This chapter was mainly written by MaggieMay19. All love to her for the work.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Nick had already eaten breakfast and cleaned up after himself before Dean staggered into the kitchen. He went straight to the coffee pot to pour himself a mug. He was bleary-eyed, and his hair was tousled, his face still bearing creases from his pillow.

"Morning," Nick said.

Dean grunted and took a sip of coffee.

"Good night?" There was a hint of distaste in Nick's voice as he knew Dean had spent half the night drinking again.

Dean simply glowered at Nick.

Since their trip to see Rowena, Dean had developed a renewed obsession with finding Sam and had put a stop to any more hunts with Nick. Rowena had enchanted an amulet to identify dreamwalkers using the power resonating in their voice. In return she said Jack, specifically, owed her a favor. Nick had been uneasy about that but Dean and Jack had overruled him.

Now that they could rule out fakes over the phone, Dean had been doing so non-stop all day. Jack's lists of potential dreamwalkers shrank exponentially, and they had only visited two people since they got back. Although both had turned out not to be natural dreamwalkers, the ability to eliminate fakes earlier in the vetting process had given both Jack and Dean a renewed urgency.

It also made them all aware how maddeningly elusive the ability to dreamwalk was. Most natural dreamwalkers had no idea they had a gift; most psychics offering dreamwalking services used artificial means to do so. Jack dealt with the frustration by turning into a living statue for hours on end in various parts of the Bunker, apparently communing with the memory of Castiel.

Dean merely drank.

Nick didn't expect this from the loss of Sam. For a glorious couple of weeks Nick had started to believe Dean could be happy without his brother. He and Dean had been on hunts, they had both gotten laid, and Dean hadn't mentioned Sam once. These had been Nick's hunts, him and Dean: two migratory werewolves, a mundane salt 'n' burn and an unremarkable ghoul. All their other hunts together over the years were Sam's stolen memories, but these were really his and Nick had been foolish enough to hope they meant a new beginning for him and Dean. He now saw them for what they were: an illusion, built on the lie that he was Nick Winchester.

It was so unfair! As far as Dean knew, they'd been without Sam for the most turbulent years of their life. Dean shouldn't have the same bond with Sam that he had with Nick, but he apparently that he was no longer letting Nick distract him with hunting, Dean was wallowing in the pain and sadness of his true loss.

Nick hated it. He had shunned all of Lucifer apart from one aspect of his nature—the selfishness—and he loved Dean more than anyone in the world. He didn't want Dean to be in pain like this, and a part of him hated his father for not wiping this away. Chuck should have stopped Dean from feeling like this.

Another part of him hated himself for what he was. He was Nick Winchester, he felt like Dean's brother, had the memories of being loved as if it was real, but it wasn't. Nick Winchester was Sam Winchester's punishment, and that felt grossly unfair on them both.

He loved Sam, he did, but he also wished he had never come into their lives again. If Sam had taken himself away when he became an archangel, Nick would never have had these dual memories now. Sam could have gone anywhere in the world—he could have gone to and stayed in Heaven with the other angels, doing good, but he had allowed himself to be drawn into Nick and Dean's life, setting off the chain of events that led to the spell being taken from Nick's mind.

"What's with you?" Dean asked.

"Huh?" Nick turned to him. "What do you mean?"

"You look like you tasted something bad. What's wrong?"

Nick sighed. "Just thinking."

Dean grunted again and went back to his coffee, apparently too hungover and miserable to care about what was going on with Nick when his other brother was gone.

Nick cursed under his breath. Now he was being unfair. He was slipping into Lucifer's mindset. Dean loved Nick and Sam—it was just that one of them was missing now, and that was what was haunting him. Nick loved Sam, too, and that felt wrong because of the things Lucifer had done to him. All the memories of hell he had as a victim were mirrored by darker memories of causing that torment as Lucifer – and enjoying it.

Sometimes he felt like his mind was splitting apart with the dual nature of himself and his dual wishes. He wanted Sam to stay in that world forever, to never come back. He also wanted to go to that world and bring Sam home to their family. He wanted Sam to be safe and happy. He wanted Sam to stay away no matter what it cost him.

If only God had just let Sam stay dead when Dean killed him, Nick thought guiltily.

Nick heard quick footsteps, and Jack came rushing into the room, face alight with excitement. "I found one!"

Dean's dour face transported with hope. "A dreamwalker?"

"Yes! They're in Omaha. I've been emailing them, telling them what we need, and when I finally spoke to them on the phone Rowena's amulet glowed really bright! They said they'd help us!" His face lit up with happiness. "We can get Castiel back!"

"And Sammy," Dean added.

Jack nodded, though he was obviously not interested in that part of the situation. For Jack, this was all about getting Castiel back.

Nick's relationship with Jack felt different now. He had loved him like a son before, but now he knew he was his father, and the bond was deeper. He wanted to cultivate the relationship, have a chance to love him as Nick that he'd been incapable of as Lucifer. He wanted to be able to break the unspoken rule of a Winchester and tell Jack he loved him.

Would he have that chance if Sam came back, or would Sam tell Dean who Nick really was and destroy it all? Would Dean believe him if he did?

He couldn't possibly… could he?

"Okay, let me just get cleaned up, and then we'll go," Dean said.

"You don't need to come," Nick said automatically. "I'll take Jack."

Dean glared at him. "Are you kidding me?

"No, Dean. Look at yourself. You're a mess. You need to clean up and sober up—get your head back in the game. If you go like this, you're going to scare them off."

Dean's mouth moved with words he did not articulate, though he looked furious, and then he cut a hand through the air and said, "Fine! Just get them here so we can go find Sammy. Don't take no for an answer."

"They've already agreed to help," Jack said.

"Yeah, but Winchester luck means they probably won't," Dean growled. "Nicky, I mean it, get them back here."

"I will," Nick vowed, though he was not sure that was his plan. He thought and hoped that perhaps he could still derail things now and save himself from seeing Sam again. "Let's go, Jack."

Jack nodded eagerly, and Nick followed him out of the room to the garage, wondering if he really had a chance to stop this from happening.

The dreamwalker Jack had found lived in a small house on the edge of town. Nick drove the Impala onto the drive and pulled them to a stop.

"You ready for this, Jack?" he asked.

"Yeah," Jack said eagerly. "This will get Castiel back."

Nick held in a sigh and said, "Look, Jack, I don't want to be the one to say this, but Cas might not want to come back if Sam chooses to stay over there. We might be doing this for nothing."

Jack frowned at him. "I'm going to tell Castiel how much I miss him. Dean will say the same to Sam. Why wouldn't they want to come back? We're back here."

That was exactly the problem, Nick thought. Castiel had memories of both realities. He would want to stay with Sam, and Sam might not want to come back to Nick. Cruelly, that was the best-case scenario for Nick: that they would find Sam, and he would refuse to come back with them. If that happened, Dean would know they'd done all they could. Nick hoped they would then return to their life here without Dean feeling the need to drink himself into unconsciousness every night though Nick was starting to wonder what Jack would do if that happened.

"They left for a reason," Nick said evasively.

"Yeah, but… Castiel is my father," Jack said, his lips turned down. "Dean said he went because Sam needed him, but Sam has to be okay now, so Castiel can come back. They both can—Sam, too." There was a dismissiveness in his tone, which indicated that he didn't care what Sam chose to do.

It gave Nick a pang to know how Jack felt about Sam now. They had been so close before. Sam was the first one of them to trust Jack could be more than an enemy. Sam had taken on the role of Jack's father when Castiel wasn't there. However, in the new reality that had been Nick. Sam was the one Jack felt nothing for as he'd never known him.

Nick had to draw on Lucifer's side to stop himself from reacting to that knowledge.

"Cas wouldn't leave you unless he felt he had no choice," Nick said. "But he and Sam are close now, and he knew more than any of us about what Sam went through when he saved me. He might feel Sam needs him more than us."

"He doesn't," Jack said. "We need him more."

Nick sighed. "Look, Jack, are you sure you want to do this? Maybe we should stop now and accept Castiel is where he needs to be. You're not alone—me and Dean are going to be here for you no matter what. Maybe Sam and Castiel are better off where they are."

Jack frowned again. "Don't you want them back?"

Nick framed his features into incredulity, but not fast enough to hide his real feelings from Jack. "I do. Of course, I do."

Unconvinced, Jack's frown deepened. "Are you still scared of Sam?"

"No," Nick said, though that was a lie. He was scared of what Sam might say or do that would take away Nick's world. He'd had a glimpse of what his life here could be on those three precious hunts with Dean . Nick loved Sam and wanted him to be happy, but he wanted him to be happy a long way away from him.

"Then what's wrong?"

Nick dug deep for Lucifer's selfish cunning and hid behind half-truths. "I'm worried what's going to happen if Sam refuses to come back. Dean wants him back more than anything. I know I can live without Sam because I did before, but Dean is so consumed with making sure Sam knows how he feels about him, and I'm worried about what will happen if Sam still doesn't want to be with us. And I don't think Cas is going to come back if Sam doesn't, which will wreck you."

Jack considered a moment, then shook his head. "Castiel will come back. He has to. I just have to make him understand how much I need him—Sam, too," he added as an afterthought.

A last, desperate idea began to form in Nick's mind: perhaps it would be a better outcome if they never found a willing dreamwalker…

Nick forced a smile and nodded. "Okay then. Let's go see if this dreamwalker will help us."

Help them. Not help Nick. Nick was the one trying to ensure this didn't work. He just wanted Dean and Jack to work through their feelings and get used to life without Sam and Cas again so they could move on.

As a family.

Dean wanted a drink, but he resisted the temptation as he waited for Nick and Jack to get back with the dreamwalker. Instead of drinking, he paced up and down the garage, filled with anxious energy.

He knew they were bringing the dreamwalker with them as Nick had called on the ride back, but he wasn't relaxing until the rift was there and he could walk through it. In the month since Sam took off, Dean had struggled in spite of everything Nick had done to make him feel wouldn't feel right until he had Sam in front of him again, saying he'd come back.

Dean just couldn't live without him in his world anymore.

He had before, he'd been without him for years, but now he'd had him back, he was not going to let him hide away in that other world.

Dean knew it was his own fault. He had pushed Sam too hard to help Nick. Sam would have done it no matter what; Dean knew that because he knew how much Sam loved his family. He should have given him more time, though, gone a little easier on him. He should have understood how much it would cost for Sam to take on even more of Lucifer's memories. Sure, he had Nick awake and sane, and that was awesome, but at the cost of once more losing Sam. Dean was not going to let that stand.

He was going to get him back no matter what it took.

He heard the Impala coming up the tunnel, and he stopped his pacing and took a breath. He wanted to look calm and collected for their visitor, not like a man going out of his mind, so he smoothed his hair and crossed his arms over his chest.

Nick steered them into sight and cut the engine. The dreamwalker was sitting in the front, and she was looking out of the window at their collection of cars with an interested expression. They were impressive to see, but Dean had far greater concerns than showing off their vehicles.

Nick and Jack climbed out, and after a moment, the woman climbed out, too. She had spiky ice-blonde hair, dark skin, and startling yellow and blue eye make-up.

The woman smiled at Dean when she saw him.

"You've gotta be Dean Winchester. I've heard of you and Nick. Was quite the shock when Jack told me it was you two that needed me."

"You've heard of us?" Dean asked.

She nodded. "I'm not just a dreamwalker. I dabble in all the senses. I asked about you all on the talking board. You saved the world, right?"

"More than once," Dean smiled his most charming smile. "Thanks for coming to help us."

She gave him a bow that did not look mocking, though it was entirely out of place. "Hell, if The Winchesters need little old me, I call it a good day to pay it forward."

"Dean, this is Mina," Nick said, eyeballing Dean, who resolutely ignored him.

Dean nodded. "Good to meet you. Have you and Jack talked about what you need to do?"

"Yep," she said cheerfully. "He's got to get a power-up of some sort, which I am dying to see, then I help him find the right world to open the rift through."

"And you're ready?"

"Yep," she repeated casually.

Nick's lips pursed like he had tasted something bad, but he didn't speak. Dean ignored it. Nick was cautious about stuff like this, and he was worried about Jack. He would be fine once they had Sam back—he'd be happy.

"Let's go then," Dean said, turning on his heel and leading them back through to the library where he had prepared the curse box containing Michael's grace for Jack to use.

Mina looked around with appreciation, taking in the shelves of books at the sigils on the walls and floor, and Jack followed and came to the box.

He took a deep breath, seemed to brace himself, then opened it and lifted out of the first vial of blue-white grace. "I'm ready," he said.

"Me too," Dean said with satisfaction.

"Mina," Nick interrupted, "before we start there are some things you should know–"

"She said she's ready now, Nick," Dean cut in.

"Dean, can I talk to you for a second?" Nick asked. Dean threw a 'sorry about this' smile at Mina, then followed Nick over to the War Room.

"Nicky–" Dean began in a low growl but Nick interrupted.

"Dean! I've had three hours of this fangirl bullshit in the car. She might know what she's doing as far as dreamwalking goes, but she has no idea about how risky it is for her to help us. She needs to know the truth." Nick had been rehearsing this little speech in his mind on the drive home. This was his last chance to stop Jack opening the rift and he had to take it, even if he cringed inwardly at his own words about truth.

"What do you mean?"

"She needs to know that people who help us get killed," Nick said bluntly, hating to see Dean flinch at his words. "If she decides to help, she needs to know what she's getting herself into."

"She already knows," Dean shot back defensively.

"No, Dean. Jack only told her what he needs her to do. She found out some of our greatest hits from god knows where, and now she's convinced she's gonna be the fourth Beatle. She thinks Jack's working a spell!" Nick took a deep breath. "She needs to know who Jack's father really is, what happened to Kaia and – and Pamela Barnes and every other goddamn civilian who ever had the misfortune to cross our path when we needed help!"

Nick subsided, watching the roll call of the dead pass behind Dean's eyes, feeling wretched.

"Um," interjected a feminine voice from the direction of the library. Dean and Nick both turned to see Mina standing there, with Jack behind her looking distraught. "So what did happen to those other people?"

There was a long pause.

"They're dead," Dean said at last. "A lot of people are dead, because they helped us."

Mina's surprise slowly turned to dismay.

"You're not joking."

"No."

Mina turned to Jack. "What exactly are you doing if it isn't a spell? And why does it matter who your father is?"

"I'm not doing magic. I don't have to, because I'm half archangel," Jack replied. "Castiel, the angel I told you about, and Dean and Nick have all become fathers to me, but the archangel who used my mother was Lucifer. He's gone now, God took him away, and before he left, I rejected him."

"Lucifer. As in the devil? He's real?" Mina looked as though she was starting to freak out. "I mean, I heard of demons but – Satan himself is your father? You're the – the Antichrist?" Mina was backing away from Jack now, down the steps and into the War Room.

"I…" Jack seemed lost for words. "I didn't think it was important. He's gone. My grandfather said he isn't ever coming back, and I am not like him."

"Grandfather? You mean God? The God?"

"Mina," Dean interrupted, and she whipped around to face him. "Look, I know all this sounds insane. You just have to trust us. If you choose to help we will do everything we can to keep you safe, I promise, but Nick's right. Sometimes that's not enough. Look, this isn't the first time Jack opened a rift with the help of a dreamwalker, She didn't want to help us at first, so I made her help us."

Dean took out his gun. Mina's eyes widened. Nick's heart was pounding. He hadn't expected his last, most desperate plan to work, but it was working too well. Mina was terrified, Dean was pale as a ghost and Jack – Nick realized, with a shock, that Jack had tears in his eyes.

Dean placed his gun deliberately onto the map table and slid it away from himself. "Her name was Kaia, and she bled out in some godforsaken hellhole dimension she used to visit in her nightmares. She's dead because I made her help us. So I am never gonna force anyone to help us ever again. You understand?"

Mina finally dragged her eyes from the gun to look at Dean. "Please. Please don't hurt me."

"We're–" Nick had to clear his throat. "We're not going to hurt you, Mina." Nick swallowed. One more nudge and he could stop hurting everyone. "If you don't wanna help us any more it's okay. You just say the word and you'll never hear from us again."

Dean shot his brother a look of pure despair but managed to speak in a level voice. "If you don't trust us, I'll drop you at the bus station with ten thousand dollars in cash. I can give you the names of five bars in five different states where that kind of money will get you a new identity so good that even we will never be able to find you."

Mina glanced at Jack before asking, "What about the Antichrist?"

Jack looked as though she had slapped him, but managed, "If you never pray, you'll stay hidden from me."

"Pray," Mina huffed. She fixed Nick with a pleading look. "Is that even true?"

"Uh, I think so. But there's also Enochian warding that'll hide you from all angels. I can give you a copy. You'll probably want to find a good tattooist."

"You'll really let me go?"

"Front door's up those stairs," Dean moved to stand next to Jack. "Nearest bus stop's two miles downhill, opposite the movie theatre in town. Or you can go uphill and onto the bridge, you'll be harder to track if you hitch a ride."

Mina looked around at the three of them. "This is not – not what I expected." she said to Nick.

"You could still help us," Jack said.

"You're the Antichrist! Not gonna help you do anything!" At her words Jack sank onto the steps, wrapping his arms around his knees and bowing his head.

"Hey! Stop calling him that," Dean frowned, putting one hand protectively on Jack's shoulder.

"I'm not bad," Jack was muttering, "not like Lucifer." Suddenly Jack looked up. "Read my aura," he said. "You told me in your last email that auras never lie. Please."

Mina looked unconvinced, then took a deep breath. She closed her eyes, took another breath then opened them. She stared at Jack for a moment, then Nick, then Dean, and back to Jack.

"Jeez, you guys are seriously messed up." Mina said eventually. She looked at Jack. "You're… not evil."

"Does that mean you'll help?" Dean asked.

"Uh, yeah, I guess."

"Thank you," Dean said earnestly. "I mean it, thank you."

He was more than ready to get his brother back.

So… I am writing this fresh from reading the whole chapter with Maggie's additions and alterations, so I am feeling what I'm expecting you're all feeling right now, which is… Wow! Damn, she can write!

Truly, the bones and theme of the chapter is mine, but she's the one that turned it into art. If you've never reviewed before, make this the first time—make her see how amazing she is.

Until next time…

Jadey xxx