The Three Little Pigs: Extermination!
Written By: Sean Ruediger
"I huff and I puff until the house blows down!" the wolf yelled. What? It didn't blow down…but why? Probably due to the material it's made of, but how can I exterminate these pigs? Every story begins somewhere this story follows after the three little pigs escaping the wrath of the wolf to their man made brick house.
"Hm…how can I eat the pigs?" thought the wolf. "They got full perspectives and protection! There is no way to get them." "I think its time to go to my favorite store…ACME Incorporated. ACME, the place for explosives and cookies!" said the wolf happily.
-10 minutes passed-
"Ugh!" the wolf moaned in pain. The walk was boring and energy draining, but he arrived before sunset. As the wolf walked into the store he was greeted by an old college buddy, The Wild Coyote! "Hey Rick, How's the wife?" asked the wolf. The Wild Coyote chuckled and exclaimed," Ugh…it can't get any worse! I don't have money since I spend it all at this store for explosives. I try to get that roadrunner all the time but no…he has to be so god darn fast! I resulted to this problem by eating my kids…OO"
"Wow…eating his kids…what a weirdo." thought the wolf. The Wild Coyote bought a bomb and tried to exterminate the roadrunner once again. Than he proceeded out the front door to look for that fast creature. The wolf than wondered his mind off the coyote and purchased some equipment to destroy the pigs.
-5 hours later-
"Ha, ha, ha! Those pigs won't stand a chance against these artilleries!" yelled the wolf as he set up the bombs and explosives in front of the pig's brick home. Luckily, the pigs overheard and got their defense mechanism ready! Than the wolf proceeded behind a rock where the explosives' switch was and began to prepare for this marvelous event! "I will be back!" one of the pigs exclaimed as he left the house. The brave pig that left the home went to the wires from the explosives and rearranged them! He linked the wires of the explosives behind the wolf so he could get hurt instead!
The wolf noticed the pig but acted like he didn't even see him. As the pig retreated back to the shelter, the wolf darted behind him! The pig began to run but halfway there he fell over the wires to the explosives! Suddenly, the wolf rose above the pig as the shadow reflected from him in which covered the helpless animal. "Heh, bye, bye piggy!" the wolf laughed. SLASH! SLASH! SLASH! The pig was torn into pieces as the wolf ate his first course meal. "OH MY GOD!" the remaining pigs yelled. The wolf heard them as his eyes turned dark and exclaimed,"Your next!" Running towards the house he ignored the explosives. He than suddenly tripped over the same wires in which pulled the switch on the explosives. "Ugh…this isn't good," he stated. BOOM! The explosives went off and the wolf became unconscious.
-15 minutes passed-
"Is he dead?" one pig asked. The wise pig looked at him and laughed," probably not, knowing wolves he is faking it and going to eat us right now!" The younger pig started to shake and let out a little squeal crying, "I don't want to die!" Than the wolf slightly gained consciousness back and opened his dark eerie eyes. "The pigs are right in front of me!" thought the wolf. Jumping in the air to frighten the pigs he noticed that they were prepared. The younger pig grabbed his Ak-47 and was ready to go. Scared half to death the wolf eased to the ground. "GO! GO! GO!" yelled the oldest. The 2 pigs proceeded back into the house for protection…
-5 minutes passed-
The wolf was still lying on the ground trying to stay alive. Slightly turning his head the wolf spotted the Ak-47 and quickly grabbed it. He pointed towards the house and yelled, "TIME TO DIE PIGGIES!" Pulling the trigger he was shocked what he just saw. A flag came out of it reading, "Ha, Ha, Ha!" It was a fake gun…"WHAT ITS PLASTIC!" yelled the wolf. "NO MORE PLAYING GAMES!"
Finally, the wolf wanted to end this so he brought an army tank. With a flick of his wrist he pointed the tank towards the house. "Uh…brother he isn't playing around!" said the youngest sibling. The older pig turned away from the billiard table and looked out the window. Shocked at what he saw he yelled, "ABORT MISSION! I REPEAT ABORT MISSION!"
Rushing out of the house they left a bomb inside the kitchens garbage can to explode approximately 30 minutes. About half way over the hill they heard a missile shoot. "TAKE COVER!" the wise pig yelled. They suddenly, hit the floor for shelter over the hill. "BOOM!" the missile hit the house! "Ha, ha, ha no more pigs!" exclaimed the wolf.
-15 Minutes Later-
The wolf approached the ruins of the building looking for the pigs' corpses. Lucky for them they already escaped but the wolf wasn't so lucky himself…"Tick, tick, tick!" the wolf heard as he searched though the rubble. The annoying sound increased its pitch as he proceeded through the destruction. Scared to look anywhere he started shaking as he approached the garbage can!
The pigs were examining his movement not to far away. They were waiting anxiously for the explosive to go off. Seconds turned into minutes, minutes turned into hours but the explosive still didn't go off for some weird reason. "WHAT THE HECK! YOU WERE SURPOSE TO EXPLODE INTO A MILLION TINY PIECES! WHY ISN'T THE BOMB GOING OFF!" yelled the younger brother pig…the oldest glanced over at his brother and changed his mood from happy to angry.
The brother practically grew horns and got a pitchfork! That's how angry he was. If I were the youngest sibling I would be out like a helium filled balloon let go by a fat kid at Hersey Park because he was too busy eating! "Uh…Steve don't you think you could lighten up on me?" asked Joey, the youngest pig. Steve's eyes grew big and dilated as he walked closer to his brother. The dilated eyes became red like a rose on Valentine's Day. He stood right in front of Joey and yelled," YOU RATTED US OUT!" Steve strangled him endlessly until he became unconscious…"Holy crap…I killed my brother!" Steve said scared. The oldest and wisest pig remained in the hunt and wasn't going to give up!
"Ugh it's time to be victorious!" screamed Steve. Suddenly, he pulled out a flamethrower out of know where for protection. The wolf finally noticed Steve from his scream not Joey's. So Steve killed his brother for no reason. Steve has officially become crazy and demented over this dramatic time. "He, he, he…my lunch has arrived!" The wolf exclaimed as he picked up Joey's corpse. "I think we're having bacon and ham tonight!" laughed the hungry wolf. Steve couldn't watch the wolf eat his brother so he ran for his escape. This was most likely the end of his life…
Running for his life Steve almost escaped until he realized something…he was running for his life for no reason. He has nothing else to live for. His brothers died from running away so why should he do the same thing. If he did proceed and run like his siblings than he would end up with the same fate…death. If he continued his escape he was likely going to die. So Steve decide to not give up. This war was on!
The pig stopped and looked around a bit to see if the wolf reveals himself, but it was no use. The wolf was hidden…but where? "Grrrrrrrrrr…" the wolf growled trying to give the pig a hint where he was. Steve struggled to find him but than reached a certain bush…"AH, This must be where he is hidden." thought the pig. He slightly pulled apart the weeds hanging from the bush and…BAM! The wolf jumped out leaping on the pig. Pinning him down and likely right about to tear his flesh and make pork grinds! The wolf starting growling and whispered to the pig…"Are you scared?" "Ye…yeah…" the pig stuttered. It was the end…nothing was left…the pig's life flashed before his eyes like the time your grandparents show slides from their trip to the Grand Canyon. "TIME TO DIE PIGGY!" yelled the wolf.
The wolf pointed his nose towards his face and smelled his scent. This was a full three-course meal and dinner was served. "No…don't let him kill you!" Steve heard. It was his two brothers' souls speaking to him and giving him valuable advice. This time it was personal!
Steve suddenly yelled out," I WON'T LET YOU WIN!" Screaming at the top of his lungs he gained an inner power in which he never experienced before and no it wasn't gas! The power overwhelmed him and he punched the wolf in the face. "UGH!" the wolf cried. "Since when where you so freaking strong! NO FAT PIGS TURN INTO BODY BUILDERS IN SECONDS! THAT'S JUST CRAZY!" This war was only beginning. The pig looked at the wolf trembling in fear and spit at him saying," You know what… you may have killed my family but it isn't worth taking your life for that. I don't have to be like you to get revenge! I PITY YOU! I hope you understand what its like to be hurt! Good bye…" Steve walked off in the distance as he disappeared into the horizon.
"Ugh…no…no…NO! I WON'T BE DEFEATED BY A RIDICULOUS PIG!" yelled the wolf as he struggled to get up. The wolf couldn't take being defeated so he needed to end this! Suddenly, he got up and ran towards the direction Steve went, but what was he going to do? He gained speed as he ran but couldn't find Steve anywhere! "If I was a pig where would I hide…?" thought the wolf. It was only time to realize where he went. It was where his brothers were killed of course!
The wolf ran towards the ruins of the building and saw the pig lying there on his knees praying with the bones of his brothers in front of him. Looking at Steve the wolf thought, "What the heck is he doing?" In ancient history, the Egyptians prayed for their loved ones back to be resurrected from the gods but it was never a success. So Steve was trying the same thing as well. The wolf walked closer to the pig to examine what he was doing some more…"Duska-wuck-fee-lousk-Al-Tyk-Looke-Vex-El-Shamroo." Said the pig. Was he speaking tongues, the language of the gods?
Suddenly, a mysterious sage appeared right in front of the wolf. "Hello, Jester!" the sage said. The wolf grinned and said, "WHO ARE YOU AND HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?" The sage circled around the wolf examining his wounds and responded, "I am the guy who will help you win this battle!" "And how will you do that?" the wolf replied. The safe floated above Jester and said, "By granting you Eternal Life!" "FOR REAL!" the wolf said in excitement. "Of course not," Sage said as he laughed, "I will help you by reading the ancient language of the gods for you!"
"Wow, for real…yeah!" Jester responded. The sage moved closer to the pig and spoke the exact words that Steve said out loud, "PLEASE GODS OF THE HEAVENS BRING BACK MY BELOVED BROTHERS! CURE THE WOLF FOR HIS SINS AND PLEASE FORGIVE HIM!" The sage kept on repeating it as well as Steve did. Jester started to feel the pain and agony of being an evil creature! He fell to the ground and coughed up some blood as he talked to himself, "Wha…what have I done…? What kind of monster have I turned into?" Jester regretted what he has done and is now being cursed for it!
A storm has come as thunder and lightening occurred in the skies as if GOD himself was angry at the misguided wolf. The bomb in the house still never went off as the rain feel on the dry bones of the pigs. The sage suddenly disappeared and the bones started to move. If the wolf done so badly should he die? The bones formed into the pigs' body structure. Suddenly, a bolt of lightening struck the remains, giving them life once again. The pigs were resurrected! Steve's goal was accomplished!
Jester returned to himself as his eyes turned red and he craved meat! He noticed the three little pigs once more and ran towards them. Blood raced down his cheek as he ran for his meal! All of a sudden, the wolf stopped in his tracks gazing at the sky. The pigs also stopped and looked towards the sky. This wasn't the end was it?
As the pigs stood their lifeless a bolt of lightening struck the trashcan in the ruins. The bomb started up again since the bolt activated it. Tick…tick…tick… the bomb was about to go off in any minute! Steve reacted quickly and yelled, "GUYS TAKE COVER!" But the two brothers still stood their lifeless gazing at the sky.
The two brothers may have been resurrected meaning, their bodies were brought back but not their soul. Their soul was still stuck on the other side of the gate running freely as their body remained on earth lifeless like a vegetable. The bomb suddenly started shaking continuously and a siren went off yelling, "5…4…3…2…1…" BOOM! The bomb went off.
As ashes fell from the air and chunks of brick fell from the sky Steve, his brothers, and the wolf went down in this explosion. Did they survive or get exterminated?
-1 hour later-
The smoke and ash finally cleared up and the remains of the victims were revealed. Their bodies were scattered across the land in pieces. This war was over…Jester, the wolf was so anxious to kill the pigs and eat meat that he didn't realize the monster he become until the time of his death. He risked his own life and the others as well for food. In the end, Jester the wolf was sent to the depths of hell for all eternity for one reason. He is the reason this all become. This monster caused all these explosions and deaths. The three little pigs in other hand were sent to the Gates of Heaven in which they ran freely forever.
Every story has to start somewhere and this started with a huff and a puff. But everything doesn't always end Happily Ever After…now does it?