I do not own anything in these stories. All rights go to the creator Chris Savino and the current showrunner, Michael Rubiner. This story is a parody of another Simpsons Season 1 episode "There's No Disgrace Like Home." The rights of that show go to the creator, Matt Groening and developer James L. Brooks. It also reveals that Lori is a voice of reason in the family as she becomes embarrassed when her family gets out of control and tries to get them to act normal.
It was Sunday, June 29, 1986 in the Loud House, several of the Loud sisters were fighting in the living room, shoving one another in their shoulder.
"Oh yeah! Well, I should be the most loved because I'm the strongest!" Lynn shouted.
"No, I'm the one that should be loved more because my music is awesome!" Luna shouted.
"No way! My pranks are awesome!" Luan shouted.
"NO! I should be the girl that Mom loves the most!" Ronnie Anne shouted.
"No! I should be the most loved because I fix things!" Lana also shouted, but Lori then runs into the living room, and decides to stop the fight.
"Hey! What's the problem here, girls?" Lori asked sternly.
"We were fighting over which one of us girls loves you just as much as your own kids do!" Leni shouted.
"You were, girls?" Lori said softly before she sniffs, "Awww... Well, go ahead," she releases them from her sight at the moment only for them to fight again.
"You love Lori more!" Leni shouted.
"No, you do!" Luan shouted.
"No! I do!" Lola shouted.
"I do!" Luna shouted.
"No, I'm the one who does!" Lynn shouted.
"No way! That should go to me!" Lana shouted before Lori gets angry at them.
"Look! You better get this all out of your system right now! I don't want you girls embarrassing any of us at Lord Tetherby's picnic this summer!" Lori explained sternly before she enters the kitchen and sees Lynn Sr. and Rita inspecting and admiring a hugenormous mixture of green jelly and marshmallows.
"Mmmmm... marshmallows..." Lynn Sr. replied happily.
"They have no idea what make these gelatinous desserts delicious," Rita commented happily.
After helping themselves by eating two marshmallows together, and of course belching, they earn a scolding from both their daughter Lori and her boyfriend Bobby.
"MOM! DAD!" Lori shouted.
"What are you two doing?" Bobby shouted.
"Oh, uh... Rita and I are tying to get the unfortunate noises out of our system like you, Lori," Lynn Sr. said nervously.
"Yeah, we don't want to embarrass ourselves at Tetherby's picnic," Rita said nervously.
"Well, are you sure that's enough? You know how Lord Tetherby loves your delicious gelatin desserts!" Lori explained.
"Yeah, I was thinking about prepping them up a little more," Bobby explained.
"Oh, Lori. Tetherby just said he liked it... once," Rita commented.
"Mom, that's the only time he's ever spoken to us without using the word... ...boneheads," Lori explained dejectedly.
Later, everyone, now wearing their summer clothes, was in the van with plates of delicious gelatin dessert on their laps with Lori and Bobby upfront and Lori driving. After a little long ride, they arrive at Tetherby's mansion.
"There it is, everybody! Lord Tetherby's Mansion. Heaven on Earth," Lori explained.
After they arrive, the family gets out of the car and everybody (sans Luan, Lynn Sr. and Rita) is carrying the plates above their heads. Lori and Bobby decide to state some ground rules with the family.
"Okay, now look. Lord Tetherby is going to be at this picnic. That means that I want you to show your parents some love and/or respect," Bobby explained.
"Tough choice, Stinkoln," Lynn said sinisterly.
"Well, we're are picking both," Lincoln replied.
"Yeah, Lynn, so get used to it," Ronnie Anne agreed.
Inside the mansion, Mr. Tetherby welcomes the McCauley family.
Good to see you. Glad you could make it," Tetherby greeted as he shakes hands with Mr. McCauley.
"Oh, thank you, Mr. Tetherby," Mr. McCauley said politely, "I'm so glad you invited us."
"Not me. I had to miss little league for this," Caleb commented despondently.
"Quiet, Caleb," Mr. McCauley replied quietly to Caleb.
"Oh please, don't fight. Just go out back and have a good time," Tetherby said nervously as the McCauleys pass on by, "Fire that man, Bates. I don't want him, or his unpleasant family to ruin my picnic."
"He'll be gone by the tug-of-war, sir," Bates replied.
"Good."
The large Loud family then arrives.
"Ah, afternoon Mr. Tetherby!" Lori greeted.
"Hello there... uh... uh..." Tetherby began to greet them.
"Loud, Lori," Lori whispered to Bates.
"Here you go, sir," Bates replied before he hands an index card to Tetherby.
"Ah! Oh yes..." Tetherby read the card, "Oh, and this must be your lovely husband... Bobby."
Bobby blushes upon that statement.
"Actually, he's my boyfriend. But soon, he'll be my husband after graduation next year," Lori replied.
Ho ho, look at your kids... uh..." Tetherby consults the card, "Lincoln, Ronnie Anne and Lily! Why, they're growing like a trio of beautiful younglings."
"That's right, the family with a plan is here," Lincoln said happily.
"Definitely proud to be Lincoln's sister," Ronnie Anne said happily.
"Yep, we're feeling confident today! Oh, And these are my sisters, Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, Lana, Lola and Lisa.
"Wow. You have eight sisters?" Tetherby asked in surprise.
"Yep. And that here is my mom and dad," Lori finished explaining.
"Hmmm. That's rather pleasant," Tetherby commented
"Hey, Lord. Look what we brought," Lori said happily and the family presents their delicious gelatin dessert, "GELATIN DESSERTS!"
"Oh, for the love of Christ! That's all anybody brought! Some goddamned fool went around telling everyone that I loved that slimy goop! Toss it on the pile over there," Tetherby replied and it shows several rooms already filled with gelatinous dessert, "And, uh, make yourselves at home."
"Hear that, Lori? It looks like my mom and dad can both chill under the sun in their bathing suits and keep yourself chill," Luna commented.
"Now you listen to us, you little..." Lori shouted angrily as she goes to strangle Luna much to Lynn Sr. and Rita's shock.
"Trouble, Lori?" Tetherby asked in concern.
"Why, uh no, heh heh heh. Just congratulating my sister on a fine joke about her parents," Lori said nervously as she pats Luna's head, "Now, let's go."
Outside at the back of the estate, Bobby and Lori decide to stress the importance of proper conduct with Lincoln, Lily and the sisters.
"All right, everyone, remember this! As far as anyone knows, we're a nice, normal family," Bobby explained.
"That's right. Bobby and I are both bringing out all the important things for a family like my own father would normally do," Lori explained.
"And remember, my mother is the big supporter of our family which is basically her, me, Ronnie Anne, Lily and Dad," Lincoln explained.
"Hey, girls! Last one in the fountain's a rotten egg!" Lynn said eagerly.
"Oh, it is on!" Leni responded.
"Way ahead of you girls!" Lana replied as they all make chase down the stairway and onto the sidewalk, which angers not only Lori, but also Lynn Sr., Bobby, Ronnie Anne and Lincoln.
"Hey! Get back here!" Lori shouted as she alongside Bobby, Ronnie Anne, Lincoln and Lynn Sr. start chasing after the sisters
"Come on, girls! Be normal!" Bobby shouted to them in anger.
"Yeah, can't you just listen to Mom and Dad for once!" Ronnie Anne shouted in anger.
An unnamed mother with a baby girl walks by Rita, Luna and Lily.
"My, oh my. What an adorable little girl," Rita replied.
"Thank you. Why don't we dump them in the the nursery and get a glass of punch," an unnamed mother suggested softly.
"Hmmm, I'm not much of a drinker. And I don't think Luna is either," Rita explained.
"Yeah, but a glass of punch does seem alright," Luna explained nervously while she held Lily in her arms.
"Hey, aren't those your girls there torturing a swan?" an unnamed mother asked them.
Lynn Sr., Bobby, Lori, Ronnie Anne and Lincoln are still chasing after the seven sisters while Lucy and Lana are hiding in the fountain.
"Maybe Luna and I will both take you up on that punch," Rita commented
Later the three enter a room where a group of small children are playing.
"Gee, do you guys think we should leave the kids unsupervised, Luna?" Rita asked Luna who was putting Lily down with the other small children.
"You're right," Luna responded as she turns on the TV, which displays an episodes of the famous "Sesame Street."
Meanwhile, outside the mansion, Bobby, Lori, Lynn Sr., Ronnie Anne and Lincoln continue their search for the girls. Lucy has disguised herself as a fountain cherub.
"GIRLS! GIRLS! COME OUT WHEREVER YOU CAN BE SEEN!" Lori screamed before swans stampede her, Bobby, Lincoln, Ronnie Anne and Lynn Sr.
"Get over here this instant, girls!" Ronnie Anne shouted.
"Will you stop with your meddling," Lincoln shouted.
"Where are you girls?!" Lynn Sr. shouted.
"Yeah, come out wherever you are!" Bobby shouted before The girls bean him, Lori, Lincoln, Ronnie Anne and Lynn Sr. with rocks.
"Ow!" Lori yelled angrily, "You little bitch..."
"Gotcha," Lynn Sr. shouted as he grabs Lynn Jr. and Lola, while Bobby catches Lucy, Lori catches Leni and Luan, Lincoln catches Lisa and Ronnie Anne catches Lana.
"Whoa, careful Dad. Blow a gasket, and you'll end up losing your IT job," Lynn explained nervously before the intercom goes off.
"NOW HEAR THIS, THE FATHER-SON SACK RACE WILL BEGIN IN FIVE MINUTES ON THE NORTH LAWN. PARTICIPATION IS MANDATORY, REPEAT MANDATORY. THAT IS ALL."
"Oh, dear. I think we should get going, boy," Bobby replied nervously.
"I agree, Dad. We don't want to be late," Lincoln agreed with Bobby as they went.
"Yeah, Ronnie Anne and I are coming to support you both. I don't want to get myself drunk this year," Lori explained nervously as she and Ronnie Anne went along with Bobby and Lincoln.
"LJ, do you remember the rules from last year?" Lynn Sr. asked very sternly as he dragged Lynn with him to the event.
"Yeah, shut our mouths and let the host of the party win," Lynn replied as they along with Bobby, Lori, Ronnie Anne, Lincoln and the other sisters came along to the event. One of the swans has its revenge on Lynn's behind.
Meanwhile, on a balcony, the employees' wives are gathered around a bowl of punch with Luna tagging along.
"I don't know who to love more... My son Joshua who's captain of the football team, or my daughter Amber who got the lead in the school play. Usually, I use their grades as a tie-breaker, but they both got straight A's this past year, so what's a mother to do?" a mother asked.
"Umm-hmm. Well I sense greatness in my family, and Lori senses greatness in hers as well," Rita explained as she and Luna helped themselves to ample amounts of the punch.
"Your" family?" a mother said in surprise.
"Well, it's a greatness that others can't see... but it's there with ten girls and the oldest girl being the mother of Lincoln and Lily, and if it's not true greatness we have, we're at least average," Rita replied before she and Luna both take a sip of their punch, which happens to have alcohol in it and it causes them to become sloshed and slurred. It turns out that it's actually red wine that they're drinking.
"Hey, I don't want to alarm any of you bros here, but I think there's a little al-key-hol in this punch," Luna said sloshed as she she scoops another cupful and she and her mother continue to enjoy some liquid refreshment at the company picnic.
Meanwhile, the Father-Son sack race is ready to be run with Bobby, Lincoln and Lynn Sr. joining in.
"Mr. Tetherby, are you ready?" Bates asked.
"Yes," Tetherby replied.
"Are you set?" Bates asked.
"Yes," Tetherby replied.
"Go, Mr. Tetherby!" Bates commanded as Tetherby feebly hops away. After Tetherby gets a healthy lead, fires the starter's pistol, "GO!"
Upon the fire, everyone cautiously stays a few leaps behind the man who can fire them.
"Come on, Dad! Let's go a little faster!" Lincoln demanded.
"I'm way ahead of you, lad!" Bobby agreed as he and Lincoln both take the lead, but Lynn Sr. and Lynn soon notice.
"Lincoln! No! You Stop this instant, young man!" Lynn Sr. screamed as he and Lynn both jump forward closer towards Bobby and Lincoln.
Just then Bobby and Lincoln were about to reach the finish line, "Lincoln! Bobby! Noooo!" Lynn Sr. screamed as he and his daughter Lynn do a flying tackle to stop Lincoln and Bobby just short of the finishing line. Therefore, Tetherby feebly hops to victory.
"Close one this year," Tetherby replied.
Bobby makes an angry glare at Lynn Sr. and Lynn.
"Not my fault!" Lynn Sr. said in fear.
"Look, Lori and I just want to make things right," Bobby said angrily to Lynn Sr.
Rita and Luna at this point were completely sloshed and slurred and Rita she leads the other mothers in a song.
"Here we sit, enjoying the shade."
"Hey, brother, and pour the wine!"
"Drink the drink that I have made."
"Hey, brother, and pour the wine!"
"He's here with us, my one and only."
Bobby runs past chasing Lynn Sr. as Lori joins in with Bobby. All of a sudden, they see Rita and Luna both completely drunk.
"Oh no! Luna's drunk now?!" Lori said in shock.
"Goodbye, friends and don't be lonely."
"Dad, do something!" Lori shouted.
"Hey brother, and pour the wine!"
Lynn Sr. then goes to retrieve his wife and daughter.
"Hey, Luna, Rita, we need you!" Lynn Sr. called as he and Lori go to retrieve them.
"Hey, Lynn! Did you try the punch?" Rita shouted before she and Luna fall into Lynn Sr. and Lori's arms, and they were both still sloshed and slurred.
"Snap out of it, guys! You've gotta come with us, the man is going to make a toast," Lynn Sr. shouted
"Whoa, oh, I'm not much of a drinker," Rita said to herself before she collapses.
"I'm serious! That alcohol has made you both crazy!" Lori shouted.
"Whoa, duuuuuuude..." Luna then collapses as well.
"Why don't you pick a perfect time to start, you..." Lynn Sr. said grumpily and nervously.
Rita was gazing at her husband and Luna was gazing at her sister.
Later in the early evening, everyone is gathered around the rotunda. A marching band is playing ``For He's a Jolly Good Fellow''.
"Musicians, cease that infernal tootling!" Tetherby shouted and they proceed to stop as Bates hands him a card, "Thank you all for coming here at this year's picnic at Tetherby's mansion."
The crowd applauds. Rita and Luna keep clapping, much to the anger of Lori.
"Mom! Luna! Snap out of it!" Lori commanded as Rita stops clapping and Luna follows suit.
"Well, I'm sorry," Rita and Luna both said to themselves, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
"THAT'S ENOUGH, MOM! PLEASE!" Lori shouted.
"Now it's time to say goodbye. Please get off my property until next year. I suggest you don't dawdle, the hounds will be released in ten minutes," Tetherby demanded.
The company picnic is officially closed as everyone leaves the mansion.
"Did you have a good time, son?" an unnamed father asked.
"Yeah, thanks Pop," the unnamed son responded as he kisses the father in the cheek.
"Aww. That's the kind of family unity I like to see. Bates! Get that man's name. Looks like somebody is predicting big things for him and his future up ahead," Tetherby replied happily.
"Hey, kids. Give me a kiss," Bobby demanded.
"Kiss you? But Dad, Ronne Anne and I have only kissed our Mom up until this point," Lincoln said nervously.
"Yeah, we've only gave you hugs and handshakes before then," Ronnie Anne agreed.
"Please," Lori begged as she pays both Ronnie Anne and Lincoln five dollars each, "Please, my beautiful kids? Just five dollars for a kiss on Bobby's cheek."
"All right, Mom and Dad. we give in," Lincoln responded.
"Really?" Lori and Bobby said in surprise.
"Yep. we accept," Ronnie Anne and Lincoln accepted as they both take the money and sympathetically kiss both Lori and Bobby.
"Wow, thanks, kids. I didn't expect it any sooner," Bobby said in surprise.
"You're welcome, Dad. And you're welcome too, Mom," Lincoln said as he and Ronnie Anne thanked Bobby and Lori happily.
"Jeez, I've never seen such an obvious attempt to curry my favor," Tetherby said in surprise.
"Fabulous observation sir, just fabulous," Bates replied.
Everyone walks back to their cars except for Rita and Luna, who were flying Cloud-9.
"Well, I'm glad that's over. Now we can all go home and act normal again," Lori said to herself grumpily.
"What do you all mean?" an unnamed father asked.
"You know, the..." Lori smooches her lips, "That cornball routine? I love you, Mommy and Daddy. Please give us a break."
"I pity your family, Lori," he replied.
"What? But, why?" Lori asked in fear as she, Bobby, Lincoln, Ronnie Anne and Lily all watch the other man's son politely opens the door for his sister.
"After you."
"Thank you so much."
At the same time, they watch several of Lori's sisters fight to be the first in the car.
"Me first, literally!" Leni shouted.
"No, me!" Luan shouted.
"No, me!" Lynn shouted.
"No, me!" Lucy shouted.
"Me!" Lana shouted.
"Me!" Lola shouted.
"Me!" Lisa shouted.
With the other family...
"Honey, you look so tired. Would you like me to drive?"
Back with Rita, Lynn Sr. and the girls, Rita and Luna were both groaning.
"What's wrong, girls?" Lynn Sr. asked in concern.
"Oh, Lynn, I think I'm going to be sick," Rita responded completely sloshed.
"Me too, Pops. That punch really sloshed me today," Luna replied completely sloshed as well
The other family, complete with halos and angelic wings, drive off on their way home.
"There was a farmer who had a dog, and Bingo was his name-o, B-i-n-g-o, B-i-n-g-o, B-i-n-g-o and Bingo was his name, oh"
"Ah, yes. If only our family was like them..." Lori said to herself.
"Yeah, Lori. You, me and and the kids may not be perfect, but we're a great family after all," Bobby replied to Lori
"Guys! Get in the van!" Rita commanded sinisterly.
The five then look back at the demons that possess the large family, with their sharp teeth and nails, elfin ears and fiery hair. The surrounding country-side takes on a hellish glow.
"Yeah, this is literally where you belong!" Leni replied sinisterly.
"Yeah dudes, room for one more!" Lynn explained sinisterly.
"You'll be driving with a hard time!" Luan said sinisterly.
"These seats never get old for you," Lisa replied sinisterly.
"One of us! One of us! One of us! One of us!" They all chanted and cackled sinisterly.
"Quick! Everybody! In the van!" Lori shouted in fear as the five get into the van, with Bobby, Lori and Lily all up front with Lincoln and Ronnie Anne sitting inbetween Leni and Luna as Bobby drives off into a landscape covered in lava and burning sulphur. Meanwhile, They look up at the blessed family as they ride home on their "Roadway to Heaven".
Lori and Bobby both sigh as the camera pulls back to show the interior of the van, where everyone is back to normal and Rita and Luna both looking very sour.
Monday, June 30, 1986
The following evening, the family was having their own dinner as everyone, except Bobby, Lincoln, Ronnie Anne and Lily, were in the living room shoveling food into their mouths while staring at the TV.
"The father of the family has worked all day... to find this food for his children."
This doesn't affect the sisters and their parents' appetites at all. Lori then heads into the living room and is very displeased by what's happening.
"Unable to fend for themselves, the baby bald eaglets are dependent on their parents regurgitating the food that they have found."
She then heads to the TV and turns it off, which gets everyone's attention.
"Aww!/Come on!/Lori!/Hey!" the sisters all complained in unison.
"Lori, what are you doing?" Rita complained.
"Yeah, we're trying to enjoy some time," Lynn Sr. complained.
"Look, everybody. Yesterday was a real eye-opener. We've got to do better as a family," Lori explained, "So tonight, we're not going to shovel food into our mouths while we stare at the TV. We're going to eat at the dining room table like a normal family."
Later, the family are seated in the dining room with Lincoln and Ronnie Anne sitting in-between Lori and Bobby.
"Everyone at the dining room table. Perfect," Lincoln said to himself.
"Happy, Lori?" Lynn asked her.
"Yes. That's how dinners should be spent. With everyone at the dining room table like a normal family," Lori replied.
"Good, commence shoveling," Lynn commanded before they started shoveling their food.
"No!" Lori shouted and stops everyone in mid-shovel, "We're going to say Grace first."
"Okay, Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub," Lana proclaimed before they continue shoveling.
Lori then gets absolutely furious with the family and Lincoln follows suit and shouts out, "ENOUGH!" and stops them, "Ignore the girls, Lord. Are we ready, guys?"
"Ready to say Grace," Bobby responded.
"Me, too, Mom," Lincoln responded.
"About time," Ronnie Anne responded.
"All right, here we go. Everyone can the chatter, and bow your heads," Lori replied before they all say grace, "Dear Lord, thank you for this microwave bounty, even though we don't deserve it. I mean... my sisters are uncontrollable hellions! Pardon my Spanish... but they act like savages!" The girls were bewildered, "Did You see them at the picnic? Oh, wait. Of course you did... you're everywhere, you're omnivorous. Oh Lord! Why did you spite me and the kids with this family?"
"Amen!" Everyone except Bobby, Ronnie Anne, Lily, and Lincoln responded.
"Let's eat!" Lynn commanded and much of the family recommence shoveling. Lori gets furious again.
"No! Goddamn it, we're not done yet!" Lori shouted furiously.
"But, Lori, how long are we supposed to sit here... and listen to you and your kids bad-mouth us to the Man Upstairs?" Rita asked her daughter.
"I'm Sorry, mother. I just don't mean to brag to you about this, but... sometimes, I think we're the worst family in town," Lori explained dejectedly.
"Lori, do you really think so?" Bobby asked.
"Well, Lori, maybe we should move to a larger community," Lynn Sr. suggested.
"D'oh!" Lori was getting angry again.
"Hey, don't have a cow, Mom," Ronnie Anne replied.
"The sad truth is, all families are like us," Lucy said despondently before Lori got up from the table.
"You think so, huh, girls? Well, there's only one way to find out. Everyone, follow me," Lori commanded as she takes her family on a little excursion.
The family crawls up to a neighbor's window and inside see a standard 1950's television family having a banquet.
"Look at that, everyone! No fighting, no yelling," Lori explained softly.
"And everybody is having a great time," Ronnie Anne added.
"No one is belching," Lincoln added.
"Their dad even has an apron on!" Bobby explained.
"Look! They even have napkins!" Rita said in surprise.
"Wow. That's how a real family should eat dinner," Lynn Sr. said in surprise.
"Well, these people are obviously freaks," Lynn complained.
"Oh, you think so? Now let's see what's behind door #2," Lori suggested as she takes them to see what's behind door number two. There, they see a family having a conversation inside.
"What are they doing?" Lola asked.
"The family is having a conversation," Rita explained nervously.
"Correction. They actually enjoy talking to each other," Lisa replied.
"I wish I could hear what they're saying," Lynn Sr. explained.
"Me, too," Lori agreed.
"So could I," Ronnie Anne agreed.
Meanwhile, with the conversation.
"Papa, I believe I heard some rustling in the bushes," an unnamed child replied.
"I did too. Better get the gun," an unnamed father agreed as he gets up to get his shotgun.
"Uh, Mom. Where's he going?" Lincoln asked Lori with worry.
"Probably to get the old man his pipe and slippers," Lori explained to Lincoln before suddenly, the sound of a gun being prepared catches the family's attention, as they find out that the unnamed father appears at the front door with a shotgun.
"RUN!" Lori and Bobby screamed as the Louds make their escape and hide behind a brick fence, afterwards they then approach another window.
"Whoa! Look at this place, what a dump!" Lynn said in fear.
"It's worse than you think, heh heh heh. The grass looks like it hasn't been cut in a long while," Lori explained in despair.
"Lori, this is our house," Bobby explained but Lori gasps as she finds out that they're actually back home.
"Gee, we're probably back home, I guess," Lori said to herself as much of the family goes in while Lincoln and Lori linger outside.
"Are you both coming in?" Rita asked.
"No, Lincoln and I want to be alone with our thoughts," Lori said to herself.
Meanwhile, there was a boxing match going on, "Fans are getting a bit anxious here!" but in reality, it was being shown on the television at the Royal Woods Tavern, but neither Lori nor Lincoln had any interest in the boxing match.
"Two Dr. Peppers, please," Lori suggested as the tavern owner, James prepares two more Dr. Peppers.
"What's the matter, Lori? Bloodiest fight of the year. You and your son are sitting there like thirsty bumps on a log," James explained.
"Look, Mom and I aren't doing very well right now. Her eight sisters are uncontrollable hellions and their parents are not doing anything to stop them," Lincoln said dejectedly when two cops walk into the tavern paying a visit with a dog on the leash.
"Hey, Mills!" James greeted.
"Evening, James," Officer Mills greeted.
"Would you like some pretzels?" James asked them.
"No thanks, we're on duty. A couple of beers would be nice though" Officer Mills suggested.
"That'll be two bucks, boys. Just kidding, heh heh," James replied as he gets out two beers for the officers and the police take them.
"Good one, James. We're looking for a family of Peeping Toms... who's been terrorizing the neighborhood," Officer Schoffner explained while the police dog finds Lori and goes nuts, "Quiet, boy. Let the nice people enjoy their beers. Ah, don't worry. This dog has the scent."
"What's gotten into Bobo?" Officer Mills asked.
"Uh, I got some wieners in my pocket," Lori explained nervously, "My, uh, son's got some, too."
"That figures. Come on, you stupid dog," Officer Mills demanded as the cops remove the dog forcibly from the premises.
"You know, Leni once said something that really stuck with both me and my son, Lincoln," Lori said to herself, "She said, Lori, you and your son are a big disappointment. And God bless her soul, she was really onto something.
A drinker named Timothy then explained to her, "Don't blame yourself, Lori. You've got yourself a bad hand. You've got crummy little sisters of yours that your parents can't even control."
"You can't talk that way about my sisters!" Lori replied, "Or at least eight of them."
"Why? You got eight sisters that I haven't met?" Timothy asked.
"Why you...!" Lori shouted as she punches the drinker in the face, "There's five others you haven't met!"
As the boxing match continues, Lori and Timothy struggle on their own.
"A tremendous right. That's just gotta hurt. Ladies and gentlemen, this fight is over!"
Lori floors Timothy with her strong fist as they all cheer at the TV while Lincoln cheers for Lori.
"Yeah, you got him, Mom!" Lincoln cheered.
"All-Star Boxing is brought to you by..." a commercial comes on as Lori sits back down with her son, Lincoln, "Doctor Marvin Monroe's Family Therapy Center."
Dr. Marvin Monroe waves. It then cuts to a husband still in bed looking unhappy and wife worriedly begging him to get up.
"Honey, aren't you going to work today?" the wife on TV asked.
"No-o-o... I don't think so," the husband on TV complained.
"Honey, you have a problem, and it won't get better until you admit it," the wife on TV
"I admit this... You better shut your big yap!" the husband on TV complained.
"Oh you shut up," the wife on TV complained.
"No, you shut up!" the husband on TV complained.
"No, you shut up!" the wife on TV complained.
"Oh shut up!" the husband on TV complained.
"Shut up!" the wife on TV shouted.
"Shut up!" the husband on TV shouted.
A little kid of their then enters the bedroom and exclaims, "Why don't you BOTH SHUT UP!"
Just then, Dr. Marvin Monroe enters the screen. and talks to the viewers, "Hi, friends, I'm Dr. Marvin Monroe. Does this scene look familiar? If so, I can help. No gimmicks, no pills, no fad diets. Just family bliss, or double your money back! So call today!"
It then cuts to him at the family therapy center which also displays "Dial 1-800-555-HUGS.
"Dr. Marvin Monroe's Family Therapy Center. 1-800-555-HUGS. Why don't you call right now?"
"When will we learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV! We're getting us an appointment right away," Lori said happily as she picks up the phone and starts calling the therapy center.
Meanwhile, back at the Loud House, it was 10:05 P.M., and most of the family, except Lori, Bobby, Ronnie Anne and Lincoln were watching some Looney Tunes cartoons. Lori and Lincoln enter the house and head toward the TV.
"All right, everyone! Time for a family meeting," Lori commanded as she shuts off the TV.
"Why can't we have a meeting when you're having to raise your own children by yourself during school?" Lynn asked.
"Now look... You know and I know this family needs help, professional help. So I've made us an appointment with Dr. Marvin Monroe," Lori informed the family.
"You mean the fat guy on TV, dude?" Luna asked.
"You're sending us to a doctor who advertises on pro-wrestling?" Lola asked.
"Boxing, Lola, boxing. There's a world of difference right now," Lori explained.
"Yeah, Lola, there's a world of difference like Mom said," Ronnie Anne agreed.
"Gee, Lori? Are you sure this is the right thing to do?" Rita asked.
"Mom, Dad, I've given this matter a lot of study, and of all the commercials that Lincoln and I saw, his was the best," Lori explained, All it costs is $250."
"But Lori, we don't have that kind of money," Rita complained.
"Well, it looks like we're going to have to dig deep," Lori commanded, "Mom! Dad! Go get the girls' college funds!" The girls were now shocked in response.
"Hey!" Lana complained.
"Lori, please," Lynn Sr. complained.
"Oh come on, fellas... Why skimp now on the off-chance that they'll actually get in someplace?" Lori explained.
Later, Bobby counts the contents of a smashed piggy-bank on the kitchen table.
"...68...69...70. How much is it?" Bobby asked them.
"One-hundred and thirteen dollars and seventy cents (or $113.70 for short)," Rita responded.
"That's it? That's the college fund we've been saving for all these years?" Lori said in fear.
"I guess I'd have needed a partial scholarship," Lucy said despondently.
"Same here, Lucy," Luan agreed.
"Well, we are not licked yet. To save this family, we're gonna have to make the supreme sacrifice," Lori explained.
"What are we gonna do for it?" Lynn Sr. asked.
Lori decided to pawn the TV with the whole family following close behind her right around midnight.
"No, Lori! Please don't pawn the TV!" Lynn complained.
"Aw come on, Lori, anything but that!" Lisa complained.
"Lori, couldn't we pawn my engagement ring instead?" Rita asked in despair.
"I appreciate that, mother, but we need one hundred and fifty dollars here!" Lori explained as she enters the pawn shop with Lincoln close behind her. The clerk welcomes the family.
"Good evening, Loud," the clerk greeted, "So what can I do for you, young lady?"
"Would you pay $150 for this "hot and handsome" Motorola?" Lori suggested as she presents him their old TV.
"Is it cable-ready?" the clerk asked.
"It's as cable-ready as he'll ever be," Lori responded.
"Ms. Loud. You got yourself a deal," the clerk replied.
At Dr. Monroe's Family Therapy Center, the family signs for their appointment with the receptionist. "My Love Is Blue" plays in the background.
"All our money, the college funds, the TV... Lori, you're driving a stake through the hearts of those who love you," Rita replied in despair.
"Hey! No pain, no gain!" Lori commented as she prepares an appointment.
"Will you be paying by cash or check?" the receptionist asked.
"Cash of course!" Lori replied as she brings out 250 dollars in her hand, "I've got two hundred and fifty dollars right here with me. I'm holding it right now. Here it is, look... check it out," Lori then realizes she could be making a big mistake, "Two hundred and fifty big ones about to be given to you."
"You really want to impress her, show her the big empty space where our TV used to be," Lynn complained.
"Shut up and let me continue, Lynn!" Lori shouted.
A family who resemble the Louds have concluded their therapy session and are then seen leaving the center.
"Come on, family. Let's go celebrate our newfound found ability to express love for each other. I'm taking you out for frosty chocolate milkshakes," the father explained happily.
"Yay!" the kids all cheered.
Lori then makes her decision to hand the money to the receptionist, "Receptionist, you got yourself a deal," Lori hands the money over to the receptionist. Luan then sighs upon it in deep despair and sorrow.
"There go my young girl dreams of being a comedian," Luan said dejectedly.
Dr. Marvin Monroe welcomes the family into his office.
"Hello, I'm Doctor Marvin Monroe, no doubt you recognize me from TV," Monroe welcomed.
"We would if we literally had one," Leni commented.
"LENI!" Lori shouted angrily.
"No, no, Lori. Don't stifle that poppy sister. Your family must be free to express itself," Marvin Monroe explained as they sit down, Dr. Monroe hands them pads and jumbo markers to draw their fears, their anxieties, "That's what these pads and jumbo markers are for. I want you to draw for me your fears, your anxieties, the roots of your unhappiness," they take a deep cleansing breath, "And begin!"
With that, they begin drawing on their pads. Lori was humming as she, Bobby, Lincoln and Ronnie Anne were drawing something together.
About a few moments later, several of the younger sisters show a drawing of Lori, Bobby and Lincoln, "Hmmm," the older sisters also show a drawing of Lori, Bobby and Lincoln, "Uh-huh," Rita and Lynn Sr. also show a drawing of Lori, Bobby and Lincoln, "No surprises there," But Lori, Bobby, Lincoln and Ronnie Anne continue drawing, not paying attention to Dr. Monroe, "Guys. What have you got for us?" they still continue drawing, still not paying attention to Dr. Monroe, "Guys! Are you listening?!"
Lori, Bobby, Lincoln and Ronnie Anne stop drawing.
"Whoops! Sorry. we weren't paying attention," Lori replied.
"Yeah, we were drawing our worst fears," Ronnie Anne agreed as they show Monroe their drawing as it appears that they were drawing a picture of them being kicked out of the Louds' house and forced to sleep outside in the backyard.
"Well, if you had been paying attention, perhaps you would have noticed that your family sees you... as rather stern authority figures, or ogres, if you will," Marvin Monroe explained.
"Now, Doctor. That's not true," Rita said nervously.
"Ogre is such a strong word," Lisa explained.
"Right on, Doc! Another successful diagnosis," Lynn replied.
"D'oh! Why you little..." Lori shouted angrily as she reaches for a lamp and threatens to beat Lynn with it. Doctor Monroe then quickly takes possession of the lamp.
"Whoa! Okay, so you want to kill each other. That's good, that's healthy. There's nothing necessarily wrong with hostile conflict," Marvin Monroe said as he goes to a gun rack, "All I ask is that you use my patented aggression therapy mallets."
And Monroe hands a therapy mallet toward each family member. Said mallets consists of a steel rod padded with foam rubber.
"Good idea!" Lori said happily.
"All right!" Lynn said happily.
"I don't know," Rita said nervously.
"Well, these are good," Lincoln said coolly.
After another deep cleansing breath, the Louds take it out on each other for a few moments.
"Wait a minute, these mallet things are padded with foam rubber. What's the point?" Lori said nervously.
"Yeah, these mallets are pretty lame! Mom is right about these!" Ronnie Anne agreed.
"They work much better without the padding, Doc," Lynn said eagerly.
"No, no, that's not true," Marvin Monroe said nervously before Lynn demonstrates the point by thwacking the doctor's shin and screamed in pain, "Give me that!" he angrily takes the steel rod from Lynn, "Yes, well, that concludes this portion of our treatment."
"Well, are we cured yet?" Rita asked.
"No! Don't be ridiculous. You will be cured, but it's going to require somewhat more unorthodox methods," Marvin Monroe explained.
"Unorthodox. What does that supposed to mean?" Lori asked in concern.
"Don't worry, Lori. I'll have plenty of time to explain while I warm up the... electric generator," Marvin Monroe suggested.
In another room, the family sit with metal straps attached to their head and arms, and a console with eleven buttons in front of each of them.
Everyone comfy?" Marvin Monroe asked.
"Yeah. We're all comfy," Lori responded softly.
"Hmmph, good. Now don't touch any of those buttons in front of you for a very important reason," Marvin Monroe explained, "I.e., You are wired in to the rest of your family. You have the ability to shock them, and they have the ability to shock..."
Suddenly, Lori is zapped and she screams in pain.
"Just testing," Lynn replied.
"Why you little..." Lori screamed as she was about to press a button, but Monroe holds her arm back.
"This is what's known as aversion therapy. When someone hurts you emotionally, you will hurt them physically, and gradually you will learn not to hurt each other at all!" Marvin Monroe explained, "And won't that be wonderful, Lori?"
"Oh yes, doctor!" Lori replied before she zaps Lynn, who zaps Luan and Ronnie Anne before Luan zaps Lana.
"Girls! How could you shock one another?" Bobby asked angrily.
"My finger slipped," Luan shouted before she got zapped by Lana.
"So did mine!" Lana replied before she gets zapped by Lincoln.
"MOM! DAD! LINCOLN'S PRESSING BUAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Lola shouted before Lori zapped her.
"That'll teach you not to tattle on my son!" Lori shouted at Lola.
"Lori, Lincoln, shouldn't you lay back on the buttons?" Rita angrily asked Lori.
"Mother, we aren't even doing anything bad! We're trying to make your lives normal!" Lori shouted before she zaps both her parents.
As time went on, the family started zapping one another. Lincoln zaps Luan. Luna zaps Lori. Someone zaps Bobby. Bobby zaps Lynn Sr. and Rita. Lucy zaps Lisa and Leni. Lola zaps Lori and her son Lincoln. Lincoln zaps back at Lola. His sister Lily meanwhile is happily pressing buttons at random (Lori, Bobby, Lincoln, Ronnie Anne, Loud Sisters, Rita, Lynn Sr.), until someone zaps her. Everyone zaps everyone else. The situation is clearly out of control. Bobby and Lori zap several sisters. Ronnie Anne and Lana are zapped. Lily zaps her father Bobby. Lori zaps Lynn and Lola twice. Lincoln zaps Lana and Leni. Lily zaps her father Bobby. Bobby zaps Luna and Ronnie Anne.
"No, no. Now, wait a minute. Wait! Wait! Folks, if I could... This is not the way to get healthy! No! You don't understand, Louds! No! People, please!" Marvin Monroe yelled while the Louds are zapping one another.
The receptionist and the other families waiting in the foyer notice the drain to the electrical power in the building and the other families flee as all the lights across the town of Royal Woods begin to flicker.
"Boy, someone's really gobbling up the juice, sir," Bates commented.
"Excellent! Excellent!" Tetherby replied as he walked over to a power meter, "Perhaps this energy conservation fad is as dead as the dodo."
Back at the family therapy center, Monroe is still trying to get the Loud Family to stop. Lori and Bobby receive a massive jolt. Lori goes to shock Leni, Lola and Lynn, but is beaten to the draw by Lynn Sr. and Rita, followed by Ronnie Anne zapping them both. Lucy and Lana are zapped, and zap Bobby in return. Ronnie Anne zaps Lucy and Lisa. Bobby zaps Lynn Sr. and Rita and Lincoln zaps Leni, Luna and Lisa at the same time. Lily keeps pressing away at the buttons.
"No! No! Louds! Son of a bitch! Stop!" Marvin Monroe screamed while people are zapping one another before the receptionist runs in to the laboratory in panic.
"Doctor Monroe! Your other patients have fled the building!" The receptionist said in fear.
"Please, Stop! Your damaging the equipment!" Marvin Monroe screamed before he pulls the power cord, which causes the electrical generator to wind down. Smoke wafts from the family's heads.
"Hey, nice hair, Mom," Lincoln commented.
"Hey, Linc. Don't mention it. There's just smoke coming out of our hairs. He he," Lori said softly.
"Yeah, it is a big pain after all," Bobby said nervously.
"Wait, I thought we were making real progress," Rita said nervously.
"No, I'm sorry, you're not! You've just got to go," Marvin Monroe said in fear.
"Wait a minute, Doctor, your TV commercial said, family bliss or double our money back," Lori explained.
"But that was just a... All right," Marvin Monroe replied to the receptionist, "Get the money."
Outside the center, Monroe is counting $500 into Lori's hand.
"20,40,60,80,1. 20,40,60,80,2. 20,40,60,80,3. 20,40,60,80,4. 20,40,60,80,500. Here's your 500 dollars back, Lori! Just go and don't tell anyone you were there!" Marvin Monroe finished as he heads back inside the family therapy center.
"Wow. I can't believe this, 500 smackers," Lori said happily.
"How wonderful, Lori. Wow, our first pleasant surprise together," Rita said happily.
"It's not the money, as much as the feeling that we earned it," Lynn said happily.
"You did it, Mom," Lincoln said happily.
"That's right, dear. We did it," Bobby said happily.
"Excuse me, Lori. Shouldn't we be heading down to the pawn shop to get our TV back?" Lynn Sr. asked.
"That piece of junk? Forget it," Lori replied before she suggested, "We're gonna get a brand-new TV. Twenty-seven inch screen, realistic flesh tones, fresh new inputs for component AV, coaxial cable and external speakers, and topping it off with a cart so we can all wheel it into the dining room on holidays together," and they all cheer in response.
"All right!" Ronnie Anne shouted happily.
"Nice one, dude!" Luna shouted happily.
"Awesome!" Lincoln shouted happily.
"Oh, Lori, my dear love. We love you," Bobby said happily as he kisses Lori on the cheek.
"Come on, everyone. Let's get going," Lori said happily as they all walk up the street together as a family under the starry midnight sky.