Happy Saturday!
Thank you for your patience waiting for this chapter.
I've got good news. I'm working on the story again. I'm so close to the end, maybe a couple more chapters, so posting should be seamless to the end.
MaggieMay17 did a wonderful job beta'ing this for me, and VegasGranny and Ncsupnatfan are the world's best pre-readers.
Chapter Nineteen
Nick stared at the burning pyre, the flames that were consuming Magnus, and tried to calm his racing thoughts.
Part of Sam's plan had failed. Nick remembered.
Sam had taken the feeling from him, he wasn't scared now, but he still knew the truth.
He wasn't just Nick Winchester. His life didn't start in 1983 when he was born to Mary and John Winchester. It started at the dawn of time when his father created him as an archangel. His brothers weren't just Sam and Dean. There were Michael, Raphael, and Gabriel, too, and a legion of angels that had dwindled to a handful of survivors. He had two families, but there was only one of them that he loved more than anything in the world.
What Sam had done for him was incredible, and the cost of it was almost higher than Nick could stand. The only way he could cope with it was by embracing a part of Lucifer that had always been his strength as the devil—his selfishness.
Sam had now lost the little that had been left of his life and family after Chuck had cursed him, and he'd done it for Dean and Mary. The fact Nick had been saved by it was a by-product of that.
Sam hated Nick. Nick loved Sam.
When he thought of Sam lying unconscious in whatever room Castiel had settled him, his chest hurt. He was worried about him. He wanted him to wake up, to be his brother again, but Nick also feared that he would see Sam as his old victim, and the looks of hatred from Sam, instead of love, would break him.
Even while Sam lay unconscious, Nick hadn't completely escaped that hatred. Castiel knew who he really was, too.
Nick had suspected it as soon as Castiel regained consciousness. He'd seen the fury in Castiel's eyes when he looked at him, but the words he'd spoken left Nick in no doubt.
He didn't know how Castiel had found out, if Sam had told him or if it was something about being an angel that made him immune to what Chuck had done, but he knew, and he hated Nick for it.
Nick understood it, even though he hated that it had cost him his friend. Castiel had loved Sam as he was supposed to be, the real person Chuck had wiped away. Sam and Castiel had truly fought together and for each other for ten years, and the fake bond Nick remembered sharing with Castiel was weaker than the real one he'd discovered inside himself, from when Lucifer had possessed Castiel. The fact Castiel had hidden what he knew for so long made Nick marvel. He had been so strong.
And now he was so angry.
"Will you be okay here a minute?" Dean asked, breaking into his thoughts. "I want to check on Sammy."
Nick nodded. "Sure. I'll be fine."
Dean patted his shoulder and walked away. Nick waited until he'd heard the sound of the door closing behind him and then breathed out in a sigh. There was something he wanted to do, needed to do even, but he could only do it alone.
He raised his eyes to the dark sky and said, "Father, are you there? I need to talk to you."
He looked around for a sign of his father, the person Nick had been instructed to call Chuck, but Lucifer had always known there was no name that could encompass who he was. There had been no name for him apart from Father until the humans had been created.
A throat was cleared, and Nick's eyes snapped to the right. God was appearing as Chuck again. Nick guessed that was the safest approach for him when dealing with a human. If seeing Castiel's true form had burned out Pamela's eyes, seeing God's true form would probably burn Nick's brain.
"Hello, Nick," he said.
"Father," Nick said, swallowing hard.
"Please, make it Chuck. Father, God, they make me feel old."
Nick raised an eyebrow. "You are old."
He shrugged. "Only technically. I think the Chuck shape gives me a certain youthful charm."
Nick stared at him, his mind turning over what he was seeing. When he'd discovered that Chuck was God, when he was still just Nick Winchester, he'd been disappointed that God was a completely different being to what he'd always imagined. But now Nick saw it was more shallow than that. Chuck was who his father wanted to be. He wanted to be this man.
"Why did you do this?" he asked.
He sighed. "Stop it, Nick. You're doing it all wrong. This isn't how it's supposed to be. John Winchester is your father."
"No. You are my father. John Winchester, Nick, that life is all a lie."
"It's not, though. Not technically. It's what I made for you. Does it matter if it's not really true? Do the memories you have mean less to you because you know they're not real? Do any of the amazing things you have done matter less because of it?"
"Yes!" Nick said, his eyes widening. "It was never me. You took everything Sam did and gave it to me. They were his successes, his triumphs. He was the hero."
"Huh, hero. I guess he was if you look at it from a certain angle. You could even say he is now since he saved heaven, killed Michael, and then brought you back. Yeah, okay, hero. But it doesn't change what you have."
"It changes everything!"
Chuck smirked. "You and I both know that's not true. If it changed things, you would be with Dean right now, telling him the truth and trying to find a way to fix Sam. Instead, you've embraced Nick and hidden Lucifer."
Nick's face fell into lines of sadness as the guilt washed over him.
"Don't feel bad about it, Nick. It's what I want you to do. And if Dean could make the choice, he would want you to hide it, too. I gave you this life for a reason."
"Why did you take it from Sam?" Nick asked. "What did he do to deserve this?"
Chuck's face took on a hard, cruel aspect.. "Deserve it? Believe me, he deserved it. He shot me with a gun I created to kill anything. He hurt me. All for some petty revenge. I took his life because he needed to be punished. I gave it to you because you deserved a second chance. I took Lucifer's life from him – from you – when I gave you the Mark of Cain. Go with your instincts, live as Nick. Let Sam take care of himself."
"What's happening to him now?" Nick asked.
His father smirked. "He's going through something. See, he couldn't take the memories from you; he's nowhere near that powerful, even though he thought he could. He took the trauma you were feeling. He won't be trapped inside himself forever. An archangel is more capable of handling it than a seraph. He won't need The Word to bring him round. It will happen on its own."
"What happens then?" Nick asked. "He hates me."
"He's always hated you, Nick. All those times he was visiting, listening to the stories of your fake childhood together and the things you and Dean did while he was gone, he was hating you. He hid it, though, mostly, and he'll have to do that again if he ever wants to be with the rest of his family."
"That will destroy him. He won't be able to handle it."
He shrugged. "Not really my problem. I'm only here to watch."
"Can't you take it back?"
His eyes widened. "You want me to take it away? Give Sam back his life and take yours away? You'll lose it all—Dean, Mary, Jack. You will die. Dean will have killed you. I brought Sam back in time a year when you were exchanged. In that story Lucifer was already dead by then. You wouldn't just be giving up everyone and everything you love; you'd be giving up your life. Is that what you want?"
Nick bit his lip. He did love Sam, and he wanted to make it right, but to give up Dean… Dying would be nothing compared to that.
"I thought so," Chuck said with a smug smile. "Don't be ashamed of it, Nick. You're the man I turned you into with the Mark, a selfish one. But at the same time, you're the man your life as Nick Winchester made you—a good one that will do anything to protect his family. The choice was never really yours. I never would have offered if it was, and I never would have cut the strings." He clapped his hands. "I've got to go. Amara is waiting for me. Things are a little tense between us at the moment, and I need to put in some time with her to make it right before we find ourselves at another apocalypse."
Nick blanched. "Is that really a risk?"
"No, not really. She's not happy with what I've done, but she's more invested in me than in Sam. As long as Dean is happy, or as happy as he ever is, she will let me carry on with my story."
Nick frowned. "Your story?"
Chuck grinned. "Live a good life, Nick; I'll be watching."
Before Nick could do more than open his mouth to ask another question, Chuck was gone.
Nick stared into the fire and took a breath. He'd made the choice, though it had never really felt like a choice, and he was keeping his life. Sam was going to wake up, and he'd be okay. Nick would make him okay.
Whatever Sam needed, Nick would find a way to give it.
He spun around as the door swung open, and he heard Dean shouting his name. "What?" he asked, seeing Dean's panic as he ran towards him.
"It's Sammy," Dean said. "He's gone."
Nick's heart skipped. "He's awake?"
"I don't know. I don't think so. Castiel is gone, too. He took Sam's blade and left a note." He held out a scrap of paper, and Nick grabbed it from him. In a neat hand was printed six words.
We've gone. Don't look for us.
Nick lowered the note and looked at Dean. "What do we do?"
Dean raked a hand through his hair. "I don't know. They could be anywhere."
"We have to find them. Sam might need us."
Dean stared into his eyes, his desperation clear. "He might, but I don't think Cas is going to let us find them." He swallowed hard. "I think they're gone, Nicky."
Nick's heart sank. If Castiel didn't want them to be found, they wouldn't be. If Chuck was right, Sam was going to wake up, and he would be just as determined to hide.
Nick thought he'd seen his brother for the last time. And the smallest part of him, the part that was selfish, that was Lucifer, was glad.
It meant Sam couldn't interfere with the life he had as Nick.
So… Nick had a little face time with Chuck, and we know where his head's at. He's going to ignore the truth and live the lie. Honestly, I don't blame him. Nick has a pretty good life.
Until next time…
Clowns or Midgets xxx