Happy Saturday!

I know you've been waiting a long time for this chapter, and you'll probably hate me when you've finished it, so I won't ramble. I'll just add thanks to VegasGranny and Ncsupnatfan for being the best pre-readers in the fandom and MaggieMay17 for being a wonderful beta who always knows when I am going off track and leads me right back again.

Chapter Seventeen

Sam sighed heavily and stepped away from the precipice. "We should go. They'll be waiting."

"They will," Castiel agreed. "But are you ready?"

"Of course."

Liar, Gabriel muttered.

"You don't sound ready," Castiel observed.

Sam smiled ruefully. "It will be good to see them."

All of them?

Sam ignored him. Of course, it wasn't all of them, Nick would be there, but he needed this time with his real family, and if he had to deal with Nick to get it, he would. It wasn't like he had any other choice.

Except for the fact you do. There's a whole world here waiting for you, and there's no fake brothers to deal with.

"Let's go," Sam said.

He spread his wings and felt Castiel do the same at his side. They took flight for the bunker, but before they could reach it, Sam felt himself hitting a solid wall and being knocked back. He landed hard in the field and quickly steadied himself. Castiel, beside him, hadn't landed as neatly. He was on his back, the breath punched out of him.

"They set up protections again," he said as Sam hauled him to his feet.

Sam shook his head and started running towards the door. "No. This wasn't them."

His chest was knotted with fear. There was no way they would have stopped him and Castiel flying in without telling them, and there had been no prayer or word to warn them. Something else was happening. The bunker's occupants were in trouble.

Sam kicked the door with all of his strength, and it flew open. He ran in, vaulted the railing down into the war room and shouted, "No!" as he took in the scene he could just see up the short flight of stairs in the library.

Jack was lying on the floor, his face a stark white and a pool of blood beneath him, spreading from the stain on his chest. Mary's hands were pressed to his chest, and blood was slipping out from under them. His breaths were coming in pants. Dean and Nick were standing with indifferent looks on their faces. In Nick's hand was a small brown bag, and Magnus was standing beside him.

Even as Sam's blade slipped into his hand, Nick's dull voice recited, "Verum videre."

Nick jolted, and his eyes rolled back as Sam threw the blade at Magnus. It hit the sorcerer in the center of his back, buried to the hilt.

Dean stood frozen, his face stricken, and then he came back to life with a desperate plea, "Sammy, help them!"

"Cas, take care of Nick," Sam ordered as he ran towards Mary and Jack.

Mary's eyes fixed on Sam, and she begged, "Please, Sam, help him."

"I've got it," Sam said, patting Jack's cheek. "It's okay, Jack. I'm here. I'm going to help you."

Jack nodded slightly and then winced as Sam moved Mary's hands aside and laid his own above the wound and said, "Just breathe."

He saw Jack obeying, drawing a breath that rasped, and then the light was spilling from Sam's palm, and he could feel the grace flowing.

Jack's next breath came clear, his color returned, and he said, "Thank you," in a weak and shaky voice.

Sam knew this was the first time Jack been hurt since Lucifer had taken his grace, and the experience had obviously traumatized him.

Sam helped him to sit up and said, "Just take it easy a minute. Mom, help him. Cas, how's Nick?"

He looked over his shoulder and saw that Nick was still convulsing on the floor. Dean was bowed over him, his hands fluttering uselessly as he fought the need to touch, knowing that was more likely to do harm. There was blood trickling from Nick's nose and ears.

"I don't know," Castiel said. "I can't seem to reach him."

Mary gasped and had barely done more than breathe Sam's name before Sam was in motion, rushing to Nick and moving Dean aside so he could reach him. Dean quickly repositioned himself at Nick's head.

"What's wrong with him?" Dean asked.

Sam shook his head jerkily and said, "Give me a minute."

He pulled the hex bag from Nick's hand, threw it aside, and set it on fire with a flick of his fingers. When there was no change, he touched a hand to Nick's forehead and sent him a nudge of grace. Nick's movements stilled, and he breathed out in a deep sigh. Dean's own breath caught and only restarted when Nick drew in one of his own.

"What do you see, Cas?" Sam asked.

"Blood," Castiel said.

"We all see blood!" Dean snapped. "It's coming out of his damn ears."

Castiel shook his head and stared into Sam's eyes. "Inside. Look."

Sam had never tried looking within for physical damage, and it wasn't something he'd learned from Lucifer as it was never something the devil had bothered to do; but he tried to look past Nick's face, to find what was within. Sam's vision cleared, he saw through skin and bone, and he gasped. There was blood, as Castiel had said, and it was flooding the brain. He had a huge cerebral bleed, perhaps more than one.

His face must have shown his shock as Dean grabbed his elbow and growled, "Fix him!"

Sam pulled his arm free, frustrated and resenting the way Dean was speaking to him in his panic, and laid his hand over Nick's temple. He allowed his grace to flow, wary of giving too much and overwhelming Nick the way he did when smiting, and gradually increased it as he saw the blood withdrawing into smaller points. When it disappeared completely, Nick drew a deep breath.

"It's done," he said.

"Thank god," Dean breathed, patting Nick's cheek gently. "Wake up, Nicky."

Nick jostled a little with the movement and then stilled again, his eyes still closed and breaths easy.

"Why isn't he waking up?" Mary asked, appearing behind them and staring down at Nick. "Did you put him to sleep?"

Castiel glanced at Sam, and he shook his head.

"This isn't us," Castiel said. "It's Nick."

"What do you mean, it's Nick?" Dean asked. "Sam? What's going on?"

"I'm not sure," Sam growled. "I've not done this stuff before."

"Then get sure!" Dean said, his eyes burning with anger. "Fix him!"

"Give us space, Dean," Castiel said.

Dean glared at him. "I'm not moving until my damn brother is awake!"

Sam tried to block Dean's angry voice as Gabriel started to chatter in his mind, Well, this ain't good. Look at him, Sam. He's not coming out.

"What do I do?" Sam asked.

"How the hell do we know?" Dean asked. "You're the damn archangel. He's your brother. Help him!"

Sam gritted his teeth. Castiel jumped to his feet and physically dragged Dean away. He then hauled Dean to his feet and gripped his shoulders. "Stop, Dean!" he said harshly. "Sam is trying to help."

"Then why is Nick still unconscious?" Dean asked, pulling himself free and stalking back towards them.

Sam rolled Nick onto his back and pressed hard on his sternum, grinding his knuckles down. When it created no response, he pressed down harder until he knew another ounce of pressure would start to cause internal damage.

Nick didn't stir.

"Gabe," Sam muttered. "What do I do?"

"Gabe?" Dean asked. "What the hell are you…?"

Castiel slapped a hand over Dean's mouth and said, "Shut up? Let him listen."

I don't think you should do anything, Gabriel said. This is kinda the point of what Amara did.

"What do you mean?"

The words he said, 'Verum videre,' is a spell. Something is flooding Nick's head right now that you don't want to touch."

"What? Gabriel, tell me!"

It's Lucifer, duh. The spell unblocked everything in there. He's got his whole history back now, the truth.

Sam sucked in a breath. "Is he dangerous? What about Nick?"

"Dangerous? Nick?" Mary asked.

Honestly, I don't know. It might be all Satan in there, or it might be both.

"How do I find out?"

You really don't want to do this, Sam. If he remembers, it's your chance to get your life back.

"They won't know, though!" Sam snapped. "Tell me what to do!"

You stubborn idiot, you're seriously going to do this? When Sam didn't answer, he went on. Fine, jackass. You're going dumpster-diving in his head. See if you can reach him. If it's just Luci-Vision in there, you can work out a way to deal with him. He'll just be human, so it shouldn't be that hard. If he's doubled up on the life stories, I guess you kick his ass until he chooses one to live with and hope he wakes up as Nick instead of Satan.

Sam withdrew from his own head and said, "There's something I can do, but it might take a while. Get him in his room and comfortable. Clean him up. I'll be right there."

He got up and moved back, allowing Dean to come forward while he went to Jack, who was standing as a silent observer to the scene, and placed a hand on his shoulder. Jack still looked pale, but Sam thought it was more emotional injury than physical now. Jack loved Nick, and now he was seeing him unconscious, unreachable, and he was feeling the same panic as Mary and Dean.

"It's okay, Jack," he said. "We're going to figure this out."

"I want to talk to you, Sam," Castiel said, grabbing his arm and tugging.

Though Castiel was nowhere near strong enough to move him under force, Sam let him drag him away from Jack, through the war room, and down into the kitchen.

Sam leaned against the counter as Castiel paced up and down the room twice and then came to a stop in front of Sam. "What did Gabriel say?"

"He thinks it's Lucifer," Sam said. "It's the memories he lost; they're all back. I guess they're overwhelming him, so he's shut down-kinda the way I did after I got my Cage and soulless memories back."

"And what are you going to do about it?"

"Get into his head and try to work out which I'm dealing with," Sam said. "Nick or Lucifer."

"And if it's Lucifer?"

Sam shrugged. "I don't know."

Yes, you do, Gabriel said. You take him out. He's not a threat as Nick, but even a human Lucifer could cause trouble.

"No," Sam growled.

"What is Gabriel saying?" Castiel asked.

"Nothing that matters."

Castiel sighed. "I'm sure you are already thinking this, but I'm going to say it since I know someone as stubborn as you isn't going to accept it easily. This could be your chance to have them back. If Nick is out of the picture…"

Sam shook his head sadly. "It changes nothing, Cas. If it's Lucifer in there, they won't see it. He'll always be Nick to them. They aren't going to see the truth. If he dies, they'll fight to get him back—Dean will find a way to save him. If he stays trapped like this, they'll spend the rest of time trying to fix him. There is no happy ending for me in this situation. The only one of us that has a chance of a happy ending is Nick, and that's if I can…"

"Can what?"

"If I can fix him."

"And how are you going to do that?" Castiel asked.

Yeah, how?

Sam lifted his head and said, "They're ready. I should go."

Sam, if you're thinking of doing what I think you are, you're even dumber than I thought.

Sam ignored him and hurried back through the halls, making his way to Nick's room. They'd settled him on his bed, and Mary had washed away the blood from his face with a cloth that she was now rinsing and wringing out in the basin.

"You're ready, right?" Dean asked tersely. "You can fix him?"

"I can try," Sam said.

"Try isn't good enough!" Dean growled, and Mary placed a hand on his chest. He snapped his mouth shut and breathed hard.

Sam squeezed his eyes closed and took a moment to deal with what he was feeling, the betrayal he felt, the pressure, and the pain. He then opened them and sat on the edge of the bed, laying his hands on Nick's face.

He drew a deep breath and allowed his grace to reach into Nick, drawing him inside.

"I'm Nick," he moaned, curled on the floor in the dim and empty library. "I'm Nick… I'm Nick…" He raised his head, and his voice echoed in his ears. "I'm Lucifer. Oh, God, I'm Lucifer!"

He started to cry.

His head felt like it was splitting in two. The dual memories were battling. For each memory of Nick, there were a thousand more of Lucifer. His eons in the Cage were there, the centuries that became millennia of suffering and loneliness.

He remembered Dean teaching him to throw a football, Bobby watching from a bench as they played; he remembered Michael standing with him on the edge of a galaxy that was still forming. He remembered a twelve-year old-Sam shooting the soccer ball at the goal, wearing the jersey he'd been so proud of, as Nick, Dean, and John cheered him; he remembered Sam cowering away from him in the Cage, the man's eyes begging him to stop, though he had not yet broken Sam enough to use words to plead for mercy.

Nick was terrified, tortured. The memories came at him again and again, burning him and making him long for them at the same time.

"I don't want to be Lucifer," he moaned.

He didn't know exactly how this had happened, but he knew who had done it.

Sam had been right all along. It was Chuck.

The last thing he remembered as Lucifer was Dean sliding the archangel blade between his ribs. After that, there was nothing.

Whatever it had been, this hadn't been about him. It had been to punish Sam. He had been the one Chuck was angry with. Because of what Sam did to Chuck, Nick had been given the most amazing gift. And now he'd lost it all.

He couldn't bear to live without it.

Nick remembered loving Dean and Sam, his mother and Jack. Lucifer remembered hating Dean for the strength he gave Sam to resist. Lucifer remembered punishing Sam for taking him back to the place he'd hated, where he'd languished for so long. He'd stolen Jack's grace. He'd dragged Mary to the apocalypse world.

He loved them all so much.

He was so scared of what he would do to them.

He heard movement in front of him, and he dropped his hands and saw Sam.

His brother.

His enemy.

"Sam," he breathed. "How are you here?"

Sam stared down at him with hatred. Nick saw now what he had been missing for so long. He'd been confused by Sam's reactions to him, the way he'd been so distant and disconnected compared to how he'd been with Dean and Mary. Sam had always known it all. He'd looked at Nick and seen the devil.

It must have been torture; it must have been hell.

"I am here because I am an archangel," Sam brutally. "I am here for you." He narrowed his eyes. "Do you remember it now? Do you know who you are?"

Nick nodded, and a tear slipped down his cheek. "Yes. Sam… I am so, so sorry."

"Shut up!" Sam snapped. "I don't want your apologies. They mean nothing."

Nick bowed his head. "You hate me."

"Of course, I do!" Sam shouted. "After everything you did to me, how could I not hate you?"

"I know, I understand, but I…"

"I swear to God, if you tell me that you love me, I will leave you here to rot. I will give up my family forever, leave them to fight for a way to save you until they die."

Nick nodded slightly.

"Now, you asshole, I am here to help you. Not because I care what happens to you, because you're nothing more to me than the monster that tried to break the world and destroy my soul. I am here because I love them! My family—the ones that only care about you because your father is a twisted son of a bitch—are suffering because of what's happening to you, so get your head together and wake up."

"I can't," Nick moaned.

"Yes, you can," Sam said. You did this to yourself. You're hiding in here, so get out! Go back to them."

"Why would you want that? If I'm not there, you can have your family back."

Sam's hands fisted, and it looked as though he was fighting the urge to attack. "I can never have them back the way I did before. You are a part of them now. You're their brother and son. You're the one Dean shared every fight with, every loss and every win. They love you and need you. I could kill you, end it now, but they would still remember you as you are to them now. They can never see the truth. Chuck made sure of that. They're yours now in a way they can never be mine."

"I'm sorry," Nick said.

"Stop apologizing!" Sam bellowed. "Do something. You love them, right?"

Nick nodded. "More than anything."

"Then snap the hell out of it!" He raked his hair back and said, "You remember it all?"

"Yes."

"So you know what you did to them. You can see how much you owe them now. You owe me. What I want, what they need, is for you to go back and be Nick. Be the person they love."

"I don't think I can."

Sam grabbed him by the throat and hauled him up so his toes were brushing the floor. "You can, and you will! You're a Winchester now, and you know how much I hate saying that. Winchesters fight. They save lives. Save my family, so they don't spend the rest of their lives trying to save you, you selfish son of a bitch!"

He dropped Nick, who fell to the floor, his heart racing and his breaths coming fast with pain and fear.

"Do it now, Nick," Sam snarled. "Get out of your damn head, you coward."

Nick shook his head dolefully. "I can't."

Sam bowed over him and slammed his fist into Nick's jaw, snapping his head to the side.

"I hate you," Sam growled. "I hate you for what you did to me. I hate you for what you're willing to do to them. And I hate you for what you're making me do!"

"What are you doing?" Nick asked.

Sam glared at him, fury in his eyes, and then disappeared.

Nick looked around the darkness, and whispered, "Sam?" but there was no response. He was alone again.

He buried his face in his hands and began his litany again.

"I'm Nick… I'm Nick… I'm Nick…"

So… That was soooo much fun. Sam has been so controlled around Nick for so long, so careful, and it was amazing to be able to show him letting loose against Lucifer and Nick at the same time. How was it to read?

Until next time…

xxx