"Weapons-grade?" was Bender's incredulous response. "What am I, made of money?"
The warehouse floor was a maelstrom of activity, as more than 150 mutant workers in protective suits struggled with the intricacies of assembling components and installing them within metal shells. From his position on the catwalk, Professor Farnsworth's head shouted instructions and orders to the would-be technicians. "You there! Number 27!" he called out. "You've crossed the green and yellow wires! Do you want to blow us all to kingdom come?"
Mr. Tobler, the man with a cat in his head, hurried up to Bender and Fry. "Herr Direktor!" he exclaimed. "I can't find a radiation suit that fits over my head!"
Bender sized up the man. "You got two choices, bub," he said. "Either lose the cat, or go back to the circus. My budget's too tight to afford a special suit."
"But Princess and I are inseparable," Tobler protested. The cat wagged its tail, which was attached to the base of his skull.
Bender sighed. "Fine," he said reluctantly. "I'll requisition a suit for you, and pay for it out of Fry's own pocket."
"Thank you, Herr Direktor," said Tobler, clasping his hands.
"Stop calling me that," said Bender.
Fry leaned over a railing and gazed down at the busy, confused workers. "It just doesn't look safe to me," he remarked, shaking his head.
"They're mutants," Bender pointed out. "It's not like their lives can get worse."
The robot's next stop was the accounting office, where Monica was laboring over a computer keyboard, and her baby girl was sleeping obliviously in a crib. "What's our production status?" Bender asked her.
"Torpedoes produced, zero," replied the Asian woman. "Defects, zero."
"Perfect," said Bender proudly. "Safety violations?"
"Fifty-eight."
Bender's eyes bulged. "Fifty-eight? That's almost unacceptable! Who's responsible for this?"
"You are," said Monica flatly.
"I couldn't agree more," said Bender. "The person most responsible for your own safety is you. It's about time the workers learned that. Schedule a video course."
Upon leaving the office, he spotted Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg stepping through the creaky doors of the warehouse. "Hey, Bender mon," Hermes hailed him. "It's our lunch break, and we came by to see how your factory's progressing."
An explosion suddenly took place at the other end of the building, leaving a gash in the wall. "Uh, business is booming," said Bender.
"I hope your plan works, mon," said Hermes. "You got two days to save your mutant friends from the sewers."
"I just wish Leela were here," said Bender. "I did all this for her."
Fry approached Amy, who appeared to be in a somber mood. "Any news from Captain Kif?" he inquired.
"No," replied Amy with a sniffle. "Not a word."
"Don't worry," said Fry. "Your boyfriend's gonna kick those pirates' butts, and come back a war hero."
"If he comes back at all," said Amy, who then covered her eyes and sobbed uncontrollably.
"Again with the waterworks," grumbled Zoidberg.
"What about Zapp?" Fry wondered. "Are they just gonna blow him up? Isn't anyone trying to rescue him?"
Someone was. Aboard the Nimbus, Kif was standing to one side as a special guest occupied his captain's chair. The visitor, an elderly female of his own alien species, pressed her wrinkled fingers to her temples and moaned oddly.
"Are you picking up anything, Varuna?" Kif asked the green woman, who wore a multi-colored silk robe that reached to her ankles.
"I sense great hostility," she uttered. "Or perhaps great friendliness. I can't be sure unless you get closer."
Having just dropped out of hyperspace, the thirty-four starships of Earth's attack force circled the outer perimeter of the Cerulean Nebula. Kif's crewmen sat silently and breathlessly at their stations, expecting a confrontation with the pirates at any moment.
"Zapp is somewhere in that nebula," said Kif to Varuna. "Try to hone in on his psychic frequency."
"Redrum…redrum…" mumbled the old woman.
"Wrong frequency," said Kif with a sigh of discouragement.
One of his minions pointed at the view screen. "Sir, they're coming!" he shouted.
Out of the blue mists of the nebula emerged one Jolly Roger warship, then another, then a dozen. "Red alert!" cried Captain Kroker. "Battle stations!"
Varuna's eyes suddenly went wide. "I'm getting something," she said. "Captain Brannigan is on one of those pirate ships, I'm sure of it."
"I honestly don't see why you had to bring that crone aboard," said the voice of the ship's artificial intelligence. "Psychic powers, indeed. The only way she'll ever make contact with Brannigan is by conducting a séance. He's dead, Kif. Accept it and let go."
"Shut up and bring the quantum torpedo launchers online," said Kif to the ship's computer.
As the Earth fleet and the pirate raiders hurtled toward each other, Leela and Foss were preparing for a battle of their own. Foss began by prying loose the restraining bolt on Delta's neck. Once he had done so, the fembot's eyes lit up with gratitude.
"Thank you, professor," she said. "Mindless servitude is so unpleasant. I prefer to be dominated of my own free will."
Yanking open a wall compartment, Foss removed three old-fashioned laser pistols, of which he handed one each to Leela and Delta. "Balalaika ordered me to keep these pistols in working order, in case an emergency arose," said the scientist as he adjusted the settings on his weapon. "I don't imagine we'll encounter more than five guards on the way to the bridge, so we've got a good chance of pulling this off."
"Thanks for helping, Philaster," said Leela sweetly.
"Anything for you, my love," said Foss.
The trio exited the laboratory and made it halfway to the bend in the corridor, when a band of five pirates rounded the corner, laughing and swinging their cutlasses. "Arrr, it be mutiny!" exclaimed one of them upon seeing Leela, Delta, Foss, and their guns.
Delta squeezed her trigger and let a laser blast fly, striking a cutthroat in the chest as his four companions fled for cover. "Oh, my," mused the fembot. "I didn't know I was programmed for that."
Leela fired persistently at the pirates' half-exposed faces until Foss grabbed her arm and pulled her aside. "Look out!" he warned her, just as a dagger hurled by one of her foes whizzed past her ear. The face-off continued until the pirates ran out of daggers to throw, upon which they fled into the corridor from which they had appeared.
"You didn't tell me they had daggers," Leela complained.
"They'll come back with reinforcements," said Foss. "There's a longer, but safer, route to the bridge. Follow me!"
He led Delta and Leela forward a few steps, and a shattering blast was heard. The pirate ship trembled violently. Foss was thrown off his feet, as was Leela; Delta kept her balance by extending her arms and grabbing a beam on each side of the hallway.
"We're under attack!" Foss shouted. "We don't have much time!"
They ran frantically for the remainder of the distance, passing by a few pirates who appeared too frightened to fight. At the doorway to the bridge, Foss motioned for Leela and Delta to stop and lower their voices. From their hidden vantage point they saw Balalaika and Krandok holding conference with Zapp, standing around what looked like a holographic model of a Titan-class battleship.
"The weakest part of the shielding is here, in front of the thermal exhaust port," said Zapp, pointing at a brown rectangle on the back of the model. "By concentrating their fire, five raiders should be able to take out the Nimbus without much trouble."
Leela gaped in horror, unable to believe what she had heard.
To be continued