around."

Walt was still waiting for the reason behind the visit. It was starting to shape up in his head with some clarity. It was also vastly difference than when Victor Moretti came into the office unexpectedly and laid down what he felt was the law.

"You here to tell me to treat her right?"

Michael shook his head.

"I trust Vic to see to that. She's not exactly the kind of woman who takes shit off men. She never was. She can take care of herself."

"Okay. Then, why are you here?"

There was no reason to beat around the bush. The man was free to say whatever he wanted.

"Not sure really. Guess I'm still trying to understand your relationship. She cares about you. I can tell. I see the way she looks at you. I'm not sure I've seen that from her before. I just hope you know what you have."

Walt stayed quiet, giving him the space and time to say what he wanted to say. Walt knew he was different than his father. That was obvious. It was in line with what Vic told him about her youngest brother.

Michael pressed on.

"I know she's got this image of being so strong. And, she is. She gets that from our mother, from both of our parents. But…even the strongest people need help sometimes. Beneath all the language and attitude, she's…sensitive. She feels things real deep, Walt. I wouldn't want to see her get all invested in this and wind up hurt."

There was nothing threatening in the words. That wasn't the feeling Walt got from this conversation. Yet, the friendly nature from the day before was also absent. It was a simple, matter of fact statement and Walt understood the context in which it was being used.

"I wouldn't hurt her."

"I believe your intentions. But…I also know that can change over time."

"Michael, I can't make you any promises."

Michael waved a hand at him.

"Oh, I know. I just want to know that I did what I could. If there's anyone who deserves to be happy, it's Vic. Some part of me wishes that was back home in Philadelphia. But, she seems happy here. She seems…different."

"I'm not sure that has anything to do with location. She's been through a lot. Trauma changes people."

"Yeah, it does. She told me that you took care of her after she was shot. I know my dad came out here and busted your ass about that. What he should have done was thank you for what you've done for her."

Michael took a step toward Walt and extended his hand. Walt took it and they exchanged a firm handshake. Michael released his hand and offered him a smile, obviously feeling better to have gotten that out in the open and off his chest without it going sideways.

"I'm leaving tomorrow. Early. I asked Vic to meet me for a drink later on. If you can come…"

Walt nodded.

"Sure."

"Good. Now, I'm gonna go blow off some money and some steam. Remind my sister once in a while that she has family who would like to hear from her. She never listens to me, of us. Maybe she'll listen to you."

Walt smiled.

"I wouldn't bet money on that."

Michael laughed.

"Good to know it's not just us."

He paused and grew more somber.

"I'll see you later on, Walt."

"Sure."

Michael started for the door. Just as he reached it and placed his hand on the knob, he stopped and turned back to Walt, his expression one that wasn't really readable.

"Oh…yeah. On behalf of myself and the rest of my brothers, if you hurt her, we'll kick your ass."

He smiled after he said it, pulled the door open, and left.

xxx

The rest of her brother's stay was uneventful. They met and had their last drink together along with Walt. Unlike the first time where there was more curiosity than anything else, this short visit was mostly Michael telling stories of when they were young. Stories that Walt clearly finds entertaining. He alternates between watching Michael while he listens and letting his eyes stray to Vic. She notices the look in his eyes. He's clearly enjoying hearing about her childhood and her teenage years.

Afterwards, Michael pulled her into a hug and Vic and tilts his head towards her ear.

"Take care of yourself, Vic."

His grip on her loosened and Vic stepped back, one of Michael's hands still on her upper arm. He tightened it slightly before fully releasing his hold on her.

"And…call once in a while. Or…more often."

Vic nodded, an unexpected burning in her throat. When he first caught her off guard with his unannounced arrival, she felt some level of trepidation in her gut wondering what exactly it was that he wanted.

Now, on the far side of his short visit, she felt a pang that he was leaving. It was a feeling that she wasn't ready for. Vic swallowed the emotion and offered him a smile.

"Okay."

Michael gave her a look.

"Okay. That's it?"

He shook his head, his smile still in place. Turning, he offered Walt his hand and a different sort of smile.

"Walt, it was good to meet you."

He paused before continuing.

"My dad…he's wrong about you."

Releasing Walt's hand, he stepped back and his eyes shifted back to Vic. She sighed.

"You remember, Michael."

He understood what she meant without any further clarification.

"Gotcha."

That was all the confirmation he gave her. After another goodbye, he slid behind the wheel of his rental car and pulled out, leaving them alone. They stood in quiet for a minute before Walt finally spoke up.

"C'mon."

She felt his hand tug at her wrist. Vic got into the Bronco and Walt started the engine. There wasn't any conversation about whether or not she was going home with him. Walt started that way and she didn't give him any correction. She didn't say anything at all.

Her silence must have weighed on him.

"You okay?"

Vic looked his way and nodded in the darkness.

"Yeah."

That was her only answer. She saw him look her way twice more on the ride to the cabin. He didn't say anything else. Instead, he simply turned his eyes back to the road and drove on. When he pulled into the cabin, they went inside. Vic toed off her shoes and looked around.

"I'll get a shower."

"Vic."

The tone in his voice stopped her. She turned back to him.

"Hmm?"

"You sure there's nothing wrong?"

She studied him.

"What do you mean?"

He shifted on his feet, clearly uncomfortable for reasons that were a mystery to her. She could see something in his expression that appeared to be indecisive.

"I just…thought you might want to talk."

Vic's head tilted to one side.

"About?"

Walt rubbed one hand on the denim fabric of his jeans.

"Were you not going to tell me?"

Vic stared at him, unable to decipher what he meant.

"Walt, I don't have any idea what you're talking about. And…I'm tired. So…"

He cut in.

"Travis came to see me."

Vic's mouth opened slightly. Whatever fluttered through her mind to say abandoned her and left her standing there speechless. She finally managed to push out a response.

"Travis?"

She said it slowly. Walt nodded and his hands moved to his hips.

"Yeah."

The pieces were slowly making sense in her mind.

"He came…"

She left the question open ended. He knew what she meant.

"To the office."

Vic inhaled deeply.

"Travis came to your office to see you."

It wasn't a question.

"Yeah."

He shifted his stance slightly.

"You weren't going to tell me."

Now, she knew what he was talking about.

"When?"

"Earlier today."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Why didn't you?"

Vic kept her eyes on him.

"I…it didn't seem important."

That wasn't the truth. The truth was, she didn't want to face the confrontation. She was also concerned about how Walt might react. There had already been run-ins with Travis. She really just wanted it all to be over. She wanted the man to move on and forget about her.

Leave her alone.

Walt took one step closer to her, his hands dropping to his sides, his fingers seeming restless.

"It didn't seem important for you to tell me that another man told you that he loved you."

He seemed more confused than anything.

"No. It's not like I return the feelings. I don't. You know that."

His eyes left hers and shifted down to the floor, where they stayed. Vic stood there. Waiting. That was all she could do. She hated the way it made her feel. After what felt like forever, he raised his eyes and they reconnected.

"I told you about Donna."

Vic considered him.

"That's…it's not the same thing."

"You're right. Donna and I weren't potential parents."

"Travis and I were never anything, Walt. It was one damn night. I told you that. He never meant anything to me. You…were in a relationship with Donna. Or…whatever you want to call it."

"Yet, the two of you had sex and we didn't."

There was another long space of silence.

"Why are you bringing this up?"

She was frustrated. Getting mad.

"It just seems like you might've mentioned it."

She waved a hand at him.

"Why? You're the one who has been pushing me to talk to him. What you didn't mention was that I was supposed to report back to you on what he said."

She took a breath and swallowed.

"Walt, the way Travis feels is his problem. I can't do anything about it. I've told him to leave me alone and he just keeps coming."

Something in his face shifted and she honed in on it.

"What?"

"I told him to leave you alone."

"Well, that'll do wonders for his suspicion that we're together."

"He knows. That's why he came to tell me what he did. He said you had a right to know how he felt before this…went any farther."

She made a face.

"Does…he think I'm gonna change my mind?"

"Maybe."

Vic sighed and shook her head.

"Jesus, I am so tired of this. That all you said?"

"Yes."

She nodded.

"Good. Look, I'll…I'll talk to him."

"You keep saying that."

She gave him a look, but didn't respond. Walt ran his palm over his hair.

"Can I ask you something?"

She wasn't so sure about that.

"What?"

"Why Travis? Of all people."

She shrugged.

"Because I knew I didn't have any feelings for him. It shouldn't have been complicated. Didn't turn out that way."

"No."

Vic walked over to the couch and sat down. Walt followed her, lowering his frame next to her.

"Walt, I didn't tell you because there is nothing between us. He was kind of my friend when I needed one. You…were otherwise occupied. I was divorced. I don't exactly have a lot of friends here. I'm not making excuses. But…"

Her words faded. Walt leaned in a bit.

"But what?"

"I was also afraid that you would lose your temper. I know you don't like him bothering me."

"He should take no for an answer."

She smiled slightly at his reply.

"I will talk to him. I swear. Tomorrow."

Walt inclined his head.

"I think…it'll do you some good. Vic, you know avoiding your problems won't make them go away."

She leaned back all the way against the couch.

"So I've heard."

He smiled at her. Lifting his hand, he traced his finger along the line of some stray hair.

"So…I was thinking we could try the dinner thing again. Since it didn't go as we planned."

"Okay. Do you want me to…?"

"No, I'll take care of it."

She tilted her head and smiled.

"Taking charge? Kinda sexy."

Walt smiled in return.

"Is it?"

Vic nodded, her smile widening.

"Mmm-hmm. It is."

xxx

"Expecting someone?"

The knock on the door startled them both. Walt sat up and looked towards the bedroom door. Vic rolled off the bed, planting her feet on the floor. She stood up and started to pull on clothes. Walt followed suit and stuck his feet into his jeans and hauled them up. Vic was dressed first and started to comb her fingers through her hair in a vain attempt to straighten it.

Walt jerked a t-shirt over his head on his way to the door and ran both palms over his hair trying to smooth it down. It wasn't very effective. Vic's truck was parked out front. So, anyone pulling up would know that she was at his cabin. There wasn't anything to be done about that now. Walt wrapped his hand around the knob and glanced at Vic. There was no way whoever it was wouldn't know what was going on here. They both looked like they had just gotten out of bed.

Walt pulled the door open and was relieved to see Cady standing there with a smile on her face.

"Hey."

Walt returned her smile.

"Hey, Punk. Good to see you back."

She looked through the doorway.

"Mind if I come in?"

"Sure."

She walked by him and into the cabin. Walt closed the door and joined her in the living area. She smiled at Vic, not surprised to see her there.

"Hey, Vic."

"Cady."

Walt came up behind her.

"What brings you by?"

Cady turned to her father.

"I wanted to talk to you."

Vic looked between the two of them.

"Should I…"

Cady didn't give her time to finish the question. She shook her head.

"No, no. You stay. I'm actually glad you're here. You should hear this, too."

Walt glanced at Vic who gave a barely perceptible shrug.

"You want something to drink."

Cady took a seat on the couch.

"No thanks."

She took a seat in the chair. Walt and Vic both sat on the couch and looked at her expectedly.

"Okay. What is it?"

Cady sat leaned forward with her hands pressed between her knees.

"I'm going to run for Sheriff."

It wasn't any great surprise. This was what he wanted. What they were all working towards. Still, having the final confirmation felt like the last big obstacle between himself and his retirement.

"That's…that's great, Cady."

Cady gave him a nervous smile.

"It's something I never thought that I would be doing career wise. But…I'm kind of excited."

She looked to Vic.

"Guess that means we'll be working together permanently."

"Looks that way."

Cady nodded slowly.

"You're…still…okay with that?"

Vic gave her an odd look.

"Yeah. Why would you ask?"

Cady shrugged.

"I thought a lot about all of this…"

She gestured around them.

"…while I was gone. Me running for Sheriff."

She paused.

"You two."

Another pause.

"I was…sort of a brat when you told me. I…I'm sorry for that. You…are both adults. We're all adults…and…we should act like it."

Vic just stared at her, not expecting the sudden outpouring hesitant words that Cady was saying.

A short silence sat over them before Cady smiled and stood abruptly.

"That's…that's it. That's what I came to tell you. So, tomorrow we can get back to it and get down to business."

Walt rose.

"We'll need to let everyone at work know. You'll need to announce your candidacy. Be prepared for reaction to that."

Cady eyed him.

"Do you think it'll be negative."

Walt had certainly been through this enough.

"Not all of it. There will be plenty of people who support you, I'm sure. But…there will be those who question why you're doing this and if you're qualified. You're going to need a thick skin, Cady. I won't lie to you."

She seemed to understand.

"I appreciate that. I'll steel myself. When do you think I should…make that announcement?"

"That's up to you. You need to find someone to help you with your campaign. I would have that in place before I went public."

"Okay. I'll give that some thought. Come up with some names."

She paused again.

"Thank you both. For everything."

With that, she pulled open the door and left the cabin. Walt stood there looking at the cabin door, his mind turning over the conversation. This was it. This was the last step in his move out of office. With some luck, there wouldn't be much opposition to Cady. She might even be able to run unopposed this time. That would give her some time to prove herself and grow into the job. He didn't doubt her ability. He just hoped it wasn't too hard on her.

He knew how running for any kind of office could be.

It wasn't an easy thing.

"What're you thinking?"

He turned back to Vic who was watching him closely.

"Running for office isn't an easy thing."

Vic snorted.

"Yeah, no shit. That's one of the reasons I'm not. But…this was your idea."

"I know. I hope it doesn't backfire."

Vic frowned.

"Do you think it will?"

"No. But…it's possible."

"Yeah, but it's also possible that she wins. Then…she'll have a whole new set of problems."

She knew the last part was meant in jest.

"You're not very comforting."

"Yeah, not my thing. Walt, what she just said is exactly correct. She's an adult. A smart, incredibly capable adult. Ultimately, this was her decision. Just…let her do it her way. You are the acting Sheriff. So…you really need to stay out of it as much as possible."

"I'm the Sheriff and she's my daughter."

"I know."

Vic cleared her throat and walked back to the couch.

"So…you ready to retire?"

Walt followed her and sat down.

"It feels…odd."

"You wouldn't be human if you didn't feel that way. You've been Sheriff for a long time. How is your trip planning coming?"

Her eyes shifted to the stack of papers on his desk. Admittedly, he hadn't spent much time on. To this point, his retirement felt like something that was abstract. Now, that it was all coming together, the idea was becoming something more solid. Something that was within his grasp.

"Slow."

"Do you even know where you're going?"

"I've got an idea. Lucian had been working on his maps. It's rough terrain. I'll have to take the horse."

He stood up, shuffled through some papers, selected one, then returned to sit by her. Walt offered the paper, which was a printout of a map. There were circles on the map and lines. Along the sides, Lucian had scribbled notes that were hard decipher. Reaching over, he pointed just below one of the circles.

"This was his strongest guess. There's a trailhead…here. Figure I can drive there and then take the horse. There aren't any roads, there. Only bush and trails. You either do it by foot or on horseback. On foot would take too long. I can load what I need on the horse. Food and clothes."

He paused and something in him changed.

"Lucian."

The old Sheriff's ashes were still in the coffee can. He planned to take them on this trip. One final ride for his mentor.

"Still thinking two weeks?"

She was trying to redirect before he got mired down. He knew that. He still struggled with talking about Lucian and the way that his life ended. The way that the man chose to end his own life.

"Yep. At least."

He pulled his focus back to the map.

"Longer?"

The truth was that he didn't know. It depended on a lot of factors, many of which he had no control over.

"Maybe."

"You're so clear."

She nudged him with her elbow.

"Sorry. It's just…I can plot the course and estimate how long it'll take me to ride in, do what I need to do, ride back out, load up the horse, and drive home. But…I don't know what the weather is going to do. Or, what kind problems I'll run into. There's a lot that can happen out there."

She held the map in her hand, her eyes on it. But, she didn't seem to really see it.

"You'll be careful?"

Walt reached out and put his hand on her knee.

"Of course. It's nothing I haven't done before."

She lifted her eyes.

"You won't have any way of getting in touch with anyone."

She said the words quietly.

"You don't have a phone."

"Phones aren't dependable around here. You know that."

She didn't accept that.

"Yeah…but…it might work. At least it would be something. You do this your way and you won't have anything at all."

He could feel that she was going somewhere with this.

"I've lived my entire life that way."

"You're making some changes now, though. That's…admitting the way you've always done things might not be the best."

She had him there.

"I want you to get a phone."

She was looking at him when she said it, the map still in her hand and partially resting on her lap.

A cell phone was something he never desired to have. For most of his career, they weren't even a thing. Even after they became common, he resisted. He got by well enough just using someone else's phone. It seemed like an odd thing to change now.

"Phones don't always work. Especially where I'm going."

"I know. But…it will be something."

He started to resist again. Vic wasn't the first person to try and cajole him into getting a phone. The primary antagonists being Henry and Cady. Predictably. Vic harped on it pretty much since the day he hired her. Especially since it was her phone that he used the most, sometimes broke.

She was right, though. He was making changes lately. More than he was entirely comfortable with. He was with her. He was retiring. In comparison, a cell phone seemed like a small thing. Insignificant really.

It wasn't a big thing she was asking of him.

It really wasn't.

Vic's eyes were still on him. Waiting. His head bobbed just a little, his eyes fully connecting with hers.

"Okay."

Something crossed her face. Relief?

"But…I can't promise you I'll know how to use it."

Vic smiled and slapped her hand on his thigh.

"It's not rocket science. You're smart. I think we can figure this out."

Walt smiled before he grew more somber, his mood shifting visibly.

"You never told me why you were crying the other night."

Vic's smile faded and her face darkened.

"You wanna do this now?"

"Why not?"

She sighed.

xxx

There really wasn't any way out of it. She told him they would talk. She promised him as a matter of fact. Vic shifted in her seat and looked away from him. Walt was watching her in that way only he was capable of.

"I was thinking about the baby."

She tossed it out, really not wanting to have this conversation now. Walt was quiet for a moment.

"Anything specific or…"

He left the question open ended.

"My brain was just…running wild. It wasn't any one thing."

"Why didn't you just talk to me about it instead of sitting outside alone?"

"You were asleep."

He frowned.

"Wake me up."

"Walt, if I woke you up every time that happened, you wouldn't want me staying here."

Concern crossed his face.

"That often?"

"More than I would like. It's not anything planned. It just…my mind won't shut up sometimes."

"I understand that."

She huffed out a low laugh.

"I'm sure you do."

"You told me that you really haven't talked to anyone about this."

"I'm talking to you. Like you wanted."

"And I appreciate it. But…I don't know what to say."

"There's nothing you can say. Nothing will change it."

"That doesn't mean you should keep it all to yourself. Vic, I know that you say you don't have the greatest relationship with your mother. But, maybe she could understand. She is…your mother."

Vic pressed her lips together and looked away.

"I tried that."

He didn't say anything. She assumed he was waiting for an expansion of her answer.

"She said she was sorry I went through it. But…that I could have more children…under…better circumstances."

His eyes held on hers for a long moment before they shifted away.

"Oh."

"Yeah. Oh. I know she means well, but…"

Vic pushed out a breath and shook her head. Walt turned his eyes back to her.

"Not helpful, huh?"

"Not really. I get the impression she thinks I should be over it. Maybe I should."

Walt shook his head.

"Vic, grief is personal. There's no timetable for how long you get to do it. No one has the right to tell you that should be over it."

"That's just it, Walt. I don't feel like I'll ever be over it."

"You probably won't be."

Vic could feel tears starting to burn in her eyes, heat in her throat.

"That's encouraging."

He gave her a gentle smile and lifted his hand to her back.

"I don't mean it like that. It's just…I don't think anyone ever gets over losing someone they love. I think…you get better at dealing with the pain. It doesn't go away, but it shifts to the background most of the time. You will never stop loving your baby."

She inhaled deeply and swiped her hand under her eyes.

"It seems…I don't know…stupid to grieve for someone who…wasn't even born. We…never met."

"It was still your child. And, you loved her."

Vic looked across the room at nothing in particular.

"I wonder sometimes…what she would have been like."

He was quiet again, giving her emotional space.

"I still have dreams sometimes where I see her."

"How often do you have them?"

"Every now and then. Not as much as right after it happened."

"That's probably a good sign."

"Yeah."

Vic's eyes dropped to her hands.

"I need to talk to Travis."

"Are you ready for that?"

"I don't think I'll ever be ready for it. But, it needs to be done. He's…not a bad guy. Not really."

"I know he's not. But, he needs to leave you alone when you tell him to."

His voice developed a bit of an edge and she looked his way.

"Don't."

He pulled his hand from her back and held them both up.

"I haven't. But…I don't like it."

"I'll take care of it. Tomorrow. For sure."

He eyed her. She leaned back.

"I won't tell him about us. Don't worry. I'll just make it clear that…he needs to move on. Whatever that means for him."

"Haven't you already done that?"

He was anxious and she could see it.

"Yeah, but not calmly. He keeps catching me off guard. Tomorrow, it'll be on my terms. He can't keep hanging around like a puppy. I should be able to go home and not have him pop up."

"You should."

She smiled slightly.

"You just want to do it yourself. I know how you are."

"Well, I did earlier. Just not as your…"

His voice trailed off.

"My what?"

"I don't know. Boyfriend doesn't seem like the right word."

Vic made a face.

"No, it doesn't. You…are certainly not a boy."

He smiled as she looked his way.

"Thanks for that."

Her expression grew pensive.

"No. Thank you. For listening. Now…c'mon, let's go back to bed."