Thank you MaggieMay17 for being the best beta a girl could ask for, VegasGranny and Ncsupnatfan for being wonderful pre-readers and dear friends, and you all for sticking with me.

This is the promised Dean/Castiel confrontation which I've been teasing for a month as I got my chapters mixed up in my head. Sorry for the delay xxx

Chapter Twenty-Three

Jack was barely gone long enough for Nick to guide Dean to a chair in the library and to fetch him a whiskey. Mary raised an eyebrow at that because of the early hour but could say nothing before Jack returned.

"Did you find him?" Dean asked, his face raised hopefully.

"I found Castiel," Jack said. "Sam wasn't there, though." He cast his eyes down. "From the things Castiel was saying to me, how he was acting, I think Sam has gone through the rift already."

Mary made a pained sound, and Nick put his arm around her as Dean slammed back his drink and got to his feet.

Nick felt like he was two people at once, and neither of them was Lucifer—that part of him had been abandoned after his conversation with Chuck, when he'd rejected Lucifer to keep what had been given to him as Nick.

He was upset that Sam was gone, that he would never see him again or have a chance to make things right. But the bigger part of him, the louder part, told him this was for the best. Sam might not be able to keep their secret if he was still here. And that was Nick's feelings, not Lucifer's. It was the selfish part of himself that he usually ignored.

It had obviously been hard for Sam even before he tried to take away the memories of Nick as Lucifer. Failing but nevertheless taking on the experience for himself, for Sam to know how much Lucifer had enjoyed hurting him, would make living with Nick as his brother almost impossible. Both versions of Sam that Nick remembered, brother and victim, had been strong, but he didn't think Sam would be strong enough to handle something like that.

"Take us to him," Dean said, his tone a command.

Jack bit his lip. "That might be a bad idea. He's very upset, even with me, and he's been drinking."

"He's upset!" Dean said incredulously. "He's not the one that had his brother stolen away. He's the one that has allowed Sam to disappear into that post-apocalyptic nightmare. No amount of alcohol is going to numb the ass-kicking I am going to give him."

"Dean," Mary cautioned. "You can't fight him."

"Can and will," Dean said, cracking his knuckles.

"No, you can't," Nick argued. "All you're going to do is piss him off enough that he might fight back. Remember the last time he pounded on you? You said he almost killed you. And that was just when he was under orders from Naomi; there was no emotion behind it. After what happened…"

Dean threw up his arms. "What happened was Sammy saving you from some kind of hell, saving his brother. Just because Castiel doesn't get that kind of bond or sacrifice, it doesn't make it wrong."

Nick ducked his head, shame drowning out the larger part of him for a moment. Sam hadn't saved his brother, and Castiel knew that. Sam had been forced to sacrifice himself to save his enemy—the most hated person in his life. Dean couldn't ever know that, but Castiel did, and he was going to be angry. He might even be angry enough to reveal Nick's true identity.

They wouldn't want to believe it. Maybe they couldn't believe it, after all Chuck hadn't just planted a lie in their heads, he had – had changed reality or something to squeeze Nick into the Winchester family. However if there was even an inkling of doubt about who Nick really was, it would destroy everything Nick cared about.

He'd lost Sam, and that hurt the part of him that was all Nick Winchester, the one that would do anything for his family. However the selfish side of Nick was filled with relief., Sam's continued presence was a constant threat to his second chance, his good new life with a family that he loved and who loved him in return. He couldn't let the good part of himself win this fight. He needed to be selfish or he'd lose everything.

"No, Dean," Nick said firmly. "Let him work through it first. We'll go when we've all had a chance to calm down, and then we'll talk. Cas needs time, and so do you."

Dean glared at him. "Wait! When there's a chance Sam hasn't gone yet? Are you kidding? And if he has gone, Nicky, we've only got twenty-four hours from the moment Sam opened that rift to go after him, to bring him back. If Castiel knows where he did it, he can tell us."

Nick hadn't considered the fact Dean might want to go after Sam. If they did find him, after he'd given up everything to escape them, it might end badly for Dean. If Sam refused to come back, it would hurt Dean. If he saw Sam suffering, as Nick knew he had to be, it would hurt him even more.

Dean was one of the people Sam loved; whom he fought and sacrificed for. Dean might choose to do the same for Sam, staying in that world to fight for Sam, abandoning this one. Or he might come back and never be the same again.

Nick's surprise cleary made it onto his face. Dean scowled and said, "You don't want to get him back?"

"Of course he does!" Mary said, grabbing Dean's arm and turning him roughly. "We all do."

Nick nodded. "I do, Dean," he lied.

"But maybe we have to respect Sam's choice," Mary went on. "With what he took from Nick, if it's as bad as you said, he's going to be hurting. He might just need time to work through it without seeing us suffering with him. He'd have taken the Seal with him so he can come back." She shot Nick a hopeful look. "You both know him in a way I've never had a chance to learn. Do you think he could get through it and come back?"

"Yes," Nick said, his lie sounding like the truth. "He'll definitely get through it, and I believe he'll come back when he's ready."

Dean shook his head. "No, not after what I did to him." He rubbed a hand over his eyes roughly, digging his fingers into the skin. "You didn't see it, Nicky. I was…" He trailed off and flinched.

"I saw it," Mary said. "And I know it came from a place of desperation. But you told Sam we'd be there for him when he needed us. He's not going to doubt how much you love him because of what you said in the heat of the moment. And he did it for the same reason you wanted him to. He loves Nick. He wanted to save him, and he wanted to save you."

Dean shot her a hopeful look, and then his anger rose again in his face. "And that's why I'm going to save him. Jack, take us to Castiel. Now!"

Jack shot Nick a confused look. Nick was on the point of saying that they shouldn't go, but a determined look came into Jack's eyes. Nick felt the swoop in his stomach of flight, and a moment later he found himself in the living space of Rufus' Montana cabin.

Castiel was sitting on the couch, his head bowed, a bottle of whiskey dangling loosely in his hand. On the floor at his feet were two empty bottles, and there was an open box that still contained nine more.

"Leave me alone, Jack," he said without looking up. "I don't want to talk."

"You don't get a choice," Dean growled. "You're going to."

Castiel looked up, and his eyes fell on Dean. Nick was surprised by the venom in them, but he was staggered when Castiel's gaze moved to him. Nick had never seen Castiel look at anyone like that in his life, and Nick had seen him going up against enemies he'd despised. What he felt toward Nick outstripped any of them.

"Leave," he said in a dull tone. "Jack, take them away."

Jack shifted uncomfortably. "I can't."

"Then I will go," Castiel said, grabbing a sealed bottle from the box and getting to his feet.

"Please don't, Cas," Mary begged. "We need your help."

Castiel laughed harshly. "You need my help? What would you like me to sacrifice for you? You took everything Sam had to offer, so I suppose it's time for me to pay the price of you calling me family. Would you like my life or perhaps just my mind?"

Dean rushed forward and swung a fist at Castiel's face. Mary shouted an inarticulate command to stop, but Castiel had already caught Dean's hand and twisted it into an uncomfortable angle.

Dean grunted in pain. Nick stepped forward to help his brother, but Castiel shoved Dean away before he reached them, and Dean collided with Nick's chest. Nick caught him and steadied him as Dean moved his wrist tentatively, checking for damage.

"Where's Sam?" Mary asked.

Castiel raised an eyebrow. "Dean said you'd worked out what he was doing in his prayer, so why don't you already know?"

"He's going to that world," Mary said. "But has he gone yet? And where is the rift?"

Castiel gave a short laugh. "Oh, he's gone. I felt him pass through the rift, and I am not telling you where he opened it. Even if you knew, you could never reach it." He narrowed his eyes at her. "Why would you even want to? What else do you want from him?"

Mary's face flushed with angry color. "I want him back, happy, with his family."

Castiel lifted the bottle to his lips and gulped at it before lowering it. "He can never be happy with your family, Mary." His eyes fell on Nick. "Not after everything you've done."

"Sam did what he had to do!" Dean's voice shook with anger, but he was apparently smart enough not to attack again.

"Yes, because you made it so clear he had a choice, Dean. Sam would have felt no pressure to take on what he did to save your brother."

"His brother, too," Mary said.

Nick fought the urge to squirm. They were in dangerous territory now. Castiel looked angry enough to tell them the truth to hurt them, to hurt Nick, and he had to do something to stop him. He grappled for something to say and then spoke quickly. "I know what Sam did for me, Cas, and I will never be able to thank him enough for it, but we have a chance of making it right if you tell us where the rift is."

He didn't want Castiel to tell them – meeting with Sam was another risk to his secret – but he thought he had a better chance of Sam not telling his family the truth than he did Castiel keeping quiet.

"You want to go after him and bring him back," Castiel said, draining the bottle and dropping it down on the couch before taking a fresh one from the box. He unscrewed the cap and took a swig, then said, "He won't come back, no matter what you say or do. He made his decision. I think he decided a long time ago, back when he took the Seal of Solomon from you. He was just fighting that decision for your sakes. Since it became clear he wasn't needed here anymore, he did what he needed to do for himself. I won't tell you where the rift is. I won't enable you to hurt him again."

"We would never hurt him," Mary said, her voice constricted with pain. "We've always wanted to help him, even when it hurts us. We gave him the space he needed after Chuck brought him back. We didn't push him for more than he could give us. We were waiting for him to be ready."

Castiel held the bottle to his chest and, for a moment, he looked more pained than angry, as if he was lost in a sad memory. "Chuck brought him back because you asked, Dean," he said. "He didn't want it."

"No," Dean said, though he didn't sound too certain. "I asked, yes, damn right I did, but Sam made the decision himself."

Castiel stared at him, seeming to want to see Dean's full pain as he answered. "Sam didn't choose. He was being controlled when he answered. Sam didn't want to come back."

Nick felt the color drain from his face, and he instinctively reached for his mother as she made a sound of shock and pain.

Sam hadn't even wanted to come back to them. His situation, having Nick as his brother, was bad enough that he had chosen death instead, then had even that choice taken away from him.

"You're lying," Dean said, his voice a shocked whisper.

"No," Castiel said without a hint of hesitation. "Chuck was the one that did it to him all along. Sam didn't lie about that. Magnus was just –" Castiel snorted humorlessly, "just Chuck's deus ex machina, brought back for the story. Sam unlocked my mind, and I saw it all." His face became lined with pain. "He didn't know what he was doing, it was an accident, but I saw the truth."

"Why would Chuck do that to him?" Mary asked, and Nick could tell from the tone of her voice that she didn't believe it.

Castiel teetered on the verge of speech, his lips parted and brow furrowed, and then his eyes fell on Nick, and he said, "I don't know why he chose Sam, but I know he did."

Nick was grateful that Castiel wasn't telling them the whole truth, that he wasn't breaking apart Nick's world, but he didn't understand why. Castiel knew it all, he knew who Nick was, and he was angry enough to hurt Dean, so why was he holding back? Did he have residual affection for Nick as the man he'd been created to be, the years of false memories he had of him, or was this his last defense of the rest of Nick's – Sam's – family, saving them from the pain of battling what they would see as a lie?

"Sam is hurting, Castiel," Mary said, "more than we ever realized, but if you tell us where he opened the rift, we can go to him and help. Now we know the truth, we can make it right for him. He needs to know how much we love him, how grateful we are for what he did for us: for coming back as well even though he didn't want to and never telling us, as well as for saving Nick. Please, tell us."

Castiel looked sympathetic for a moment, and then his face hardened, and he said, "I believe you love Sam, at least the person you think he is, but I love him for who he really is. I won't allow him to be hurt any more by this… fiction." He shot Nick a glance and then said, "I will go one step further. I stayed because he wanted me to, he wanted you to have me as an ally, but you don't need me. The biggest threats to this world are gone, and you can handle what remains. You will have Jack."

"You're going after him?" Dean asked, the light of excitement in his eyes.

"Yes," Castiel said. "I will go to him and help. And no, Dean, you can't use Jack to follow me." He dropped the open bottle of whiskey on the couch, the contents flowing unheeded out onto the cushions. "I will save him from himself. I will make sure he doesn't come back."

"No!" Mary gasped. "Cas, please. Don't do…"

It was too late. Castiel was already gone.

"Jack, follow him," Dean ordered. "Tell us where he's going. We need to find that rift."

Jack looked concentrated for a moment, and then he sighed and shook his head. "I can't feel him anymore. He's gone.

Mary moaned, and Dean picked up the bottle of whiskey from the couch. He took a slug from the bottle and then threw it at the wall where it smashed, painting the plank walls with the contents.

"Dammit!" he roared.

Nick watched his brother and mother give way to their pain, and he swallowed down his guilty relief. Castiel hadn't told them the truth, and was going to make sure Sam didn't come back.

The threat to Nick was gone, and that was good, but the part of him that loved Sam was just as upset as they were.

It was his brother he'd lost, too.

So… And that's Castiel gone. This chapter was hard to write as I didn't want Nick to be too dark in his thoughts or Castiel too angry. Ncsupnatfan and VegasGranny felt the balance was right after some tweaks. What do you think?

Until next time…

Clowns or Midgets xxx