For those of you that celebrate, Merry Christmas. For those of you that don't, Happy Friday. For those of you that are hiding in the bathroom to read this while family clamor at the door, calling you out for dinner or party games, you can get through this. We all survived 2020, so one day filled with family is totally achievable without committing murder.

Chapter Six

Sam leaned back on his elbows at the top of the mountain, looking up at the starlit sky and relishing the peace. He felt overwhelmed by what had happened and what it meant, and the chance to be alone to think was a blessing.

There were things he needed to do, he knew, but he just wanted to be himself for a while—at least be as close as he could be to himself when he was an archangel whose whole life story had been changed in the eyes of everyone he loved.

Violet needed to be dealt with, and he needed to go back and speak to his family, but both things could wait.

Violet wasn't really his responsibility, she was Billie's, but he would like to be the one that killed or delivered her to Billie for punishment, as she was the one that fooled him and left him vulnerable by not showing him all the abilities of his powers.

He knew them all now. With his resurrection and the gain of full grace, something had been freed in his mind, and he understood it now. He knew more about what he was capable of. Not that it helped with his situation. Killing demons and reading another angel's mind wasn't going to do him any good.

He closed his eyes and just breathed deep for a moment then sat up quickly as he felt an angel's approach and the sound of feet settling on snow.

"Castiel!"

Castiel curled his wings in at his back, his eyes wary, as Sam jumped to his feet and spread his wings in an instinctive threat.

He was disappointed to have been found and surprised to see Castiel with perfect wings at his back again. They were tawny brown with a faint grey sheen, different to Sam's inky black ones. They were also smaller than his. He'd not seen another angel's wings before, and it was a surreal experience to see the man that had been his friend, now in his true form, the being his human mind had never been able to perceive before.

"I can't hurt you, Sam," Castiel said.

It was strangely worded, can't not won't, a reminder that Sam was the stronger one here instead of the vulnerable one as he had always been before —when his life had been his own.

Sam nodded and folded his wings. "So, Chuck gave you your wings back."

"Yes. He thought it would make it easier for me to help you."

Sam snorted. "Sure, he did. Chuck's all about helping me."

"I really think he is, Sam," Castiel said solemnly.

"Of course you do. You're a fan."

"And you are not," Castiel stated.

Sam's hands fisted, and Castiel took a step back.

"I can't hurt you either, Cas," he said.

"You really can."

Sam huffed a laugh at Castiel's customary bluntness. "I won't hurt you."

"Are you sure?" Castiel asked. "You were going to take my grace, and I know you wanted to kill me."

Sam raised an eyebrow. "I was, but I didn't. And now you've got Chuck's 'truth' again, you know why I was going to do it."

Castiel nodded. "I do understand, and I'm sorry for it. What I did to Bobby was perhaps unforgivable, but you weren't there; you don't know what we were facing. When I heard what happened, I fought for his freedom, but I had no leverage. Each time I went back to Heaven after, it was to plead for help for us. You weren't part of that time with us, Sam, so you don't understand what we were facing. Dean, Nick, and I had wars to wage, threats to deal with, and I believed Heaven's help was the only way to win."

Sam turned away. He did know because he had been there. And if he and Dean had known what happened to Bobby, they would have found a way to fix it even with the problems they already had. They would never have allowed him to languish in jail all that time because of them—because Sam had dragged him into another problem when he should have been enjoying his own heaven.

"I'm sorry that you can't understand," Castiel said. "I know how much you loved Bobby."

"I did," Sam said brutally. "And I still love him. He's not dead to me anymore."

"No," Castiel agreed. "You can see him again. Have you already been?"

"Not since I saw you there. He thought I was Lucifer."

Castiel bowed his head. "That must have been very difficult for you. Though it's the logical conclusion to draw with what he knew, with you being Lucifer's vessel."

"No," Sam said. "He thought I was Lucifer because the lie reached Heaven."

Castiel looked startled. "The spell stretched that far?"

"It wasn't a spell!" Sam snapped. "It was Chuck!"

"I know that's what you believe, and I understand why, as it must have been confusing for you with Lucifer's knowledge and resentment, but it really wasn't."

Sam felt a wave of rage rush through his veins, and he grabbed Castiel's shoulders and shook him. "You still don't know the truth!"

He wanted someone to know, just one person he loved to understand who he really was. He was sick of the lies. It had been bad enough to be seen as just a stranger that had given consent to Lucifer, worse when they thought he was Lucifer, but this… He was Sam Winchester, Dean's brother but never Nick's because that was Lucifer. Sam was the one who had been with them all those years; that was his story, not Nick's. Nick was the devil!

He was so consumed with what he was thinking and feeling that he didn't feel the heat in his hands or see the light burning through them, into Castiel, whose eyes glowed with grace light.

"Sam," Castiel whimpered.

Sam saw the light at last, and he dropped his hands, pushing Castiel away from him and holding his fisted hands to his chest. "I'm sorry."

Castiel stared at him, wide-eyed and his breaths coming quick. "What did he do?"

"I didn't mean to," Sam said. "I'm not even sure what I did. Are you hurt?"

"Lucifer…" Castiel breathed.

"No! I'm Sam!" he said desperately.

He couldn't bear to go back to that lie again. If this was the only way he could have his family back, with him as the spare brother whose largest part in the whole story was as Lucifer's vessel, he would take it.

Castiel shook his head and stared at Sam for a moment. "I don't understand," he whispered.

"I'm sorry. I won't do it again. Just don't…"

Castiel spread his wings and flew away before he could do more than reach for him.

Sam cursed loudly. He'd just destroyed the little he had with his family by hurting Castiel.

He'd not meant to do it, it had been an instinctual action of anger, but he'd blown it all to hell. They might love him as the middle brother, but they loved Castiel, too, and they wouldn't trust him after this. They might even go back to thinking he was somehow Lucifer, perhaps believing there was still some trace of the devil in him.

"What the hell did I just do?" he shouted at the sky.

You just blew through some pretty deep conditioning, Gabriel said cheerfully. Even I haven't done that before. Poor Cas. He's got to be reeling right now. You might want to check on him and Nick. There's no telling what he'll do next.

"What?"

There was a chuckle in his mind but no explanation.

"I screwed up," Sam sighed. "I've ruined it all."

Or have you saved yourself?

Sam growled the next words. "You're just the voice of a damn ghost in my head, Gabriel. You're telling me what I want to hear, and I don't want this bullshit. I just hurt Castiel."

Sure, I'm a ghost. That makes complete sense. Of all the voices you'd want to hear, I'm top of that list. Who wouldn't want to hear me?

Sam didn't understand. The voice wasn't telling him what he wanted to hear or even making sense as any other form of inner guidance, so what was it?

Look, Sam, we'll come back to this, but you really need to check in on Nick and Castiel right now. You just blew the poor kid's mind, and even I can't guess what he'll do next.

Sam was confused and scared, but he thought he really should check on Castiel. He thought about trying to reach him on angel radio, but then realized it would be better to go in person to apologize again, to make Castiel understand he wasn't a threat. Perhaps he could do it before Castiel spoke to Dean about what had happened.

There was the smallest chance he could stop him telling them what happened, stop him from breaking what he had with his family, and he had to seize it.

He spread his wings and took flight to the bunker. He arrived in the library and was relieved to find it empty, and the lights dimmed, which he and Dean had always done when they went to bed.

Happy there would be at least the smallest delay before Castiel could tell them what happened, Sam hurried through the halls towards Dean's room, sure that was who Castiel would choose to tell the tale to first.

He saw Castiel before he reached Dean's room though, standing outside the open door of what had been Sam's own room but was now Nick's.

"Cas," he hissed.

Castiel startled and took a step back.

Sam held up his hands and whispered, "I'm not going to hurt you, I swear."

Castiel nodded. "I know, Sam."

He seemed to mean it, and Sam was confused. "Can we talk?" he asked. "I know you want to tell them what happened, but if you'd give me a chance to explain… Don't take them away from me, Cas, please."

Castiel looked back into Nick's bedroom again from which the sounds of soft snores were emanating and then eased the door closed with a soft click and walked towards Sam. "We should go outside," he said. "They might hear us."

Wary that Castiel might be using the chance to escape him before he could speak, Sam said, "You go first. I'll follow."

Castiel smiled slightly as he spread his wings, and Sam did the same, following at his back as Castiel took flight and set himself down on the road just outside the bunker's front door.

Sam landed far enough away that Castiel wouldn't feel threatened by him and spoke in a rush, "I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I was just angry, and it happened; I lost control. I won't let it happen again, I swear. I'll control myself."

Castiel smiled sadly. "I'm not scared of you, Sam, and you didn't hurt me. Well, it hurt, but not for the reasons you're thinking."

"What did I do?" Sam asked. "I've never done that before. I've never even seen it done. I've got all this power, all these things I can do, but I still don't know all of it."

Castiel's eyes moved back to the bunker, and a strange look spread across his face; it was almost longing. "You made me see."

"See what?"

The truth, Gabriel supplied.

"I saw you," Castiel said. "I saw everything. I know it all now."

"Know what?"

"I know who Nick really is."

Sam staggered back a step as his heart lurched, and the tips of his wings prickled.

He felt a rush of hope that was heady, and he tried to stamp it down, telling himself Castiel couldn't mean what Sam was hoping he did. Castiel was obviously talking about something else. There was no way Chuck would have left a loophole like this.

"Cas, I…"

Let him talk.

A gleam appeared in Castiel's eyes, a look of love that Sam hadn't seen directed to him since Apocalypse World, when he'd arrived in Bobby's camp after being resurrected by Lucifer—following the vampires' fatal attack on him.

"You're Sam Winchester," Castiel stated.

"You already knew that," Sam said, trying to keep the tremor from his voice.

"Yes, but you're not the brother that gave consent to Lucifer to protect Nick because Nick isn't really your brother, is he?"

Sam's breath caught in his throat, and he pinched his leg hard. He'd not dreamed as an angel in the early days when he'd slept, but this had to be a dream now, or perhaps a hallucination. There was no way Castiel knew the truth.

"I've experienced what you just did to me once before," Castiel said. "It's an ability that only archangels and the power of a Word of God possess. When Naomi brainwashed me to kill Dean, it was the touch of the Angel Tablet that made it possible for me to break through what she'd done to me. You just did the same: broke through what was done to me." He looked forlorn. "I can't believe I forgot who you really are. I'm so sorry."

Sam just mouthed wordlessly, unable to speak.

"Why did Chuck do it to you?" he asked.

"I shot him," Sam said weakly. "He'd created a weapon that would kill Jack, and when I found out…" He squeezed his eyes closed. "It was all just a story, Cas. Our whole lives were like a TV show for him. He controlled us; everything bad that happened was because he wanted to see it. He killed Jack. I was so angry, furious at what he'd done to us all this time, that he'd killed Jack, and I shot him."

"When did this happen?"

"Technically, spring next year. It was a year in the future when I picked up Chuck's kill-anything gun, and I shot him in the shoulder. I found myself bounced back a year after it happened, when Chuck did what he did… When he…"

Castiel's face became tormented. "Switched your place with Lucifer?"

"You know that, too?"

"Yes. I can't understand how I never saw it before." Castiel's hands fisted. " Nick is… I love him, Sam—I love Lucifer. He's my family. I mean, he was. In some ways, he still is. I see the new reality Chuck created, and I feel those feelings, but I also look at you and remember everything about the old reality. I see the man that is my brother in a way no angel ever was, but I also see that in Lucifer— because of what Chuck did."

"He's not Lucifer anymore," Sam said, forcing the words out. "He really is Nick Winchester in this world. He loves you. He loves Dean and Jack. He loves my mom, and he is her son, too."

"This must be hell for you," Castiel said.

"It is, but now you know…" He blew out a heavy breath. "You can't imagine how good it feels, Cas. I feel like I can breathe finally." A wonderful idea occurred to him. "Can I do the same to Dean? Can I make him see the truth?"

Castiel's face creased with sadness. "No. I'm sorry, but Dean is just a man. The force of that amount of grace and memory would destroy him. He would be killed or left braindead. No human could handle it."

Sam sighed. "I guess that would be too easy. But at least you know now. I can't tell you how alone I've been, Cas. I just…"

Castiel walked forward and pulled Sam into a hug. Sam sighed against him and squeezed him hard in return, only releasing him when Castiel groaned.

"What's wrong? What did I do?"

Castiel rolled his shoulders tentatively. "You are immensely strong now, Sam, in far more than grace."

Sam laughed softly. "Sorry. This is all new to me still."

"I imagine suddenly finding yourself an archangel is an adjustment."

"Yeah, that was hard, but now I've got full strength… I can't describe the feeling."

Castiel became solemn. "Is Nick really not dangerous?"

Sam sighed. "I would love to tell you he was, to have an excuse to kill him, but he's really not. He's got a whole different life now. He doesn't remember being Lucifer. All he knows is the life of Nick Winchester."

"Your life," Castiel said bitterly.

"My history, but not really my life. He's not the same man as me. He made different choices. There were people that lived because I wasn't there."

"Like Jessica," Castiel said carefully.

"Yeah. He made the right choice there. She's got a whole life, right?"

Castiel nodded. "As far as I know, she has. Nick lost touch with her a long time ago. Have you thought of going to see her?"

"No. I had my plate full with Michael to think about since this all happened. Well, that and the crapstorm that my life suddenly was."

"What are you going to do now?"

Sam shrugged. "Probably keep going as I am. If I can't make anyone else see the truth, there's not a lot else I can do. Violet, the reaper, was working with Michael, so she's got to be stopped. Amara is doing something to help, but I don't know what. She said she'd start 'a wheel turning,' but I have no idea what that means. I'm not getting my hopes up when I've got the rest to deal with."

"What can I do to help?" Castiel asked.

"Just be you," Sam said. "There's not a lot else anyone can do. Make time to talk to me, maybe. I can't tell you how good it is to have someone else that knows the truth. Billie knows, too, but I've hardly seen her. I think I can handle all of it if I can just talk to you sometimes."

You can handle anything, Gabriel said. You're the man that beat the devil.

Sam snorted.

"What?" Castiel asked.

Before Sam could form a response, Sam felt a voice cry out in his mind, and he flinched. It was Dean, and he was panicked. "Sam! Please, help us. It's Nick…"

He gasped. "Dean!"

Sam spread his wings and took flight into the bunker at once, the sound of Nick's cries reaching him as he set himself down in the library, Castiel arriving at his side.

It sounded like Nick was in great pain, but Sam's focus and concern was for Dean. If something happened to Nick, Dean would suffer, and Sam would do whatever it took to prevent that.

His own situation disregarded with worry for his brother, Sam ran towards the sound.

So… Cas knows! There was so much discussion back and forth between VegasGranny, Ncsupnatfan, and me about this. I wanted there to be someone that knew the truth for Sam to talk to in this story, but I wasn't sure whether it would be Castiel, Jack, Amara, or bring in Billie some more. We decided I should try Castiel first, and we all loved the result. Hope you enjoy it, too.

Until next time…

Clowns or Midgets xxx