Ch. 37: shifting sands
Build-up was a funny thing.
It planted seeds in the mind of what could be, not necessarily what would be. It could become such a big thing in your thoughts that it seemed as though it would never end and was potentially insurmountable.
Then, as quickly as it started, it was over.
Just like that.
Afterwards, you were left with differing levels of satisfaction or disappointment depending on whether or not the moment exceeded your expectations.
She knew that some part of Walt was dreading his last day. He wasn't a man who was comfortable being the center of attention. On the contrary, he preferred the days to come and go with no real notice as to his retirement. As much as he wanted it to be over, he also didn't want it to end.
That was human nature at its most finicky.
He told them all ahead of time not to mark the day in any way that would make it different from any other. It was such a Walt thing to say. Not to mention believe. Naturally, Ruby ignored the request and brought them all breakfast. She said a few words that made him visibly uncomfortable, yet grateful, and the day went on as usual.
Whatever usual was anymore.
The mood in the office was notably somber. Change, though inevitable, was never easy. Not when it came to something as predictable as Walt being in the office day in and day out. He had given them all chances in some way. Some more than once.
Ferg was so green when Walt hired him with no real understanding of what he was wading into. Walt hadn't ever told her all the details, but Vic knew that Walt initially hired Ferg due in part to a favor to Ferg's father. He gave the young man a chance in a situation where most would not have. While Ferg made his share of blunders over the years, he rose to the challenge and was no longer the same inexperienced young man he once was.
Some part of that made her sad. When she first met Ferg, there was still so much about him that was innocent and naïve. It was endearing in a way that surprised her.
Zach had managed to wade through Walt's unorthodox hiring system with his honesty and his quiet nature. In truth, Vic suspected Walt saw shades of himself in Zach right down to the temper that cost him his job the first time around. Once Cady talked Walt into giving Zach another chance, the younger man proved to be a steady and capable deputy. He was willing to learn and straight forward.
So far, Cady's instincts had proven correct.
Then there was her own situation. She hadn't known what to expect when she walked into the brick building that morning four lifetimes ago for a job interview. She was self aware enough to know that she easily rubbed people the wrong way. Walt hadn't seemed put off by her bluntness or the sharpness of her tone. He simply listened in that way he did so often. Studied, read between the lines.
She used her own powers of observation and sensed that something in him was broken. Damaged. But, who didn't have a load of shit that they were carrying around. She liked him almost immediately and sensed something familiar in his attitude towards her. They spent a few weeks sizing each other up before they started to settle into roles that felt comfortable.
He wasn't like any man she'd ever been involved with, certainly not back in Philly. But, there was something about him she couldn't really name that she found…oddly appealing. He was younger than she expected. Smarter. She could admit now she didn't have much faith in a Sheriff from the middle of nowhere Wyoming. He surprised her though. Not that he was perfect. He was old fashioned and stubborn. His shunning of technology was exasperating. And, he certainly had a temper. She was somewhat of an expert on that. But, there was also a quiet steadiness to him. He was honest and he genuinely wanted to do the right thing even when that desire was misguided with the urge to protect those he cared about.
It was easy to look back on their first meeting and try to read between the lines. And, there was an undercurrent she detected fairly quickly. Not so much romantic as sheer curiosity. But, it was a quieter moment with him her second week working for Walt that stuck out in her mind more than her initial introduction. First encounters were always…strategic in some way. Theirs was no different. It's not until later that someone lets their guard down, allows you to see that which they keep hidden from strangers.
She wasn't in any hurry to go home. She never was. That was one of the reasons she sought out a job in the first place. Sean was so busy trying to make a good impression in his new office that he was barely home. It wasn't that she minded her own company. It was more that she didn't know anyone here and there was nothing to do. She was bored out of her mind. While this job seemed dull right now, at least it was something.
She was sitting at her desk filling out a report. Things were so much slower here. Adjusting to the pace was quite the challenge. She was the only one still left in the main office. Branch hung around the longest. She suspected he saw her as competition. He saw himself as some sort of hotshot. She knew men like him before. You could change the geography, but that type was pervasive anywhere the male species existed.
She knew that Walt was still in his office. His door was half closed and his light was still on. Every so often, she would hear him move in his chair. About a half hour ago he was on the phone, the quiet murmur of his voice audible but not decipherable.
She was really done, but in no hurry to leave. Sean had already texted saying that he was at a dinner meeting that was running late. She rolled her eyes. What the really meant was he was shooting the breeze and having a good time. She was mentally debating if she should stop and pick up something on the way home or take her chances with what they had in the fridge.
"I didn't realize you were still here."
She nearly jumped out of her skin. She'd been so immersed in her own thoughts, she hadn't heard Walt come out of his office. He preferred to be called Walt it seemed. That was what he told her at their first interview anyway in the same matter of fact manner as everything else.
"Shit."
She lurched in her chair and turned. Something that nearly resembled a smile flashed across his face, disappearing almost as soon as it appeared.
"Sorry."
Vic took a breath as he came over to her desk, his eyes taking in everything. The man didn't miss a thing as far as she could tell.
"I…was finishing up."
He nodded slightly, his eyes settling on her.
"Shouldn't you get home?"
She shrugged.
"My husband is…isn't home."
Understanding crossed his face.
"Working?"
"Yeah."
She didn't go into any other details.
Walt glanced around the office. She knew he stayed late a lot. He didn't seem to know what to do with the company. She liked her new boss, but she didn't always know what to make of him. He was a man of contradictions.
"I was going to walk over and get some dinner. Do you…want something?"
She briefly considered her options and couldn't come up with a better one.
"Sure. Um…what are you getting?"
"Chicken sandwich."
"I'll have the same. But…no mayo."
He nodded and left without another word. Vic glanced out her window and he appeared out on the sidewalk a minute later. She watched him until he disappeared. She knew the Busy Bee would be closing soon. She suspected the owner would stay open a little late for Walt. The woman, Dorothy, obviously held him in high esteem. Vic sighed and started to clear her desk. After eating, she would go home. Maybe by then, Sean would be there. She hadn't heard anything from him since that solitary text.
Vic stood up and stretched her arms up over her head. Now, the office was eerily quiet. She went to the bathroom behind the door marked Reading Room. It was amusing for sure. Walt told her this building used to be the library. She could definitely see it. It made for an interesting Sheriff's Department.
Vic washed her hands and emerged, looking around. The office was different than what she was accustomed to. Certainly more rustic. But, there was something…comfortable about it. It was hard to explain.
Vic turned her neck from one side to the other trying to loosen up her stiff neck. She walked back over to her desk and was surprised to see Walt back on the sidewalk with a bag in his hand as well as a drink holder with two cups. She hadn't expected him back quite so soon. He must have called ahead and let Dorothy know that he was coming. It certainly wasn't in anyone's nature around here to get in a hurry.
She heard his boots on the stairs and then he was back, removing his hat and holding the bag.
"That was fast."
He gave her a sheepish look.
"They were expecting me."
"But not me."
He didn't respond. He simply looked between her and his office.
"Do you want to eat in my office?"
The invitation came quietly. It was definitely preferable to eating on her own.
"Sure."
She followed him into the office. Walt set the bag on his desk and started to pull out the contents. Vic grabbed a chair and pulled it over to his desk where she sat down. Walt offered her a cup.
"Iced tea?"
She took it with a smile.
"Thanks."
Walt lowered himself into his desk and Vic checked to be sure there was no mayonnaise on her sandwich. Walt watched her.
"I remembered."
She looked up and he smiled. Vic smiled in return, unable not to. He didn't smile all that often. She knew the story now. How his wife died of cancer fairly recently. She assumed that was why he kept to himself so much. Not that she blamed him.
"Thank you."
He nodded in response.
Vic took a bite. The food was good. She hadn't gotten anything yet from the Busy Bee that she didn't like.
"So…"
Walt was considering his own food.
"…how do you like Wyoming?"
Vic swallowed and sipped her iced tea.
"Do you want my honest opinion?"
"Yep."
"Too quiet, no enough people, and I haven't found a decent pizza place."
"The Red Pony has good pizza."
She made a face.
"Not…really."
He chewed a bite of his food.
"Have you even been to Philadelphia?"
Walt shook his head.
"No. Been to Boston. And…New York."
She cocked her head.
"Really?"
"Yep."
"Did you like it?"
"Too many people and too much noise."
Vic breathed out a laugh.
"Guess it's all in what you're used to."
"Guess so."
He studied her.
"Must be hard to leave your home behind."
His tone had changed. The previous amusement now absent. For the first time since she moved her, she felt…oddly understood.
"It is."
"Hard for your family too."
She set her sandwich down and wiped her mouth with a stiff napkin.
"My parents aren't real thrilled. I'm the only one not living back home."
His head bobbed as he took in the information.
"Big family?"
"Big, loud Italian family. Like…stereotypical. So…being here with just Sean is…hard."
His face softened and something in her chest tightened. She genuinely liked her new boss. But, she didn't know him all that well. This was the first time she'd really talked to him about anything outside of work and it felt…like a relief of sorts. Sean didn't want to hear about her job. He was still sore about her deciding to work. He was already complaining about her schedule and how she rattled on about her new job. When she called home, her parents just expressed their displeasure with her entire situation.
It was like no one really wanted to listen to her.
Hear her.
Yet, here Walt sat doing just that with genuine interest.
"That's understandable. When I left for college…it was hard. The time away from everything I knew."
In that second, for the first time since she arrived in the vastness that was Wyoming, she felt like someone did understand her. It warmed her in a way she hadn't experienced in some time. At the base of it all, it just felt…good.
Everyone needed to be acknowledged.
She smiled at his words.
Walt smiled back.
xxx
It was over.
He faced the day with equal measures of relief and trepidation.
Now, it was all over and the feeling was nothing short of surreal. There wasn't much for him to do once his day ended. He'd already packed up the few personal possessions in his office and removed them.
Now, it was simply a shell, yet a place he spent so much of his life.
When he slipped behind the wheel of the Bronco, he lingered to look up at the dark windows. Whatever he thought before and during this day, that was all over now.
He was retired Sheriff Walt Longmire.
Vic was already at the cabin when he pulled up. He found her in the kitchen studying the contents of the refrigerator with a look that bordered on blankness. She glanced up when he came into the room and pushed the door closed.
"You didn't pick up any food, did you?"
Walt shook his head.
"Nope."
She sighed.
"I'm starving and there's nothing decent to eat in this place."
She waved her hand around the kitchen for emphasis.
Walt checked his watch.
"Do you want to go get something?"
He admittedly should've thought this out. But, the last part of the day picked up and Vic was out of the office working a wreck. Instead of coming back, she simply called to tell him she was done for the day and going home. It was just as well. He wanted the day to end as normally as possible.
The idea perked her up and Vic nodded.
"Sure. Let me change."
She brushed by him and disappeared into the bedroom to shed the uniform she still wore. Walt waited in the kitchen, his mind drifting. Tomorrow, Cady would be the official Sheriff of Absaroka County.
"You ready?"
She must have been serious when she declared that she was starving to have changed that fast. Walt turned to see her having changed into different jeans and a shirt underneath her jacket.
"Yep."
Vic tucked her hands into the pockets of her jacket as they walked outside. Vic looked at the Bronco.
"You drive."
He nodded and got behind the wheel, firing up the engine.
"Red Pony?"
"Works for me."
The ride into town was quiet. Vic spent most of it looking out the window, making a comment only every now and then. They found the Red Pony not as busy as it would have been on a weekend night, but not dead either.
Settling in, they both ordered a beer and a burger. The beers appeared quickly and Vic sipped hers, her eyes taking in the bar around them before they settled on Walt across the table.
"How are you feeling?"
He knew what she meant.
"Alright."
Her eyes didn't waver from his. She was focused now.
"Really?"
Walt looked down at his can of Ranier. The aluminum was cold in his hands. Was he? In all honesty, he wasn't entirely sure. It was such an odd thing to know that he would not be going back to work at the job he'd done for so long.
"Walt."
Her voice cut through his thoughts and he looked up. She was still watching him, waiting.
"Yes."
Her expression didn't really seem to accept what he said.
"It feels…different."
Her head bobbed a little in understanding.
"I'm sure it does."
He took a breath and squared his shoulders.
"I suppose it will for a while."
"Yeah. Look at the bright side…"
She seemed to loosen up some.
"…you can sleep late."
He smiled in return. They both knew he wouldn't. He rarely slept late. It was a habit that went back as far as he could remember. Even as a boy, he wasn't prone to staying in bed very late. The exceptions usually involved Vic.
"Right."
Their burgers came out and a few minutes of silence descended as Vic poured some ketchup onto her plate and Walt started to eat his hamburger. She bit off a piece of fry and looked at him again.
"You're leaving…"
She left the question open ended.
"…day after tomorrow."
She didn't answer him. Instead, she took a bite of her burger and chewed slowly.
"Is that okay?"
Vic swallowed and sipped her beer.
"Of course."
Now, it was his turn not to be convinced. She accepted his decision to make this trip. He knew that. She even seemed to think it would be a positive experience for him. Still, he knew that she harbored some concerns no matter what he said to allay them. She was trying to keep her worries to herself.
That was something she worked on as of late. Keeping her fear and her worries reined in. It was a struggle. He knew that. He also knew that she needed to work through this on her own terms in order to regain some of her equilibrium. And, she was doing well as far as he could see.
It seemed like they were both continually struggling with something. He looked forward to the day that they would both have more peace of mind. He hoped this trip would assist him in finding some of that for himself.
She must have sensed that he was still watching her, that he was worried. She offered him a smile as she continued to eat. Walt opted to let it go. They could save that for another day.
Tonight, they would just enjoy the moment and the changes that were taking place.
xxx
The sun was just coming up when Vic opened her eyes.
She was warm. That was her first thought. As her mind cleared, she realized that was due to Walt being up against her back, a solid wall of body heat with one arm draped over her waist. She shifted her head on the pillow and his hand moved. Vic turned her head slightly.
"You awake?
"Yep."
His voice rumbled out of his chest, vibrating slightly.
She rolled onto her back so that she could look at him.
"You should get up if you want an early start."
He shrugged one shoulder.
"Mmm."
That was his only response. He dipped his head and pressed his face into the space between her neck and her shoulder, his breath warm on the skin of her neck. Vic tilted her head, pressing her cheek to his hair.
"What're you doing?"
She felt him smile.
"Nothing."
"It doesn't feel like nothing."
Walt's hand was on her stomach and his fingers were tracing a pattern over her abdomen through her shirt.
As much as she knew he needed this, as much as she knew he wanted it, she was apprehensive. There wasn't anything she could do about that. She was going to miss him. The thought nearly made her roll her eyes at herself. He was planning to be gone around two weeks, more or less. That wasn't an incredibly long amount of time. But, it would be the first time since they started this that they would be apart for a significant amount of time. She had grown accustomed to his being around on a daily basis. For her, that would be the biggest adjustment.
She wasn't going to voice any of that.
She wanted to him to take this trip with a clean conscious. There was no need to feed into any worry about concern he might harbor for her. This was certainly something that he earned. She would be damned if she would begrudge him that.
"You're quiet."
Walt lifted his head away from her and studied her. Vic met his eyes.
"I'm gonna miss you."
She reached up and touched his face. Walt pressed his face into her hand, turning his head so that he could kiss her palm.
"Me too."
Vic smiled.
"You're gonna miss you, too?"
He laughed again, then kissed her suddenly and with purpose. He pulled away just a little.
"I'm gonna miss you, Vic."
Walt didn't give her time to respond. He kissed her again with renewed vigor. Vic shifted as he started to move over her. Her hands went up and around his shoulders, pulling him closer.
They tried to take their time. She really wanted to. But, there was an urgent undertone coming from them both and it was all over faster than she would have liked. Walt stayed there for a few minutes longer while his breathing slowed and evened out. After, he was up and out of the bed. Vic followed and watched him dress as she pulled on her own clothes.
He'd packed his bag the night before, double checking that he had everything he needed. This morning, he would simply need to load up the Bronco and the horse and the day would be his. But, for now, he seemed to be taking the moment with a level of patience.
After he dressed, he went into the kitchen and started making them breakfast as Vic worked on the coffee. Walt stood over the stove scrambling eggs. Vic watched him.
"Who is gonna make me breakfast when you're not here?"
He smiled, keeping his eyes on the task.
"I think you can manage."
Vic poured their coffee and set it on the table.
"I don't know about that."
Walt divided the eggs between two plates and passed her one. Sitting, she sipped her coffee. He seemed more relaxed this morning then she'd seen him in a long time. Whether it was not having the weight of his job on his shoulders or just the fact that he was taking this one man excursion, she couldn't say. She did like the way his shoulders lacked any tension and the way he smiled more than he normally did.
It seemed like a cliché, but it was a noticeable change.
Breakfast didn't take very long. And, now that he was up, he didn't seem to linger the way that he did in bed. She assured him she would take care of the dishes and he disappeared outside to load his horse into the trailer that was hooked up behind the Bronco.
Telling herself, she would indeed do the dishes later, she walked out on the porch and watched him. She wouldn't say it out loud, but she liked watching him work. He was so single minded when his mind was set on something.
Latching the door and securing the horse, he looked out across his property before he walked back towards the cabin. Walt took the steps slowly and Vic turned so that she was facing him. He stopped just in front of her and removed his hat, slapping it absently against his leg as he looked at her.
"You ready?"
He nodded.
"Yep."
Vic nodded and glanced out at his waiting vehicle.
She hated goodbyes for about a hundred reasons.
"You have the phone."
Walt patted his pocket with his free hand.
"Yes."
Vic took a breath and held out her arms. Walt stepped into her and she closed them around his neck, inhaling the smell that was so distinctly him. Walt's hands landed on her back, his hat still gripped in one. She felt him exhale and released her hold on him, pushing up to kiss him.
"Be careful."
"I will."
His voice was low and she could detect a hint of unsteadiness.
"Let me know that you're alive. Please."
He smiled in a way she assumed was meant to be reassuring.
"I will."
Vic pushed at him.
"God, you sound like you're getting married."
Walt shrugged and opened his mouth to speak, but closed it just as fast.
Instead, he kissed her again.
Then he was putting on his hat, grabbing his bag, and heading towards the Bronco. She leaned on the porch rail and waved when he looked back her way, giving him the best smile she could muster.
He would be back.
She would be here when he was.
Within two minutes, he was gone.